Real Men Don't Eat Quiche - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Fleet · 10-02-2005, 09:37 PM

I have the book, "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" which was much talked about in the 1980s (the book was published in 1982).
It has a lot of tongue-in-cheek things and I thought I would post some for a laugh.

Real men...
- Carry cash. Never the American Express card.
- Don't have telephones in the shape of Snoopy.
- Don't worry about the diminishing ozone layer.
- Don't trust the French.
- Don't buy flight insurance
- Don't want Bo Derek
- Don't smoke low-tar cigarettes
- Don't eat brunch

Five things today's real man doesn't do at a

1. Get sick.
2. Imitate Steve Martin.
3. Crush beer cans against his forehead.
4. Brawl
5. Imitate routines from "Saturday Night Live."

14 Things You Won't find In A Real Man's Stomach:
1. Mussels 7. Tofu
2. Pate 8. Broccoli
3. Poached salmon 9. Quail
4. Bean curd 10. Creamed spinach
5. Yogurt 11. Rice Pilaf
6. Asparagus 12. Arugola salad
13. Light beer
14. Veal

The Real Man's Diet:
Protein... Liquids...
- Steak Beer
- Hamburger Imported beer
- Cheeseburger Imported dark beer
- Bacon-cheeseburger Gatorade
- Pizza burger Jack Daniels
- Chili burger
- Big Mac
- Whopper
- Kentucky Fried Chicken
- Ham and swiss on rye

Fruits and Vegetables...
- Corn on the cob
- Orange Soda

Nourishment...
- Ring Dings
- Devil dogs
- Cheez Whiz
- Twinkies
- Mallomars
- Double-stuffed oreos

Real Men...
- James Garner
- Billy Dee Williams
- Kris Kristofferson
- Jane Pauley
- David Brinkley
- Ricardo Montalban
- Cesar Romero
- Margaret Thatcher
- Robert Mitchum
- Nancy Reagan

Quiche Eaters...
- Jerry Falwell
- John Davidson
- Frank Gifford
- Binaca Jagger
- Mike Douglas
- Jack Klugman

Guys Who Think They're Real Men- But Really Aren't...
- Reggie Jackson
- Erik Estrada
- Doborah Harry
- Robert Blake
- Geraldo Rivera

Music...
Real men own the following records, "My Way" by Frank Sinatra; "I heard you're getting married" by the Brooklyn Bridge; "Tumbling Dice" by the Rolling Stones; "Linda Ronstadt's Greatest Hits;" "Silhouettes" by the Rays; "All I have to do is dream" by the Everly Bros; "See you in September" by the Four Seasons; "Tell Laura I love her" by Ray Peterson and "Rocky's Theme" by Bill Conte.

Real men are not Grateful Dead freaks. They don't idolize Cher. They don't listen to Kiss. And they can't bear Jackson Browne: Real men find it hard to sympathize with a millionaire prima donna rock 'n' roll star who insists on complaining about how tough his life is on the road.

Cars...
Real men do not drive sports cars- MGs, Fiats, Maseratis, Triumphs or Austin Martins. They've come to realize that spending the sum equivalent to the gross national debt of England on a car- not to mention having to adopt an auto mechanic- is not the most cost-effective way of proving their masculinity.
So what do Real Men drive? It's simple: Chryslers.. Massive, hulking, gas-guzzling Chryslers. With four-barrel carburetors, automatic transmissions and five million cubic inches under the hood. Real Men, after all, are realistic: How are you ever going to lose a state trooper in a Honda?

A quiz for real men...
A certain low-rent Persian nation grabs 52 Americans and holds them hostage. Do you A) negotiate; B) send quiche; C) nuke 'em?
(Scoring: A) 5 points; B) 1 point; C)20 points)

Karen* · 10-03-2005, 12:33 AM

Good stuff! I like the title of the book too.

Chelsea · 10-03-2005, 12:40 AM

[quote=Fleet] How are you ever going to lose a state trooper in a Honda?
/quote]

Quite easily...

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 01:12 AM

[QUOTE=Seth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleet

How are you ever going to lose a state trooper in a Honda?
/quote]

Quite easily...

Remember, that was back in 1982. All Hondas back then were sloooooow.

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Carebears

Good stuff! I like the title of the book too.

I like the section about what fruits and vegetables real men eat... orange soda!

Janice · 10-03-2005, 01:17 AM

I remember that book. I didn't read it, but I recall it was very popular.

TJL · 10-03-2005, 01:26 AM

They should to a new updated version of that book.

I'm sure Starbucks, Blackberrys and iPods won't make the new list.

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJL

They should to a new updated version of that book.

I'm sure Starbucks, Blackberrys and iPods won't make the new list.

Good idea... there should be an updated version. It is kind of outdated. And you're right about Starbucks!

TJL · 10-03-2005, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleet

Good idea... there should be an updated version. It is kind of outdated. And you're right about Starbucks!

I think we have the new title:

"Real Men Don't Drink Starbuck's"

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 01:45 AM

This is the cover of the book.

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJL

I think we have the new title:

"Real Men Don't Drink Starbuck's"

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if that will be the title of the next edition.
Here, according to the book, are the TV shows real men watch...

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 02:04 AM

Let me enlarge that chart a little...

Brian · 10-03-2005, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleet

Let me enlarge that chart a little...

Hey, I'm a real man!

Fleet · 10-03-2005, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian

Hey, I'm a real man!

Glad to hear it!

robyrob · 10-03-2005, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seth

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleet

How are you ever going to lose a state trooper in a Honda?

Quite easily...

look innocent and point at the guy in the gas-guzzling Chrysler...

10-02-2005, 09:37 PM	#1
Fleet Mansions, limousines & H-ween Forum Star Join Date: Jan 06, 2002 Location: Northridge/Porter Ranch, California Posts: 15,625	Real Men Don't Eat Quiche I have the book, "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" which was much talked about in the 1980s (the book was published in 1982). It has a lot of tongue-in-cheek things and I thought I would post some for a laugh. Real men... - Carry cash. Never the American Express card. - Don't have telephones in the shape of Snoopy. - Don't worry about the diminishing ozone layer. - Don't trust the French. - Don't buy flight insurance - Don't want Bo Derek - Don't smoke low-tar cigarettes - Don't eat brunch Five things today's real man doesn't do at a 1. Get sick. 2. Imitate Steve Martin. 3. Crush beer cans against his forehead. 4. Brawl 5. Imitate routines from "Saturday Night Live." 14 Things You Won't find In A Real Man's Stomach: 1. Mussels 7. Tofu 2. Pate 8. Broccoli 3. Poached salmon 9. Quail 4. Bean curd 10. Creamed spinach 5. Yogurt 11. Rice Pilaf 6. Asparagus 12. Arugola salad 13. Light beer 14. Veal The Real Man's Diet: Protein... Liquids... - Steak Beer - Hamburger Imported beer - Cheeseburger Imported dark beer - Bacon-cheeseburger Gatorade - Pizza burger Jack Daniels - Chili burger - Big Mac - Whopper - Kentucky Fried Chicken - Ham and swiss on rye Fruits and Vegetables... - Corn on the cob - Orange Soda Nourishment... - Ring Dings - Devil dogs - Cheez Whiz - Twinkies - Mallomars - Double-stuffed oreos Real Men... - James Garner - Billy Dee Williams - Kris Kristofferson - Jane Pauley - David Brinkley - Ricardo Montalban - Cesar Romero - Margaret Thatcher - Robert Mitchum - Nancy Reagan Quiche Eaters... - Jerry Falwell - John Davidson - Frank Gifford - Binaca Jagger - Mike Douglas - Jack Klugman Guys Who Think They're Real Men- But Really Aren't... - Reggie Jackson - Erik Estrada - Doborah Harry - Robert Blake - Geraldo Rivera Music... Real men own the following records, "My Way" by Frank Sinatra; "I heard you're getting married" by the Brooklyn Bridge; "Tumbling Dice" by the Rolling Stones; "Linda Ronstadt's Greatest Hits;" "Silhouettes" by the Rays; "All I have to do is dream" by the Everly Bros; "See you in September" by the Four Seasons; "Tell Laura I love her" by Ray Peterson and "Rocky's Theme" by Bill Conte. Real men are not Grateful Dead freaks. They don't idolize Cher. They don't listen to Kiss. And they can't bear Jackson Browne: Real men find it hard to sympathize with a millionaire prima donna rock 'n' roll star who insists on complaining about how tough his life is on the road. Cars... Real men do not drive sports cars- MGs, Fiats, Maseratis, Triumphs or Austin Martins. They've come to realize that spending the sum equivalent to the gross national debt of England on a car- not to mention having to adopt an auto mechanic- is not the most cost-effective way of proving their masculinity. So what do Real Men drive? It's simple: Chryslers.. Massive, hulking, gas-guzzling Chryslers. With four-barrel carburetors, automatic transmissions and five million cubic inches under the hood. Real Men, after all, are realistic: How are you ever going to lose a state trooper in a Honda? A quiz for real men... A certain low-rent Persian nation grabs 52 Americans and holds them hostage. Do you A) negotiate; B) send quiche; C) nuke 'em? (Scoring: A) 5 points; B) 1 point; C)20 points)
	__________________ 1976 Cadillac Fleetwood Seventy-Five Limousine.

10-03-2005, 12:33 AM	#2
Karen* paradox. Forum Superstar Join Date: Jan 08, 2005 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 28,365	Good stuff! I like the title of the book too.
	__________________ karen on \| twitter \| tumblr

10-03-2005, 12:40 AM	#3
Chelsea Semi-retired Forum Veteran Join Date: Jan 07, 2001 Location: Washington Posts: 5,727	[quote=Fleet] How are you ever going to lose a state trooper in a Honda? /quote] Quite easily...
	__________________ Chelsea Former Administrator, 2005-2012 Former Member, DVD Review Team, 2004-2010.

10-03-2005, 01:26 AM	#7
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	They should to a new updated version of that book. I'm sure Starbucks, Blackberrys and iPods won't make the new list.
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

10-03-2005, 01:45 AM	#10
Fleet Mansions, limousines & H-ween Forum Star Join Date: Jan 06, 2002 Location: Northridge/Porter Ranch, California Posts: 15,625	This is the cover of the book. Attached Images

10-03-2005, 01:17 AM	#6
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I remember that book. I didn't read it, but I recall it was very popular.

10-03-2005, 02:04 AM	#12
Fleet Mansions, limousines & H-ween Forum Star Join Date: Jan 06, 2002 Location: Northridge/Porter Ranch, California Posts: 15,625	Let me enlarge that chart a little... Attached Images