Flaming - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

lilhave · 06-20-2006, 02:47 PM

The Twelve Commandments of Flaming

1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot."

2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy."

3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II RoundTable to X-10 Powerhouse RoundTable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere.

4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a sh??head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.

5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha."

6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preferences, then Harry's obviously lying.

7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "veni, vidi, vici," and "fettuccini alfredo."

8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic' ."

9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both.

10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic.

11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.

12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a Flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: INSULT THE DIRTBAG!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables."

Harvey

RedWhine56 · 06-20-2006, 03:13 PM

You forgot to mention you get bonus points, if you're a moderator.

Lex Luthor · 06-20-2006, 03:13 PM

DAMMIT HARVEY!

Don't be giving away the cheat sheet I gave you

lilhave · 06-20-2006, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedWhine56

You forgot to mention you get bonus points, if you're a moderator.

My fault. 3 points for Brain Damage

Harvey

Lamont · 06-20-2006, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilhave

Make things up about your opponent:

4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a sh??head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.

5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha."

Harvey

i read these 3 quotes and harvey, i have got to tell u, you have got to stop talking about a "CERTAIN BANNED MEMBER"
she will get mad and email the moderators and TJ a zillion times if you dont!

RedWhine56 · 06-20-2006, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilhave

My fault. 3 points for Brain Damage

Harvey

Touché

y2k3Joker · 06-20-2006, 03:18 PM

I'm good with all of them except #12 - Haven't met anybody better than me

Lex Luthor · 06-20-2006, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by y2k3Joker

I'm good with all of them except #12 - Haven't met anybody better than me

#13. There is a borderline between Confidence and Cockiness. Cross that line and you will master this art.

Confidence is beliving you can do it

Cockiness is backing it up time and time again no matter how many people get pissed off.

The Joker: You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Batman: What?
The Joker : I always ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it.

savageamusement · 06-20-2006, 06:47 PM

*Feverishly taking notes*

Gotta keep the "savage" image up.

Lex Luthor · 06-20-2006, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by savageamusement

*Feverishly taking notes*

Gotta keep the "savage" image up.

Sorry "Savage" but your are about as ruthless as the evil creature seen below.

You would have to turn out to be OJ for people to think different

Lamont · 06-20-2006, 07:19 PM

savage might seem sweet and kitten-like

BUUUUUUUT she has a temper!!!!

and its best not to cross her!

she tries hard to be nice, BUT she can scrap with the best of them!!!!!!

y2k3Joker · 06-20-2006, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cartoondvds

Sorry "Savage" but your are about as ruthless as the evil creature seen below.

You would have to turn out to be OJ for people to think different

At least show me some claws, Catwoman !

savageamusement · 06-20-2006, 08:20 PM

Grrrr...Ffffts FFT

I got claws....yessiree.

Mreow.

lilhave · 06-20-2006, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lamont

savage might seem sweet and kitten-like

BUUUUUUUT she has a temper!!!!

and its best not to cross her!

she tries hard to be nice, BUT she can scrap with the best of them!!!!!!

Start a new poll. Is Savage more of a ***** cat or more of a mountain Lion.

Harvey

Lamont · 06-20-2006, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilhave

Start a new poll. Is Savage more of a ***** cat or more of a mountain Lion.

Harvey

did harvey censor out "Pussycat" or has the board auto-censors gone overboard?

06-20-2006, 03:13 PM	#2
RedWhine56 Sleigh? What sleigh? Forum Regular Join Date: Aug 03, 2005 Location: In the "Secret Room" with the cronies! Posts: 756	You forgot to mention you get bonus points, if you're a moderator.
	__________________ Off to Never, Never Land... ...Metallica

06-20-2006, 03:13 PM	#3
Lex Luthor I'm bringing Lexy back Senior Member Join Date: Jun 07, 2005 Location: The Great White North Posts: 2,374	DAMMIT HARVEY! Don't be giving away the cheat sheet I gave you
	__________________ I look forward to resuming our verbal judo - Lex Luthor It's a complicated world, Clark. Only the naïve view it in black and white - Lex Luthor Genevieve: "I underestimated you, Lex." Lex: "Well, that’s a common mistake." Lionel Luthor: "We don't need to play games, son." Lex Luthor: "Dad, games are all we got."

06-20-2006, 06:47 PM	#9
savageamusement Cutest Couch Potato Senior Member Join Date: Oct 21, 2003 Posts: 2,103	Taking notes Feverishly taking notes Gotta keep the "savage" image up.
	__________________ WWW.SavageTraders.org To avoid channel surfing Wipeouts!

06-20-2006, 07:19 PM	#11
Lamont Lamont says Smile! Forum Veteran Join Date: May 28, 2005 Location: Deep in the Heart of Nowhere Posts: 5,217	TRUST ME! savage might seem sweet and kitten-like BUUUUUUUT she has a temper!!!! and its best not to cross her! she tries hard to be nice, BUT she can scrap with the best of them!!!!!!

06-20-2006, 02:47 PM	#1
lilhave Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 03, 2004 Location: N.Y.C. Posts: 2,294	Flaming The Twelve Commandments of Flaming 1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot." 2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy." 3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II RoundTable to X-10 Powerhouse RoundTable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere. 4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't possibly be that you're a sh??head. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it. 5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha." 6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preferences, then Harry's obviously lying. 7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "veni, vidi, vici," and "fettuccini alfredo." 8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic' ." 9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both. 10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of flamers' logic. 11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up. 12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a Flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: INSULT THE DIRTBAG!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables." Harvey

06-20-2006, 03:18 PM	#7
y2k3Joker Why So Serious? Senior Member Join Date: Aug 28, 2003 Location: Arkham Asylum Posts: 1,256	I'm good with all of them except #12 - Haven't met anybody better than me

06-20-2006, 08:20 PM	#13
savageamusement Cutest Couch Potato Senior Member Join Date: Oct 21, 2003 Posts: 2,103	This kittens got claws Grrrr...Ffffts FFT I got claws....yessiree. Mreow.