Handling High Maintenance Friendships - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 07-29-2005, 01:22 AM

How many of you have ever dealt with a high maintenance person in your life who is very important or semi important? I am not just talking about relatives, customers or people you just assist. I am talking about people who do consider close or somewhat close and important in your life.

To those who have dealt with such people, do you ever give up on them? Have you given up on them? If you have given up, how long does it last? Do you just "dump" them or give them chances? If you give them chances, then why? Do you just give them the benefit of the doubt, or do you just feel sorry for them?

I ask because I've recently had a situation where I can be such a high maintenance friend (because of my paranoia, irrationality, depression, neurotic, jealousy, etc....) and this person has come to see it. However, he has NOT given up on me. It just gets me wondering why he hasn't. Then again, he has some of the same flaws as I do. I recently had a convo with him, and he's told me one of his bad habits is fixing me to fix himself. I guess that's why he hasn't given up on me? Who knows....

vienna waits · 07-29-2005, 01:38 AM

I had a friend early on in HS who I had a high maintenance relationship with. She always wanted me to do things with her other friends and I never did because I was shy and wasn't into the whole meeting new people thing. This would happen a lot and every time it was a big ordeal over and over again of me being a jerk. We rarely spoke in 11th and 12th grade and then I sat next to her at graduation (ironically) and it was if nothing ever happened. I dunno it was weird.

Ewan's My Man · 07-29-2005, 02:02 AM

There's obviously some benefit to him in the friendship or it wouldn't be going so smoothly.

Quite honestly, when I have a high maintenance friend it doesn't last very long. I'm very independent and when I have a friend who is needy or whines a lot I tend to back away as quickly as possible. I'm too passive to ever confront anybody but I dissolve the friendship as easily as possible.

dawsongirl · 07-29-2005, 02:40 AM

Oh, you know I have.

But I fear this time he has given up on me, which is why I've been a nervous wreck for a week and I have a headache and a stomachache. I think I pushed it too far when I yelled at him for talking to me the way he did.

But I just can't let things die, so I keep trying to figure out ways to get him to talk to me. I don't know...I wish I could make him understand all my emotional problems, but I don't even want to try. I just don't want the friendship to die. God I'm a mess.

Moonlight Lady · 07-29-2005, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ewan's My Man

Quite honestly, when I have a high maintenance friend it doesn't last very long. I'm very independent and when I have a friend who is needy or whines a lot I tend to back away as quickly as possible.

That's the way I am too, I have no patience for it, especially with whining.

Janice · 07-29-2005, 11:08 AM

I had a friend who was so high maintenance that I ended our friendship. It was a crisis a week for the drama queen. I'm a good friend and listener, but it never ended with her. She drove me crazy. She was also a bitch to employees in stores and restaurants, and that was a huge turnoff. I asked her not to act that way, but she would still tear in waitresses, etc.

I haven't spoken to her in almost five years now, and I can honestly say that I don't miss her. She wasn't worth the trouble. We were friends for 30 years too, but she got worse as she got older.

swedeace · 07-29-2005, 09:02 PM

Thank you all for your responses. To those who haven't given up on your high maintenance friend, may I ask why you haven't? Are you giving them the benefit of the doubt, or you just don't let their high maintenance behavior bother you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dawsongirl

Oh, you know I have.

But I fear this time he has given up on me, which is why I've been a nervous wreck for a week and I have a headache and a stomachache. I think I pushed it too far when I yelled at him for talking to me the way he did.

Cathy, is this the online guy? And is he still putting on that quite harsh jokish attitude? If so, then I wouldn't second-guess on his being pushed away. I know that my friend... well, I cannot count how many times I've been vindictive and just argued or shown my frustation over him via instant messenger. Then again, my friend says he loves to purposely argue with people because he believes they are more open and honest that way. That's probably one reason why he isn't so keen to give up easily, I guess... Dunno... Also, have you two talked about your friendship? Like, discussed it? That might help open up what his feelings are on the whole friendship factor. My friend is SO stubborn and kinda oblivious over my feelings, BUT... he does consider me a friend. I guess he has a different perspective on friendship. I dunno. He even felt hurt that I doubted his friendship to me. Whoa...

Quote:

But I just can't let things die, so I keep trying to figure out ways to get him to talk to me. I don't know...I wish I could make him understand all my emotional problems, but I don't even want to try. I just don't want the friendship to die. God I'm a mess.

I totally understand you with this. My last "friend" (note the quotes)... literally took me eight months to realize there was NO friendship. I met that guy, talked with him, and he was interested in my Euro trip, developed photos and I'd visit him at his photo developing lab and would see him at my job (he was a student). Everytime I'd try and see him, I'd try anything to get him to talk and hang out with me. I put so much energy into it that I refused to see we weren't actually friends. Well, that's a long story. I can explain it to you in details in a PM, if you'd like.

07-29-2005, 01:22 AM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Handling High Maintenance Friendships How many of you have ever dealt with a high maintenance person in your life who is very important or semi important? I am not just talking about relatives, customers or people you just assist. I am talking about people who do consider close or somewhat close and important in your life. To those who have dealt with such people, do you ever give up on them? Have you given up on them? If you have given up, how long does it last? Do you just "dump" them or give them chances? If you give them chances, then why? Do you just give them the benefit of the doubt, or do you just feel sorry for them? I ask because I've recently had a situation where I can be such a high maintenance friend (because of my paranoia, irrationality, depression, neurotic, jealousy, etc....) and this person has come to see it. However, he has NOT given up on me. It just gets me wondering why he hasn't. Then again, he has some of the same flaws as I do. I recently had a convo with him, and he's told me one of his bad habits is fixing me to fix himself. I guess that's why he hasn't given up on me? Who knows....

07-29-2005, 01:38 AM	#2
vienna waits avatars are stupid. Forum Superstar Join Date: May 18, 2001 Location: Ravenclaw Common Room Posts: 29,859	I had a friend early on in HS who I had a high maintenance relationship with. She always wanted me to do things with her other friends and I never did because I was shy and wasn't into the whole meeting new people thing. This would happen a lot and every time it was a big ordeal over and over again of me being a jerk. We rarely spoke in 11th and 12th grade and then I sat next to her at graduation (ironically) and it was if nothing ever happened. I dunno it was weird.
	__________________ Me: Did you see Dunkleman in the audience at the finale? Crystal: No! Me: Yeah, that's because he wasn't invited.

07-29-2005, 02:02 AM	#3
Ewan's My Man I'll Cover You Forum Veteran Join Date: Sep 29, 2001 Location: Beneath the opera house... Posts: 5,682	There's obviously some benefit to him in the friendship or it wouldn't be going so smoothly. Quite honestly, when I have a high maintenance friend it doesn't last very long. I'm very independent and when I have a friend who is needy or whines a lot I tend to back away as quickly as possible. I'm too passive to ever confront anybody but I dissolve the friendship as easily as possible.
	__________________ Don't you ever wanna be somebody to envy Don't you wanna be footloose and free? Well, you could be the life of the party If you were more- Like me! All you have to do is jump over the moon Moo with me!

07-29-2005, 02:40 AM	#4
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	Oh, you know I have. But I fear this time he has given up on me, which is why I've been a nervous wreck for a week and I have a headache and a stomachache. I think I pushed it too far when I yelled at him for talking to me the way he did. But I just can't let things die, so I keep trying to figure out ways to get him to talk to me. I don't know...I wish I could make him understand all my emotional problems, but I don't even want to try. I just don't want the friendship to die. God I'm a mess.

07-29-2005, 11:08 AM	#6
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I had a friend who was so high maintenance that I ended our friendship. It was a crisis a week for the drama queen. I'm a good friend and listener, but it never ended with her. She drove me crazy. She was also a bitch to employees in stores and restaurants, and that was a huge turnoff. I asked her not to act that way, but she would still tear in waitresses, etc. I haven't spoken to her in almost five years now, and I can honestly say that I don't miss her. She wasn't worth the trouble. We were friends for 30 years too, but she got worse as she got older.