Getting Involved/Making Friends on Forums - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 05-26-2006, 12:53 PM

There has been some mentions about how some people find it difficult to make friends on forums because they feel they "don't fit in." I came across an interesting article that I wanted to pass on. It has some tips and netiquettes. In other words, be patient and just try, try, and try again, okay?

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelatio...efriendsonline

Making Friends Online

How do you show potential netmates that you are likeable? TheSite helps you get to know each other without sounding like a complete doofus.

Lurk before you leap
It is often worth browsing/ lurking on the boards for a while before you join, to get a feel for the place and see what's the best way to act. This helps avoid being at the receiving end of abuse after just one post!

Introduce yourself
When joining a new community it is usual to say hello before posting away. Some boards have Introductions forums, like ours, where you can tell the other users a little about yourself. Say roughly where you are from, how old you are, and what your interests are. For example,

cymruangel: "Hi all. My name's Hannah and I'm from South Wales (Swansea). I'm 18, a well-balanced [if often indecisive] Libran. I've just finished 6th form coll so off to uni in the autumn, provided I get my grades of course - not looking forward to August 15th!

Interests - well it all depends on my mood! but seriously - I'm a musician and singer, I also help out in a disabled youth club (I'm such a good girl!!) ummmmmm ....well if you want to know anything else just ask!! love Hannah."

Play nice
Make yourself at home. Chat to people as you would in real life, don't get too offended by jokes, and don't type with the CAPS LOCK ON as it looks like you are SHOUTING. Don't flood the board by posting loads of new threads at once, but don't be scared to join in conversations.

Be friendly and polite and you should get the same response back (from most people). Being arrogant, rude or abusive will only lead to alienation and possibly being banned from using the boards. If unsure whether you're acting in line, ask yourself whether you would say it to the person's face. If the answer's no, either rephrase it or don't post it at all.

What should I talk about?
Anything and everything but don't ask anything too personal of others unless you are willing to offer up your own personal answers/ reasons first.

Don't rush
Online communities are odd in that you get complete strangers telling you intimate details of their lives immediately. If you were in the street and this happened, you'd feel uncomfortable, however here it is par for the course.

By their very nature, online friendships tend to develop at an accelerated pace, so try not to get too attached to quickly. This way you can avoid a nasty fall if your new mate gets bored of you and finds someone new to play with.

One on one
Once people have got to know you a bit on the boards, you may wish to chat one to one, and you can do this in several ways.

PMs: A lot of boards have private messaging, where threads are only started and replied to by the two of you and no-one else can view the conversations. This is quite a safe way to chat as there is the option to have an ignore list/ deny receipt if the desire to be mates is not mutual.

Email: This is an easy way of contact, however you may wait days/ weeks before getting a response and it is easy to come up with excuses for not responding.

Instant chat: Once installed, this is a quick and easy way to chat with one or more of your newfound mates. It also lets you know when they are online, so you don't miss them. However it can lead to obsessive behaviour, verging on stalking. Constantly being barraged with messages when you are working/ busy can be really annoying, and feel invasive. If you want to keep them at arm's length for a while longer, don't give out your messenger address.

A real life meeting?
Don't rush into meeting up in the flesh. Get to know each other over the web, email each other a few times or instant chat and let some time pass. If you still want to meet them then follow TheSite's safety guide.

EmoJoe · 05-26-2006, 01:08 PM

i find it a lot easier to make friends online then offline. i'm shy in real life, so i have a hard time making friends.

Nighthawk76 · 05-26-2006, 02:06 PM

I think these are some really good ideas.

Sharop · 05-26-2006, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmoJoe

i find it a lot easier to make friends online then offline. i'm shy in real life, so i have a hard time making friends.

It's the same with me. I have barely any friends in real life. The problem is, there's this one person that I really, really want to be friends with, but I don't know how to go about becoming friends with that person.

Good thread, swedeace.

Tuesday Weld · 05-26-2006, 03:47 PM

This has a lot of good points. Thanks, Mona.

Number 9 Dream · 05-26-2006, 10:29 PM

Love the thread, Mona

Very helpful advice, definitely.

And, Sharop, I know EXACTLY how you feel. There have been really cool people that I've come across through work who I KNOW I'd get along with outside of work too, but I can't figure out how to approach them to hang out. I don't want to appear weird, you know? Like, maybe they are just work friends and that's it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharop

It's the same with me. I have barely any friends in real life. The problem is, there's this one person that I really, really want to be friends with, but I don't know how to go about becoming friends with that person.

Good thread, swedeace.

Number 9 Dream · 05-26-2006, 10:33 PM

Oh yes, definitely! I chatted with a gal for a little over a year through IMs, phone calls (phone cards came in handy that year

), and emails before we ever met. She spent about a week with me, so it was safe. I'd never meet an online friend right away unless I've known and conversed with them for a decent amount of time (and this includes hearing their voice on the phone).

Quote:

Originally Posted by swedeace

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelatio...efriendsonline

Making Friends Online

A real life meeting?
Don't rush into meeting up in the flesh. Get to know each other over the web, email each other a few times or instant chat and let some time pass. If you still want to meet them then follow TheSite's safety guide.

Courtnee · 05-26-2006, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmoJoe

i find it a lot easier to make friends online then offline. i'm shy in real life, so i have a hard time making friends.

x2

swedeace · 05-27-2006, 12:04 PM

You're welcome, everyone. Yeah, I also thought it had a lot of good/interesting points in this article. I found it very helpful. I posted it in three forums I frequent, and it only received replies in this forum.

swedeace · 05-27-2006, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmoJoe

i find it a lot easier to make friends online then offline. i'm shy in real life, so i have a hard time making friends.

Yeah, it can be much easier. I think it's the whole faceless contact. It's easier to absorb the words and just sorta follow members' writing styles in front of our screens. It's also very casual.

swedeace · 05-27-2006, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharop

It's the same with me. I have barely any friends in real life. The problem is, there's this one person that I really, really want to be friends with, but I don't know how to go about becoming friends with that person.

I am assuming you are talking about wanting to really befriend an online person? You can try PMing them about something that interests you about them. That usually helps break the ice on initiation.

swedeace · 05-27-2006, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Number 9 Dream

Love the thread, Mona

Very helpful advice, definitely.

And, Sharop, I know EXACTLY how you feel. There have been really cool people that I've come across through work who I KNOW I'd get along with outside of work too, but I can't figure out how to approach them to hang out. I don't want to appear weird, you know? Like, maybe they are just work friends and that's it.

I know exactly what you. It does get a bit intimidating trying to figure out just how to approach a person offline. I've had that happen a couple of times to me at my job. A couple of times they have approached me while other times I have approached them. I think it will help a bit by just having a group get-together and inviting that person too. Such as, "It's been a tough week. Let's go out this Friday evening after work to have some light drinks at happy hour at so-and-so place?" Don't just leave it an open invitation like "let's go out sometime." I've learned that people tend to agree to that and that's it. Setting a time, date, and place helps organize it better. Hope that helps.

Sharop · 05-27-2006, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swedeace

I am assuming you are talking about wanting to really befriend an online person? You can try PMing them about something that interests you about them. That usually helps break the ice on initiation.

No, actually I was talking about someone that I have some contact with offline. Sorry, I should have made that clear. I'm kind of in a similar situation to Number 9 Dream, as I want to be friends with this person, but don't know how to go about it, and am worried about coming across as weird.

swedeace · 05-27-2006, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharop

No, actually I was talking about someone that I have some contact with offline. Sorry, I should have made that clear. I'm kind of in a similar situation to Number 9 Dream, as I want to be friends with this person, but don't know how to go about it, and am worried about coming across as weird.

Oh, okay. I see now. I gave Number 9 Dream some advice, so it would be the same situation. Hope that helps out a bit.

Hmmm....I am a hipocrite. Maybe I should also follow my own advice a little more often as well.

Jonathan · 05-27-2006, 03:32 PM

Thanks, Mona. This has some great points.

05-26-2006, 12:53 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Getting Involved/Making Friends on Forums There has been some mentions about how some people find it difficult to make friends on forums because they feel they "don't fit in." I came across an interesting article that I wanted to pass on. It has some tips and netiquettes. In other words, be patient and just try, try, and try again, okay? http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelatio...efriendsonline Making Friends Online How do you show potential netmates that you are likeable? TheSite helps you get to know each other without sounding like a complete doofus. Lurk before you leap It is often worth browsing/ lurking on the boards for a while before you join, to get a feel for the place and see what's the best way to act. This helps avoid being at the receiving end of abuse after just one post! Introduce yourself When joining a new community it is usual to say hello before posting away. Some boards have Introductions forums, like ours, where you can tell the other users a little about yourself. Say roughly where you are from, how old you are, and what your interests are. For example, cymruangel: "Hi all. My name's Hannah and I'm from South Wales (Swansea). I'm 18, a well-balanced [if often indecisive] Libran. I've just finished 6th form coll so off to uni in the autumn, provided I get my grades of course - not looking forward to August 15th! Interests - well it all depends on my mood! but seriously - I'm a musician and singer, I also help out in a disabled youth club (I'm such a good girl!!) ummmmmm ....well if you want to know anything else just ask!! love Hannah." Play nice Make yourself at home. Chat to people as you would in real life, don't get too offended by jokes, and don't type with the CAPS LOCK ON as it looks like you are SHOUTING. Don't flood the board by posting loads of new threads at once, but don't be scared to join in conversations. Be friendly and polite and you should get the same response back (from most people). Being arrogant, rude or abusive will only lead to alienation and possibly being banned from using the boards. If unsure whether you're acting in line, ask yourself whether you would say it to the person's face. If the answer's no, either rephrase it or don't post it at all. What should I talk about? Anything and everything but don't ask anything too personal of others unless you are willing to offer up your own personal answers/ reasons first. Don't rush Online communities are odd in that you get complete strangers telling you intimate details of their lives immediately. If you were in the street and this happened, you'd feel uncomfortable, however here it is par for the course. By their very nature, online friendships tend to develop at an accelerated pace, so try not to get too attached to quickly. This way you can avoid a nasty fall if your new mate gets bored of you and finds someone new to play with. One on one Once people have got to know you a bit on the boards, you may wish to chat one to one, and you can do this in several ways. PMs: A lot of boards have private messaging, where threads are only started and replied to by the two of you and no-one else can view the conversations. This is quite a safe way to chat as there is the option to have an ignore list/ deny receipt if the desire to be mates is not mutual. Email: This is an easy way of contact, however you may wait days/ weeks before getting a response and it is easy to come up with excuses for not responding. Instant chat: Once installed, this is a quick and easy way to chat with one or more of your newfound mates. It also lets you know when they are online, so you don't miss them. However it can lead to obsessive behaviour, verging on stalking. Constantly being barraged with messages when you are working/ busy can be really annoying, and feel invasive. If you want to keep them at arm's length for a while longer, don't give out your messenger address. A real life meeting? Don't rush into meeting up in the flesh. Get to know each other over the web, email each other a few times or instant chat and let some time pass. If you still want to meet them then follow TheSite's safety guide.

05-26-2006, 01:08 PM	#2
EmoJoe Cool cool cool Forum Addict Join Date: Apr 23, 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 71,478	i find it a lot easier to make friends online then offline. i'm shy in real life, so i have a hard time making friends.
	__________________ "I know the difference between TV and reality, Jeff. TV has structure, it makes sense, there are likable leading men. In real life, we have this. We have you." - Abed Nadir, Community www.sitcomsarestupid.blogspot.com

05-26-2006, 03:47 PM	#5
Tuesday Weld I missed you all. hugs Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 02, 2003 Location: Having a great time. Posts: 22,285	This has a lot of good points. Thanks, Mona.
	__________________ Cindy Formerly musicrocksmyworld, ElvisDustyfan and vintagetvgirl. After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager." - William S. Burroughs

05-26-2006, 02:06 PM	#3
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254	I think these are some really good ideas.

05-27-2006, 12:04 PM	#9
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	You're welcome, everyone. Yeah, I also thought it had a lot of good/interesting points in this article. I found it very helpful. I posted it in three forums I frequent, and it only received replies in this forum.

05-27-2006, 03:32 PM	#15
Jonathan ***** Senior Member** Join Date: Aug 28, 2004 Posts: 2,304	Thanks, Mona. This has some great points.