Delete

[Wildchats]

Delete

[Brieannas21]

Congratulations!!!!

[Mark Bellhorn]

Good Luuuuck.

[Joe F]

It's a nice opportunity, Mark. If you produce good work there, you could get into the MFA program, which is where many great screenwriters have gotten their starts. Good luck.

Take every bit of criticism you receive seriously - learning how to improve without getting upset by criticism is vital in this business. You will be learning from professionals. Just having them read and comment on your work is probably 99% of the value of the certificate program.

[ThomasE]

Originally Posted by Wildchats

Just wanted to post that I was one of 100 students accepted to the UCLA Professional Screenwriting Program for the fall of 2005.


And, as always, I promise that someday Gimme A Break will be known and make a comeback on TV and DVD!

Congrats to you. Here at UCF in Orlando, out film department only takes 25 students per year. I was rejected 2 years back I am doing a film studies degree and am working on networking as much as possible. My new roomate got into the deparment for this fall. It is not an easy program to get into, so congrats to you, dude.

[Joe F]

Mark,

I didn't see the post that offended you, it must have been removed. But this sounds like a learning opportunity for you. Even the best writers have their detractors. People for whatever reason want to tear them down.

You need a steel-thick skin in this business. If you go to UCLA for the certificate program, you're going to hear much worse. You have to put yourself into your writing, put it all out there for everyone to see without freaking out every time someone makes a negative comment. This is just par for the course when you're writing professionally.

[Joe F]

Originally Posted by Wildchats

I know about that. I was just saying, that the stuff I write online isn't like the stuff I write for class, or the stuff I want to send to agents or networks. The guy was just saying that all that stuff I wrote was childish, and yes, it was...I was only 15 at the time, and was just getting into the writing. I just wanted to make it clear that it was created when I was 15, and not recently, and anything online I write isn't edited, so there may be tons of spelling errors or it may look like a 4th grader wrote it

There's such a difference between what you write at 15 and what you write after you've had more practice. I'd just get rid of all the old stuff online. File it away somewhere on a CD so you can laugh at it later on.

I took a quick look at your fan fiction for this show, and I see why you're getting teased about it. It's not remotely close to broadcast quality, I don't think it could be edited - not talking about typos or spelling, spell check works wonders in most cases. So, if that's your very old stuff, it's giving people the wrong impression.

You have some interesting plot ideas. At that time, at least, you didn't have a sense of dialogue. Your characters weren't reacting to each other, everything was plot driven and too conveniently resolved. I didn't get much of a sense of individual voice, except maybe for some of Nell's favorite sayings.

I'm not trying to dump on you by any means. Writing is learned by practice and hearing what people have to say, especially when they take the time for constructive criticism. The UCLA opportunity is important - you will only get out of it what you're open to, and your reaction to this guy seemed a bit overboard.

[Joe F]

You've given this UCLA Dude a lot of power in your life. Changing your screen name over a few stupid comments? You need to have more confidence in yourself.

There are always idiots out there. If you let them control your behavior, you will be eaten alive in this business. Screenwriting is not a profession for people who are easily wounded. Words only have the power you give them.

You have to put yourself out there without being so self-conscious. In that fanfic section, you mentioned that you wouldn't continue to write unless you received more commentary. That's ceding too much power. People aren't going to respond positively to it.

I read the Chief's Indigestion. It's better, still not what producers are looking for in a sitcom. Even with a heavy issue, you need to have some sort of subplot breaking up the action. Now you do that with the indigestion thing, but it's still all one scene. You're not going to get away with that.

Also, you're getting better at this, but I'm still not getting much of a sense that people are speaking in their own voices. And in particular, they aren't reacting with realistic emotions. The chief, for instance, was worried that his daughter had been kidnapped, and then finds out she went to Las Vegas and got married on her 18th birthday. But he's all over the place in his reactions. This may be too much to deal with in 22 minutes, but you're certainly not going to tie the events up neatly. This episode pretty much needs to wind up with a major rift.

CHIEF (to Nell) You knew about this? You knew about this and didn't tell me? And you're in my home cooking my eggs and you didn't say a word? You're fired. Get out. (turns to Julie) And you... I... um... am very disappointed (turns and leaves).

Obviously, when you submit a script, format is important because producers are so used to evaluating material for pacing purposes. But that's easy to fix. Even actions on the part of the actors in most cases can be left out unless they're unusual. The director and the actors are going to work together there. The feel of the dialogue is what's essential. Are the characters acting and reacting in a consistent manner? Are you creating conflict without changing fundamental relationships?

Here, you've created plenty of conflict. But the characters aren't staying in character. If Julie thinks so little of her family that she elopes at 18, why is she so worried about their reaction - and why do the others support this? She's going to be off in an apartment with her new husband. You make a major change like this, you have to let it resolve over an entire arc of episodes. Otherwise, you're just breaking the show, frustrating the viewers.

[Joe F]

Originally Posted by Wildchats

Still, it's not my absolute best, and...picture it...if it were a real episode back in 85' and I was writing for the show, I would have had to really work on it many a time (format especially) before sending it out. I actually think some of it was good, like the "Sesame Stree"...obviously Simpson likes that, since he pretended he was Kermit to Samantha and has a "Miss Piggy Poster" in his apartment (so Jonathan in a latter episode of the series informed us).

You don't get that opportunity when you're sending out scripts. It's only when you're hired as part of a writing team that you work on scripts in that manner - and then you need to revise very quickly. It's assumed that you're submitting a polished piece of work when you're unknown.

It's good to integrate some familiar elements with characters. But, instead of introducing activities as plot points, you need to think of how those elements reveal their character. The poster reveals a little about Jonathan - he can be expected to be very naive and very natural with young children. Good writing creates three-dimensional characters through dialogue with others.

That's why sitcoms, in particular, bring in one or two guests per show. Rarely none, rarely more unless they're non-speaking parts. That gives the cast a chance to interact with new characters, revealing more about themselves through that new contact.

The difference here is that if you start talking about Sesame Street as a plot point, it's a distraction. If you correctly identify, as a writer, why Jonathan likes Sesame Street and use that to focus his new interactions, you're on the right track.

As an aside, you never make mention of specific pop culture (Sesame Street, movies currently playing) in a script. You have no idea when the show will air for one. And the goal of any show is syndication down the road, so you want to do as little as possible to date the show.

Watch The Mary Tyler Moore Show (okay, I'm biased, I think everything that team did is wonderful). It really could be set in any time period post-television. It would still be in syndication right now if Fox wasn't holding it back to generate more interest in the DVDs. Now think about Mork and Mindy. It never plays well in reruns. It's too focused on trends. Robin Williams is fantastically talented, but the act is a '70s-'80s act.

Originally Posted by Wildchats

I also like the food part, but it rushed too fast (like the preparation)...how long it would take for example...that I'd have to work on. It takes longer to make french toast and eggs, but this is TV...sometimes things magically appear like 20 seconds later LOL!

Staging is something you have to be careful about. If all of that happens in the scope of one scene, you can't get away with it. So, you need a scene change. In an intense situation like the one you describe, you can use the commercial break to your advantage. Just leave on a key moment of tension that's very hard to resolve - one you need to get out there but don't want to resolve in the script. Then come back from break with the actors in different positions. That simulates time having gone by, presumably to discuss that issue.

Stage directions are normally very light - the director will mark up the script depending on his style. But you do want to set each scene as it starts, place actors in chairs, on sofas, standing, etc.

Originally Posted by Wildchats

I changed my screen name a few days ago because many a person imed me and were riddiculing me and they wouldn't go away no matter how much I blocked them, plus it wasn't threats, so I couldn't report it to AOL. But I'm sre they'll find a sly way of getting on my nerves again. But only now, I don't have to worry about annoying pop-up ims from peoepl in aim catcher anymore It wasn't just 1 person, it was hundreds. So I'm glad it's over.

Hundreds? That sounds a bit paranoid, doesn't it? Maybe it was just one determined jerk. If you give this person a good reaction, even to the point where you're posting about it on a public message board, you're giving him incentive to create new personnae. I'm sure you've made him very happy, going to those lengths to shut him down.

Originally Posted by Wildchats

Anyways...thanks for the feedback. I need all I can get. I am not the best, I have to admit that, but I am creative and do try my best at what I do in different ways (acting, writing, singing, et.)

Creativity is vital. I don't think you can succeed without it. The rest is something that requires a lot of practice. Writing in particular. One technique I've used is to tape an episode of a show that's working well right now. I watch it over and over, write down each line of dialogue. That gives me an idea of technically how the show is paced. How many pure jokes are in the script? Today, you need four or five per minute, minimum. How long does each character speak? You rarely see anyone talk for more than two lines without a break.

Originally Posted by Wildchats

So you are a big fan of GAB? It's my favorite comedy.

Not really. I'm the same age as Kari Michaelson, and I had a huge crush. The rest of the show didn't do anything for me, but I watched it. It wasn't a bad show, though, and I hope they release it on DVD. I'd probably pick up at least the first season just because Kari reminds me of my teen years.

[TJ]

Congratulations Mark, you've come a long way since your Gimme A Break Fan Fiction days.