Man Commits Suicide after Learning Harry Potter Spoiler - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

AllIWantIsYourClutch · 07-15-2005, 08:45 PM

Andy Borowitz: Man Commits Suicide after Learning Harry Potter Spoiler
'I No Longer Have a Reason to Live,' Says Despondent Potter Fan
By: Andy Borowitz

A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."

Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live."

Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston's house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter – and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate.

"When Jude got that vanity license plate that said ‘Hogwarts,' that seemed harmless enough," said Polly Clovis, who attended Model U.N. with Mr. Ralston while the two were in high school. "But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help."

According to friends of Mr. Ralston, the Potter fanatic had done everything in his power to protect himself from stumbling across Potter plot spoilers, even disconnecting his computer from the Internet and avoiding his favorite vintage comic book store.

Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place.

"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude's life, even if he didn't have one," she said.

Elsewhere, President Bush called the jailing of a New York Times reporter "a positive step," but warned that many other reporters were still at large.

http://www.yubanet.com/artman/publis...le_22620.shtml

Rhiannon · 07-15-2005, 09:08 PM

barwars · 07-15-2005, 09:09 PM

If someone takes their life over "Harry Potter", it's not much of a loss.

Warm & Fuzzy · 07-15-2005, 09:17 PM

OMG.... that is just... pathetic...

Not to sound mean or anything, but.... seriously.

ABlairican Pie · 07-15-2005, 09:25 PM

I hate spoilers, I like to keep in suspense about stuff, BUTFERGAWSHSAKES, MISTER!!!!

I'm not THAT desperate to be kept in suspense.

I Love John Ritter · 07-15-2005, 09:27 PM

Now that's a die-hard fan...........literally. Seriously though, I adore Three's Company and John Ritter, I'm a fanatic about it, but I wouldn't commit suicide just because I found out spoilers related to it.

Tuesday Weld · 07-15-2005, 09:28 PM

How silly to get that worked up over a movie.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 07-15-2005, 09:29 PM

lol it's not real

ABlairican Pie · 07-15-2005, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicrocksmyworld

How silly to get that worked up over a movie.

Wasn't it actually the new book?

Makes me think of "Misery" by Stephen King.

I Love John Ritter · 07-15-2005, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain ABlairica

Wasn't it actually the new book?

Yeah, it's the book. The plot is always ruined about the movie because the books are ahead, and if he's a fanatic about it, then I'm sure he's read every book that's out already.

Tuesday Weld · 07-15-2005, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I Love John Ritter

Yeah, it's the book. The plot is always ruined about the movie because the books are ahead, and if he's a fanatic about it, then I'm sure he's read every book that's out already.

Ok, the book. Still silly, though.

IMakeBurgers · 07-15-2005, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllIWantIsYourClutch

Elsewhere, President Bush called the jailing of a New York Times reporter "a positive step," but warned that many other reporters were still at large.

Oh...My...God. Putting someone in jail for doing their job. What is this world coming to?!

Looks to me like Bush is abusing his power.

I may be reading this wrong, you never know.

Hollow · 07-15-2005, 09:57 PM

O_O who knows how JK rowling feels.

but i think it's terrible and i don't find it funny at all, regardless how silly the reason is. talk about an unhealthy obsession.

AllIWantIsYourClutch · 07-15-2005, 10:03 PM

ITS FAKE

Hollow · 07-15-2005, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllIWantIsYourClutch

ITS FAKE

oh god, i was hoping so.

07-15-2005, 08:45 PM	#1
AllIWantIsYourClutch peaceout. Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 02, 2001 Location: Illinois. Posts: 53,424	Man Commits Suicide after Learning Harry Potter Spoiler Andy Borowitz: Man Commits Suicide after Learning Harry Potter Spoiler 'I No Longer Have a Reason to Live,' Says Despondent Potter Fan By: Andy Borowitz A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live." Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston's house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter – and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate. "When Jude got that vanity license plate that said ‘Hogwarts,' that seemed harmless enough," said Polly Clovis, who attended Model U.N. with Mr. Ralston while the two were in high school. "But when he started wearing that wizard hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help." According to friends of Mr. Ralston, the Potter fanatic had done everything in his power to protect himself from stumbling across Potter plot spoilers, even disconnecting his computer from the Internet and avoiding his favorite vintage comic book store. Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place. "In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude's life, even if he didn't have one," she said. Elsewhere, President Bush called the jailing of a New York Times reporter "a positive step," but warned that many other reporters were still at large. http://www.yubanet.com/artman/publis...le_22620.shtml

07-15-2005, 09:08 PM	#2
Rhiannon oh, snap! Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jul 19, 2002 Location: middle of nowhere Posts: 11,097
	__________________ Nothing better the feeling is so fine Simply put I saw your love stream flow

07-15-2005, 09:17 PM	#4
Warm & Fuzzy Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 02, 2001 Posts: 10,254	OMG.... that is just... pathetic... Not to sound mean or anything, but.... seriously.
	__________________ "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." ~Unknown

07-15-2005, 09:25 PM	#5
ABlairican Pie Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 12, 2001 Location: Living where cats reign more Supreme than a pizza. Posts: 31,619	I hate spoilers, I like to keep in suspense about stuff, BUTFERGAWSHSAKES, MISTER!!!! I'm not THAT desperate to be kept in suspense.
	__________________ Release the kitties. --Nathan Explosion

07-15-2005, 09:27 PM	#6
I Love John Ritter Miss ya, John Senior Member Join Date: Apr 06, 2004 Location: In John Ritter's arms Posts: 2,687	Now that's a die-hard fan...........literally. Seriously though, I adore Three's Company and John Ritter, I'm a fanatic about it, but I wouldn't commit suicide just because I found out spoilers related to it.
	__________________ Highlight between the X and the O X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there! O Johnathan Southworth Ritter September 17, 1948 - September 11, 2003 Five years without you. Don Knotts July 21, 1924 - February 24, 2006.

07-15-2005, 09:09 PM	#3
barwars .. Forum Star Join Date: May 04, 2002 Posts: 13,273	If someone takes their life over "Harry Potter", it's not much of a loss.

07-15-2005, 09:28 PM	#7
Tuesday Weld I missed you all. hugs Forum Celebrity Join Date: Feb 02, 2003 Location: Having a great time. Posts: 22,285	How silly to get that worked up over a movie.
	__________________ Cindy Formerly musicrocksmyworld, ElvisDustyfan and vintagetvgirl. After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager." - William S. Burroughs

07-15-2005, 09:29 PM	#8
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	lol it's not real
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

07-15-2005, 09:57 PM	#13
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	O_O who knows how JK rowling feels. but i think it's terrible and i don't find it funny at all, regardless how silly the reason is. talk about an unhealthy obsession.

07-15-2005, 10:03 PM	#14
AllIWantIsYourClutch peaceout. Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 02, 2001 Location: Illinois. Posts: 53,424	ITS FAKE