The Wit and Wisdom of Homer Simpson

[globalspot28]

The Wit and Wisdom of Homer Simpson

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

Children are our future. Unless we stop them now.


If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.


Everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.


Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you.

My wife's not some doobie to be passed around! I took a vow on our wedding day to bogart her for life.


Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?


Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.


My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.


I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."



Is the poop deck really what I think it is?

I have a great new motivation tecnique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.


If God didn't want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.


I'm not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man.


Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.


How is education going to make me smarter?



Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

How many pounds are in a gallon?



They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.


I wish God were alive to see this.



When are people going to learn? Democracy doesn't work.


I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.


Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.


If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?


Oh, spiteful one! Tell me who to smote and they shall be smotted.

If the Bible has taught us anything—which it hasn't—it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such.


My dreams have been shattered into shards of a broken dream.


We can hike anytime. This is our chance to see cars driving.


Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I can't take his money. I can't print my own money. You want me to work for money. Why don't I just lay down and die!


Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Cable. It's more wonderful than I dared hope.


Television. Teacher, mother, secret lover.

A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one.

Damn you, Rock-em Sock-em Robots! Can't we all just get along?


I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.


A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.


I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.



American donuts. Glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled. Now how's that for freedom of choice?


Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?

I never apologize, I'm sorry but that's the way I am.


I'd love to go to church, honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.



I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?


Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.


But Dad, you're a very old man, and old people are useless.


He's trying to hypnotize me, and it's not in that good Las Vegas kind of way.


What's the point of having children if you can't buy their love?


It's like the story of David and Goliath, except this time David won.