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Courtnee · 07-07-2006, 11:54 PM

I'm sending a complaint letter to seventeen magazine and i need someone to proofread it

Dear Seventeen:

I was highly diapointed that you had the nerve to put "LC" on your cover this month. She contributes nothing to society. All she is known for is being on some reality show, being a whore, and just being mean and fake.
Women like that should not be on this planet. LC and others like her are a disgrace to teenagers and women. As they carry on the age old streotype that teenagers are whiny and disrespectful and that women constantly obbess over clothes, shoes, and make-up. I, for one, do not fit this sterotype. I have more important things on my mind than clothes. I am the editor of The Bossier Hight JROTC Newsletter, School Mascot, on drill team, and in the yearbook commitie. I work my butt off and I don't need my teachers looking down apon my peers because of something they saw on tv.
We have come a long way in 50 years, and people like that just bring us back.
I honestly don't care if this letter makes me "uncool" or "nerdy". When I have something on my mind, I spill it- no matter what people think.

Hopefully my letter has convienced you to select better women for the cover. What about the amazing people that go unnoticed? Amy Lee, Faith Hill, Allison Krauss, Samantha Bee, TINA FEY??? Amazing, powerful women and yet you have overlooked them. Tisk, Tisk.

-Courtnee H_____ 14, BAFB, LA

AllIWantIsYourClutch · 07-08-2006, 12:18 AM

Grammer Nerds wanted- "grammar"

I was highly diapointed - "disappointed"
apon my peers - "upon"
convienced- "convinced"
commitie- "committee"

PS: Lauren is the least disgraceful person from those shows. At least she's doing something productive with her life. I like her.

PZelda · 07-08-2006, 12:41 AM

Corrections are in bold. Things that need to be taken out are struck out.

Quote:

Dear Seventeen:

I was highly disapointed that you had the nerve to put "LC" on your cover this month. She contributes nothing to society. All she is known for is being on some reality show, being a whore, and just being mean and fake.
Women like that should not be on this planet. LC and others like her are a disgrace to teenagers and women. [s]As[/s] They carry on the age-old stereotype that teenagers are whiny and disrespectful and that women constantly [s]obbess[/s] obsess over clothes, shoes, and make-up. I, for one, do not fit this stereotype. I have more important things on my mind than clothes. I am the editor of The Bossier High[s]t[/s] JROTC newsletter, [s]School Mascot[/s] serve as the high school mascot, on the drill team, and [s]in[/s] on the yearbook [s]commitie[/s] committee. I work my butt off and I don't need my teachers looking down [s]apon[/s] upon my peers because of something they saw on [s]tv[/s] television.
We women have come a long way in 50 years, and people like that just bring us back into the past.
I honestly don't care if this letter makes me "uncool" or [s]"nerdy".[/s] "nerdy." When I have something on my mind, I spill it, no matter what people think.
Hopefully my letter has convi[s]e[/s]nced you to select better women for the cover. What about the amazing people that go unnoticed? Amy Lee, Faith Hill, Allison Krauss, Samantha Bee, TINA FEY?[s]??[/s] Amazing, powerful women and yet you have overlooked them. T[s]i[/s]sk, t[s]i[/s]sk.

-Courtnee H_____ 14, BAFB, LA

- If you put something inside quotation marks right at the end of a sentence, a period MUST be included INSIDE the quotation marks.
- Try not to end sentences in prepositions. I did not fix the second to last sentence in your letter, because I need to explain how to correct the sentence. Try something like They are amazing, powerful women who deserve better recognition. It would convey the same feelings you are trying to express in the letter.
- Hyphens can often be substituted in place for commas. You had a hyphen towards the end, so I removed it and put a comma in its place.

I hope that was of some help to you!

By the way, I don't understand the part about the school mascot. Do you mean to say you act as the school mascot at sporting games?

Janice · 07-08-2006, 12:52 AM

Very good Allison. You get an A+. :tehcool:

Courtnee · 07-08-2006, 03:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PZelda

Corrections are in bold. Things that need to be taken out are struck out.

- If you put something inside quotation marks right at the end of a sentence, a period MUST be included INSIDE the quotation marks.
- Try not to end sentences in prepositions. I did not fix the second to last sentence in your letter, because I need to explain how to correct the sentence. Try something like They are amazing, powerful women who deserve better recognition. It would convey the same feelings you are trying to express in the letter.
- Hyphens can often be substituted in place for commas. You had a hyphen towards the end, so I removed it and put a comma in its place.

I hope that was of some help to you!

By the way, I don't understand the part about the school mascot. Do you mean to say you act as the school mascot at sporting games?

thanks and yeah..

Sharop · 07-08-2006, 06:49 AM

If I were you, I wouldn't include "Women like that should not be on this planet."

It just sounds a little harsh to me...also, in a letter to a magazine, I think it's best not to come across as overly emotional.

TheGreatPretender · 07-08-2006, 10:11 AM

Not to sound like an idiot but who is LC?

Mr. Stefani · 07-08-2006, 01:00 PM

dont bother, they're not even going to read it.

Kazza · 07-08-2006, 01:28 PM

The person that it's on a cover of mags is usually no one that contributes to society in any way. It's a publicity thing. I found the cover of LC here it is.

http://www.seventeen.com/issue/spc/0...669435,00.html

TJL · 07-08-2006, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharop

If I were you, I wouldn't include "Women like that should not be on this planet."

It just sounds a little harsh to me...also, in a letter to a magazine, I think it's best not to come across as overly emotional.

I agree with that.

Other than that, it's a very good letter.

Ireneparalegal · 07-08-2006, 03:55 PM

stick with pure facts, your opinion, no emotions.

Moonlight Lady · 07-08-2006, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharop

I think it's best not to come across as overly emotional.

Exactly, too much emotion can hurt more than help.

darlenesthebest · 07-08-2006, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatPretender

Not to sound like an idiot but who is LC?

Lauren Conrad...she was on "Laguna Beach" and now she is on "The Hills"

Mr. Stefani · 07-08-2006, 04:44 PM

i'd also take out the word whore and use better examples...the ones you used aren't what Seventeen readers target market wants to read about.

TheGreatPretender · 07-08-2006, 05:00 PM

I hate to overgeneralize but what do you expect from magazines like that? I mean it's not Time , but still seventeen does seem a little bit better than other of those teen magazines because they have a real life section and a health section. Sadly though the bulk of it is "girly stuff". I mean, look at the things that are mostly listed on that cover (how to meet hot guys).

07-07-2006, 11:54 PM	#1
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413	I need some help with this letter. Grammer Nerds wanted! I'm sending a complaint letter to seventeen magazine and i need someone to proofread it Dear Seventeen: I was highly diapointed that you had the nerve to put "LC" on your cover this month. She contributes nothing to society. All she is known for is being on some reality show, being a whore, and just being mean and fake. Women like that should not be on this planet. LC and others like her are a disgrace to teenagers and women. As they carry on the age old streotype that teenagers are whiny and disrespectful and that women constantly obbess over clothes, shoes, and make-up. I, for one, do not fit this sterotype. I have more important things on my mind than clothes. I am the editor of The Bossier Hight JROTC Newsletter, School Mascot, on drill team, and in the yearbook commitie. I work my butt off and I don't need my teachers looking down apon my peers because of something they saw on tv. We have come a long way in 50 years, and people like that just bring us back. I honestly don't care if this letter makes me "uncool" or "nerdy". When I have something on my mind, I spill it- no matter what people think. Hopefully my letter has convienced you to select better women for the cover. What about the amazing people that go unnoticed? Amy Lee, Faith Hill, Allison Krauss, Samantha Bee, TINA FEY??? Amazing, powerful women and yet you have overlooked them. Tisk, Tisk. -Courtnee H_____ 14, BAFB, LA
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

07-08-2006, 06:49 AM	#6
Sharop Andy Gibb aged 12 Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 03, 2004 Location: Courthouse Square, Hill Valley, beside the clocktower, 10:04 p.m., November 12th 1955 Posts: 3,912	If I were you, I wouldn't include "Women like that should not be on this planet." It just sounds a little harsh to me...also, in a letter to a magazine, I think it's best not to come across as overly emotional.
	__________________ http://rainbowlight.proboards102.com My new astral projection forums Doc: Don't worry! As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88 miles per hour, the instant the lightning strikes the tower, everything will be fine!

07-08-2006, 10:11 AM	#7
TheGreatPretender just because Forum Veteran Join Date: May 22, 2004 Location: Trying to think of a creative, witty location. Posts: 7,628	Not to sound like an idiot but who is LC?
	__________________ Peace is a good thing and so is salmon when it's smoked

07-08-2006, 03:55 PM	#11
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	stick with pure facts, your opinion, no emotions.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

07-08-2006, 12:18 AM	#2
AllIWantIsYourClutch peaceout. Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 02, 2001 Location: Illinois. Posts: 53,424	Grammer Nerds wanted- "grammar" I was highly diapointed - "disappointed" apon my peers - "upon" convienced- "convinced" commitie- "committee" PS: Lauren is the least disgraceful person from those shows. At least she's doing something productive with her life. I like her.

07-08-2006, 12:52 AM	#4
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Very good Allison. You get an A+. :tehcool:

07-08-2006, 01:00 PM	#8
Mr. Stefani Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Jul 15, 2001 Posts: 20,757	dont bother, they're not even going to read it.

07-08-2006, 01:28 PM	#9
Kazza Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 17, 2003 Posts: 3,244	The person that it's on a cover of mags is usually no one that contributes to society in any way. It's a publicity thing. I found the cover of LC here it is. http://www.seventeen.com/issue/spc/0...669435,00.html

07-08-2006, 04:44 PM	#14
Mr. Stefani Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Jul 15, 2001 Posts: 20,757	i'd also take out the word whore and use better examples...the ones you used aren't what Seventeen readers target market wants to read about.

07-08-2006, 05:00 PM	#15
TheGreatPretender just because Forum Veteran Join Date: May 22, 2004 Location: Trying to think of a creative, witty location. Posts: 7,628	I hate to overgeneralize but what do you expect from magazines like that? I mean it's not Time , but still seventeen does seem a little bit better than other of those teen magazines because they have a real life section and a health section. Sadly though the bulk of it is "girly stuff". I mean, look at the things that are mostly listed on that cover (how to meet hot guys).