Things I learned from Seinfeld - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Stigmata · 07-08-2000, 05:17 AM

1. Never double dip a chip.

2. Do the opposite of whatever your instincts are.

3. Never "regift" or "degift".

4. Eating your dessert with a fork is very trendy.

5. Midgets prefer to be referred to as "little people".

6. Yelling "Serenity Now", doesn't work.

7. Never date a Virgin, and enter a "contest", at the same time. Something's gotta give!

8. Clowns are scary.

9. Never allow a woman to handcuff you to a bedpost (even if all you have is 8 dollars in your wallet).

10. A Casmir Sweater with a red dot on it has no market value.

11. Never urinate in a public shower

12. Referring to yourself in the third person is fun!

"Jimmy and misunderstandings, kinda clash."

13. Yadda Yadda Yadda

The T · 07-08-2000, 09:57 PM

This is Brisk! Really cool! Funny! Thanks for puttin it together! I have one for ya:

Don't get cocky with a soup Nazi!

See ya~The T.

Cosmic Charlie · 09-17-2002, 03:08 AM

And here's another one:

You can't trick a lip-reader

Maestro · 09-17-2002, 08:31 AM

The Pirate thinks it's funny too.

Pirate's SeinTake: don't take yourself too seriously.

Brian Damage · 09-17-2002, 05:05 PM

1. Never stick tourists in your dresser drawers.

2. Never sneeze on Pasta Primavera.

3. Don't date a comatose patient's girlfriend.

4. Don't try getting a free ride in a limo.

5. Never falsely accuse someone of being gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Maestro · 09-17-2002, 05:28 PM

1) Always go with quality (The Invitations #134)

2) When using a large structure or lot, always remember where you parked. (The Parking Garage #123)

3) Don't suck and use handicapped parking spots. (The Handicapped Spot #62)

4) Be niether a borrower or a lender (The Library #22)

5) Never (for various reasons) repeat, NEVER use a valet service (The Smelly Car #61)

6) When something stinks, you can't give it away! (see above)

7) You can't be 100 percent politically correct, so why bother (The Cigar Store Indian #74) (& we know Jer only tried it in pursuit of 'trim')

8) We all know an idiot (any Kenny Bania epi)

9) Masterbation is normal

(evidenced by the popularity of The Contest #52)

10) that last one was funny, more later

Maestro · 09-17-2002, 05:30 PM

1) Never take meds unless perscribed by a Dr. (J Chiles: "who told you to put the balm on?")

Maestro · 09-17-2002, 06:52 PM

It is possible to go years without puking. (go Jerry!)

BulletTrain · 09-17-2002, 07:00 PM

1. Dont say anthing bad about having a pony to an immigrant

2. Dont wear a suede jacket in the snow

3. Dont put a pez despenser on someones leg during a piano recital

4. Dont take care of a strangers dog

5. Theres no such things as a pig-man

6. Don't play triva persuit with a bubbleboy

7. Don't put your picture on a chirstmas card

8. Don't eat Junior Mints while at an operation.

9. Don't nod your head while your with a low talker, or else you might end up wearing a puffy shirt

10. If fat-free yogurt tastes really good then it's not fat-free.

11. Don't take credit for someone elses big salad.

RainMan · 11-25-2002, 10:14 AM

I actually learned a few things:

1) Never take "It" out in front of your partner unless THEY take "It" out for you.

AND

2) It shrinks when you have been swimming!

Nate Bush

Will and Grace Fanatic · 11-30-2002, 02:32 PM

I know what you guys mean Seinfeld has taught me a lot.

Cassiopeia · 01-31-2003, 05:49 PM

one important thing that was left out:

Don't buy cheap wedding invitations!

TVLanFan · 02-07-2003, 08:14 PM

More:

1) When you buy a calazone from Pizanno's (sp?), make sure you
have BILLS to pay for them, rather than paying in change.

2) Never let anyone named Gak buy Cuban cigars for you...you'll end up with Peruvians instead, and trying to smoke one of them is like trying to smoke a chicken bone...(however, you CAN pay for the cigars with change, but it could hurt the recipient)

3) Never have a friend call your place of employment with a phony bomb scare threat...you'll end up working at a lucite table with no drawers and no hiding place underneath..

4) Anyone can be bombable, even Jerry

5) When you're at a stop light and you need to pick your nose, make sure there's no supermodel in the car next to you. Otherwise, it could be embarrassing.

More to come later, I'm sure...

MonarC · 04-25-2003, 02:14 PM

u can be a nerd and still be funny

Dutabi84 · 04-28-2003, 10:54 PM

Never get caught staring at a TV Network Executive's daughter's clevage! Especially if he's about to give you a pilot.

09-17-2002, 03:08 AM	#3
Cosmic Charlie Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 25, 2002 Location: Jacksonville, Alabama Posts: 74	Brisk is a funny word And here's another one: You can't trick a lip-reader
	__________________ How do you do?

09-17-2002, 08:31 AM	#4
Maestro Hipster Dufus Senior Member Join Date: May 31, 2002 Location: Below the equator Posts: 2,905	heavily using #12; The Pirate thinks it's funny too. Pirate's SeinTake: don't take yourself too seriously.

11-30-2002, 02:32 PM	#11
Will and Grace Fanatic be happy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 15, 2002 Location: seattle, washington Posts: 2,746	I know what you guys mean Seinfeld has taught me a lot.
	__________________ love is love

04-25-2003, 02:14 PM	#14
MonarC The truth will set you free Forum Fanatic Join Date: Dec 05, 2002 Location: 3rd Stone From The Sun Posts: 9,525	i learned u can be a nerd and still be funny

04-28-2003, 10:54 PM	#15
Dutabi84 kittens must die Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 22, 2003 Location: MN/TX Posts: 11,026	Re: i learned Never get caught staring at a TV Network Executive's daughter's clevage! Especially if he's about to give you a pilot.

07-08-2000, 05:17 AM	#1
Stigmata Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Apr 12, 2000 Location: Champaign, IL Posts: 69	Things I learned from Seinfeld 1. Never double dip a chip. 2. Do the opposite of whatever your instincts are. 3. Never "regift" or "degift". 4. Eating your dessert with a fork is very trendy. 5. Midgets prefer to be referred to as "little people". 6. Yelling "Serenity Now", doesn't work. 7. Never date a Virgin, and enter a "contest", at the same time. Something's gotta give! 8. Clowns are scary. 9. Never allow a woman to handcuff you to a bedpost (even if all you have is 8 dollars in your wallet). 10. A Casmir Sweater with a red dot on it has no market value. 11. Never urinate in a public shower 12. Referring to yourself in the third person is fun! "Jimmy and misunderstandings, kinda clash." 13. Yadda Yadda Yadda

07-08-2000, 09:57 PM	#2
The T Member Senior Member Join Date: Jun 22, 2000 Location: Baraboo, WI US Posts: 1,108	This is Brisk! Really cool! Funny! Thanks for puttin it together! I have one for ya: Don't get cocky with a soup Nazi! See ya~The T.

09-17-2002, 05:05 PM	#5
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	1. Never stick tourists in your dresser drawers. 2. Never sneeze on Pasta Primavera. 3. Don't date a comatose patient's girlfriend. 4. Don't try getting a free ride in a limo. 5. Never falsely accuse someone of being gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
	__________________ The Key to the Kingdom of Heaven: John 3:3 *Money Doesn't Buy Happiness...But I'd Rather Cry in My Private Jet*

09-17-2002, 05:28 PM	#6
Maestro Hipster Dufus Senior Member Join Date: May 31, 2002 Location: Below the equator Posts: 2,905	1) Always go with quality (The Invitations #134) 2) When using a large structure or lot, always remember where you parked. (The Parking Garage #123) 3) Don't suck and use handicapped parking spots. (The Handicapped Spot #62) 4) Be niether a borrower or a lender (The Library #22) 5) Never (for various reasons) repeat, NEVER use a valet service (The Smelly Car #61) 6) When something stinks, you can't give it away! (see above) 7) You can't be 100 percent politically correct, so why bother (The Cigar Store Indian #74) (& we know Jer only tried it in pursuit of 'trim') 8) We all know an idiot (any Kenny Bania epi) 9) Masterbation is normal (evidenced by the popularity of The Contest #52) 10) that last one was funny, more later

09-17-2002, 05:30 PM	#7
Maestro Hipster Dufus Senior Member Join Date: May 31, 2002 Location: Below the equator Posts: 2,905	1) Never take meds unless perscribed by a Dr. (J Chiles: "who told you to put the balm on?")

09-17-2002, 06:52 PM	#8
Maestro Hipster Dufus Senior Member Join Date: May 31, 2002 Location: Below the equator Posts: 2,905	It is possible to go years without puking. (go Jerry!)

09-17-2002, 07:00 PM	#9
BulletTrain Seinfeld+SimpsonsFan Forum Regular Join Date: Aug 03, 2002 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 863	1. Dont say anthing bad about having a pony to an immigrant 2. Dont wear a suede jacket in the snow 3. Dont put a pez despenser on someones leg during a piano recital 4. Dont take care of a strangers dog 5. Theres no such things as a pig-man 6. Don't play triva persuit with a bubbleboy 7. Don't put your picture on a chirstmas card 8. Don't eat Junior Mints while at an operation. 9. Don't nod your head while your with a low talker, or else you might end up wearing a puffy shirt 10. If fat-free yogurt tastes really good then it's not fat-free. 11. Don't take credit for someone elses big salad.

11-25-2002, 10:14 AM	#10
RainMan Member Senior Member Join Date: Feb 09, 2002 Location: Churdan, Iowa USA (Wish it was the UK so I could go to Holmfirth, West Yorkshire to see the cast of Last of the Summer Wine!) Posts: 1,175	I actually learned a few things: 1) Never take "It" out in front of your partner unless THEY take "It" out for you. AND 2) It shrinks when you have been swimming! Nate Bush

01-31-2003, 05:49 PM	#12
Cassiopeia Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Jan 20, 2003 Posts: 10	one important thing that was left out: Don't buy cheap wedding invitations!

02-07-2003, 08:14 PM	#13
TVLanFan Member Frequent Poster Join Date: May 31, 2001 Location: Florida Posts: 199	More: 1) When you buy a calazone from Pizanno's (sp?), make sure you have BILLS to pay for them, rather than paying in change. 2) Never let anyone named Gak buy Cuban cigars for you...you'll end up with Peruvians instead, and trying to smoke one of them is like trying to smoke a chicken bone...(however, you CAN pay for the cigars with change, but it could hurt the recipient) 3) Never have a friend call your place of employment with a phony bomb scare threat...you'll end up working at a lucite table with no drawers and no hiding place underneath.. 4) Anyone can be bombable, even Jerry 5) When you're at a stop light and you need to pick your nose, make sure there's no supermodel in the car next to you. Otherwise, it could be embarrassing. More to come later, I'm sure...