Advice: How to Back Out of a Promise? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 02-20-2006, 12:20 PM

Okay, I am a bit selfish, but I am not really in the mood....

I have been sorta helping one of my paternal uncles with some computer stuff like scan/defrag his old computer, use a p2p program to download music he wants, purchase a new computer, and set up the new computer. I last went over a week ago (last Monday). I still promised him to power up the old computer so I can burn his MP3s on a CD-ROM so I can copy them onto the new computer's hard drive. I promised him I'd go over yesterday and do it, but I sorta ditched him. I didn't call or go.

The thing is that I change my mind. I don't really wanna keep on going and helping. I'm sorta getting tired of it. He sometimes asks when I have talked with my dad (his older brother), and I try to avoid that question. Long story. Not only that, but I am getting a bit impatient trying to explain stuff over and over to him. So, it's basically these things that's got me tired. I just don't want to help anymore.

I know I have to get ahold of him, but I was thinking of either having my sister copy those files for him or even a co-worker friend. I mean, he's willing to pay someone, but for me, it's not about the money. I just don't want to do it. My patience is growing thin.

So, what would you all advise?

MsOrange · 02-20-2006, 12:27 PM

well if he's paying you, then treat is like a job. Give him a notice, tell him you just don't have time anymore and you wanted to give him a heads up so that he could find someone else within the next week or so. But unlike other jobs, be nice, cause at the end of the day, he is your uncle.

Janice · 02-20-2006, 12:29 PM

It's an uncomfortable situation for you, but nobody should have to do something that they don't want to do. Within my circle of friends and family, I'm known as a good writer. Consequently, anytime someone needs a cover letter and resume, a business letter, even help with a college paper -- they come to me. I notice they flatter me first, lol.

My feeling is that simply because I'm a good business writer, it doesn't mean I want to spend my days writing for others. A few years back, my husband and I had a few arguments because he would offer my services to a friend or family member.

I've started saying no over the last year or so. I just say that I'm too busy. I'm under no obligation to anyone. Simply because one possesses talent for something, it doesn't mean they want to do all the time.

I think that's what you should do too. Your time is your own. Perhaps you can explain to your uncle that you're too busy. Then, recommend someone who can do the computer work for him. I think he'll understand.

Mijada · 02-20-2006, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

Simply because one possesses talent for something, it doesn't mean they want to do all the time.

I know what you mean. People are always asking me to do illustrations for them, draw/paint portraits of their kids etc. and for free. I love doing these things but it would be nice if they would offer to pay me a little something. At least pay for the cost of materials. Some people actually get an attitude when I would ask for a little money. I've done so many freebies for family and friends that a stranger would have charged a couple hundred bucks for.

Anyway back to Swedeaces comment. I understand how you feel. If you don't want to help him anymore that is your right not to do so. It was kinda mean of you to stand him up though. I mean you should have at least called and said you were sick or you had a flat tire or something. He was probably sitting around all day waiting for you. A few years back I used take my mother shopping every Sunday but there were times when I just didn't feel like going. I was tired and didn't want to hear the nitpicking so I would call her and make up some excuse why I wouldn't be there. I felt bad lying to her but I am entitled to some privacy and a life of my own but I always called and never let her sit around waiting. I'm sure you have your reasons for doing what you did though. Anyway, if your sister or whoever is willing to help your uncle out and he's willing to pay them, just do it that way and then you'll be off the hook.

robyrob · 02-20-2006, 08:48 PM

i get asked to help people with computer stuff all the time, and for the most part i try to do whatever i can to help someone - but when people take advantage of the situation i let them know that i am often very busy and probably can't help them with every little thing they may need but i can show them where to find the info they need to do it themselves.

swedeace · 02-21-2006, 01:27 PM

Thank you all for the advice.

I am going to call my sister first. If not, then I will let him know.

I understand it was mean for me to stand him off by not calling, but I knew the invevitable question that would have followed immediately, "WHEN will you have time to come over?" And I had no proper answer without stammering. I feel that I have to know WHAT I have to say beforehand or else I look stupid like I don't know what I am saying. And I wanted to see if my sister could do it first before putting her on the spot by telling my uncle she might do it. I don't know. It was wrong of me, but I felt cornered, in a way.

Janice, Mijada, and robyrob, yeah, I understand you both on being sorta taken advantage of. I mean, I don't mind that I can help out, but when it gets to be often and tedious, then I tend to back out.

Brad Russ · 02-21-2006, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robyrob

i get asked to help people with computer stuff all the time, and for the most part i try to do whatever i can to help someone - but when people take advantage of the situation i let them know that i am often very busy and probably can't help them with every little thing they may need but i can show them where to find the info they need to do it themselves.

Speaking of which, I greatly appreciated your help last night Roby Rob. I hope you didn't feel like I was trying to take advantage.

I usually try to work computer problems out myself, but since I'd been dealing with this problem for six months, I thought I'd ask. I greatly appreciated your time and help though. That was very nice of you!!

Anyway, if I were you Swedeace, I'd just tell him the truth. Just let him know that the constant calls are starting to interfere with your day to day life, and that you'd be happy to help him when you can, but that you may not be able to help him everytime he needs it. If he asks when, just say I don't know, I'll let you know as soon as I know.

robyrob · 02-21-2006, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Mel

Speaking of which, I greatly appreciated your help last night Roby Rob. I hope you didn't feel like I was trying to take advantage.

I usually try to work computer problems out myself, but since I'd been dealing with this problem for six months, I thought I'd ask. I greatly appreciated your time and help though. That was very nice of you!!

no problem at all - it just took a little carefull Googling...

Courtnee · 02-21-2006, 05:51 PM

no offense but if you promised him then you should keep your promise

Brian · 02-21-2006, 10:53 PM

I think in the future, you should stick to what you say. If your sister is unwilling to, do it but tell your uncle that you will no longer help him because you simply do not have the time and because you feel you are being taken advantage of. Do not allow him or anyone else to make you feel guilty for it because it is the truth. (I'm beginning to start sounding like Dear Abby

)

Each program you have mentioned should come with a manual of some kind, whether it be electronic or in book form.

02-20-2006, 12:20 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Advice: How to Back Out of a Promise? Okay, I am a bit selfish, but I am not really in the mood.... I have been sorta helping one of my paternal uncles with some computer stuff like scan/defrag his old computer, use a p2p program to download music he wants, purchase a new computer, and set up the new computer. I last went over a week ago (last Monday). I still promised him to power up the old computer so I can burn his MP3s on a CD-ROM so I can copy them onto the new computer's hard drive. I promised him I'd go over yesterday and do it, but I sorta ditched him. I didn't call or go. The thing is that I change my mind. I don't really wanna keep on going and helping. I'm sorta getting tired of it. He sometimes asks when I have talked with my dad (his older brother), and I try to avoid that question. Long story. Not only that, but I am getting a bit impatient trying to explain stuff over and over to him. So, it's basically these things that's got me tired. I just don't want to help anymore. I know I have to get ahold of him, but I was thinking of either having my sister copy those files for him or even a co-worker friend. I mean, he's willing to pay someone, but for me, it's not about the money. I just don't want to do it. My patience is growing thin. So, what would you all advise?

02-20-2006, 08:48 PM	#5
robyrob certified wackball#3 Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 03, 2003 Location: hiding under the third booth at Arnold's Posts: 58,211	i get asked to help people with computer stuff all the time, and for the most part i try to do whatever i can to help someone - but when people take advantage of the situation i let them know that i am often very busy and probably can't help them with every little thing they may need but i can show them where to find the info they need to do it themselves.
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02-21-2006, 05:51 PM	#9
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413	no offense but if you promised him then you should keep your promise
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

02-20-2006, 12:27 PM	#2
MsOrange Bringin' Sexy Back Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 27, 2004 Posts: 6,133	well if he's paying you, then treat is like a job. Give him a notice, tell him you just don't have time anymore and you wanted to give him a heads up so that he could find someone else within the next week or so. But unlike other jobs, be nice, cause at the end of the day, he is your uncle.

02-20-2006, 12:29 PM	#3
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	It's an uncomfortable situation for you, but nobody should have to do something that they don't want to do. Within my circle of friends and family, I'm known as a good writer. Consequently, anytime someone needs a cover letter and resume, a business letter, even help with a college paper -- they come to me. I notice they flatter me first, lol. My feeling is that simply because I'm a good business writer, it doesn't mean I want to spend my days writing for others. A few years back, my husband and I had a few arguments because he would offer my services to a friend or family member. I've started saying no over the last year or so. I just say that I'm too busy. I'm under no obligation to anyone. Simply because one possesses talent for something, it doesn't mean they want to do all the time. I think that's what you should do too. Your time is your own. Perhaps you can explain to your uncle that you're too busy. Then, recommend someone who can do the computer work for him. I think he'll understand.

02-21-2006, 01:27 PM	#6
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Thank you all for the advice. I am going to call my sister first. If not, then I will let him know. I understand it was mean for me to stand him off by not calling, but I knew the invevitable question that would have followed immediately, "WHEN will you have time to come over?" And I had no proper answer without stammering. I feel that I have to know WHAT I have to say beforehand or else I look stupid like I don't know what I am saying. And I wanted to see if my sister could do it first before putting her on the spot by telling my uncle she might do it. I don't know. It was wrong of me, but I felt cornered, in a way. Janice, Mijada, and robyrob, yeah, I understand you both on being sorta taken advantage of. I mean, I don't mind that I can help out, but when it gets to be often and tedious, then I tend to back out.

02-21-2006, 10:53 PM	#10
Brian Member Forum Celebrity Join Date: Jun 23, 2001 Posts: 20,451	I think in the future, you should stick to what you say. If your sister is unwilling to, do it but tell your uncle that you will no longer help him because you simply do not have the time and because you feel you are being taken advantage of. Do not allow him or anyone else to make you feel guilty for it because it is the truth. (I'm beginning to start sounding like Dear Abby ) Each program you have mentioned should come with a manual of some kind, whether it be electronic or in book form.