Need advice on helping a guy move on (long post sorry) - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

MandieR1980 · 05-22-2005, 03:32 PM

I've talked about him in a couple threads but I never made one.

Up until last week I worked with this guy and within the last 3 months I've developed some major feelings for him and we've become friends. Here's where it gets complicated:

He USED to be engaged to be married but she ditched him about 2 months ago and moved to New Mexico with her sister and never really ended things with him first but she has made no contact with him at all since she left so obviously it is over. She's a damn fool because he's the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He's a damn catch and she'll never find anyone better. I tell him this all the time and when he left I got everyone at work to sign his card and I wrote that and told him how sad it makes me that he doesn't realize how special he is. He thanked me and gave me a big and kinda lingering hug.

Now I've noticed him giving me the eyes before so it's a mutual attraction. I was even told the other day by another co worker that he said "I'd totally date her but it's weird because I was engaged" this was brought on because a couple of other coworkers started teasing him about "Darryl & Mandie" because I bought him a present which was no big deal it was something that we sold in the store and he said he had wanted it but didn't want to spend money on.

So my ? is how do I help him move on? I don't want to wait forever for him to realize that it's over between them.

We started talking to each other online and one day last week I spent the day at his house watching one of the Star Wars movies I was excited to be going over there because I thought maybe something could happen but it turns out he had invited his best friend to join us. My mom thinks that maybe he invited him because he was nervous about being alone with me.

consentida · 05-22-2005, 03:40 PM

Well, that is complicated. lol. From my own personal experience, it's much harder to move on if someone keeps pushing it, you know? I mean, not everyone is like that and he might be open to having you help him get on with his life. But honestly, I'm not really sure exactly how you can help him.

Superstar · 05-22-2005, 03:46 PM

I'm not sure if you can help him, he may have to mvoe on in his own time. I do think your mom is right though, that he was nervous about being there alone with you.

MandieR1980 · 05-22-2005, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by consentida

Well, that is complicated. lol. From my own personal experience, it's much harder to move on if someone keeps pushing it, you know? I mean, not everyone is like that and he might be open to having you help him get on with his life. But honestly, I'm not really sure exactly how you can help him.

I haven't pushed him at all though I only said to him one day that "it's her loss and you're a great guy you deserve so much better than that" I never actually told him that she couldn't find better but it is the truth and someday she'll realize that. We don't really talk about her at all but if he's interested in me as he says he is than why doesn't he just ask me out? UGH it's so annoying LOL

Mijada · 05-22-2005, 04:44 PM

Well you have to be patient with him. It's going to take him a while to get over the other girl and I don't think it would be good for either of you to become romantically involved at this time. He is on the rebound right now and it would most likely result in you being hurt if you guys jumped into things too quickly. For now just be his friend, talk, hang out and I'm sure if it is meant to be your relationship will grow closer as time goes on.

MrWarmth · 05-22-2005, 04:58 PM

OyVay! Target words. Star Wars. Definition: PUTZ. Say Good Bye.....And Run!

MandieR1980 · 05-22-2005, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrWarmth

OyVay! Target words. Star Wars. Definition: PUTZ. Say Good Bye.....And Run!

please don't waste my time with this crap, this is a serious post

MrWarmth · 05-22-2005, 05:45 PM

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

dawsongirl · 05-22-2005, 09:29 PM

Smack him into realizing this girl is a loser?? No, I don't know. I guess just keep doing what you're doing, and then maybe he'll realize you're better than she was and dump her on his own. One can only hope the man realizes this soon.

Max Whittaker · 05-22-2005, 09:48 PM

Well, the most important thing would be to stand by him. It may take a while for him to move on. Some part of him probably knows it's over. He's likely hoping against hope. He'll come around. Just don't pressure him. He may become defensive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrWarmth

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

I resent that! Some of the most interesting people in this world are sci-fi fans! She would be lucky to get involved in a man like that.

robyrob · 05-22-2005, 11:00 PM

would it really be that hard to just be direct and ask him if he's ready to put the bimbo out of his mind long enough to take you out?

rusyd · 05-22-2005, 11:36 PM

This guy is trying to get over someone he loved dumping him for whatever reason and he is confused and hurt. Be there for him as a friend and let him take time to get over his mixed feelings about this other woman. It may happen that you two get together eventually, but not now. It is too soon. If it is meant to be it will be. Take care and keep us posted.

Max Whittaker · 05-23-2005, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robyrob

would it really be that hard to just be direct and ask him if he's ready to put the bimbo out of his mind long enough to take you out?

She could do that, if it's done in a delicate manner. I know that, if it were me, I would resent forceful words and especially nagging, or anything that would make me feel guilty for wanting her to come back.

Like I said, on some level, he probably knows she's not coming back. He can only take so much reminders before he'll become defensive. He'll have to accept it in his own time.

Sure, you can tell him what he can expect from her, and what he can expect from you. And certainly you should tell him he deserves better. Everybody likes to hear that!

Just don't push him.

MandieR1980 · 05-23-2005, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrWarmth

Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

that's the dumbest thing I have ever heard, he likes Star Wars he's not consumed by it

Nods2Nothings · 05-23-2005, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MandieR1980

Now I've noticed him giving me the eyes before so it's a mutual attraction.

So we have a situation where neither person will verbalize their feelings directly.

That's a problem because words are mankinds chief tools of communication.

How long do you intend to play charades with this guy?

05-22-2005, 03:32 PM	#1
MandieR1980 Member Senior Member Join Date: Mar 03, 2001 Location: East Taunton, Massachusetts Posts: 2,635	Need advice on helping a guy move on (long post sorry) I've talked about him in a couple threads but I never made one. Up until last week I worked with this guy and within the last 3 months I've developed some major feelings for him and we've become friends. Here's where it gets complicated: He USED to be engaged to be married but she ditched him about 2 months ago and moved to New Mexico with her sister and never really ended things with him first but she has made no contact with him at all since she left so obviously it is over. She's a damn fool because he's the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He's a damn catch and she'll never find anyone better. I tell him this all the time and when he left I got everyone at work to sign his card and I wrote that and told him how sad it makes me that he doesn't realize how special he is. He thanked me and gave me a big and kinda lingering hug. Now I've noticed him giving me the eyes before so it's a mutual attraction. I was even told the other day by another co worker that he said "I'd totally date her but it's weird because I was engaged" this was brought on because a couple of other coworkers started teasing him about "Darryl & Mandie" because I bought him a present which was no big deal it was something that we sold in the store and he said he had wanted it but didn't want to spend money on. So my ? is how do I help him move on? I don't want to wait forever for him to realize that it's over between them. We started talking to each other online and one day last week I spent the day at his house watching one of the Star Wars movies I was excited to be going over there because I thought maybe something could happen but it turns out he had invited his best friend to join us. My mom thinks that maybe he invited him because he was nervous about being alone with me.
	__________________ Mandie myspace.com/mlr930

05-22-2005, 11:00 PM	#11
robyrob certified wackball#3 Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 03, 2003 Location: hiding under the third booth at Arnold's Posts: 58,200	would it really be that hard to just be direct and ask him if he's ready to put the bimbo out of his mind long enough to take you out?
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05-22-2005, 03:40 PM	#2
consentida oh, you pretty things Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 21, 2002 Location: New York Posts: 3,841	Well, that is complicated. lol. From my own personal experience, it's much harder to move on if someone keeps pushing it, you know? I mean, not everyone is like that and he might be open to having you help him get on with his life. But honestly, I'm not really sure exactly how you can help him.

05-22-2005, 03:46 PM	#3
Superstar Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 08, 2003 Posts: 63,316	I'm not sure if you can help him, he may have to mvoe on in his own time. I do think your mom is right though, that he was nervous about being there alone with you.

05-22-2005, 04:44 PM	#5
Mijada Spencers mom Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 02, 2001 Location: eastern US Posts: 4,093	Well you have to be patient with him. It's going to take him a while to get over the other girl and I don't think it would be good for either of you to become romantically involved at this time. He is on the rebound right now and it would most likely result in you being hurt if you guys jumped into things too quickly. For now just be his friend, talk, hang out and I'm sure if it is meant to be your relationship will grow closer as time goes on.

05-22-2005, 04:58 PM	#6
MrWarmth Comedian Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 24, 2005 Location: Atlantic City Posts: 207	OyVay! Target words. Star Wars. Definition: PUTZ. Say Good Bye.....And Run!

05-22-2005, 05:45 PM	#8
MrWarmth Comedian Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 24, 2005 Location: Atlantic City Posts: 207	Once again I say...OyVay. Any Star Wars involved equals.......LOSER. Start looking for another man.

05-22-2005, 09:29 PM	#9
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	Smack him into realizing this girl is a loser?? No, I don't know. I guess just keep doing what you're doing, and then maybe he'll realize you're better than she was and dump her on his own. One can only hope the man realizes this soon.

05-22-2005, 11:36 PM	#12
rusyd Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Mar 30, 2004 Posts: 13,505	This guy is trying to get over someone he loved dumping him for whatever reason and he is confused and hurt. Be there for him as a friend and let him take time to get over his mixed feelings about this other woman. It may happen that you two get together eventually, but not now. It is too soon. If it is meant to be it will be. Take care and keep us posted.