Things My Mother Taught Me - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Penny Lane · 03-26-2006, 10:21 AM

Things My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC - " Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me GENETICS - "You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM - "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My mother taught me about JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" And they usually DO!

swedeace · 03-26-2006, 11:36 AM

Funny!

These are soooo true!

Polniaczek033 · 03-26-2006, 11:49 AM

those are hilarious, i can relate to many of them!
especially this one: "My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!""

just the other day at dinner i was like "it's negative two billion degrees in here." and she said, "Sam! I've told you a million times, don't exagerrate!"

Disney Guru · 03-26-2006, 01:56 PM

LOL,

Oh how true i have heard so many of these things from my mom, through my life.

03-26-2006, 10:21 AM	#1
Penny Lane Butter Pie Forum Icon Join Date: Jul 03, 2001 Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies Posts: 51,263	Things My Mother Taught Me Things My Mother Taught Me My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC - " Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." My mother taught me about WEATHER - "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home." My mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when you get home!" My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" My mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My mother taught me GENETICS - "You're just like your father." My mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me WISDOM - "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." My mother taught me about JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" And they usually DO!
	__________________ Vulgarity is no substitute for wit- Lady Violet Crawley

03-26-2006, 11:49 AM	#3
Polniaczek033 believe. Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 26, 2002 Location: edinboro. Posts: 4,634	those are hilarious, i can relate to many of them! especially this one: "My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"" just the other day at dinner i was like "it's negative two billion degrees in here." and she said, "Sam! I've told you a million times, don't exagerrate!"
	__________________ mindfulness.

03-26-2006, 11:36 AM	#2
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Funny! These are soooo true!

03-26-2006, 01:56 PM	#4
Disney Guru Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 28, 2005 Location: Mormon Country Posts: 56	LOL, Oh how true i have heard so many of these things from my mom, through my life.