I Have a Problem With a Guy

[Karen*]

Okay...I may have told some of you about this guy that I like at work, but now I feel like I have to go public about it on this forum because I need more advice regarding this sitch I'm in. Here I go...

So...I really like one of my co-workers (Who shall be unnamed in this thread. If you already know what his name is...SHUT UP). There was just something about him ever since I first met him on my third day at work last month. We don't work in the same department, but we do get to see each other a lot. We've been talking and spending our breaks together and I kinda consider him as a friend. He kinda asked me out last week, but then it only turned out to be a group outing with him and two of his friends.

Ugh...it was horrible! He and his friends just sort of ignored me and they kept on talking about stuff in the car that I couldn't relate to: Partying, smoking, drinking, getting stoned, getting arrested, etc. Not to mention that his friends were SMOKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND POLLUTING MY POOR LITTLE LUNGS. pissed:

And...I didn't see him again till last night when I took my brother and cousin to the movies and he was working. I asked him if we would ever hang out again, but this time in private and without his friends and he just told me to call him whenever. Butttt...he also confided in me that he's kind of a drug dealer and that if that ever made me feel uncomfortable, then I should let him know. I was going to go out with him today, but after what he told me, I didn't want to anymore. Also, my dad doesn't want me to see him anymore. My co-worker goes to an alternative school and my dad is having suspicions as to why.

So...I'm asking you, How do I deal? I really, really like him, but I don't think it could ever work out between us. Our lifestyles are SO different, so opposite. He's a free-spirited wild child and I'm like, the girl next door. People say that opposites attract, but I don't know if it could in this case. And I do wanna go out with him again, I'm just afraid that he'll put me through some difficult situations. He's a REALLY nice guy-he really is-and I worry about him more than I worry about myself. He has so much potential to actually become something, but he hides it beneath the drugs, alcohol, and fighting. I don't wanna think about all the bad things that could happen to him. If I go out with him again, I think I'd just wanna sit down and have dinner with him, get to know him more, and let him know what I think and that I'm concerned for him.

Would it be possible for him to change? I wouldn't want him to do it for me or anyone else. I think someone needs to push him to have a little more respect for himself. It seems like such a longshot though.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. Let me know if you want me to clarify something. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Number 9 Dream]

I hate to say it, but I think it's best you don't get involved in that lifestyle. First off, it's illegal and secondly-- why make yourself uncomfortable? I am speaking from experience here(since I dated someone very similar to the guy you mentioned), and it's not a fun place to be...getting ignored isn't what an "interested" guy does to the girl he likes....

I'm sorry but it just doesn't seem like he's the right guy for you...Good luck.

[Max Whittaker]

If he doesn't want to change, nobody can make him. It sounds like he basically said, this is who I am, accept it or move on.

If you want to give it a try, go ahead. But understand, if he or his friends ever make you feel uncomforable, you have the right to speak out, and if the relationship ever makes you feel worthless or second class, dump him.

Do what is right for you.

[TripperFan]

I have to agree. Nip it in the bud. You won't change him and if anything, he could end up influencing you. I'll hand him that he did warn you, and is very upfront and cool with you.

I'd really keep it on a friendly level at work only. That's the other thing - he ever gets busted, and it could somehow get back to them at work, they know you're dating, and you'll be guilty by association. Also, it'll only end up with conflicts with his friends. You won't like hanging around them because of their smoking, and they probably won't stop it around you. It's unfortunate, but a good thing you found out early. I remember you telling us about him a while back.

Don't worry - you're young and pretty and there's lots of good guys out there. Have respect for yourself.

[Max Whittaker]

Also, it's important that you don't put yourself into an illegal or potentially dangerous situation.

Usually I say give love a try, so you don't have any regrets. But this relationship just has regret written all over it. If you fail to change his lifestyle, you will feel regret. Not to mention the numerous other pitfalls that come with illegal activity.

[JT]

I say that you explain to him exactly how you feel. Making snap judgements just like that is just ridiculous. Tell him EXACTLY what you're saying him, and see how he reacts.

And if that doesn't work....

http://www.DearAbby.com/

[Living In a '70's Dream]

Dear God, that guy is a LOSER move on..first he ignores you in front of his friends and then he tells you that he is kind of a Drug Dealer

[Janet McFarland]

I think if you really really like him, go for it. Talk to him and tell him how much you like him. Also tell him how uncomfortable you are with him being a drugdealer. Maybe he'll change his lifestyle. If that doesn't work, then I would just forget about him. He isn't worth it

[vienna waits]

seriously dump him. you're risking your own reputation and you could end up involved in the same things.

[Living In a '70's Dream]

Originally Posted by Janet McFarland

I think if you really really like him, go for it. Talk to him and tell him how much you like him. Also tell him how uncomfortable you are with him being a drugdealer. Maybe he'll change his lifestyle. If that doesn't work, then I would just forget about him. He isn't worth it

I disagree, you can never change anyone. I dated someone who both dealt with an addiction of drugs and as well was a drug dealer. it was not a pretty scene. I highly recommend that she stay away from having a relationship with this person regardless if she likes him or not; first he was rude towards her (proves that he does not have any respect) and second he deals with drugs..not good..not good at all, take it from me who has been there and done that...Stay away before you get hurt...

[Living In a '70's Dream]

Originally Posted by GoldenFanatic

I agree with the majority. I say let him go.

It might not sound like the best idea - but I'm sure you don't want to pick up his habits. Right?

Best Idea? Heavens no..Stay away, the smartest thing she can do, is to end the relationship before her feelings for this person become stronger and she ends up hurt; which when it comes to dealing with someone who is a "drug dealer" regardless how involved this individual is, the best advice I can give..is to walk away NOW before you come hurt either emotionally or even physically.

[dawsongirl]

Originally Posted by Time After Time

People say that opposites attract, but I don't know if it could in this case.

They attract at first, but after the first few dates/conversations, etc, it just doesn't work unless one of you is willing to change. And in this case, Please God don't let it be YOU!! There's nothing wrong with being the girl next door.

I'd say if he changed his lifestyle to one where he wasn't a target for cops, then you could pursue it; but I can just see you getting hurt down the road or in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I think that's what your dad is thinking too. Sounds like this one is a just-talk-to-at-work kind of crush. You're young; you have lots and lots of time to find a guy who's a little less...dangerous.

[JT]

Originally Posted by Living In a '70's Dream

I disagree, you can never change anyone. I dated someone who both dealt with an addiction of drugs and as well was a drug dealer. it was not a pretty scene. I highly recommend that she stay away from having a relationship with this person regardless if she likes him or not; first he was rude towards her (proves that he does not have any respect) and second he deals with drugs..not good..not good at all, take it from me who has been there and done that...Stay away before you get hurt...

You can never change anyone? Then why are there rehab centers all across the effing world?!

[Mikado]

Originally Posted by JT

You can never change anyone? Then why are there rehab centers all across the effing world?!

Geeez, i swear you sound like youre trying to talk her into it!! What should she do next, try playing Russian roulette, in case she likes it? Tightrope over the Grand Canyon ( "Ok, you might fall, but what a rush" )...or risk her life in any other way, simply cause she MIGHT survive??

Don't listen to this guy ^^^, the boy you "like" is BAD NEWS ...What do you "like" about him anyway? Whatever the attraction, its obvious that in the things that REALLY make up his character, he isnt attractive at ALL...run girl, run fast!!!!

[Courtnee]

Dump the bastard......Your a good girl and don't ever change.
EDIT:::Wow....i sound like my mom