Getting past the "initial" stages of friendships....

[swedeace]

I find it difficult getting past that "getting to know each other" phase when meeting new people and befriending them. The only people I have been able to get past that stage are co-worker friends, so I see them because we all work together and have to work there unless someone moves jobs. I know that if I wasn't working with any of these particular co-worker friends, I bet our friendship wouldn't be as ongoing as it currently is because the communication/keeping in touch would no longer be as convenient. Other than that, I rarely get to make it past that stage with classmates or other people I come across, unfortunately.

It seems that after that "initial" and "getting to know each other" stages of friendships, people tend to lose interest in maintaining a friendship with me for some reason. I have been noticing this pattern. It seems that no matter what I do, people either give up on me or insist/act upon on space. I don't get it. I mean, it's usually nothing about arguments or that sort of nature. We get along and I have been told by one friend that they like me, but they just seem to have felt suffocated on forced or constant communication.

Part of this is because I usually tend to force communication with certain people I really, really wanna become friends with or develop a closer friendship with. I really enjoy talking and sharing personal stuff with them. So we gain some trust and sincerity in that manner. I treasure that. When I feel this way about certain individuals, I tend to "hold onto them tightly," and then I start treating them exclusively by putting them up on a pedestal, so to speak. Then, I try and communicate often with them and subconsciously expect them to do the same. It's now obvious that after a while, they do get burnt-out by this behavior of mine. So, maybe that's why they insist on space?

The majority of the "backing off" concepts holds from the suffocation our friends can feel. They may enjoy our presence as individuals, but it does seem quite difficult to maintain that friendship past that "new stage" of the friendship. It is quite easy to feel that if we "try" to hold onto a friendship tightly, the better it can become to be close. I know I can easily feel this way to especially people I really want to befriend. That's the test of time, it seems, whether to maintain that or not.

Just biting our lips in doing so. Time should heal all wounds in a way, right? Kinda-sorta similar for these situations.

So, to those who have good, best, or close friends for years on end, how were you able to make it past that "initial" and "get to know you stage" to maintain your friendship? Did you have some space? How were you able to maintain by NOT suffocating them?

[Mijada]

I'm a lot like you on this matter. I never really had any friendships that lasted more than a few years. Usually people from school or work and when school let out or someone changed jobs the friendship ended. There is only one friendship that ended on bad terms for me (mainly because another co worker got involved and started some ****, a long story and now none of us are friends) I do have one close friend that I met at work about 10 years ago. Even after we both quit working we still remained friends. We don't see each other very much as we both have children and it's just so expensive with gas prices being so high. We do IM at least once a week though and we are always there for each other whenever one of use needs a favor. I really can't say how the friendship has lasted so long. I guess you just have to be patient and people do need space and it helps to have things in common as well.

[Brieannas21]

Most of my close friends are people I grew up with because we all lived on the same street, So we are very close because of that. Also some of my other close friends are Sorority Sisters I pledged with, and we have a tight bond because of that.

With work, I'm only close friends with one person because we are just alike and think alike, other then her I don't really have any close friendships with co-worker. We just talk at work and that's as far as it goes.

[Number 9 Dream]

I have noticed the same pattern happening with me too, Mona. Aside from the three girls I've known since high school that I am still great friends with (Tiffany, Rose, and Bethany), it seems all the others have drifted away. There were a few people at work that I was friendly with, but it never went beyond the typical work friendship (great friends at work, but once we hung out beyond the job, it was awkward). Then there were the girls I met in classes at school, but once that class was over and we went our seperate ways the next semester, our friendship soon sizzled out too. It seems it's hard to keep friends or maintain relationships.

But I have to look at it this way--the friends who are always there for you and have been there all along are the friends you want to have. I'd rather have two or three GOOD friends than 20 aquaintances. But, I agree, it is frustrating trying get closer to people and nothing comes of it.

[crystals]

I'm terrible at making friends at work and school both. I'm a little quiet in a crowd and don't talk much. It's not that I don't like people I work with. I think they're great it's just I can never think of anything to say after work ends. The only friends I keep in touch with are friends from high school who I email once in awhile. Yeah, I've never had a close friendship with a co-worker. I would see them at work and then go home once my shift ended and say goodbye and wouldn't see them until my next shift. Even if I could make one good close friend that would be enough.