16 things..... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Jo_Luvs_Ketchup · 02-27-2006, 11:19 AM

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential that word would be "meetings".

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: men are like fine wine. They start as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with

Courtnee · 02-27-2006, 12:41 PM

Nighthawk76 · 02-27-2006, 01:13 PM

MsOrange · 02-27-2006, 02:13 PM

the first one made me laugh

jessHAZ · 02-27-2006, 04:20 PM

WTF watches gilmore girls? Honestly?

Polniaczek033 · 02-27-2006, 05:22 PM

the first and last ones made me LOL for serious.

staypuftman2004 · 02-27-2006, 08:28 PM

Dude111 · 10-12-2022, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jessHAZ

WTF watches gilmore girls? Honestly?

I dont and havent ever!!

The last one and first are quite funny!

02-27-2006, 11:19 AM	#1
Jo_Luvs_Ketchup Member Eternal Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 09, 2003 Posts: 4,195	16 things..... 16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential that word would be "meetings". 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 14. Your friends love you anyway. 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 16. Thought for the day: men are like fine wine. They start as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with

02-27-2006, 12:41 PM	#2
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

02-27-2006, 05:22 PM	#6
Polniaczek033 believe. Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 26, 2002 Location: edinboro. Posts: 4,634	the first and last ones made me LOL for serious.
	__________________ mindfulness.

02-27-2006, 08:28 PM	#7
staypuftman2004 NWO-4-LIFE Senior Member Join Date: Sep 01, 2003 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 2,450
	__________________ www.freewebs.com/staypuftman2004

02-27-2006, 01:13 PM	#3
Nighthawk76 Rachel Berry Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 28, 2003 Location: Illinois Posts: 23,254

02-27-2006, 02:13 PM	#4
MsOrange Bringin' Sexy Back Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 27, 2004 Posts: 6,133	the first one made me laugh

02-27-2006, 04:20 PM	#5
jessHAZ Banned Banned!! Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 27, 2006 Location: Kenya Posts: 14	WTF watches gilmore girls? Honestly?