I'm only human

[Pitooey]

Just when i think I've got it together this happens...

I found the Freddie CD and decided to listen to it while I was driving to a far trip today.

I listened to the beautiful songs that we dedicated to "Our Prinze" and while driving I was thinking Oh yeah that's a good Freddie song and yeah that one too.

Then I heard the Tony Orlando tune "To be with you" and I started to reminisce when Freddie and Tony were friends then the tune "Freddie" came on..........

Freddie...............

I just started crying listening to the words of that song. Driving and bawling...........

I was getting a bit embarrassed because my front windows don't have tinted glass. So if I stopped at a light I was just crying.. crying.... crying......
I thought Freddie how could you do what you did???

I even felt a little angry.

I still love him.

I'm only human and those feelings don't go away.

No matter how long the time has passed.

That song was a testament on how we all felt. He was soooooo loved. I'm glad it was written for him.

I also thought that I would post this because only true Freddie fans would know exactly how I feel and felt at that moment.

[Danisel331]

there there Ms Jenny

[hue_mee]

OMG PItooey I agree with you totally.

You know as I have been here and just witnessing the love we have for him and how we are remembering him brings joy and sadness to my heart.

I have for the past year rediscovered Freddie in more ways that I have ever imagined....

I have found that frightning, yet joyful. A true human being he was. His spirit now in everlasting peace surrounds me and all of us here knowing that some how, somewhere he is with us.

I have been debating over the past few months on making another trip back to LA to see Freddie again. I know my first trip I was in shock to visit him at Forest Lawn, but now if I can make it again. I know this time it will be more emotional

[Pitooey]

Originally Posted by Danisel331

there there Ms Jenny

Thank you Dani.......

The CD is still in my car but I can't listen to the last song. I just can't.

Today I thought of Kathy and Jr. They were right there with Freddie. By that I mean they were able to touch him when he was here on earth. I wish them both well.

As a fan I never did get to meet Freddie but I do have unconditional love for him.

Freddie came at a time in my life when I was going through a personal crisis. He literally lifted me out of my despair and believe me when I tell you I was down. He made me laugh again. He made me smile again. He was a beacon of hope for me. That's why I followed his career.

Suz if you make the trip to Forest Lawn again I wish I were with you. Listening to the Freddie song yesterday I really thought I could find closure but somehow I haven't found it.

It's best if I don't listen to the Freddie song. There are upbeat songs for Freddie in the CD and that's what I'm listening to.

Your website is beautiful Suz. There are so many Freddie moments and the articles I read yesterday really bought back alot of memories.

[Cheryl Harrell]

That song is sad & a tear jerker. It will get to you. It is beautiful tho. Poor baby, we miss him...

[Luckymama58]

I have been thinking about that song myself lately. I have the sheet music and can imagine the song looking at the notes. I haven't had the heart to put it on. It is sad. I think watching the little piece they did on VH1 last week brought it on. But at least we have our memories....

[Karen64]

Pitooey, I know what you mean when you say you wonder how he could have done what he did. I find myself watching Freddie; especially when he is at his brightest and has the audience really going---and I think to myself, "man, how stupid of you!!!" ......But only he knew the pain he was going through at the time.
I hope I can make the trip to Forrest Lawn someday...

[Pitooey]

His stardom came too fast. He had issues..... We can all see it now. Issues that were never resolved before he became famous.

** Issues with drugs
** Issues with his mental well being that we still don't know what it is.
** Issues with bullies

At this point right here he should've been stopped and gotten the help he needed but he would've been pissed off at whoever was tyring to help him. So he continued..........


Then he started to rise to the top

** Bathroom comedy club
** Regular Comedy club
** Drama
** Dance
** Karate
** Drugs
** Mental well being...

Then he started the shows

** Merv Griffith
** Johnny Carson
**** there are other shows but meanwhile...
** More drugs
** More Mental health issues...

** Then came Chico and the Man and
** Drugs
** Mental health issues

Everyone around him saw it.

If I feel sorry for anyone it's Jack Albertson Why you ask?

Because as old as Jack Albertson was, he knew what was about to happen if this man didn't get help. With his years of maturity and wisdom he knew. Imagine that? He saw that train wreck about to happen. It must've been torture for Jack. He had to play opposite Freddie. Jack knew that Freddie had so much potential and he knew that Freddie was talented and he loved him as a son but yet......

Freddie was a meal ticket.....

For alot of people....

including Producers, diirectors, cameraman, hair dressers etc.

** Then came the movie he made
** drugs
** mental health issues

The inarguation......
** drugs
** mental health issues

He should've gotten the help he needed from the beginning because at 22 he imploded.

A ticking timebomb waiting to happen and nobody did a thing.

This goes to show that people were afraid. So afraid to help him.

Sure it was a different time back then. I also remember seeing on TV when Marilyn Monroe was committed to a mental institution. They had them back then. In a way I wish he was strong enough to commit himself but alas he was a train wreck waiting to be. The people around him were still afraid. They probably didn't know what to do. RIP FREDDIE.........

[Luckymama58]

One scene from a movie I own called Ed Wood, which is based on the life of the really cheesy movie maker, always reminds me of how much harder it was for actors to own up to the fact that they had problems and addictions back in the day. If you aren't familiar with the life of Ed Wood, he had befriended Bela Lugosi near the end of Bela's life. Bela had an addiction to morphine for a lot of years, which is one of the reasons he wasn't being asked to do movies anymore. When Ed found him, he was sick with the addiction. Ed put him in some of his movies, and Bela thought he was having a comeback. But the addiction was too great for him, and, as they showed in the movie, he becomes suicidal. Bela finally agrees to check himself into rehab. I still remember the scene in the movie when Bela, played by Martin Landau (who won an academy award for this role), goes up the nurse at the night desk of the hospital an announces to her "My name is Bela Lugosi and I am a morphine addict." The pained look on his face and the courage it took him to admit this made me want to cry. I thought about Freddie when this scene came on, wondering if it would have been hard for him to admit to people that he had problems too. We do tend to want to think of our stars as people who are not vunerable, and yet admitting you have a problem puts you in a very vunerable spot. It is human nature not to open yourself to that kind of vunerablity, and I think it is even harder for stars, whose lives are under a microscope being scrutinized by the public all the time. Jennylee, you were right about Freddie being people's meal ticket, and I am sure that pressure added to Freddie's already long list of problems. He knew people depended on him, so checking himself into someplace to get help wasn't a step he would have come to on his own. I think the only thing that might have helped him was something he didn't have, the stigma of the addict taken off admitting he had problems. We still put that stigma on people today, but I don't think it is as bad as it was back in Bela's and Freddie's day. I think we have learned more about the nature of the disease of addictions, although we still have a LONG way to go.

[Pitooey]

Lucky...... I remember that movie that Ed Wood produced. I remember that Bela Lugosi also died in the middle of some production movie and had to be replaced with his dentist or something like that. Bela had a huge addiction. He used heroin. Sometimes I even find myself looking at Bela's face to see if I see anything different. I want to see him up close. Sad isn't it?

Freddie was the meal ticket to alot of people. It's a shame that he had to work in his condition. It was either work or end up like today's singer/actress Whitney Houston. Who knows?

[Cheryl Harrell]

Wow, I didn't know that about Bela Lugosi. I've heard of the Ed Wood movie but never have seen it. I think Jack, Mando, Scat & Della weren't aware of how bad off he was or if they were didn't know how to help him. Other tho I think were too concerned about him being their meal ticket to care. He really needed help & maybe he'd have been here...

[Luckymama58]

I know this is sorta getting off the topic but:

I knew this about Bela before the movie about Ed Wood's life came out. My hubby is a big fan of his, he has most of Bela's movies.

Ed Wood cast Bela in several of his movies, the most notable are "Glen or Glenda" and "Bride of the Monster". Ed Wood was in pre-production on his next movie "Plan 9 From Outer Space" when Bela died. Ed had shot some footage of Bela before he died, and used that as the beginnings of his movie. He was able to use his girlfriend's chiropractor to be a Lugosi body double for the rest of the movie, even tho the doctor was much taller than Lugosi. Ed didn't care... actually, Ed wasn't really into production values... they didn't call him "one take Eddie" for nothing. LOL Plan 9 has to be the worst movie ever made, not that any of Ed Wood's movies were any good. Sad part about this is that we own all of these titles...

Bela was using several things at the time, morphine, heroin and demerol to name a few. He was really sick from all the overuse of the drugs. He didn't stay in rehab long enough to get well, because he didn't have insurance or money to pay. It is possible that he was too far gone to really get well if he had stayed. That has all been speculation.

The movie "Ed Wood" is based on the life of the real Edward Wood. It is a bizarre movie, only because Ed was a bizarre sort of person. As I told you, Martin Landau won an academy award for best supporting actor for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi. Johnny Depp did a great job playing the outrageous but never dull Ed Wood. There were a few other big names in the movie, including Sarah Jessica Parker and Bill Murray.

To get back on the topic:

I suppose I can't imagine the pressure stars are under to always be "on" for their pubic. And I know what you mean about Whitney Houston, Jennylee. It breaks my heart to see how she has fallen. I know our young people have always had the problem of the temptation of drugs, but I think the stars suffer from that temptation more than other segments of society. Not only do you have to think of your image in the public, you also have to worry about your image with your peers, and often that means taking drugs to be cool. So many talented people have died because of that scourge. Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Freddie Prinze, John Belushi... and the list goes on. I know we all make choices, and we are all responsible for the choices we make, but I wish these temptations weren't out there....

[wheeeone]

Jenny Lee,

Thank you for sharing yourself in such a raw and honest post. Your words reached into my soul, grabbed ahold of my heart and brought me to instant tears from the intense love that came through in your words. It helps to KNOW that there are others (The Freddie Family) who really do understand.........