i need advice - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Michael [hXc] · 05-25-2005, 07:09 PM

this might just sound whiny and dumb but i feel really bad about something.

i know a girl Makayla and in the beginning of the school year I was friends with her. my "friend" Jon made up lies and told her i said things about her that were not true. he's known her for years and for some reason she believed him instead of me. and since then Makayla and I haven't been friends. but today that same ex friend Jon got really pissed at me (for some stupid reason probably) and as revenge, told Makayla that i made negative racial comments about her Egyptian heritage (he told her i supposedly called her a sand n.i.g.g.e.r, referring to her light black complexion. i never would say that), among other things which were untrue, and she told my homeroom teacher. i had to talk to the school psychiatrist about it and he believed me because he could see how bad i felt. i wrote her an apology letter for all the problems we've had this year and he gave it to her. later on, i saw her in the hallway reading my note. she was really upset and i went up to her and said "hey Makayla, i see you've got my note" and she nodded and i said "do you believe what i said and that i didn't mean to offend you in any way?" and she nodded again. i might not have made racial comments about her but i did say other things which i regret.

so i want to be friends with her again but after all that's happened with us, how should i go about being her friend again? she might think i am going overboard if i try being nice to her but i feel really bad for some of the things i said about her. after not being friends for so long, how do i go about this? advice would be appreciated.

Hollow · 05-25-2005, 07:31 PM

just casually be nice to her. don't like.. buy her presents or offer to let her copy your homework, just be polite and friendly around her. if you're not direct about it she won't think you're just being desperate.

Michael [hXc] · 05-25-2005, 07:46 PM

i wouldn't really say it's desperate, i want to be friends with her again. i'm not going to just act nice for no reason or she might think i'm just being nice so i won't get in trouble.

Dutabi84 · 05-25-2005, 07:49 PM

1st, I'd break Jon's face.

Then, I'd maybe write a letter to Makayla, and make it sincere of course. Explain everything, say she can choose to believe you or not, and if she doesn't, mention that you would understand.

Max Whittaker · 05-25-2005, 07:50 PM

I don't know that you need to do anything special. Just be yourself. She'll realize over time that you are not the type of person who would say such things. Hopefully she'll also realize what a jerk that Jon guy is!

Michael [hXc] · 05-25-2005, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dutabi84

1st, I'd break Jon's face.

Then, I'd maybe write a letter to Makayla, and make it sincere of course. Explain everything, say she can choose to believe you or not, and if she doesn't, mention that you would understand.

I did write a letter and she believed me. as for Jon, the assistant principal told him if he continues with this, he could get punished for it.

dawsongirl · 05-25-2005, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dutabi84

1st, I'd break Jon's face.

dawsongirl · 05-25-2005, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AgEnT FaLLoN*

I did write a letter and she believed me. as for Jon, the assistant principal told him if he continues with this, he could get punished for it.

could get punished?? gawd...no wonder schools suck...the administration lets them get away with everything. back in the old days, a teacher would have taken a ruler to his ass. they should bring those days back.

swedeace · 05-25-2005, 09:46 PM

Your best bet, AgentFallon, would be to personally approach your female friend. Try to meet and talk with her. Don't write a letter, call, or tell her via another person. Just honestly explain to her about there being a misunderstanding by someone who you thought was a "friend" (the guy who spread the rumors). Just let your heart do the talking. By going the direct approach, you get her non-verbals and a face-to-face feeling of her view and response. By approaching someone personally, you don't get a runaround because their words and their non-verbals will tell you everything. It does not lie. In any case, good luck!

Courtnee · 05-25-2005, 10:50 PM

TripperFan · 05-25-2005, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swedeace

Your best bet, AgentFallon, would be to personally approach your female friend. Try to meet and talk with her. Don't write a letter, call, or tell her via another person. Just honestly explain to her about there being a misunderstanding by someone who you thought was a "friend" (the guy who spread the rumors). Just let your heart do the talking. By going the direct approach, you get her non-verbals and a face-to-face feeling of her view and response. By approaching someone personally, you don't get a runaround because their words and their non-verbals will tell you everything. It does not lie. In any case, good luck!

EXACTLY!! It has to be done in person, maybe go somewhere quiet - even grab a "fast food" picnic or something (you pay). Come TOTALLY clean with her - be honest that you did say some things you regret, and maybe even what they were so that she knows EXACTLY what was true and what wasn't. For what you said, I'm sure it'll show how sincere you are. Everyone deserves a second chance when they do something like that. And for God sakes - in the future, keep quiet to anyone! You just can't trust anyone if you don't want it repeated, I've found over the years. If it is, then you have to be responsible about it, own up to it, make amends if its possible and move on.
And yeah - smash that so called friend's face in!!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Michael [hXc] · 05-26-2005, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TripperFan

EXACTLY!! It has to be done in person, maybe go somewhere quiet - even grab a "fast food" picnic or something (you pay). Come TOTALLY clean with her - be honest that you did say some things you regret, and maybe even what they were so that she knows EXACTLY what was true and what wasn't. For what you said, I'm sure it'll show how sincere you are. Everyone deserves a second chance when they do something like that. And for God sakes - in the future, keep quiet to anyone! You just can't trust anyone if you don't want it repeated, I've found over the years. If it is, then you have to be responsible about it, own up to it, make amends if its possible and move on.
And yeah - smash that so called friend's face in!!

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

i told one of her best friends to tell her it wasn't me who insulted her and she did but i think i should talk to her about it. i don't know if she necessarily wants to know that i drew ugly pictures of her or made fun of her by trying to make fun of things she says. should she honestly know those things?

about Jon, the main reason he got in trouble is because he threatened to punch 2 of my friends because he thought they stole his eraser on his pencil. fighting over a ****ing eraser? he needs a lot of help.

~*Emma*~ · 05-26-2005, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dutabi84

1st, I'd break Jon's face.

sounds reasonable.

Anyway, I'd say don't be overly friendly towards this friend, but definately come clean. And then eventually, the trust should be built up again.

TripperFan · 05-26-2005, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AgEnT FaLLoN*

i told one of her best friends to tell her it wasn't me who insulted her and she did but i think i should talk to her about it. i don't know if she necessarily wants to know that i drew ugly pictures of her or made fun of her by trying to make fun of things she says. should she honestly know those things?

about Jon, the main reason he got in trouble is because he threatened to punch 2 of my friends because he thought they stole his eraser on his pencil. fighting over a ****ing eraser? he needs a lot of help.

He DOES!! I'd say I'd break my ties with that guy pretty soon - sounds like he's entering some kind of messed up phase that you don't need to be part of. He betrayed you - screw him!!!

Well maybe don't tell her exactly what you said, but I would own up to the fact that you have probably said some stuff that you shouldn't have and that you regret. If she asks for specifics, tell her the least nasty of them, but do tell her. Yes, it might hurt her a bit, but at least she'll know that you are coming totally clean and want to make amends and put all your cards on the table. Do stress what was bullsh&t - especially anything racist. It has to come from you directly though. Heresay through third parties isn't enough.
Promise that it'll never happen again, (and make sure of that) and ask for forgiveness. If she sees you dropping Jon as a friend too, she'll see that you have to be telling her the truth. Its the most responsible way to handle it I think.

Michael [hXc] · 05-26-2005, 05:04 PM

omg guys guess what?! Jon got suspended

05-25-2005, 07:09 PM	#1
Michael [hXc] dying. Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 29, 2004 Posts: 8,532	i need advice this might just sound whiny and dumb but i feel really bad about something. i know a girl Makayla and in the beginning of the school year I was friends with her. my "friend" Jon made up lies and told her i said things about her that were not true. he's known her for years and for some reason she believed him instead of me. and since then Makayla and I haven't been friends. but today that same ex friend Jon got really pissed at me (for some stupid reason probably) and as revenge, told Makayla that i made negative racial comments about her Egyptian heritage (he told her i supposedly called her a sand n.i.g.g.e.r, referring to her light black complexion. i never would say that), among other things which were untrue, and she told my homeroom teacher. i had to talk to the school psychiatrist about it and he believed me because he could see how bad i felt. i wrote her an apology letter for all the problems we've had this year and he gave it to her. later on, i saw her in the hallway reading my note. she was really upset and i went up to her and said "hey Makayla, i see you've got my note" and she nodded and i said "do you believe what i said and that i didn't mean to offend you in any way?" and she nodded again. i might not have made racial comments about her but i did say other things which i regret. so i want to be friends with her again but after all that's happened with us, how should i go about being her friend again? she might think i am going overboard if i try being nice to her but i feel really bad for some of the things i said about her. after not being friends for so long, how do i go about this? advice would be appreciated.

05-25-2005, 07:50 PM	#5
Max Whittaker I want Serenity back Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 30, 2001 Posts: 6,180	I don't know that you need to do anything special. Just be yourself. She'll realize over time that you are not the type of person who would say such things. Hopefully she'll also realize what a jerk that Jon guy is!
	__________________ I will get things done for America – to make our people safer, smarter, & healthier. I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities. Faced with apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground. Faced with adversity, I will persevere. I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond. I am an AmeriCorps member, and I will get things done.

05-25-2005, 10:50 PM	#10
Courtnee MAN VS SAMMICH. Forum Star Join Date: Mar 23, 2005 Location: Louisiana Posts: 16,413
	__________________ Whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection A freckle on the nose of life's complexion The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see, I gotta have my bite, sir. Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer" I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade

05-25-2005, 07:31 PM	#2
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	just casually be nice to her. don't like.. buy her presents or offer to let her copy your homework, just be polite and friendly around her. if you're not direct about it she won't think you're just being desperate.

05-25-2005, 07:46 PM	#3
Michael [hXc] dying. Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 29, 2004 Posts: 8,532	i wouldn't really say it's desperate, i want to be friends with her again. i'm not going to just act nice for no reason or she might think i'm just being nice so i won't get in trouble.

05-25-2005, 07:49 PM	#4
Dutabi84 kittens must die Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 22, 2003 Location: MN/TX Posts: 11,026	1st, I'd break Jon's face. Then, I'd maybe write a letter to Makayla, and make it sincere of course. Explain everything, say she can choose to believe you or not, and if she doesn't, mention that you would understand.

05-25-2005, 09:46 PM	#9
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Your best bet, AgentFallon, would be to personally approach your female friend. Try to meet and talk with her. Don't write a letter, call, or tell her via another person. Just honestly explain to her about there being a misunderstanding by someone who you thought was a "friend" (the guy who spread the rumors). Just let your heart do the talking. By going the direct approach, you get her non-verbals and a face-to-face feeling of her view and response. By approaching someone personally, you don't get a runaround because their words and their non-verbals will tell you everything. It does not lie. In any case, good luck!

05-26-2005, 05:04 PM	#15
Michael [hXc] dying. Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 29, 2004 Posts: 8,532	omg guys guess what?! Jon got suspended