One-liner Quotes - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Tibbs · 05-31-2005, 03:49 PM

Lets see how many one liners we can come up with, here's a couple:

Mr. Howell: No one can pull the wool over my eyes. Cashmere maybe, but wool, never.

Mrs. Howell: I don't know how we're going to explain to our friends that we spent several years with people who aren't even in the social register.

Bonsai · 09-18-2005, 12:25 PM

This isn't a one-liner, but since it made me laugh the nine-zillionth time I saw it I want to include it here

SKIPPER: (to Gilligan) We'll pretend that I am your father, so if you have a problem we'll sit down together and solve it.
GILLIGAN: ok Skipper..let's try it (walks outside hut and comes back in again) Hi Dad!
SKIPPER: Hi, son.
GILLIGAN: Where's your mustache?
SKIPPER: my what?
GILLIGAN: My dad wears a mustache.
SKIPPER: All right, go out and try it again.
(Gilligan leaves and the skipper pulls straw from the broom and holds it to his upper lip)
GILLIGAN: (coming back in) Hi, Dad!
SKIPPER: Hi, son. What's on your mind?
GILLIGAN: What's on your lip?
SKIPPER: Gilligan, never mind! Now, what's on your mind, son?
GILLIGAN: Skipper, where are your glasses?
SKIPPER: Your father wore glasses, too?
GILLIGAN: As long as I can remember.
SKIPPER: (sighs) all right...go out and we'll try it again
(Gilligan goes out and the Skipper strangely and conveniently finds a pair of glasses within reach and puts them on while still holding the straw to his lip)
GILLIGAN: (re-enters and stands in front of the Skipper, looking down) Hi, Dad!
SKIPPER: Son, how many times have I told you when you're talking to somebody, look them right in the eye.
GILLIGAN: But, Skipper, my dad was real short. I always looked down at him.
SKIPPER: (crouching down) Well, how's this?
GILLIGAN: (shocked) Dad!! How'd you get here on the island?!
SKIPPER: I've been waiting for you, son. Where have you been?
GILLIGAN: Where's Mother?!
SKIPPER: Ohhhhh, Gilligan!!!!!!!! (chases Gillgigan out the hut hitting him with his hat)

ph1l · 09-19-2005, 03:08 AM

Up At Bat
(Gilligan knocks on the door of the girl’s hut)
GINGER: Come in.
MARY ANN: Come in.
(Gilligan enters the hut.)
GILLIGAN: Hi Mary Ann, hi Ginger. Look what I've got. Just a simple old every day bite on the neck nothing to worry about. Nothing to be scared of it's nothing it's really nothing at all.
(The girls look at Gilligan’s neck)
MARY ANN: You're right, it's nothing.
GILLIGAN: That's what you think.
GINGER: Let me see.
GILLIGAN: No. Don't get too close.
MARY ANN: Oh Gilligan, bites aren't catchy.
GILLIGAN: This one is.

Pass The Vegetables, Please
(Gilligan comes running after the Skipper has called him.)
GILLIGAN: What are you doing?
SKIPPER: Well obviously Gilligan we're building a fire.
GILLIGAN: For a merit badge huh?
SKIPPER: No not for a merit badge. We're trying to signal that boat out there.
GILLIGAN: What boat?
SKIPPER: The boat out there.
GILLIGAN: I don't see any boat.
SKIPPER: Of course you don't.
GILLIGAN Do you?
SKIPPER: No.
GILLIGAN: Professor do you see the boat?
PROFESSOR: Oh I can't see it either.
GILLIGAN: But it's out there right?
SKIPPER: Look, Mary Ann saw the boat out there.
GILLIGAN: Can you see Mary Ann?
SKIPPER: No, how can I see Mary Ann when she's not even here?
GILLIGAN: The same way you can see the boat.
SKIPPER: Gilligan will stop that. Will you go get some firewood for the fire?
GILLIGAN: To signal the boat that we can't see right?
SKIPPER: Exactly.
GILLIGAN: Professor, what kind of boat is it we can't see?
PROFESSOR: White with blue trim, and it's got two men and two women on it.
SKIPPER: And the women are wearing bikinis.
GILLIGAN: Oh I wish I could see them, even if they're not there.
SKIPPER: For the last time Gilligan, will you get over to that tree and get some fire wood for the fire?
GILLIGAN: I have a better idea.
SKIPPER: What?
GILLIGAN: Since we're make believing there's a boat, let's make believe we have a fire.
SKIPPER: GILLIGAN!
GILLIGAN: I'm going. You don't have to yell.
SKIPPER: YES I DO!

Céline · 09-19-2005, 08:26 AM

Skipper:Hello,this the skipper of the S.S Minnow!
Gilligan:Hello!
Skipper:It's working!!!
The professor:But,skipper!
Skipper:Just a minute professor!I think got something!Where are you?
Gilligan:Right behind you!
Skipper:GILLIGAN!!!

05-31-2005, 03:49 PM	#1
Tibbs Aww! Frequent Poster Join Date: Dec 28, 2004 Location: --Stranded on the other side of the island Posts: 380	One-liner Quotes Lets see how many one liners we can come up with, here's a couple: Mr. Howell: No one can pull the wool over my eyes. Cashmere maybe, but wool, never. Mrs. Howell: I don't know how we're going to explain to our friends that we spent several years with people who aren't even in the social register.
	__________________ Skipper: Gilligan, why don't you stop that. You don't know anything about space. Gilligan: I know one thing about it. You take up more of it than I do. Skipper: (Talking about Gilligan) I don't dislike him. I mean, it's just that I'd like to kill him every now and then. Gilligan: Mrs. Howell, I might blow up. Lovey: Oh, don't you dare get angry with me! Tibby

09-18-2005, 12:25 PM	#2
Bonsai Gilligan Ambassador Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 12, 2005 Posts: 356	Three to Get Ready... This isn't a one-liner, but since it made me laugh the nine-zillionth time I saw it I want to include it here SKIPPER: (to Gilligan) We'll pretend that I am your father, so if you have a problem we'll sit down together and solve it. GILLIGAN: ok Skipper..let's try it (walks outside hut and comes back in again) Hi Dad! SKIPPER: Hi, son. GILLIGAN: Where's your mustache? SKIPPER: my what? GILLIGAN: My dad wears a mustache. SKIPPER: All right, go out and try it again. (Gilligan leaves and the skipper pulls straw from the broom and holds it to his upper lip) GILLIGAN: (coming back in) Hi, Dad! SKIPPER: Hi, son. What's on your mind? GILLIGAN: What's on your lip? SKIPPER: Gilligan, never mind! Now, what's on your mind, son? GILLIGAN: Skipper, where are your glasses? SKIPPER: Your father wore glasses, too? GILLIGAN: As long as I can remember. SKIPPER: (sighs) all right...go out and we'll try it again (Gilligan goes out and the Skipper strangely and conveniently finds a pair of glasses within reach and puts them on while still holding the straw to his lip) GILLIGAN: (re-enters and stands in front of the Skipper, looking down) Hi, Dad! SKIPPER: Son, how many times have I told you when you're talking to somebody, look them right in the eye. GILLIGAN: But, Skipper, my dad was real short. I always looked down at him. SKIPPER: (crouching down) Well, how's this? GILLIGAN: (shocked) Dad!! How'd you get here on the island?! SKIPPER: I've been waiting for you, son. Where have you been? GILLIGAN: Where's Mother?! SKIPPER: Ohhhhh, Gilligan!!!!!!!! (chases Gillgigan out the hut hitting him with his hat)

09-19-2005, 03:08 AM	#3
ph1l Member Senior Member Join Date: Apr 19, 2004 Posts: 1,362	Up At Bat (Gilligan knocks on the door of the girl’s hut) GINGER: Come in. MARY ANN: Come in. (Gilligan enters the hut.) GILLIGAN: Hi Mary Ann, hi Ginger. Look what I've got. Just a simple old every day bite on the neck nothing to worry about. Nothing to be scared of it's nothing it's really nothing at all. (The girls look at Gilligan’s neck) MARY ANN: You're right, it's nothing. GILLIGAN: That's what you think. GINGER: Let me see. GILLIGAN: No. Don't get too close. MARY ANN: Oh Gilligan, bites aren't catchy. GILLIGAN: This one is. Pass The Vegetables, Please (Gilligan comes running after the Skipper has called him.) GILLIGAN: What are you doing? SKIPPER: Well obviously Gilligan we're building a fire. GILLIGAN: For a merit badge huh? SKIPPER: No not for a merit badge. We're trying to signal that boat out there. GILLIGAN: What boat? SKIPPER: The boat out there. GILLIGAN: I don't see any boat. SKIPPER: Of course you don't. GILLIGAN Do you? SKIPPER: No. GILLIGAN: Professor do you see the boat? PROFESSOR: Oh I can't see it either. GILLIGAN: But it's out there right? SKIPPER: Look, Mary Ann saw the boat out there. GILLIGAN: Can you see Mary Ann? SKIPPER: No, how can I see Mary Ann when she's not even here? GILLIGAN: The same way you can see the boat. SKIPPER: Gilligan will stop that. Will you go get some firewood for the fire? GILLIGAN: To signal the boat that we can't see right? SKIPPER: Exactly. GILLIGAN: Professor, what kind of boat is it we can't see? PROFESSOR: White with blue trim, and it's got two men and two women on it. SKIPPER: And the women are wearing bikinis. GILLIGAN: Oh I wish I could see them, even if they're not there. SKIPPER: For the last time Gilligan, will you get over to that tree and get some fire wood for the fire? GILLIGAN: I have a better idea. SKIPPER: What? GILLIGAN: Since we're make believing there's a boat, let's make believe we have a fire. SKIPPER: GILLIGAN! GILLIGAN: I'm going. You don't have to yell. SKIPPER: YES I DO!
	__________________ 60's TV forever

09-19-2005, 08:26 AM	#4
Céline Member Senior Member Join Date: Jan 29, 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 1,606	Skipper:Hello,this the skipper of the S.S Minnow! Gilligan:Hello! Skipper:It's working!!! The professor:But,skipper! Skipper:Just a minute professor!I think got something!Where are you? Gilligan:Right behind you! Skipper:GILLIGAN!!!