How Long Would You.... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

dawsongirl · 01-06-2006, 11:49 PM

...miss someone who's died? Lemme explain. My mom mentioned at dinner tonight that sometimes she still misses her grandmother, who died in 1965. That same year, my dad lost his dad. Both my parents were 16 at the time. My dad says, and I quote, "I don't miss my dad at all."

My mom and I both couldn't really understand that. Mom was really close to her grandma and from what I've heard anyway, dad was close to his dad (I mean, they didn't hate each other or anything). So it really just, shocked me I guess, for him to say that he didn't miss him at all, as if he never cared.

I know I'm dealing with a man who doesn't show emotion AT ALL. And I think in order to not show it, he buries it (so unhealthy). But even at that, sheesh, you're not any less of a man to say you miss someone.

But then maybe he truly doesn't. Anyway, any of you have a loved one or friend who's been gone awhile and you just really don't miss them anymore?

I know with like, my great-grandfather, I can't say I miss him, but then I was never close to him either (I'm not really close to anyone in my family). And I was only 11 when he died.

Steve M. · 01-07-2006, 12:01 AM

When my mom receives the weaver's answer, I'll miss her for the rest of life.

Mr. Television · 01-07-2006, 12:16 AM

My Moms been gone over 3 years and I still miss her as much as I ever have. My Grandmother has been gone since 1991 and I was real close to her and I still miss her. It never really goes away for me. I lost my Grandfather back in 1972 and even though I didn't know him as much, I still miss him. I think of all the things we could have done together. Its just something I think of.

Janice · 01-07-2006, 12:17 AM

My guess is that your father is burying it. Losing a parent is never easy, but being a teenager, it's especially cruel. It had to crush him. To cope, he learned how to put his father out of his mind. So in a sense, he may not miss his father since he hasn't allowed himself to think of him in years.

My mother lost her father when she was 16. I remember she told me once that her father was gone for over 50 years, and she still missed him and could remember him like it was yesterday.

One of my sisters died on January 28th, 1991, so the 15th anniversary is coming up. I don't think of her all the time, but three days don't pass without me thinking of her, and missing her.

Normally, I think the level of love you felt for the deceased determines how much and for how long you'll miss them.

D.J. · 01-07-2006, 12:20 AM

My maternal grandmother died when I was 7 and my paternal grandmother died before I was born so I really don't remember them. The only relative I miss is my cousin who was murdered in April 1997.

rjb182 · 01-07-2006, 12:20 AM

Well... it's not so much a matter of not missing them, as that the pain does fade somewhat, and sometimes the memories, too.

My grandfather was my hero when he was alive. He taught me everything I knew at the time, and I wanted to be just like him. (I'd still like to be, though I didn't really turn out that way.) When we lost him... my goodness, it was like the whole world ended.

But that was twenty years ago, now. I was only 6. It's hard to really feel the pain of missing somebody when the memories have faded to that extent...

On the other hand, my grandmother, whom I was also close to, passed away in 1998, and I still miss her very much at times. That pain might last longer, since I was old enough to *really* remember her.

In the end, we move on, even when we don't want to. Because, when you get down to it, we have no choice in the matter...

Brent88 · 01-07-2006, 12:28 AM

My mom lost her dad 20 years ago this March... she doesn't miss him daily(at least around everyone), but every anniversary she does. He died suddenly of a heart attack so it was especially hard.

PZelda · 01-07-2006, 01:03 AM

My maternal grandpa died almost 10 years ago of a sudden severe heart attack. At that time, I was 11 going on 12. I was old enough to remember him and to have memories of him. When I was growing up (til just a little after I turned 10), we lived next door to my maternal grandparents and I spent a LOT of time at their house, so I have a lot of great memories. I DO miss him but I don't cry or anything. It's hard to believe it's been nearly a decade.

I lost a cousin about 6½ years ago, in mid-1999. She had just turned 30 a few months prior and had two children both under the age of 7. Plus, she was my godmother. Her passing was especially tough for me, because it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. No warning.

She was fine one day and gone the next. I had just turned 14 at the time and I took it pretty hard. I still miss her very much. Her daughter (the youngest child) looks EXACTLY like her, right to a T, hairstyle and everything. It's freaky as hell.

Sometimes it's painful to look at her daughter and see EVERY SINGLE characteristic there...sometimes it's not. Her daughter just turned 7 a month ago and I am not sure how I am going to handle it when she grows up because she is going to look EXACTLY like her mom.

So I guess what I'm saying is I miss my cousin more than my grandpa because I was closer to her than my grandpa. Plus my cousin was still at a really young age when she died.

~*Hannah_Lee*~ · 01-07-2006, 01:34 AM

One of the guys in my senior class died earlier this year (we're a very small adn close class too, only 23 of us), and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to look back at high school without missing him in some way.

Dude111 · 05-26-2026, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

Normally, I think the level of love you felt for the deceased determines how much and for how long you'll miss them.

Exactly what I was gonna say..

I love my mom but we didnt get along well... At times she wass very cruel to me,saying the most hateful things... (She wanted me dead,etc)

On the other hand my moms parents,I LOVED TERRIBLY and I still miss them terribly....

I remember my grandpa saying to me in hospital "Everyone would be better off w/o me" and I tried to tell him that wasnt true at all

01-06-2006, 11:49 PM	#1
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,128	How Long Would You.... ...miss someone who's died? Lemme explain. My mom mentioned at dinner tonight that sometimes she still misses her grandmother, who died in 1965. That same year, my dad lost his dad. Both my parents were 16 at the time. My dad says, and I quote, "I don't miss my dad at all." My mom and I both couldn't really understand that. Mom was really close to her grandma and from what I've heard anyway, dad was close to his dad (I mean, they didn't hate each other or anything). So it really just, shocked me I guess, for him to say that he didn't miss him at all, as if he never cared. I know I'm dealing with a man who doesn't show emotion AT ALL. And I think in order to not show it, he buries it (so unhealthy). But even at that, sheesh, you're not any less of a man to say you miss someone. But then maybe he truly doesn't. Anyway, any of you have a loved one or friend who's been gone awhile and you just really don't miss them anymore? I know with like, my great-grandfather, I can't say I miss him, but then I was never close to him either (I'm not really close to anyone in my family). And I was only 11 when he died.

01-07-2006, 12:16 AM	#3
Mr. Television 22 Years at Sitcoms Online Forum Icon Join Date: Jun 06, 2003 Location: Somewhere you're Not Posts: 62,128	My Moms been gone over 3 years and I still miss her as much as I ever have. My Grandmother has been gone since 1991 and I was real close to her and I still miss her. It never really goes away for me. I lost my Grandfather back in 1972 and even though I didn't know him as much, I still miss him. I think of all the things we could have done together. Its just something I think of.
	__________________ Sonny

01-07-2006, 12:20 AM	#6
rjb182 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Dec 26, 2005 Location: Cape Cod, MA Posts: 97	Well... it's not so much a matter of not missing them, as that the pain does fade somewhat, and sometimes the memories, too. My grandfather was my hero when he was alive. He taught me everything I knew at the time, and I wanted to be just like him. (I'd still like to be, though I didn't really turn out that way.) When we lost him... my goodness, it was like the whole world ended. But that was twenty years ago, now. I was only 6. It's hard to really feel the pain of missing somebody when the memories have faded to that extent... On the other hand, my grandmother, whom I was also close to, passed away in 1998, and I still miss her very much at times. That pain might last longer, since I was old enough to really remember her. In the end, we move on, even when we don't want to. Because, when you get down to it, we have no choice in the matter...
	__________________ These Crazy Games: An exceedingly random sports blog

01-07-2006, 12:28 AM	#7
Brent88 Member Forum Star Join Date: Aug 01, 2003 Location: Alabama Posts: 16,174	My mom lost her dad 20 years ago this March... she doesn't miss him daily(at least around everyone), but every anniversary she does. He died suddenly of a heart attack so it was especially hard.
	__________________ Brent

01-07-2006, 01:03 AM	#8
PZelda Two Valeries! <3 Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 15, 2002 Location: I'm STILL missing NYC. :( Posts: 78,223	My maternal grandpa died almost 10 years ago of a sudden severe heart attack. At that time, I was 11 going on 12. I was old enough to remember him and to have memories of him. When I was growing up (til just a little after I turned 10), we lived next door to my maternal grandparents and I spent a LOT of time at their house, so I have a lot of great memories. I DO miss him but I don't cry or anything. It's hard to believe it's been nearly a decade. I lost a cousin about 6½ years ago, in mid-1999. She had just turned 30 a few months prior and had two children both under the age of 7. Plus, she was my godmother. Her passing was especially tough for me, because it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. No warning. She was fine one day and gone the next. I had just turned 14 at the time and I took it pretty hard. I still miss her very much. Her daughter (the youngest child) looks EXACTLY like her, right to a T, hairstyle and everything. It's freaky as hell. Sometimes it's painful to look at her daughter and see EVERY SINGLE characteristic there...sometimes it's not. Her daughter just turned 7 a month ago and I am not sure how I am going to handle it when she grows up because she is going to look EXACTLY like her mom. So I guess what I'm saying is I miss my cousin more than my grandpa because I was closer to her than my grandpa. Plus my cousin was still at a really young age when she died.
	__________________ Cheers behind the couch!

01-07-2006, 12:01 AM	#2
Steve M. Back on the road to reality Forum Superstar Join Date: Nov 07, 2003 Location: New Jersey Posts: 33,260	When my mom receives the weaver's answer, I'll miss her for the rest of life.

01-07-2006, 12:17 AM	#4
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	My guess is that your father is burying it. Losing a parent is never easy, but being a teenager, it's especially cruel. It had to crush him. To cope, he learned how to put his father out of his mind. So in a sense, he may not miss his father since he hasn't allowed himself to think of him in years. My mother lost her father when she was 16. I remember she told me once that her father was gone for over 50 years, and she still missed him and could remember him like it was yesterday. One of my sisters died on January 28th, 1991, so the 15th anniversary is coming up. I don't think of her all the time, but three days don't pass without me thinking of her, and missing her. Normally, I think the level of love you felt for the deceased determines how much and for how long you'll miss them.

01-07-2006, 12:20 AM	#5
D.J. Member Forum Regular Join Date: Sep 28, 2005 Location: New York City Posts: 887	My maternal grandmother died when I was 7 and my paternal grandmother died before I was born so I really don't remember them. The only relative I miss is my cousin who was murdered in April 1997.

01-07-2006, 01:34 AM	#9
~Hannah_Lee~ Let's dance in style Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 09, 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 7,358	One of the guys in my senior class died earlier this year (we're a very small adn close class too, only 23 of us), and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to look back at high school without missing him in some way.
	__________________ Some are like water, some are like the heat Some are a melody and some are the beat. Sooner or later they all will be gone. Why don't they stay young? It's so hard to get old without a cause. I don't want to perish like a fleeing horse. Youth is like diamonds in the sun, And diamonds are forever. Forever young, I want to be forever young. Do you really want to live forever?