Complex: Rose on Her Own

[Duke100]

Rose on Her Own
Complex
By Duke100

Starring:
Betty White as Rose Nylund
Joyce DeWitt as Janet Wood-Dawson
Monique as Maya Moreno
Julia Duffy as Vicki Martin-Kennedy
Steve Martin as Marcus Kennedy
Scott Weinger as Richard Martin
Blake Woodruff as Jerry Nylund
And…
Carol Burnett as Violet Nylund

Special Guests:
Rue McClanahan as Blanche Devereaux
Estelle Getty as Sophia Petrillo

Story:

Setting: The Golden Palace

Blanche Devereaux enters the Golden palace lobby, to find her partner, Sophia, at the front desk.

Blanche: Oh, Sophia! I’m going on a date with Dr. William W. Williams in only 15 minutes.
Sophia: Ok. I’ll say goodbye to the idiot for you, SlutPuppy.
Blanche: What do you mean?
Sophia: You forgot? Rose is leaving for Santa Monica today.
Blanche: Not that? I mean, what are YOU doing calling ME SlutPuppy, you Old Hag?
Sophia: You’re right; I’m so sorry, SlutDonkey.
SlutDonkey…I mean Blanche: I outta call the Police on you.
Sophia: Please! They won’t worry about me. They’ll be too busy getting reacquainted with you.

Rose comes in with her bags.

Rose: You two are busy. I’ll come back later.

Rose begins to leave as Blanche stops her.

SlutDonkey: Oh Rose, honey! We’re gonna miss you. Aren’t we, Sophia?
Sophia: That coming from a woman who’d miss her daughter’s wedding just to see Harrison Ford topless on a 2-inch foggy T.V. in a dumpster full of Chinese food and dog crap. (to Rose) Yeah. I guess I’ll miss you.
SlutDonkey: Oh Rose, have fun in California, and say hi to all of the eligible bachelors. Oh and you…Mr. Typing Guy. Call me SlutDonkey one more time and I’ll…… (20 second long sound of a garbage truck backing up very loudly, while Blanche is still talking)…. like Merv Griffin in a convertible topless, while still tied up in ropes.
Rose + Sophia: Same old SlutDonkey.

Setting: The Rockwell Apartments

As Rose, Blanche, and Sophia say their final goodbyes in Florida, across the country, a Californian landlord prepares for her cousin’s arrival.

Vi: Oh, Jerry. You’ll love your Aunt Rose.
Jerry: Wasn’t she the one at my 5th birthday party who chased away my friends with St. Olaf stories?
Vi: Um…yeah.
Jerry: I hate her.
Vi: Ah, Jerry. Come on. You got your friends back, and besides, you’ll learn to love her just as much as you love Maya.
Jerry: But, Granny Vi, I don’t.
Vi: You’ll live with your surroundings. And speaking of neighbors…
Jerry: You weren’t speaking of neighbors.
Vi; Well, now that we’re on the subject, I’m leaving you with Rich.
Jerry: But Mom!
Vi: Sorry, son. Maya, Marcus, and Vicki are all busy. And I have to help a new old tenant get settled.
Jerry: Huh?
Vi: She was a former tenant here, many years ago, when my cousin Ralph was landlord. You know I think….

Vi is interrupted by Rich Martin, entering from the front door.

Rich: Have no fear! The RichMan is here!
Jerry: You know, I never thought that something could scare me as much as death; alas, I’m wrong.
Vi: Thanks again, Rich. And remember, if my cousin gets here before I do, PLEASE tell her where I am; oh, and don’t let Jerry bite her, slap her, or kill her.
Rich + Jerry: Ah man!
Vi: I understand Jerry, but you’ve never met her, Rich!
Rich: Yes I have! Remember Jerry’s 5th birthday? She chased away my date with St. Olaf stories! Of course, that was before Maya came into my life.
Vi: Get over it. The day Maya falls for you is the day Saddam Hussein gives Barney the Dinosaur a hug!
Rich: (as Vi is leaving) You know, I hear that they’re making a TV special about that. Hey! Don’t walk out on me!! (door slams and Rich opens it) I’m not finished with you yet!
Jerry (cunningly): (when he comes back in) Boy Richard. Are we gonna have fun!


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