Unmutual Closeness in Friendships? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 05-01-2006, 11:05 PM

What happens when there is a unmutual feelings about closeness in friendships?

I mean, what if you have a friend who you consider to be "just a casual friend" and who that friend considers you his/her best/close friend? Or, vice-versa. How would you handle it?

I think it's a touchy subject, especially if the "close friend" sorta expects the "casual friend" other friend to prioritize them. Sounds difficult.

AllIWantIsYourClutch · 05-01-2006, 11:24 PM

Sometimes I think I have a tendency to get kind of attached to certain people and think I'm closer to them than I actually am...I've never had a steady "best friend" before. Everyone that I've ever thought was my "best friend" obviously didn't feel the same way and eventually moved on with their lives and left me behind. Now that I've finally found a group of friends that actually treat me like a person, I think that I might think that I'm closer with them than I actually am. They've all been friends for a while so who am I to assume that I'm just as close with them?

I think sometimes it can be creepy and weird if someone you're not close with thinks you are. But sometimes it's an internal thing, like my situation.

swedeace · 05-01-2006, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllIWantIsYourClutch

Sometimes I think I have a tendency to get kind of attached to certain people and think I'm closer to them than I actually am...I've never had a steady "best friend" before. Everyone that I've ever thought was my "best friend" obviously didn't feel the same way and eventually moved on with their lives and left me behind.

I hear what you are saying. That has happened to me as well. I used to think that a lot about online friends....just grow ultimately attached to them in that manner. And it's happened to me once before at work (in person), but they don't really reciprocate.

Now I find it somewhat difficult, especially with online friends, to get TOO close to them. I try and avoid it now. Sorta like that saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy." I just fear the same kind of let-down feeling.

MandieR1980 · 05-04-2006, 11:11 AM

No but I had a male friend tell me online "we just aren't as close friends as you think we are" and I wanted to yell "NO S**T! I'm not blind but I found that so damn rude!

Kazza · 05-04-2006, 11:52 AM

My thing is that I get close 'too soon' probably hanging on to something that's not even there yet. As always, I end up getting hurt because these people don't share my feelings at the moment. There's only one though that we've reached a happy medium and we both agree that we are not in love. LOL

Janice · 05-04-2006, 12:00 PM

It's happened to me, both ways. I've had people, co-workers usually, who really wanted to be my friend, but I just didn't have the time for them. Other times, it's the other way around.

One thing about me is that I can really take a hint. With online and offline friends, if I make a couple of attempts to call or e:mail and I'm ignored, I don't bother anymore. I've always been that way.

If I really care about the person, I may ask if I said or did something to offend them, but that's as far as I go.

Chad Michael Murray · 05-04-2006, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

One thing about me is that I can really take a hint. With online and offline friends, if I make a couple of attempts to call or e:mail and I'm ignored, I don't bother anymore. I've always been that way.

If I really care about the person, I may ask if I said or did something to offend them, but that's as far as I go.

Yep, same here, for sure.

And when it's the other way around...I dunno, I always feel bad. There's no way I can ever tell the person I don't really "enjoy" hanging out with them or whatever, so I kinda try to do what I can to "politely" avoid them. However, if I find myself face to face with them or whatever and they want me to do something with them, usually I don't have the heart to tell them I don't want to, so either I do it or sometimes I just make up a story about something else important that I really need to do.

gidgetgrape · 05-04-2006, 01:34 PM

I still remember how I felt in the third grade when the girl that I felt was my best friend told me (and my parents) in the backseat of our truck that I wasn't her best friend. I was crushed and embarrassed. We should have made her walk back home.

I think for awhile I tried harder to be her best friend but you can't change someone's heart.

swedeace · 05-04-2006, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad Michael Murray

And when it's the other way around...I dunno, I always feel bad. There's no way I can ever tell the person I don't really "enjoy" hanging out with them or whatever, so I kinda try to do what I can to "politely" avoid them. However, if I find myself face to face with them or whatever and they want me to do something with them, usually I don't have the heart to tell them I don't want to, so either I do it or sometimes I just make up a story about something else important that I really need to do.

I've had that happen to me in real life, actually. I had a MAJOR crush on this guy during the summer of 2004, and I finally approached him and asked him out. He told me he was gay (Oooops! Didn't catch the gaydar!

), but he said he was honored and wanted to email me. I told him about my then upcoming trip to Sweden, and he offered to develop my photos. I began placing ideas in my head that he wanted to be friends with me the more he was "nice enough" to do this favor for me. I never asked him, but he offered it, so I took it as liking me as a friend. Therefore, I asked him in person nearly every time I saw him at his photo-developing job and asked if he'd like to hang out. He would always say "yes" and would tell me he'd send me his schedule via email. NEVER happened.... I was gullible to believe it. It wasn't until later I realized it was his polite way of letting me down that he didn't want to hang out. I just wish he would've had the balls to tell me, but I guess he was just "too nice" in nature that he didn't have the heart to tell me in person.

Chad Michael Murray · 05-04-2006, 07:14 PM

Yeah, it's a tough line to walk. I always hate disappointing people, so that's why I either make up the fact that I have to do something, or if they REALLY catch me off guard then I kind of give the "yeah, we'll do something sometime" impression, so that way there's never anything concrete set in stone but yet it leaves things open so that the person isn't let down, and I'm not "contractually obligated" to hang out with them at one particular point.

swedeace · 05-04-2006, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad Michael Murray

Yeah, it's a tough line to walk. I always hate disappointing people, so that's why I either make up the fact that I have to do something, or if they REALLY catch me off guard then I kind of give the "yeah, we'll do something sometime" impression, so that way there's never anything concrete set in stone but yet it leaves things open so that the person isn't let down, and I'm not "contractually obligated" to hang out with them at one particular point.

Yeah, I think it's really a touchy thing on both sides. I mean, it's never easy to let down a person you don't want to befriend OR be the one to wonder about another person's befriending. It is certainly a no-win situation.

05-01-2006, 11:05 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Unmutual Closeness in Friendships? What happens when there is a unmutual feelings about closeness in friendships? I mean, what if you have a friend who you consider to be "just a casual friend" and who that friend considers you his/her best/close friend? Or, vice-versa. How would you handle it? I think it's a touchy subject, especially if the "close friend" sorta expects the "casual friend" other friend to prioritize them. Sounds difficult.

05-04-2006, 11:11 AM	#4
MandieR1980 Member Senior Member Join Date: Mar 03, 2001 Location: East Taunton, Massachusetts Posts: 2,635	No but I had a male friend tell me online "we just aren't as close friends as you think we are" and I wanted to yell "NO S**T! I'm not blind but I found that so damn rude!
	__________________ Mandie myspace.com/mlr930

05-01-2006, 11:24 PM	#2
AllIWantIsYourClutch peaceout. Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 02, 2001 Location: Illinois. Posts: 53,424	Sometimes I think I have a tendency to get kind of attached to certain people and think I'm closer to them than I actually am...I've never had a steady "best friend" before. Everyone that I've ever thought was my "best friend" obviously didn't feel the same way and eventually moved on with their lives and left me behind. Now that I've finally found a group of friends that actually treat me like a person, I think that I might think that I'm closer with them than I actually am. They've all been friends for a while so who am I to assume that I'm just as close with them? I think sometimes it can be creepy and weird if someone you're not close with thinks you are. But sometimes it's an internal thing, like my situation.

05-04-2006, 11:52 AM	#5
Kazza Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 17, 2003 Posts: 3,244	My thing is that I get close 'too soon' probably hanging on to something that's not even there yet. As always, I end up getting hurt because these people don't share my feelings at the moment. There's only one though that we've reached a happy medium and we both agree that we are not in love. LOL

05-04-2006, 12:00 PM	#6
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	It's happened to me, both ways. I've had people, co-workers usually, who really wanted to be my friend, but I just didn't have the time for them. Other times, it's the other way around. One thing about me is that I can really take a hint. With online and offline friends, if I make a couple of attempts to call or e:mail and I'm ignored, I don't bother anymore. I've always been that way. If I really care about the person, I may ask if I said or did something to offend them, but that's as far as I go.

05-04-2006, 01:34 PM	#8
gidgetgrape Forever Gidget Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 20, 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 3,504	I still remember how I felt in the third grade when the girl that I felt was my best friend told me (and my parents) in the backseat of our truck that I wasn't her best friend. I was crushed and embarrassed. We should have made her walk back home. I think for awhile I tried harder to be her best friend but you can't change someone's heart.

05-04-2006, 07:14 PM	#10
Chad Michael Murray Member Senior Member Join Date: Oct 23, 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,493	Yeah, it's a tough line to walk. I always hate disappointing people, so that's why I either make up the fact that I have to do something, or if they REALLY catch me off guard then I kind of give the "yeah, we'll do something sometime" impression, so that way there's never anything concrete set in stone but yet it leaves things open so that the person isn't let down, and I'm not "contractually obligated" to hang out with them at one particular point.