LAMONTS NEW VIDEO

[loren]

lamont is going to produce a video

entitled," how not to use a weed wacker"

or subtitled, "use machinery only with adult supervision"

he decided to try and trim his toenails with a weedwacker, his results were not too good

lets all have a group hug for lamont

and tell his silly butt to get better soon

[JOEY1727]

you might be a red neck if you try to weed eat in flip flops..lol..that lamont..

[savageamusement]

And I thought those warning lables were silly.

Get better soon Lamont---maybe you can find a video or something at your local store to keep you in bed?

A movie or perhaps something on the tube..

I know how hard it is to find good tv.

[loren]

maybe we could all kick in a buck,

and get lamont a fisher price weed eater

i hear they are safe for even a 2 year old

[Lamont]

YES
i am really that dumb!

yesterday i was using the Weed Wacker

IN FLIP FLOPS

i accidentally sliced my foot all to pieces by not paying attention and had to make a trip to the emergency room to get stitches

hurt like crazy, bled like crazy and most of all
it was very embarassing b/c they looked at me like i was

Jethro Bodine, out using a weed wacker with flips flops on

what do you expect from the Carolinas?

[lilhave]

Originally Posted by Lamont

YES
i am really that dumb!

yesterday i was using the Weed Wacker

IN FLIP FLOPS

i accidentally sliced my foot all to pieces by not paying attention and had to make a trip to the emergency room to get stitches

hurt like crazy, bled like crazy and most of all
it was very embarassing b/c they looked at me like i was

Jethro Bodine, out using a weed wacker with flips flops on

what do you expect from the Carolinas?

I got the true scoop. Last night while Lamont was checking the still out back, making sure there was the right amount of sugar in the tank, he decided to take a few snorts. It's not called Jack Daniels but Lamont Daniels. Anyway he got soused, pie eyed and polluted and went down to the lake to do some "Gator rasslin!". The Gator won. This morning instead of drinking his brand of "Panther piss", he switched to prune juice and crackers. By the way the Gator went all the way up his leg and you can now call him "shorty"

Harvey

[T-Greg]

I'll tell you a true story about a products liability case. Someone sued a manufacturer after he tried using a lawnmower as a bush hedger. That's right. Picture this. Lifting the lawnmower off the ground, blade exposed, holding it up to his bushes to give it a trim. Naturally, he was hurt severely, and sued....but thankfully, the jury had common sense and gave him zip. This happened years ago. Had it happened more recently, he would have made the Darwin Awards Hall of Fame!

[loren]

Originally Posted by JOEY1727

you might be a red neck if you try to weed eat in flip flops..lol..that lamont..

garsh lamont

i know joey is your brother

but thats a pretty good shot he laid on you

you gonna take that guff??

[T-Greg]

Originally Posted by loren

garsh lamont

i know joey is your brother

but thats a pretty good shot he laid on you

you gonna take that guff??

Was it Georgia or North Carolina where "Deliverance" was shot? Strike up the banjo and squeal like a pig boy!

[lilhave]

Originally Posted by T-Greg

Was it Georgia or North Carolina where "Deliverance" was shot? Strike up the banjo and squeal like a pig boy!

It just came over CNBC. The U.S. Government has stated 50 states is just to much to maintain, so they are going to declare North Carolina a terrorist state, and blow it up. The main concern is what about the gophers? The caves will be spared, so most of the citizenry can continue with normal living.

Your favorite news reporter Harv

[Lamont]

i feel stupid

[debwalsh]

Just make sure you feel better soon!

[Lex Luthor]

BUT!!!!

I honor of your recent mishap I thought I would steal a page out of Harvey's book.

I guess the most important one was not on the weed whacker (do not use to clip toenails) LOL

Product Warnings:

•Sleeping Pills -- Caution: May make you drowsy.
•Lighters -- Contents flammable.
•Dog Shampoo -- The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
•Shampoo -- Intended for use on hair only -- not eyes.
•Stroller -- Remove infant before folding for storage.
•Curling Iron -- Not for internal use.
•Microwave Oven -- Do not use for drying pets.
•Child's Playhouse -- This is not a toy.
•Toilet Bowl Cleaning Brush -- Do not use orally.
•King Size Mattress -- Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.
•Can of Insecticide -- This spray is harmful to insects.
•Firecrackers -- Do not light while holding in mouth.
•Fat-Free Potato Chips -- May cause anal leakage.
•Peanut Butter -- Warning: May contain nuts.
•TV Dinner -- Remove plastic wrap cover before eating.
•Batteries -- Do not swallow. C or D batteries may cause choking.
•.22-Caliber Rifle -- May cause injury or death.
•Hardware Store Rotary Drill -- This product not intended for dental purposes.
•Hemorrhoid Suppositories -- Remove aluminum wrapping before insertion.
•Disposable Diapers -- Dispose of after use.
•Electric Cattle Prod -- For use on animals only.


"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.

"Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessertprinted on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a childs superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.



http://www.dumbwarnings.com/warnings...warnings&cid=1

http://www.dumbwarnings.com/warnings...warnings&cid=6


Cheers
Jay

[Lex Luthor]

In case you are going to do any tree cutting soon.

Heed the warning Lamont

Originally Posted by cartoondvds

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.