"Dear TJL"...Again! - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TJL · 07-13-2006, 08:43 PM

Hey kids, TJL here.

Once again, I'm returning to what I love to do best here at Sitcoms Online - telling you crazy mixed up people what to do.

Got a problem? A Query? An issue?
I'm your man.
Need some advice? Some counsel? A quick and easy egg salad recipe for that barbeque this weekend?
Ask me! Your man.
Have a deep dark secret you have never ever told anyone even your best friend who constantly bitches because you never share your secrets with her?
Again, me. Man.

Last time, "Dear TJL" helped thousands* of Sitcoms Online Members with thier woes. Fears were conquered, souls were mended, and at least one person was reuinited with his long lost Dad!**

So come on! Ask a question and TJL will provide an answer! Think of me as the Wikipedia with fewer articles about boring crap like James Madison and botany.

Ask Away!

TJL

* - Actual number of Sitcoms Online Members helped is more like four, Maybe five.
** - Wait, that was from an episode of Love Boat. Forget I mentioned that.

strawberry cupcake · 07-13-2006, 09:13 PM

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

Ireneparalegal · 07-13-2006, 09:18 PM

Why does one get dizzy when walking and looking up in the sky at the same time?

Brian Damage · 07-13-2006, 09:26 PM

Am I a lesbian?

strawberry cupcake · 07-13-2006, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Damage

Am I a lesbian?

gilligan fanatic · 07-13-2006, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Damage

Am I a lesbian?

reminds me of a joke, I hope I didn't see it here but If I did oh well

___________________________

An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of
coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to
him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I''ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working
cows,

going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves,

cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my
dogs,

so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I''m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower,
I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of
women."

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old
cowboy

and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I''m a
lesbian

bad_boy · 07-13-2006, 09:49 PM

Dear mr. TJL,

Whats for dinner tonight?

Courtnee · 07-13-2006, 10:28 PM

Dear TJL,

Are you hiring?

dlemond · 07-13-2006, 11:10 PM

Dear TJL,

Is James Madison related to Dolly Madison?
Did either inspire the Square Garden?

And just what is the deal with botany?
Can you recap for me what Botany Bay was all about in Star Trek II?

PrettyinPink55 · 07-13-2006, 11:45 PM

Dear TJL,
Do these pants make me look fat?

vienna waits · 07-14-2006, 12:03 AM

mine's serious so just ignore everyone else's.

Dear TJL,

Where is Crystal? She hasn't been online for days. Usually when I shake the dog food she comes running. But I've had no such luck these past few days. I'm starting to get worried. I checked all the street corners and I haven't seen her working any of them. Where is she?

Sincerely,
Jeff

Chocoholic · 07-14-2006, 12:45 PM

Dear TJL,

I hope you can help me with my problem. I'm an excellent surgeon serving in the wonderful US Army. I would be happy if it wasn't for the other people in this camp. First, I have to share a tent with these two obnoxious jerks who have nothing better to do than to insult me, mock me, and play practical jokes on me. They drink all day and party all night. They are a disgrace to their profession and the Army! No one else here seems to like me either. Of course, they're all a bunch of incompetant jerks! I only have one friend here; a fellow major and a wonderful woman. I just hope my wife doesn't find out! Anyway, I have to go. I think my perverted roommates are planning another practical joke on me. I ought to have them court-martialed, they think they're so cool! Oh, why can't they like me?

Anonymous Major in Korea

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear TJL,

Why haven't you answered my letter yet? I bet you're against me too! Those two roommates of mine got to you too, didn't they? Don't believe a word they tell you about me! THEY LIE!!!

Sincerely,

a dedicated doctor

lilhave · 07-14-2006, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strawberry cupcake

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

As far as moth balls, when one gets older, oh well.

Harvey

dawsongirl · 07-14-2006, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Damage

Am I a lesbian?

yes you are.

TJL · 07-14-2006, 02:45 PM

Well, that was an exciting nap. And by nap, I mean my day at work. Let's see what's in the old mailbag. And by old mailbag, I mean what's here on the...screw it, nevermind!

why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?

Your neighbor is wearing the latest fragrance for the geriatric set by Calvin Klein:

Fogey.

Fogey is a veritable potpourri of all things old and really old, designed for the man who remembers when pants cost only 50 cents, kids weren't so darn disrespectful, and movies were silent if they knew what was good for them!

Fogey...It's what death smells.

07-13-2006, 08:43 PM	#1
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	"Dear TJL"...Again! Hey kids, TJL here. Once again, I'm returning to what I love to do best here at Sitcoms Online - telling you crazy mixed up people what to do. Got a problem? A Query? An issue? I'm your man. Need some advice? Some counsel? A quick and easy egg salad recipe for that barbeque this weekend? Ask me! Your man. Have a deep dark secret you have never ever told anyone even your best friend who constantly bitches because you never share your secrets with her? Again, me. Man. Last time, "Dear TJL" helped thousands* of Sitcoms Online Members with thier woes. Fears were conquered, souls were mended, and at least one person was reuinited with his long lost Dad!** So come on! Ask a question and TJL will provide an answer! Think of me as the Wikipedia with fewer articles about boring crap like James Madison and botany. Ask Away! TJL * - Actual number of Sitcoms Online Members helped is more like four, Maybe five. ** - Wait, that was from an episode of Love Boat. Forget I mentioned that.
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

07-13-2006, 09:13 PM	#2
strawberry cupcake back in action Forum Regular Join Date: Jun 17, 2005 Location: texas Posts: 646	why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls?
	__________________ love peace n hair greese. ~dorothy

07-13-2006, 09:18 PM	#3
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Why does one get dizzy when walking and looking up in the sky at the same time?
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

07-13-2006, 09:26 PM	#4
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	Am I a lesbian?
	__________________ The Key to the Kingdom of Heaven: John 3:3 *Money Doesn't Buy Happiness...But I'd Rather Cry in My Private Jet*

07-13-2006, 10:28 PM	#8
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413	Dear TJL, Are you hiring?
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

07-13-2006, 09:49 PM	#7
bad_boy Member Forum Star Join Date: Sep 18, 2003 Location: Merritt Island, FL Posts: 19,576	Dear mr. TJL, Whats for dinner tonight?

07-13-2006, 11:10 PM	#9
dlemond Hey, I know you. Moderator Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 03, 2001 Location: New Jersey Posts: 6,751	Dear TJL, Is James Madison related to Dolly Madison? Did either inspire the Square Garden? And just what is the deal with botany? Can you recap for me what Botany Bay was all about in Star Trek II?

07-13-2006, 11:45 PM	#10
PrettyinPink55 Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 11, 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 24,601	Dear TJL, Do these pants make me look fat?
	__________________ ♥♥♥

07-14-2006, 12:03 AM	#11
vienna waits avatars are stupid. Forum Superstar Join Date: May 18, 2001 Location: Ravenclaw Common Room Posts: 29,859	mine's serious so just ignore everyone else's. Dear TJL, Where is Crystal? She hasn't been online for days. Usually when I shake the dog food she comes running. But I've had no such luck these past few days. I'm starting to get worried. I checked all the street corners and I haven't seen her working any of them. Where is she? Sincerely, Jeff
	__________________ Me: Did you see Dunkleman in the audience at the finale? Crystal: No! Me: Yeah, that's because he wasn't invited.

07-14-2006, 12:45 PM	#12
Chocoholic Member Forum Star Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 11,235	Dear TJL, I hope you can help me with my problem. I'm an excellent surgeon serving in the wonderful US Army. I would be happy if it wasn't for the other people in this camp. First, I have to share a tent with these two obnoxious jerks who have nothing better to do than to insult me, mock me, and play practical jokes on me. They drink all day and party all night. They are a disgrace to their profession and the Army! No one else here seems to like me either. Of course, they're all a bunch of incompetant jerks! I only have one friend here; a fellow major and a wonderful woman. I just hope my wife doesn't find out! Anyway, I have to go. I think my perverted roommates are planning another practical joke on me. I ought to have them court-martialed, they think they're so cool! Oh, why can't they like me? Anonymous Major in Korea ----------------------------------------------------- Dear TJL, Why haven't you answered my letter yet? I bet you're against me too! Those two roommates of mine got to you too, didn't they? Don't believe a word they tell you about me! THEY LIE!!! Sincerely, a dedicated doctor
	Last edited by Chocoholic; 07-14-2006 at 01:01 PM.

07-14-2006, 02:45 PM	#15
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	Letter #1 Well, that was an exciting nap. And by nap, I mean my day at work. Let's see what's in the old mailbag. And by old mailbag, I mean what's here on the...screw it, nevermind! why does my 87 year old neighbour smell like bengay and moth balls? Your neighbor is wearing the latest fragrance for the geriatric set by Calvin Klein: Fogey. Fogey is a veritable potpourri of all things old and really old, designed for the man who remembers when pants cost only 50 cents, kids weren't so darn disrespectful, and movies were silent if they knew what was good for them! Fogey...It's what death smells.