Dealing with Family Dilemmas - Just Doing Things Differently - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 07-10-2006, 01:11 AM

Okay, I am already forseeing an inevitable family dilemma that I need suggestions and insight over.

To make a long story short: I am virtually not interested in forming a relationship with relatives of my paternal side of my family. I can't explain why, but I just don't want to keep in touch with them. Part of it is that it's inevitable that I will be asked why I don't really keep in touch with my dad. For the most part, I don't get along with him, so we end up arguing like cats and dogs. We have way different points of views, opinions, and he can be very close-minded and stubborn. That's who I am - I don't like to associate myself with them or with my dad much.

My sister, on the other hand, keeps in touch mainly with our aunt (my dad's younger sister), so she communicates quite a bit with her. But that's her....a different person. That's who she is and what she chooses. My aunt is in town for a couple of days to visit my dad who broke a leg or something. He's elderly, but he's such a stubborn man who wants to sneak off to the store and buy hardcore liquor, etc, etc.... We've been down this road before when he was in the hospital for a head injury in early 2005. Our aunt came by for a couple of weeks. She talked us into looking after my dad, but we can't do it 24/7.

My feelings are that I sort of get somewhat of "conning" and "manipulative" vibes from her. My dad got better, and was able to live alone. As he got better, his stubborn attitude rehashed. Then she left us with his bad behaviors to deal with. That was sneaky from her behalf....

Here's my dilemma - I try and cut my contact with that side of my family more and more, but my sister doesn't see eye-to-eye with me on my decision over this. Therefore, she "attempts" to force me to try and communicate with her and visit my aunt when she comes into town. I, like a hermit crab, try and think of ways to avoid the situations/contact. I just DO NOT wanna deal with it. I haven't really told my sister in words over my decision because she is not an understanding person over things I don't agree with her over. She likes to play a bully and hound me by asking 20 questions. I mean, it's MY decision and that's just WHAT I wanna do. So I have the right and am liable for any forecoming future incidents that would be on me, right? It's MY own damn life, so I get angry when my sister isn't so understanding over this.

So, how should I be tactful over explaining this to my sister so that she - once and for all - respects MY decision? Any suggestions?

Mr. Stefani · 07-10-2006, 02:04 AM

I have a kind of similar situation. Me and my sister have no communication with my father or his side of the family, while my brother does. He has in the past tried to get us to see things his way. He finally understood that it's just not healthy for us to have a relationship with him/them. Just because they're your family doesn't mean they have to be in your life, sadly, and some people cannot understand and accept that. Just try explaining where you're coming from. For me, I respect my brother for being able to get past everything, but I have tried, and unfort. cannot and choose to not have them in my life. Just talk to her, she's your sister, she should respect and understand you're decision.

I don't know if that helped any but good luck.

swedeace · 07-11-2006, 07:49 PM

Thanks for your input, Mr. Stefani!

The thing with my sister is that she can act quite bully-like. You know, she like to push buttons over my decisions. When she asks me why I do a certain thing/event a certain way, she persistently asks WHY I did what I do/decide what I decide. My philosophy is that I don't have to explain anything to her. My decision doesn't affect her as a person, and that's what bugs me the most. She doesn't understand. Instead, she will try and hound me by asking even if I tell her I don't want to answer her. It's very annoying....

I can try to explain my feelings to her, but she just gets uptight when I don't do things the way she does them and everything.

LuLu Rogers · 07-11-2006, 08:48 PM

I'm having the same type of thing going on with my grandmother on my dad's side right now. My grandfather died two years ago and I was very close to him. A few months ago, my grandmother remarried. The guy she's now married to and his family are very different from us. His family wants nothing to do with ours, even though we've been nothing but nice through this whole ordeal. My mom, sisters and me will not be going back over to visit them, but my dad wants us to because it's his mom. It's really a big mess.

07-10-2006, 01:11 AM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Dealing with Family Dilemmas - Just Doing Things Differently Okay, I am already forseeing an inevitable family dilemma that I need suggestions and insight over. To make a long story short: I am virtually not interested in forming a relationship with relatives of my paternal side of my family. I can't explain why, but I just don't want to keep in touch with them. Part of it is that it's inevitable that I will be asked why I don't really keep in touch with my dad. For the most part, I don't get along with him, so we end up arguing like cats and dogs. We have way different points of views, opinions, and he can be very close-minded and stubborn. That's who I am - I don't like to associate myself with them or with my dad much. My sister, on the other hand, keeps in touch mainly with our aunt (my dad's younger sister), so she communicates quite a bit with her. But that's her....a different person. That's who she is and what she chooses. My aunt is in town for a couple of days to visit my dad who broke a leg or something. He's elderly, but he's such a stubborn man who wants to sneak off to the store and buy hardcore liquor, etc, etc.... We've been down this road before when he was in the hospital for a head injury in early 2005. Our aunt came by for a couple of weeks. She talked us into looking after my dad, but we can't do it 24/7. My feelings are that I sort of get somewhat of "conning" and "manipulative" vibes from her. My dad got better, and was able to live alone. As he got better, his stubborn attitude rehashed. Then she left us with his bad behaviors to deal with. That was sneaky from her behalf.... Here's my dilemma - I try and cut my contact with that side of my family more and more, but my sister doesn't see eye-to-eye with me on my decision over this. Therefore, she "attempts" to force me to try and communicate with her and visit my aunt when she comes into town. I, like a hermit crab, try and think of ways to avoid the situations/contact. I just DO NOT wanna deal with it. I haven't really told my sister in words over my decision because she is not an understanding person over things I don't agree with her over. She likes to play a bully and hound me by asking 20 questions. I mean, it's MY decision and that's just WHAT I wanna do. So I have the right and am liable for any forecoming future incidents that would be on me, right? It's MY own damn life, so I get angry when my sister isn't so understanding over this. So, how should I be tactful over explaining this to my sister so that she - once and for all - respects MY decision? Any suggestions?

07-11-2006, 08:48 PM	#4
LuLu Rogers Colonel Brandon Forum Fanatic Join Date: Mar 23, 2004 Location: The Hogwarts Dungeons Posts: 11,013	I'm having the same type of thing going on with my grandmother on my dad's side right now. My grandfather died two years ago and I was very close to him. A few months ago, my grandmother remarried. The guy she's now married to and his family are very different from us. His family wants nothing to do with ours, even though we've been nothing but nice through this whole ordeal. My mom, sisters and me will not be going back over to visit them, but my dad wants us to because it's his mom. It's really a big mess.
	__________________ -Lauren- "I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death."-Professor Severus Snape

07-10-2006, 02:04 AM	#2
Mr. Stefani Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Jul 15, 2001 Posts: 20,757	I have a kind of similar situation. Me and my sister have no communication with my father or his side of the family, while my brother does. He has in the past tried to get us to see things his way. He finally understood that it's just not healthy for us to have a relationship with him/them. Just because they're your family doesn't mean they have to be in your life, sadly, and some people cannot understand and accept that. Just try explaining where you're coming from. For me, I respect my brother for being able to get past everything, but I have tried, and unfort. cannot and choose to not have them in my life. Just talk to her, she's your sister, she should respect and understand you're decision. I don't know if that helped any but good luck.

07-11-2006, 07:49 PM	#3
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Thanks for your input, Mr. Stefani! The thing with my sister is that she can act quite bully-like. You know, she like to push buttons over my decisions. When she asks me why I do a certain thing/event a certain way, she persistently asks WHY I did what I do/decide what I decide. My philosophy is that I don't have to explain anything to her. My decision doesn't affect her as a person, and that's what bugs me the most. She doesn't understand. Instead, she will try and hound me by asking even if I tell her I don't want to answer her. It's very annoying.... I can try to explain my feelings to her, but she just gets uptight when I don't do things the way she does them and everything.