School Dazed: Episode 18- "Let's Get Physical"

[EmoJoe]

CAST:
Matt Anderson............Maroon 5’d
Chris Anderson..........Chad Doody
Jake Anderson...............TF
Mrs. Brunson..............Sassette
Anna Chaland ...............Alyssa Milano (young)
Willie Definsticker................Jack
Mike Sanson.......................Ben Savage
Elizabeth………………..Girl Meets World


GUEST STARS:

Miss Freehan………..…..Kathy Bates
Football Player #1……Matt Underwood
Football Player #2….Ricky Ullman
Karen (Chocolate Carebears)……Maria
Mrs. Anderson………………Betsy Randle
Mr. Anderson………………..John Stamos
Interviewer…………………..George Eads

(we see everyone in Miss Freehan’s class)

Mrs. Freehan: AND THAT’S WHY I DIVORCED MY 6TH HUSBAND

(the bell rings)

Mrs. Freehan: DON’T FORGET CLASS, WE’RE DISCUSSING WHY I CHEATED ON MY 4TH HUSBAND TOMORROW!

Matt: Another exciting class with Miss Freehan…

Anna: “exciting” is the last word I would use to decribe that crappy class

(Mike looks mesmerized)

Anna: …what?

Mike: I…I….

Matt: What?

Mike: That class…it was so…elephanty

Anna: WHAT?!?!

Matt: That’s his new word for great

Anna: I KNOW! But the class wasn’t GOOD!

Mike: But… …it reminded me of my rabbit…when he ran of water

(Matt and Anna look confused. Just then, we see a boy in their grade walk by and talk to another boy)

Football Player #1: Hey, you coming to practice tonight?

Football Player #2: Of course. Too bad John quit, so now we’re one player short…

(Just then a mob of girls attack them)

Girl: OH MY GOD! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?!?! YOU GUYS ARE LIKE, SOOOO COOL!!!!

Anna: (under her breath): Oh please

Football Player #2: Maria, behave, you know we’re not pros, and you don’t need out autographs.

Anna: At least SOMEONE on the team actually isn’t stuck-up.

Football Player #2: BUT WHATEVER! WE’RE SO AWESOME AND COOL, TAKE OUR AUTOGRAPHS ANYWAY! We’re better then those geeks over there!

(He points to Anna, Matt, and Mike)

Anna: We are NOT geeks!

(Mike is singing “Mary Had A Little Lamb” while Matt is picking his nose)

Anna: Well…so maybe we’re a little….geeky…but who cares? At least we’re not jerks like you guys.

Football Player #1: Ouch, that hurt sooo bad!

(they laugh and walk away)

Anna: What jerks

Matt: They’re my idols

Mike: The flying nun is my idol

Anna: What did you just say, Matt?

Matt: They’re so cool. And they’re so good at football

Anna: They’ve had no wins and 5 losses

Matt: Well, at least they try…

Mike: My rabbit once tried to kill himself

Anna: You both sicken me…

(We see Chris at home watching TV)

Chris: OH, I LOVE YOU TOO BARNEY!!!

(Chris starts crying)

Chris: Oh, that purple dinosaur…gets me every time!

(He reaches into his bag of Cheese Doodles when his parents walk in)

Mrs. Anderson: Chris, why don’t you do something with your life?

Chris: Why?

Mr. Anderson: Because you can’t spend your whole life sitting in front of the TV and eating Cheese Doodles

Chris: Why?

Mrs. Anderson: Because it’s not healthy?

Chris: Why?

Mr. Anderson: Chris, listen to your mother! Hey, is that Barney….?

Mrs. Anderson: Will!

Mr. Anderson: I’m sorry, honey…so, Chris, get a job? And don’t you DARE ask why?

Chris: How come?

Mrs. Anderson: GO OUT AND FIND SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE!

(she takes the Cheese Doodles from him)

Chris: My cheese doodles! Ok…ok I’m going

(The Sesame Street theme song plays on the TV)

Chris: WAIT! This is my show! Sunny day, sweeping up, clouds away…

Mrs. Anderson: Get out!

(She pushes him out the door)

Chris: Ok! But if I don’t come back, I blame you!

(It’s the next day in Madison Middle School, and Matt comes into to school in the town’s football jersey without the gear)

Matt: Guess what?

Mike: Your dog is really a bird who ate my doctor who loves chocolate who can fly?

Matt: No…look at my shirt.

Anna: Oh I get it! You robbed a jersey from a football player and you’re going to return it right now.

Matt: No

Anna: …you’re not going to return it?

Matt: I didn’t steal anything! I joined the football team!

(Anna and Mike gasp)

Matt: What?

Mike: I just saw an image of my aunt in my head!

Anna: Matt…why did you join the football team?

Matt: Because, I discovered I have a natural talent for it.

Anna: So, you played it?

Matt: Well, no. But yesterday, a kid threw his football over to me, and I caught it.

Anna: So?

Mike: So, that means that my rabbit is going to explode any minute!

Anna: Just because you catch a football doesn’t mean you’re a pro at it.


Matt: You don’t believe in me…

Anna: I do!

Matt: Good, because our first game is today after school!

Anna: Ugh…he’s making a big mistake

(We see Chris at a job interview)

Interviewer: Okay, so you want a job at Target

Chris: Sir, yes, sir!

Interviewer: Don’t joke with me, boy!

Chris: Sorry, your highness- uh, sir!

(The interviewer glares at him)

Interviewer: Anyway, have you had any other jobs?

Chris: Well, once I fed my neighbor’s bird while the owners were away and got paid $20 for it. Does that count?

Interviewer: No, it doesn’t. So, you don’t have any references?
Chris: What’s a reference?

(The interviewer shakes his head in shame)

Interviewer: Nevermind that. So when can you work…if I hire you?

Chris: Uh, anytime, as long as Barney, Arthur, Sesame Street, or Zoey 101 isn’t on.

Interviewer: You may go now.

Chris: Thanks, dude, you’re awesome!

(Chris walks out)

Chris: I totally nailed that!

(We see everyone at the football game)

Jake: Aww, little Matt at his first football game

Mrs. Anderson: That’s one more then you…

(Jake looks embarrassed. Just then, Matt comes up the bleachers)

Mr. Anderson: Hey, what are you doing up here?

Matt: We have a few minutes until the game starts, so the coach said we could see our families for a minute.

Mike: Are you playing goalie, Matt?

Matt: Mike, there IS no goalie in football. (whispering) Anna, there…isn’t a goalie in football, is there?

Anna: No, Matt, there is NO goalie in football. Now go there and play the game right

Matt: Just one more question…

Anna: What?

Matt: The blue team is my team, right?

(Anna sighs)

Anna: No Matt, the red team is your team. The blue team is your opponents.

Matt: Got it. Red= good, blue= bad.

Anna: Right. Do well out there!

Matt: I will!

(Matt runs away)

Anna: This is gonna be hard to watch!

(Just then the game starts. The other team has the ball, and one kid is running with the ball, trying to get a first down)

Anna: TACKLE HIM!

Football Player #1: TACKLE HIM, MATT!

Matt: Who?

(Matt looks around)

Matt: Ok, I got it!

(Matt tackles the ref)

(Jake is laughing uncontrollably)

Jake: What? It was funny…

Mrs. Anderson: Show some respect for your brother!

Mr. Anderson: Who just tackled the ref!

(Mr. Anderson and Jake laugh)

Anna: Us women are much more mature

Mrs. Anderson: We sure are, Anna

Anna: OH MY GOD. NO ONE MOVE! I CHIPPED A NAIL!!!

(Mrs. Anderson shrieks, as we see the entire football team in a huddle)

Football Player #2: Alright, same play as last time, and please, Matt, tackle the right person this time!

Matt: Got it, pennyback! Uh…quarterback!

(The ball is thrown, and Matt is right near it)

Matt: Oh yeah, this is my chance to prove to EVERYONE I’m a true football player!

(Matt jumps for joy just as the ball is about to land, so because of his jump, it lands right in front of him)

(Anna slaps her hand across her forehead)

(It’s halftime now, so Matt goes into the stands)

Anna: Matt…I don’t know how to break this to you…

Mike: My rabbit is really a duck!

Anna: No, that’s not it. Matt, it’s just…

Matt: What?

Anna: God doesn’t want you to play football


(commercial break)

(We see Anna, Matt, and Mike in the park, they’re practicing football)

Anna: If you wanna get good, you have to practice.

Matt: I know, I know, I know…

Mike: My grandma was a football player. Her name is Phil Simms!

Anna: Phil Simms is a guy…

Mike: ALL THESE YEARS HAVE BEEN A LIE!!!

(Anna and Matt stare at Mike)

Anna: Anyway, let’s start with something simple. Throwing the ball

(Anna throws the ball perfectly)

Matt: Wow, you’re good!

Anna: That’s because I grew up with all boy cousins and brothers so I know how to play. Now you try

(Matt throws it, and it winds up breaking a window)

Extremley Old Women’s Voice: DARN KIDS!!! WAIT TIL I GET MY CANE AND….AND…WHERE’S MY YOUGURT?

Anna: Well, that didn’t go well, so let’s try catching the ball. I’m gonna throw it to Mike and then he’s gonna throw it back to me

(Anna throws it to Mike, so then Mike drops it down a sewer drain)

(It’s a few mintues later)

Anna: Now that we got a new football, let’s practice catching. I’m throwing it to you, Matt…

(Anna throws it to Matt and it hits his arm)

Anna: Let’s start with the basics.

(Anna picks up the football)

Anna: THIS IS A FOOTBALL.

Football Player #1: Forget it, Chaland, he’ll never learn.

Football #2: Yeah, he just can’t.

(He throws a football at them, and Matt catches it)

Matt: I CAUGHT THE FOOTBALL

Football Player #1: He caught the football!

Mike: Mice are my best friends!

Anna: You caught the football!

(Anna and Matt hug each other, then reliaze what they just did and quickly get off of each other)

Matt: I knew I could do it!

Anna: Good, good, now we just have to do tackling, throwing, running, and kicking and we’re set!

Matt: Uggh…
(We see Matt practicing as hard as he could, succeeding at some things, failing at others…)

Anna: So…do you think you’re good at football now?

Matt: (out of breath): A little bit…

Anna: Well, good, we’ll start practice again tomorrow to get you great it at it

Matt: I’m good at it! I’m good at it!

Anna: Good, because you have a big game tomorrow!

Matt: I know I’ll win! I’m a winner!

Anna: That’s the spirit!

(Anna walks away)

Matt: I’m a loser.

(Matt and his team are seen at the game)

Anna: Come on Matt, you can do it! Let’s go!

(We see various clips of the game until it’s the end of the 4th quarter, only a minute left of the game, and the score is 14 to 14, both teams have two touchdowns, plus an extra point for both. As the play is played out, the ball gets thrown to Matt)

Anna: Go Matt! You can do it!

(Matt looks back at the stands and runs across the field, and makes a touchdown, making his team win!)

Anna: Yeah!!! GO MATT

(The entire stands go wild and the team congratulates Matt)
Mike: Are rabbits taking over the world? YAY!

(It’s the next day in school)

Matt: You know, I was thinking…maybe football isn’t my sport.

Anna: Why? You got a touchdown yesterday

Matt: I know, but maybe it was just luck?

Anna: So you’re quitting?

Matt: HECK NO!

(The end credits role as we see Chris and the interviewer in front of the TV)

Chris: See, I TOLD you this was the life.

Interviewer: Yes, I guess I did need to see life in a different prospective.

Chris: I’m ALWAYS right…

Interviewer: Shhh! Barney’s song is coming on!

(They watch him sing his “I Love You” song)

Interviewer: Oh, that dinosaur is so sweet!

Chris (crying): I know!

*End of Episode*

[Cactus Jack]

HILARIOUS!!!

[robyrob]

CRAZY!