Reason not to eat beans - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

James"Thunder"Early · 03-25-2006, 06:25 PM

Found this on another message board

One day I met a gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent
>that
>we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
>
>Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
>work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
>that I
>would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed a small
>diner
>and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
>
>With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
>off any effects the beans gave me by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and
>before I
>knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
>
>All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
>arrival, my
>husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have
>a
>surprise for dinner tonight".
>
>He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
>I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
>telephone
>rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
>went to
>answer the call.
>
>The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
>becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
>the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
>
>It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
>skunk in
>front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air
>around
>me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
>
>The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned
>to
>the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
>minutes.
>
>The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
>signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times
>with
>my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
>relieved and pleased with myself.
>
>My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
>apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
>blindfold,
>and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and
>twelve
>dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
>
>"Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!

swedeace · 03-25-2006, 07:39 PM

Oh my!!!

InspectorExstead · 03-25-2006, 08:04 PM

Hahahahahaha.

I would die of humiliation if that was me. But that was really funny.

Polniaczek033 · 03-25-2006, 09:30 PM

Ireneparalegal · 03-25-2006, 09:36 PM

BTW: Why wouldn't her husband just drive and pick her up? Why did she have to walk home????

LOL

Im a big deal · 03-25-2006, 10:20 PM

that was so unexpected!

Janice · 03-25-2006, 10:24 PM

Can't blame that on the dog.

Disney Guru · 03-26-2006, 04:24 AM

Oook, whatever you say lol.

Dude111 · 12-20-2023, 02:52 AM

Hehehe im surprised no one laughed when she farted

Caroline13 · 12-20-2023, 02:01 PM

adding more fiber in the form of beans has given me a much healthier digesttive sytem and elimination.

Lee · 12-22-2023, 02:41 AM

I am kind of disappointed that this was an old thread that I missed!

Babalu · 12-22-2023, 10:09 AM

That joke is way older than even this thread. I heard it in the 70's.

03-25-2006, 06:25 PM	#1
James"Thunder"Early Whoever's In New England Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 23, 2004 Location: The Apollo Posts: 7,088	Reason not to eat beans Found this on another message board One day I met a gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent >that >we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. > >Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from >work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him >that I >would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed a small >diner >and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. > >With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk >off any effects the beans gave me by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and >before I >knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. > >All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my >arrival, my >husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have >a >surprise for dinner tonight". > >He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. >I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the >telephone >rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and >went to >answer the call. > >The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was >becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized >the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. > >It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a >skunk in >front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air >around >me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. > >The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned >to >the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few >minutes. > >The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells >signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times >with >my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very >relieved and pleased with myself. > >My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, >apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the >blindfold, >and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and >twelve >dinner guests seated around the table chorused: > >"Happy Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!
	__________________ Esther Anderson: Get thee behind me, Satan, but I'm gon' get behind you, 'cause I'm gonna put my foot in your--- Peggy Mitchell: Get outta my pub! You better pray you get the last laugh, it's a kick in the teeth when you don't get it.

03-25-2006, 08:04 PM	#3
InspectorExstead Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Oct 29, 2001 Location: The Golden State Posts: 12,902	Hahahahahaha. I would die of humiliation if that was me. But that was really funny.
	__________________ They killed my sister because she asked: "Where is my vote?" http://sosiran.com/ http://tapeshhd.com/index.php

03-25-2006, 09:30 PM	#4
Polniaczek033 believe. Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 26, 2002 Location: edinboro. Posts: 4,634
	__________________ mindfulness.

03-25-2006, 09:36 PM	#5
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	BTW: Why wouldn't her husband just drive and pick her up? Why did she have to walk home???? LOL
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

03-25-2006, 10:20 PM	#6
Im a big deal Walk on Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 18, 2006 Location: In the middle of nowhere (aka Grafton) i mean...our school is between two wheat fields, whats up with that? Posts: 113	that was so unexpected!
	__________________ FRIENDS "Yeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull." i feel wonderful because i see the love light in your eyes and the wonder of it all is that you just dont realize how much i love you

03-25-2006, 07:39 PM	#2
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Oh my!!!

03-25-2006, 10:24 PM	#7
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Can't blame that on the dog.

03-26-2006, 04:24 AM	#8
Disney Guru Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 28, 2005 Location: Mormon Country Posts: 56	Oook, whatever you say lol.

12-20-2023, 02:52 AM	#9
Dude111 Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 05, 2013 Posts: 36,718	Hehehe im surprised no one laughed when she farted

12-20-2023, 02:01 PM	#10
Caroline13 Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jan 30, 2021 Location: So Calif Posts: 14,483	adding more fiber in the form of beans has given me a much healthier digesttive sytem and elimination.
	__________________ Inexpensive Health Insurance = Grape Seed Extract Keep It Simple

12-22-2023, 02:41 AM	#11
Lee veteran member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: May 23, 2001 Location: Pulaski, Tennessee Posts: 4,768	I am kind of disappointed that this was an old thread that I missed!

12-22-2023, 10:09 AM	#12
Babalu Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 22, 2014 Posts: 4,779	That joke is way older than even this thread. I heard it in the 70's.
	__________________ . I just nailed Mrs. Trumbull