Is Friendship Learned or Instinctive? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 08-18-2005, 10:05 PM

I recently began wondering this burning question. I guess I am looking for answers through a sociological-interactive perspective:

Is friendship something humans learn how to handle/maintain? Or, is friendship just an innate instinctive quality we possess?

I used to think it was just instinctive, but then I came across a certain situation that leads me to believe otherwise. Before I discuss those theories, I'd like some others' opinions. Thanks to all who reply.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 08-18-2005, 10:12 PM

That's actually a really good question. I would think instinctive, but it is something you can debate otherwise...

swedeace · 08-18-2005, 11:25 PM

Thank you all for your opinion, Pleasant Tomorrow!

Hmm… it’s always been a touchy area, in my opinion. For instance, I have observed those individuals who seem to be socially-adaptive seem to not care about losing friendships. And those who are not as socially-adaptive seem to really hang on or let others determine if they want to drag out a friendship. Would that be because of those socially-adaptive people have higher self-esteem than those who aren’t? I’ve had that happen with befriending someone who doesn’t have very many friends. We are both in the same boat as far as being non-socially adaptive. We don’t have a lot of experience, but I guess we are both testing waters in our friendship. We are learning how to socialize and maintain our friendship through each other.

We have both come across arguments, disagreements and conflicts and still manage to maintain contact. We have met in person but now exclusively communicate online. How would that friendship weather via online? Is it still the same as being “offline” friends?

Hollow · 08-18-2005, 11:28 PM

it's generally learned at first and later becomes instinctive after we mature enough.

TheGreatPretender · 08-18-2005, 11:30 PM

I think the latter one is the answer. I mean frienship shouldnt be anything we would have to work on if you really love someone and care about them and enjoy their company than you should have no problem being there for them and vice versa. And all friends argue, that's just part of it. no friendship is perfect and no people completely click and always get along. But then again that's just my way of looking at it.

slackermonkey · 08-19-2005, 02:57 AM

For the most part I'd say it's learned, but otherwise depends on the person. An outgoing person by nature would have a more instinctive quality toward friendships, whereas with a socially awkward person there's more of a learning curve. Bottom line is, with both it's learned (imo), just that outgoing people learn faster and for them it becomes more instinctive.

Superstar · 08-19-2005, 04:10 AM

I think its learned at first until we grow older.

CollegeDropout · 08-19-2005, 12:14 PM

At first I think its naturally instinctive b/c hypothetically say when a 5 or 6 goes to school for the first time, they automactically look for someone who looks like they could get along, which would ease the transition, whenever people are in a new situation it is instinct to find someone they could accept and become friends with. I think as we grow and mature we also learn and learn about friendships, the meaning, the deep love and connection that is shared between friends and learn how to become a good friend. So in my opinion it is instinctive and then becomes learned

MsOrange · 08-19-2005, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by safety pin

it's generally learned at first and later becomes instinctive after we mature enough.

took the words right out of my mouth

Mijada · 08-19-2005, 04:26 PM

I think it's a little of both.

YoliUSA · 08-19-2005, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mijada

I think it's a little of both.

I agree

swedeace · 08-19-2005, 09:19 PM

Hmmm...interesting theories/experiences, everyone! Keep on going. I love reading them!

Mijada & YoliUSA: Interesting you both said "a little of both." Why is that? I can see where you are both coming from.

robyrob · 08-19-2005, 09:55 PM

i think its implanted.

seriously some people NEVER learn how to be a friend, so it can't be instinctive.

dawsongirl · 08-20-2005, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robyrob

i think its implanted.

seriously some people NEVER learn how to be a friend, so it can't be instinctive.

I agree with that. Some people have the social skills of a brick, and no matter what you do, they're still unsensitive clods who cannot talk to people well.

Dutabi84 · 08-20-2005, 02:48 AM

I think there are probably many variables that go into it - Environmental factors, the individual's genetic make-up, how his mind works, and so on. A lot of human behavior is instinctive, but I think things like friendship and other relationships are developed based on what one's brain tells them.

08-18-2005, 10:05 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Is Friendship Learned or Instinctive? I recently began wondering this burning question. I guess I am looking for answers through a sociological-interactive perspective: Is friendship something humans learn how to handle/maintain? Or, is friendship just an innate instinctive quality we possess? I used to think it was just instinctive, but then I came across a certain situation that leads me to believe otherwise. Before I discuss those theories, I'd like some others' opinions. Thanks to all who reply.

08-18-2005, 10:12 PM	#2
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	That's actually a really good question. I would think instinctive, but it is something you can debate otherwise...
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

08-19-2005, 02:57 AM	#6
slackermonkey the big yellow joint Senior Member Join Date: Oct 05, 2004 Location: Earth Posts: 1,779	For the most part I'd say it's learned, but otherwise depends on the person. An outgoing person by nature would have a more instinctive quality toward friendships, whereas with a socially awkward person there's more of a learning curve. Bottom line is, with both it's learned (imo), just that outgoing people learn faster and for them it becomes more instinctive.
	__________________ ...Derek TV on DVD Checklist: 05/09 - Scrubs: The Complete Third Season 05/30 - Joey: The Complete First Season 06/13 - Cheers: The Complete Eighth Season 06/13 - Frasier: The Complete Eighth Season 06/20 - Justice League: Season 2 07/25 - Animaniacs: Volume 1 10/?? - Scrubs: The Complete Fourth Season 12/06 - Animaniacs: Volume 2

08-19-2005, 12:14 PM	#8
CollegeDropout Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 23, 2004 Posts: 286	At first I think its naturally instinctive b/c hypothetically say when a 5 or 6 goes to school for the first time, they automactically look for someone who looks like they could get along, which would ease the transition, whenever people are in a new situation it is instinct to find someone they could accept and become friends with. I think as we grow and mature we also learn and learn about friendships, the meaning, the deep love and connection that is shared between friends and learn how to become a good friend. So in my opinion it is instinctive and then becomes learned
	__________________ I told I finished school and I started my own business, they said "oh you graduated?" "No, I just decided I was finished."

08-19-2005, 04:26 PM	#10
Mijada Spencers mom Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 02, 2001 Location: eastern US Posts: 4,093	I think it's a little of both.
	__________________ Proud mom to Spencer, Justine and Colleen

08-18-2005, 11:25 PM	#3
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Thank you all for your opinion, Pleasant Tomorrow! Hmm… it’s always been a touchy area, in my opinion. For instance, I have observed those individuals who seem to be socially-adaptive seem to not care about losing friendships. And those who are not as socially-adaptive seem to really hang on or let others determine if they want to drag out a friendship. Would that be because of those socially-adaptive people have higher self-esteem than those who aren’t? I’ve had that happen with befriending someone who doesn’t have very many friends. We are both in the same boat as far as being non-socially adaptive. We don’t have a lot of experience, but I guess we are both testing waters in our friendship. We are learning how to socialize and maintain our friendship through each other. We have both come across arguments, disagreements and conflicts and still manage to maintain contact. We have met in person but now exclusively communicate online. How would that friendship weather via online? Is it still the same as being “offline” friends?

08-18-2005, 11:28 PM	#4
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	it's generally learned at first and later becomes instinctive after we mature enough.

08-18-2005, 11:30 PM	#5
TheGreatPretender just because Forum Veteran Join Date: May 22, 2004 Location: Trying to think of a creative, witty location. Posts: 7,628	I think the latter one is the answer. I mean frienship shouldnt be anything we would have to work on if you really love someone and care about them and enjoy their company than you should have no problem being there for them and vice versa. And all friends argue, that's just part of it. no friendship is perfect and no people completely click and always get along. But then again that's just my way of looking at it.

08-19-2005, 04:10 AM	#7
Superstar Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 08, 2003 Posts: 63,316	I think its learned at first until we grow older.

08-19-2005, 09:19 PM	#12
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Hmmm...interesting theories/experiences, everyone! Keep on going. I love reading them! Mijada & YoliUSA: Interesting you both said "a little of both." Why is that? I can see where you are both coming from.

08-19-2005, 09:55 PM	#13
robyrob certified wackball#3 Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 03, 2003 Location: hiding under the third booth at Arnold's Posts: 58,211	i think its implanted. seriously some people NEVER learn how to be a friend, so it can't be instinctive.
	__________________ * firefox * AdAware * HiJackThis * CoolWebShredder * Spybot * SpywareBlaster * Spyware Terminator * * GeeksToGo * AntiVir * Avast antivirus * Housecall Online * Sysinternals Security Utilities * * ZoneAlarm * Agnitum-firewall * Comodo Firewall * AVG Anti-Rootkit * RootkitRevealer * ParasiteCheck * * Annoyances * FreeCodecs * Mikes-Hosts-File * GRC.com * MSAntispyware * DVD's * TradeList * myspace *

08-20-2005, 02:48 AM	#15
Dutabi84 kittens must die Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 22, 2003 Location: MN/TX Posts: 11,026	I think there are probably many variables that go into it - Environmental factors, the individual's genetic make-up, how his mind works, and so on. A lot of human behavior is instinctive, but I think things like friendship and other relationships are developed based on what one's brain tells them.