Does being intimate with a friend always ruin the friendship? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 07-17-2005, 01:10 PM

Just curious....

How easy is it to confuse or mix up love with friendship? Like, how would a friendship change if there is sex involved based on "some" love feelings from one (or maybe both) person is physically attracted to the other person? Would there be guilt behind it and possibly harm the friendship?

Janice · 07-17-2005, 01:16 PM

In my experience and from what I've seen, I think once a friendship goes to the next level, it usually gets blown out of the water. The dynamics change. Someone, usually the woman, ends up wanting a commitment.

There are exceptions. I'm still friends with a someone from my single days, going waaaay back. We were friends, both single, and well...you know. He attended my wedding, and we're still in touch. No, not that kind of "touch".

Still, I don't see many friendships survive after intimacy.

vienna waits · 07-17-2005, 01:23 PM

It worked for Dawson and Joey. However, I think that most of the time it completely changes a friendship into something else. It's bringing a friendship to something that, in my opinion, is reserved for marriage. I don't think it's a smart thing to do if the friendship means much, seeing as it can destroy what was there before.

TJL · 07-17-2005, 01:24 PM

I think it ruins a friendship.
I was "intimate" with a friend who I had known for years.
We kind of had this on again off again attraction thing going, although I was probably more into it more than she was.
I do think the times we were more than friends definatly put a strain on our friendship, to the point where we drifted apart. Sometimes things were really awkward between us. She used to hang out with me any my roommate all the time years ago, now I rarely see her. Ah well, these things happen.

swedeace · 07-17-2005, 01:35 PM

Hmmm.... interesting, interesting responses....

I wonder how this would affect if one of the persons isn't ready for a fullblown commitment for a romantic relationship (like they are a bit mentally immature at the moment) and then more happens. That would surely make things awkward and guilt-ridden, as someone already said. I mean, if a friendship is there and then more happens, it would make it a bit easier to talk intimately about the feelings, I would think. I could be wrong because it seems to strain the friendship more often than survive it or actually move into a romantic relationship. This is definitely complicated.

Kazza · 07-17-2005, 02:10 PM

It ruined a nice friendship I had.

Jrnygrl · 07-17-2005, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

In my experience and from what I've seen, I think once a friendship goes to the next level, it usually gets blown out of the water. The dynamics change. Someone, usually the woman, ends up wanting a commitment.

There are exceptions. I'm still friends with a someone from my single days, going waaaay back. We were friends, both single, and well...you know. He attended my wedding, and we're still in touch. No, not that kind of "touch".

Still, I don't see many friendships survive after intimacy.

Janice is right, it never works, it ruined a great friendship for me, and I really regretted it.

rusyd · 07-17-2005, 03:09 PM

It's seems it would be too akward to keep a friendship level after being intimate. I tried to be friends w exes and it didn't work.

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 07-17-2005, 03:57 PM

I think it depends on what kind of relationship youre going after. If youre just going for a 'friends with benefits' kinda thing, down the line it will ruin things. There are some times though where you wind up marrying your best friend and whatever. I just think it all depends on what you want out of it, and if its wanted equally on both sides.

Brian Damage · 07-17-2005, 04:04 PM

I wound up marrying her.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 07-17-2005, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ¤I Love Clay Aiken¤

I think it depends on what kind of relationship youre going after. If youre just going for a 'friends with benefits' kinda thing, down the line it will ruin things. There are some times though where you wind up marrying your best friend and whatever. I just think it all depends on what you want out of it, and if its wanted equally on both sides.

Yeah, see, I agree. It can't always lead to something bad.

swedeace · 07-17-2005, 04:18 PM

Yeah, I agree with the last two posts. It's all in uniqueness based upon the individuals, their history, their thoughts and feelings, their views, their opinions, beliefs, etc... No one else's but those TWO individuals can decide.

So it will always be different or close to other relationships. I've learned that no matter which advice or how much advice anyone gets, they have go what's best for themselves and what they feel is right for them and the other person. I guess it's usually depends what will have to be given through time and base it on both persons' decisions. Asking for a lot of people's advice, I found, is that you will always get many different views based upon each individual's own experience that may or may not side with you. It's best to just decide and have a feel of what's best for YOU. True, true, true....

Titania · 07-17-2005, 07:07 PM

hard to say.

ive had some friends who ive been intimate with and stayed close with after, others ive dated and then remained friends.
currently im sort of involved with my best friend and we'll see what happens with that. we've gone awhile not really together, not really just friends, but we'll see.

Chelsea · 07-17-2005, 07:17 PM

Something I've observed in my relatively short (1.9 decade) lifespan is that, based on the friends I've known who've entered into a relationship - it's either ended in marriage...or not only do they break up, but the friendship is dissolved.

My personal experience is amazingly limited. All I'll say is this - I was really good friends with somebody for a really long time, and now not so much, due largely to a growing amount of feelings for said friend, and an admitted inability to show emotion on my part. (And yes, you guys, this thread's the reason I've been so damn cranky today...dug up some stuff I was happier trying not to think about)

The Modfather · 07-17-2005, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

No, not that kind of "touch".

Glad you cleared that up.

07-17-2005, 01:10 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Does being intimate with a friend always ruin the friendship? Just curious.... How easy is it to confuse or mix up love with friendship? Like, how would a friendship change if there is sex involved based on "some" love feelings from one (or maybe both) person is physically attracted to the other person? Would there be guilt behind it and possibly harm the friendship?

07-17-2005, 01:23 PM	#3
vienna waits avatars are stupid. Forum Superstar Join Date: May 18, 2001 Location: Ravenclaw Common Room Posts: 29,859	It worked for Dawson and Joey. However, I think that most of the time it completely changes a friendship into something else. It's bringing a friendship to something that, in my opinion, is reserved for marriage. I don't think it's a smart thing to do if the friendship means much, seeing as it can destroy what was there before.
	__________________ Me: Did you see Dunkleman in the audience at the finale? Crystal: No! Me: Yeah, that's because he wasn't invited.

07-17-2005, 01:24 PM	#4
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	I think it ruins a friendship. I was "intimate" with a friend who I had known for years. We kind of had this on again off again attraction thing going, although I was probably more into it more than she was. I do think the times we were more than friends definatly put a strain on our friendship, to the point where we drifted apart. Sometimes things were really awkward between us. She used to hang out with me any my roommate all the time years ago, now I rarely see her. Ah well, these things happen.
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

07-17-2005, 03:57 PM	#9
¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ MISS APRIL Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 19, 2001 Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder! Posts: 68,780	I think it depends on what kind of relationship youre going after. If youre just going for a 'friends with benefits' kinda thing, down the line it will ruin things. There are some times though where you wind up marrying your best friend and whatever. I just think it all depends on what you want out of it, and if its wanted equally on both sides.
	__________________ DAVID COOK FOR AMERICAN IDOL

07-17-2005, 07:07 PM	#13
Titania a part of that Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 04, 2000 Posts: 3,694	hard to say. ive had some friends who ive been intimate with and stayed close with after, others ive dated and then remained friends. currently im sort of involved with my best friend and we'll see what happens with that. we've gone awhile not really together, not really just friends, but we'll see.
	__________________ I don't mean to put on any pressure, but I know what a thing is right. and I spend every day reconfiguring my senses. I'll give you stars and the moon and a soul to guide you and a promise I'll never go I'll give you hope to bring out all the life inside you and the strength that will help you grow. myspace

07-17-2005, 01:16 PM	#2
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	In my experience and from what I've seen, I think once a friendship goes to the next level, it usually gets blown out of the water. The dynamics change. Someone, usually the woman, ends up wanting a commitment. There are exceptions. I'm still friends with a someone from my single days, going waaaay back. We were friends, both single, and well...you know. He attended my wedding, and we're still in touch. No, not that kind of "touch". Still, I don't see many friendships survive after intimacy.

07-17-2005, 01:35 PM	#5
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Hmmm.... interesting, interesting responses.... I wonder how this would affect if one of the persons isn't ready for a fullblown commitment for a romantic relationship (like they are a bit mentally immature at the moment) and then more happens. That would surely make things awkward and guilt-ridden, as someone already said. I mean, if a friendship is there and then more happens, it would make it a bit easier to talk intimately about the feelings, I would think. I could be wrong because it seems to strain the friendship more often than survive it or actually move into a romantic relationship. This is definitely complicated.

07-17-2005, 02:10 PM	#6
Kazza Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 17, 2003 Posts: 3,244	It ruined a nice friendship I had.

07-17-2005, 03:09 PM	#8
rusyd Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Mar 30, 2004 Posts: 13,505	It's seems it would be too akward to keep a friendship level after being intimate. I tried to be friends w exes and it didn't work.

07-17-2005, 04:04 PM	#10
Brian Damage I'm Rich Bitch Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 03, 2002 Location: What Ain't No Country I Ever Heard Of...They Speak English in What? Posts: 63,107	I wound up marrying her.

07-17-2005, 04:18 PM	#12
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Yeah, I agree with the last two posts. It's all in uniqueness based upon the individuals, their history, their thoughts and feelings, their views, their opinions, beliefs, etc... No one else's but those TWO individuals can decide. So it will always be different or close to other relationships. I've learned that no matter which advice or how much advice anyone gets, they have go what's best for themselves and what they feel is right for them and the other person. I guess it's usually depends what will have to be given through time and base it on both persons' decisions. Asking for a lot of people's advice, I found, is that you will always get many different views based upon each individual's own experience that may or may not side with you. It's best to just decide and have a feel of what's best for YOU. True, true, true....

07-17-2005, 07:17 PM	#14
Chelsea Semi-retired Forum Veteran Join Date: Jan 07, 2001 Location: Washington Posts: 5,727	Something I've observed in my relatively short (1.9 decade) lifespan is that, based on the friends I've known who've entered into a relationship - it's either ended in marriage...or not only do they break up, but the friendship is dissolved. My personal experience is amazingly limited. All I'll say is this - I was really good friends with somebody for a really long time, and now not so much, due largely to a growing amount of feelings for said friend, and an admitted inability to show emotion on my part. (And yes, you guys, this thread's the reason I've been so damn cranky today...dug up some stuff I was happier trying not to think about)