Raising Kids Like you were raised??? For those... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Ireneparalegal · 12-23-2005, 06:33 PM

with kids and those contemplating having children someday.

I used to say when I was young, that when I have kids I was never going to do things like my family did with me. NEVER SAY NEVER PEOPLE!!! I went to catholic school and hated it sometimes. I promised myself I would never send my kids to private school. Guess what? I did. My oldest went strictly to catholic school and catholic high school. She loved it. My other daughter went up to fifth grade and then she wanted to go to public. I did it.
I trust my daughters 200 percent. Alot of parents can't say that abt their kids.

Other than that (i am sure there are other things I do like my family) I am a cool mom. My daughters' friends are always telling me they wish their mom was like me. I trust my daughters and I believe that is why they are so open to me and talk to me abt anything. When my teen daughter came out and told me she was gay, it was no big thing to me. I was like, "Oh, ok" "so what did you have to tell me???" This was something I had planned when I first became a parent. I told myself that no matter what situation, dilemna, problem, issue my children had or were facing, I would be open-minded and not allow things like hate, anger, stupidity, etc. get in the way of being there for my kids. Too many kids face so many things and the one thing they want is to be able to have a parent that will listen to them and not chastise them.

Brian Damage · 12-23-2005, 06:47 PM

While I don't want to raise my kids like my parents raised me, I also don't want to be considered "cool" by them either. You live under my roof, you do things my way. That's just me, I really don't want to be their friend. I am a parent and I think if kids think you are there friend they start to walk over you a bit. I want a close relationship with my children, but I want there to be a line drawn.

EmoJoe · 12-23-2005, 06:58 PM

I'd MUCH rather have a cool parent who thinks of me as a "friend", then someone who only thinks of me as someone to give orders to.

Kazza · 12-23-2005, 07:02 PM

I would like a balance somewhere between the discipline and being considered a 'friend'. That they can see I try to keep them straight but that they can also trust me.

Brian Damage · 12-23-2005, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieCrazed

I'd MUCH rather have a cool parent who thinks of me as a "friend", then someone who only thinks of me as someone to give orders to.

Of course you do, because you are very young. When you get older you'll see the difference. It isn't about giving orders, it's about living by the rules of the house. Parents don't give orders just to thump on their chests and feel strong. They do it to protect their children. It is what it is.

Number 9 Dream · 12-23-2005, 07:44 PM

Well, if I ever did have children (which I'm not planning to, by the way...but things/feelings may change), I plan to raise them in an open-minded environment. I love to write (and have wanted to write ever since I was a child) and I always wished my parents could've fostered an environment for that. Being supportive of my likes/dislikes, choices, my writing ability, etc....I'd want my own kids to know that I'd love them no matter what they chose to do in life or what sexuality they were, etc.

However, I would also try to draw a line between too friendly and too tyranical...a kid needs that balance.

Ireneparalegal · 12-23-2005, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by retrogirl82

Well, if I ever did have children (which I'm not planning to, by the way...but things/feelings may change), I plan to raise them in an open-minded environment. I love to write (and have wanted to write ever since I was a child) and I always wished my parents could've fostered an environment for that. Being supportive of my likes/dislikes, choices, my writing ability, etc....I'd want my own kids to know that I'd love them no matter what they chose to do in life or what sexuality they were, etc.

However, I would also try to draw a line between too friendly and too tyranical...a kid needs that balance.

You sound like what I said before I had kids. My teen daughter dresses a certain way, has a piercing on her lip, has great friends, etc. I can't see why I should put my foot down on how one dresses, it's their feeling of expression. she knows there is a time and a place for such clothes. I have been told time and time again that I have wonderful girls and how lucky I am. I always tell people, I am not lucky, I am blessed. I have raised two daughters that don't smoke, don't drugs, don't have sex, are very open with me, two ladies I trust more than any man in the world. My boyfriend would constantly tell me when he was having major issues with his girls, "Why can't my girls behave like yours?" I told him that it takes alot of work and of course discipline. My girls know that behaving a certain way gets them alot of positive things in life. They are not greedy. They are not materialistic. They have what they have because they have earned those things. But most of all, they have me in their life, they have my family and they have God in their lives. I have never ever hit my eldest daughter. She is going to be 22 on Sunday and she has been thru thick and thin with me. Alot of girls would have taken the negative route in life, instead, she and I together helped save us from alot of crap that had been dealt to us by their father.

Courtnee · 12-23-2005, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ireneparalegal

two ladies I trust more than any man in the world.

thats deep.

If i ever have kids I would want my kid to be my friend than be afraid of me or something.Thats just me...

gilligan fanatic · 12-23-2005, 09:26 PM

I will want my kids to be afraid of me if they get in trouble and not like "oh my dad won't do anything to me if I do something bad." I also want to have respect. My kids will be polite to adults. All I ask for is respect and for them to be afraid of the consequences if they do something wrong.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 12-23-2005, 10:19 PM

Well, I definately won't raise my kids around fighting and anxiety when I have them...but I'm sure there's a lot of things I'll do the same as my parents. Just never have them go through some of the things I did. I'll marry a nice guy, not my dad.

TheGreatPretender · 12-24-2005, 02:18 PM

I've had so many problems with my parents, I don't even think I can raise kids. I wouldn't know what's right or not because I would want to do it the EXACT opposite of my parents. I'm too afraid I might end up like them.

Penny Lane · 12-24-2005, 10:25 PM

The worse mistake one can make is to be a" friend" to one's child, That child needs a parent. Not a friend. (whether they realize this or not)

I was a child of the 50's and believe me , my children of the 70's/80's sure were in a different world than I was raised! I tried to raise them as I was raised but it didn't exactly work out.

But truth be told we only know what we know and we hope for the best! But all in all they are both doing fine, Not because I was a "friend" but because my husband and I were parents. I love and appreciate my own parents who kept me from doing really stupid things when I was young and when I thought that I knew best!

Be a parent! Not a friend!

dawsongirl · 12-25-2005, 04:26 AM

I'll probably do a lot of the same things my parents did with me. My mom is my best friend, and I'd like to have a relationship like that with my child. However, I'd also want a child who is a lot like me, in that they never really get into trouble, smart enough to stay away from the "bad" kids, etc, but I know I'll end up with something totally opposite, which at this point, I don't think I'd handle real well.

I'll probably be a terrible mother. Good thing I see a spinster future.

Dean Winchester · 12-25-2005, 04:38 AM

I think the ideal is to have parents who you obey and fear when you've done something wrong, but at the same time can feel like they're your friend as well. My parents were very strict with me (it carried over until I was about 20), but at the same time I felt like they were also my friends and I think the balance between the two worked for the best and probably plays into why I miss my mother the way I do because I loved her as a dear friend as much as my parent

dawsongirl · 12-25-2005, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HUNG UP!

I think the ideal is to have parents who you obey and fear when you've done something wrong, but at the same time can feel like they're your friend as well. My parents were very strict with me (it carried over until I was about 20), but at the same time I felt like they were also my friends and I think the balance between the two worked for the best and probably plays into why I miss my mother the way I do because I loved her as a dear friend as much as my parent

Yeah, me too. I got into my share of trouble (I got yelled at something awful once for telling my dad I hated him once when he punished me for something else...bad move on my part), and I was always getting threatened with "I'll take your *blank* away, but my parents were still my friends.

Trust me, threatening to take my TV was a huge scare.

12-23-2005, 06:33 PM	#1
Ireneparalegal LEGAL SPICE ;) Forum Legend Join Date: Jul 25, 2005 Location: OXNARD, CA - WHERE THE DALLAS COWBOYS TRAIN & PRACTICE Posts: 38,691	Raising Kids Like you were raised??? For those... with kids and those contemplating having children someday. I used to say when I was young, that when I have kids I was never going to do things like my family did with me. NEVER SAY NEVER PEOPLE!!! I went to catholic school and hated it sometimes. I promised myself I would never send my kids to private school. Guess what? I did. My oldest went strictly to catholic school and catholic high school. She loved it. My other daughter went up to fifth grade and then she wanted to go to public. I did it. I trust my daughters 200 percent. Alot of parents can't say that abt their kids. Other than that (i am sure there are other things I do like my family) I am a cool mom. My daughters' friends are always telling me they wish their mom was like me. I trust my daughters and I believe that is why they are so open to me and talk to me abt anything. When my teen daughter came out and told me she was gay, it was no big thing to me. I was like, "Oh, ok" "so what did you have to tell me???" This was something I had planned when I first became a parent. I told myself that no matter what situation, dilemna, problem, issue my children had or were facing, I would be open-minded and not allow things like hate, anger, stupidity, etc. get in the way of being there for my kids. Too many kids face so many things and the one thing they want is to be able to have a parent that will listen to them and not chastise them.
	__________________ DALLAS COWBOYS ARE HERE AT TRAINING CAMP!!!

12-23-2005, 06:47 PM	#2
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	While I don't want to raise my kids like my parents raised me, I also don't want to be considered "cool" by them either. You live under my roof, you do things my way. That's just me, I really don't want to be their friend. I am a parent and I think if kids think you are there friend they start to walk over you a bit. I want a close relationship with my children, but I want there to be a line drawn.
	__________________ The Key to the Kingdom of Heaven: John 3:3 *Money Doesn't Buy Happiness...But I'd Rather Cry in My Private Jet*

12-23-2005, 06:58 PM	#3
EmoJoe Cool cool cool Forum Addict Join Date: Apr 23, 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 71,478	I'd MUCH rather have a cool parent who thinks of me as a "friend", then someone who only thinks of me as someone to give orders to.
	__________________ "I know the difference between TV and reality, Jeff. TV has structure, it makes sense, there are likable leading men. In real life, we have this. We have you." - Abed Nadir, Community www.sitcomsarestupid.blogspot.com

12-23-2005, 07:44 PM	#6
Number 9 Dream That '70s Girl Forum Veteran Join Date: Jan 18, 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 5,875	Well, if I ever did have children (which I'm not planning to, by the way...but things/feelings may change), I plan to raise them in an open-minded environment. I love to write (and have wanted to write ever since I was a child) and I always wished my parents could've fostered an environment for that. Being supportive of my likes/dislikes, choices, my writing ability, etc....I'd want my own kids to know that I'd love them no matter what they chose to do in life or what sexuality they were, etc. However, I would also try to draw a line between too friendly and too tyranical...a kid needs that balance.
	__________________ Live a little be a gypsy get around http://www.librarything.com/profile/skelterhelter http://retrogirl82.dvdaf.com/owned formerly Retrogirl82

12-23-2005, 09:26 PM	#9
gilligan fanatic Born to Be Bad Forum Fanatic Join Date: May 06, 2001 Location: down by the Lagoon Posts: 9,954	I will want my kids to be afraid of me if they get in trouble and not like "oh my dad won't do anything to me if I do something bad." I also want to have respect. My kids will be polite to adults. All I ask for is respect and for them to be afraid of the consequences if they do something wrong.
	__________________ Matt Filmaf ~ Twitter ~ Last.FM

12-23-2005, 07:02 PM	#4
Kazza Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 17, 2003 Posts: 3,244	I would like a balance somewhere between the discipline and being considered a 'friend'. That they can see I try to keep them straight but that they can also trust me.

12-23-2005, 10:19 PM	#10
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	Well, I definately won't raise my kids around fighting and anxiety when I have them...but I'm sure there's a lot of things I'll do the same as my parents. Just never have them go through some of the things I did. I'll marry a nice guy, not my dad.
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

12-24-2005, 02:18 PM	#11
TheGreatPretender just because Forum Veteran Join Date: May 22, 2004 Location: Trying to think of a creative, witty location. Posts: 7,628	I've had so many problems with my parents, I don't even think I can raise kids. I wouldn't know what's right or not because I would want to do it the EXACT opposite of my parents. I'm too afraid I might end up like them.
	__________________ Peace is a good thing and so is salmon when it's smoked

12-24-2005, 10:25 PM	#12
Penny Lane Butter Pie Forum Icon Join Date: Jul 03, 2001 Location: Beneath the blue suburban skies Posts: 51,269	The worse mistake one can make is to be a" friend" to one's child, That child needs a parent. Not a friend. (whether they realize this or not) I was a child of the 50's and believe me , my children of the 70's/80's sure were in a different world than I was raised! I tried to raise them as I was raised but it didn't exactly work out. But truth be told we only know what we know and we hope for the best! But all in all they are both doing fine, Not because I was a "friend" but because my husband and I were parents. I love and appreciate my own parents who kept me from doing really stupid things when I was young and when I thought that I knew best! Be a parent! Not a friend!
	__________________ Vulgarity is no substitute for wit- Lady Violet Crawley

12-25-2005, 04:26 AM	#13
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	I'll probably do a lot of the same things my parents did with me. My mom is my best friend, and I'd like to have a relationship like that with my child. However, I'd also want a child who is a lot like me, in that they never really get into trouble, smart enough to stay away from the "bad" kids, etc, but I know I'll end up with something totally opposite, which at this point, I don't think I'd handle real well. I'll probably be a terrible mother. Good thing I see a spinster future.

12-25-2005, 04:38 AM	#14
Dean Winchester Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 28, 2003 Location: Louisville KY Posts: 14,803	I think the ideal is to have parents who you obey and fear when you've done something wrong, but at the same time can feel like they're your friend as well. My parents were very strict with me (it carried over until I was about 20), but at the same time I felt like they were also my friends and I think the balance between the two worked for the best and probably plays into why I miss my mother the way I do because I loved her as a dear friend as much as my parent