A little problem

[Mijada]

My husbands niece comes to visit us quite often, especially on weekends. She's 13 and I love her to death and she is a great help with the baby and we usually give her 5 or 10 bucks for helping out. My only problem with her is that she no sooner walks in the house and she heads straight for the kitchen and begins rooting in the cupboards/fridge for something to eat. I always offer to fix her a snack such as a sandwich or a bowl of cereal but she always says she doesn't want that and usually ends up eating something that I had been saving for Tom's lunch or for a midnight snack. Last week I had a piece of chocolate cake leftover from a birthday party. I woke up at 1 in the morning, my mouth watering for that piece of cake and I opened the fridge only to find it gone. I mentioned something to Tom about it and he said he'd have a word with her. Now she only goes in the fridge when I'm not looking. She was here for a few hours this morning and a few minutes after her mom came to pick her up I went to the deep freeze for a popsicle and they were all gone. I'm really starting to get ticked off about this. I guess because I was raised the old fashioned way and when I went visiting relatives I would never just go and help myself to something. I always waited for them to offer it to me. Before I was married and my relatives came to visit they always asked before thay could have something. I don't really want to say anything to her mother, I feel that is Tom's responsibility because it is his sister but he is shy like me and doesn't want to cause any friction in the family. And I really do love my sister in law too. I just wish she would feed her kid before she comes over. Am I making too much of a big deal over this or just being old fashioned? When you guys go visiting do you just help yourself without asking? I guess if we had a ton of money I wouldn't mind it so much but we can't afford to keep feeding a growing teenager. I really don't know what else to do but I just needed to rant.

[Ireneparalegal]

Hmmmm, maybe when you know she is coming over you can hide the stuff you really want for later or for your husband's lunches. Really, it is something he needs to state to his her. She is 13, she is not a little kid. He can talk to her and tell her please don't eat anything without asking first. I mean, that's the polite thing to do. He doesn't need to tell her mom, she is old enough. When my niece comes over, I tell her how I run things in my house...she is polite, she asks first before she can have anything. She will ask "can i have that donut?" I may say, "Well I am saving it for Raymond" or whatever the response may be. If it's no biggie, then she can have it, but 13 years old, she needs to be told, either by you or your husband. Preferably him.

[retrochick9]

I'm 35 and I would NEVER go into my aunt's fridge without asking!!! LOL That's just common sense/manners. I would definitely have a talk with her mother, she has to learn what's appropriate and what's not. And, why the hell is she coming over so hungry?

[Ireneparalegal]

Originally Posted by retrochick9

I'm 35 and I would NEVER go into my aunt's fridge without asking!!! LOL That's just common sense/manners. I would definitely have a talk with her mother, she has to learn what's appropriate and what's not. And, why the hell is she coming over so hungry?

[Mijada]

Originally Posted by retrochick9

And, why the hell is she coming over so hungry?

I don't know. Like I said she's a growing teenager. I ate a lot too at that age but always had to ask first. I'm sure she has plenty to eat at her house. Both her parents work full time and are quite well off. Thanks for the advice guys. I will say something again to Tom about it. I guess he can say something to her again without getting her mom involved.

[Brieannas21]

I wouldn't have a problem if my husbands niece or nephew would come over and get something to eat out of our fridge. If it's family I have no problem with it what so ever. While they are looking for something to eat I'll tell them that they can have whatever they wanted EXCEPT for ( ______) whatever it is I wanted to eat later, Or whatever my husband was saving.

[Ireneparalegal]

Originally Posted by Brieannas21

I wouldn't have a problem if my husbands niece or nephew would come over and get something to eat out of our fridge. If it's family I have no problem with it what so ever. While they are looking for something to eat I'll tell them that they can have whatever they wanted EXCEPT for ( ______) whatever it is I wanted to eat later, Or whatever my husband was saving.

That's pretty much the answer, except that the teen is eating ALOT and Mijada said that they can't afford to have the niece eat the snacks or other stuff that maybe was being saved for lunches and stuff. I remember when I was divorced and I had gotten hurt on the job, food was essential and to have to tell my kids "don't eat this or don't eat that" because it was for their lunches, etc. It was hard to see a few donuts and not eat them because if we did, then what would my girls have for snack in their sack lunches.

[Brieannas21]

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

That's pretty much the answer, except that the teen is eating ALOT and Mijada said that they can't afford to have the niece eat the snacks or other stuff that maybe was being saved for lunches and stuff. I remember when I was divorced and I had gotten hurt on the job, food was essential and to have to tell my kids "don't eat this or don't eat that" because it was for their lunches, etc. It was hard to see a few donuts and not eat them because if we did, then what would my girls have for snack in their sack lunches.

I Understand that, I personally would feel bad if I told a hungry kid that she couldn't eat something. She's hungry for some reason, either she's not getting enough at home or she's just greedy.

So my advice would be, Talk to the girl and tell her that you can't afford for her to eat up your food and to ask before she takes anything she's 13 she's old enough to understand. So just tell her the truth I'm sure she can handle it.

[Mijada]

Originally Posted by Brieannas21

So my advice would be, Talk to the girl and tell her that you can't afford for her to eat up your food and to ask before she takes anything she's 13 she's old enough to understand. So just tell her the truth I'm sure she can handle it.

You're right we really need to tell her. I just think my husband should do it because it's his sisters daughter and he's known her her whole life and has a history with her. Like I said in my original post, I do offer to make her a sandwich or give her a piece of fruit or something it just gets me mad when we only have one piece of cake left and she takes it without even considering that it might be meant for someone else. Tom and I feel bad because both of her parents work full time, her older brother is away at college so she doesn't get the time with her family that I think she needs which is why she spends so much time at our house and also why I've been reluctant to say anything.

[Brieannas21]

Originally Posted by Mijada

You're right we really need to tell her. I just think my husband should do it because it's his sisters daughter and he's known her her whole life and has a history with her. Like I said in my original post, I do offer to make her a sandwich or give her a piece of fruit or something it just gets me mad when we only have one piece of cake left and she takes it without even considering that it might be meant for someone else. Tom and I feel bad because both of her parents work full time, her older brother is away at college so she doesn't get the time with her family that I think she needs which is why she spends so much time at our house and also why I've been reluctant to say anything.

I totally understand how you felt when you went for your piece of cake and it was gone. My husband does that, I could have something left over from dinner and later on I go to eat it and it's gone because he ate it LOL. So yeah just sit her down and tell her the truth, it might sting a little but she'll get over it.

[Mikado]

Yes just remeber to tell her that you love her and that shes always a part of your family, then stress that in your house its your rules and that she should ask first, the same as your own children would. However, maybe you can also save a piece of cake for her, next time, and tell her its in appreciation of helping you with the baby; ill bet that will go a long way into cushioning the blow. ( Here i am a middle-aged bachelor with no kids giving child-raising advice , oh well, I hope it wasnt too bad )

[Courtnee]

Next time she comes over you should tell her "hey, can you ask before you get something to eat? I apprietate you comming over and helping but don't eat me out of house and home. kthxbi"

[swedeace]

Mijada, when having a talk with your 13-year-old niece, I think it should be brought up something along the lines of, "You are welcome to eat something that does look like 'saved leftover food' meant for one of us. If you're not sure, you can ask us."

Another option - label something that is meant for ONLY you or your husband. That's what I used to do when my sister and I were sharing an apartment with a childhood friend/roommate. We all agreed upon it, and it helped to keep away from someone else's food. A little different situation but still maybe an idea.

[James"Thunder"Early]

Does she do that at her house? It seems odd that she would eat so much food, I'm thinking she might just be taking advantage while she's at someone else's house.

The best way to handle it is to talk to both her and the parents and explain you can't afford to have her eat up all your food. Maybe even have them pack some snacks for her before she comes to your house, so she's not eating up all your food.

[EmoJoe]

yeah i agree with swedeace