One Big Happy Family

[Chain Gang Member]

The Secret Admirer Message
(Chris has been starting to feel confident about hiself when he starts getting letters from a secret admirer on his computer and thinks that it's Jenny's attractive friend Christy)

Christy:Why are you doing this?

Jenny:Because if they assume that Chris is going with an older woman,then my parents will have no choice to let me go with Brad

Christy:I don't know(Walks out as Janet comes in)

Janet:Hey Jenny,whatcha doing?

Jenny: (standing in front of the computer)Nothing mom

Janet:What are you doing on your computer

Jenny:Just you know.Surfing the web(instant message pops up)

Janet:What was that?(looks)You're the one that has been sending Chris those E-Mails?Why?

Jenny:Because dad wouldn't let me go with Brad who's a senior.So I wanted him to think that Chris was going with an older woman so I can go with an older man

Janet:And to think that he thinks Christy was the one who sent those messages

Jenny:Why would Christy send Chris those messages when she's a junior and he's a freshman?

Janet:I want you to go apologize to your cousin

Jenny:Fine

(meanwhile)

Chris:Hey Christy

Christy:Hey Chris

Chris:So how's it going?

Christy:Good.How 'bout you?

Christy:I just got a new WWE Magazine

Christy:Can I look at it?

Chris:Sure.It's in my room(they go into his room as Jack,Janet,Zack & Terri come up stairs)

Zack:So it was Jenny who sent those messages?

Jack:She's in big trouble

Terri:It's all your fault

Jack:Me?What did I do?

Janet:You wouldn't let her go with that senior friend of her's,so she made up a older fake girl for Chris so you would let her go with her older date

Jack:I still wouldn't have let her go

All:Why not?!

Jack:Because if Chris goes with his date,he will probably get some.If Jenny goes,she will get some

Janet:Jack,I can't believe you're still an

Jack: Don't say it Janet

Janet:Oink!

Jack:Janet!

Janet: (backs him up into their room as she holds his nose into a snout)Oink!Oink!Oink!Oink!Oink!

Terri:How are we gonna tell our son thatJenny played a trick on him?

Zack:I'm his father.I will(they go into Chris' room and see Chris & Christy kissing)

Terri:Oh my God!

Christy:I better go(runs out of his room)

Chris:Ever heard of knocking?

Zack:Sorry son

Chris:Now what am I gonna do?

Terri:Ask her to the dance

Chris:How?

Zack:You know she likes you

Chris:I just don't have the confidence

Zack:Then I'll gove you the confidence

Chris:How?

Zack:Like this(Plays No Holds Barred on his stereo)(singing)You only learn where you are inside, when life gives you the test
Will you back down, turn and run, or stand up with the best?
When you're back's to the wall, what will your answer be?
Will run for the door...will you run out on me like it's hard?
It's no holds barred

Terri: (singing)No holds barred

Zack:Most people only know the easy way, they'll always close their eyes
Will make the same excuses, will you buy into their lies?
What will you do, what are you born to say?
Will you measure up...when people make it so hard

Terri: (singing)So hard

Zack: (singin)With no holds barred...

Terri: (singing)No holds barred

Zack: (singing)You have to stand your ground when someone's standing in your way

Terri: (singing)Standing your way

You have to be a stronger man, each and every day

Chris: (turns off the music)Ok!Ok!Enough with the singing!I'll go ask her(goes out)

Zack:That song always works

Terri:You're such a good father(kisses him)

(in the living room)

Chris:Christy,I wanna ask you something

Christy:What?

Chris:Will you go to the dance with me?

Christy:I don't know.(he kisses her)Ok.See ya later

Chris:Bye(she goes).Wooo!(does the Ric Flair strut)

END

Starring

Zack Tripper......Chris Klein

Terri Tripper......Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper......John Ritter

Janet Tripper.....Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper......Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper.....Amanda Bynes

Guest Starring

Allison Munn......Christy Taylor

Songs
No Holds Barred-Sir Mix-A-Lot

[HIGH ENOUGH]

Great job. What's John Cena's CD about?

[Chain Gang Member]

Somebody Watching Over Me
(Jack & Janet are on vacation,so Zack & Terri are in charge)

Jenny:Zack,can I go on a date this guy.I'll be home by 11:00

Zack:Sure,why not?

Chris:Hey Jenny,I heard you're going out with Wally "The Womanizer"

Zack:Ok you can't go

Jenny:What?You just said I can

Zack:That was before I knew that you were going out with "The Womanizer"

Jenny:Come on Zack,I'm 17 now

Zack:Listen your parents left Terri & I in charge.What am I going to say to your parents if they found out what happened?"Hey Jack & Janet,nothing special went on while you were gone.Chris & Christy are still going out and Jenny became a woman"

Jenny:Come on Zack

Zack:Jenny,I may be your cousin,but I'm also your Godfather

Jenny: Does that mean I have to make you an offer you can't refuse?

Zack:You're not going out with Wally and that's final

Jenny:You don't trust me do you?

Zack:I trust you,just not him

Jenny:Then you should trust me enough to know that I can handle myself

Zack:Alright.You can go out with him.Just remember that if he tries anything,I'll hunt him down and he'll have a hospital bill

Jenny:I'll keep that in mind(leaves)

Zack:Aw crap

Terri:What's wrong Zack?

Zack:I just made a big mistake

Terri:What?

Zack:I let Jenny go out with Wally

Terri:"The Womanizer"?

Zack:How'd you know?

Terri:Chris told me

Zack:I gotta make sure that nothing goes on

Terri:How?You're gonna climb a tree and watch over them?

Zack:Good idea(leaves)

Terri:Me and my big mouth

(End of Scene)

(Jenny and Wally are in his car)

Wally:This has been a great date

Jenny:Yeah,just one question I have to ask you

Wally:What?

Jenny:Why do they call you "The Womanizer"?

Wally:That's just a nickname my friends gave me.I'm just an ordinary guy

Jenny:I'm glad to hear that(they kiss)

Zack:What am I doing?(the tree branch starts cracking)Uh oh(the branch breaks)Ahh!(lands in the car)

Jenny:Zack!

Zack:Hey guys.Nice car Wally

Wally:Thanks

(next day)

Chris:I think Jenny's mad at you dad

Zack:I know

Chris:Why were you up in a tree spying on them?

Zack:Jack told me to watch over her

Chris:I don't think that he meant that you should climb trees above where she is

(Jenny & Wally are in the living room)

Jenny:I'm sorry that Zack ruined our date last night

Wally:It's ok,but he interupted our date when it was about to get better

Jenny:Wait,what do you mean?

Wally:Come on.We were alone in my car.What did you expect?

Jenny:I thought that we were just going to kiss

Wally:Come on Jenny.This is what people our age do

Jenny:Not me.Get out and go home!

Wally:What?

Jenny:Go home!Go home!Go home!

Wally:I don't have to take this.I'm going home.I just wanna let you know that you were going to have a moment that you'd never forget

Jenny:Here's a moment that you'll never forget(slams the door in his face)

Zack:Wow you really handled him well

Jenny:I told you I can take care of myself

Zack:I promise that I'll never butt into your realtionships

Jenny:Thanks Zack

(they hug)

END

Zack Tripper......Chris Klein

Terri Tripper......Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper......John Ritter

Janet Tripper.....Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper......Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper.....Amanda Bynes

Guest Starring
Jason Ritter as Wally Stone

[Chain Gang Member]

A Moment Not To Remember

(Chris and his friend Eddie help their friend Steve into the house)

Chris:I told you that you shouldn't have tried to hit that Five Star Frog Splash.RVD is a professional

Eddie:Yeah.Remember what the commercial says."Whatever you do,please don't try this at home"

Steve:Oh shut up.I wouldn't have got hurt if you didn't move out of the way

Chris:Then I would've got hurt

Steve:Like I said I wouldn't have got hurt

Eddie:We should go take you to the hospital

Steve:NO!If my parents knew what happened,they wouldn't let me watch wrestling again

Chris:Not to worry.I'll wake my parents up,they'll help you

Steve:Can you just get your mom down here?I'd like her to heal me up

Both:

Chris: (hits him)Shut up(goes upstairs)

Steve:It was a joke

Eddie:I know.What's his problem

(Upstairs,Chris opens up his parents' room)

Terri: (moaning)Oh Zack!

Chris:

Zack: (moaning)Oh Terri!

(Chris closes the door and goes downstairs)

Chris:Ok,lets go to the hospital

Eddie: Dude,where's your parents

Steve:No,where's your mom?

Chris:Shut Up!Don't you ever talk about my parents!Especially my mother!

(End Of Scene)

(At the hospital)

Steve: (on the phone with his dad)Look dad,I couldn't dodge him.The pizza boy was driving too fast for me to get out of the way.I'm not lying!You see them driving like maniacs.Remember when we almost got hit by one?Ok,I love you too.(hangs up)He bought it

Christy:We're just glad that you're ok

Eddie:Chris,what's wrong?

Chris:Nothing,they were sleeping

(Nurse comes in)

Nurse:How's the patient doing?

Steve:No bad.I just need another sponge bath

Chris:Ok that's enough.Let's go

(morning)

Zack:I was talking to Matt yesterday.He said that he broke up with Amy because she was cheating on him with Adam.

Jack:That's awful

Janet:I'm glad we're not like that

Jack:Me too(they kiss)

Jenny:Eww.Mom,dad stop it!

Chris:Yeah,that's not what you should being doing at the table while we're eating!

Terri:Chris honey,tell mom what's wrong

(he turns and sees Terri naked)

Chris:

Terri:Is there something you wanna talk about?

Chris:Nothing.(turns to Zack and sees him)Oh God

Zack:Because you can tell us anything.We're your parents

Chris:Make it stop!

Zack:What's got into him?

Jack:Why are you asking us?

Janet:He's your son

(that night,Chris couldn't sleep because everytime he does,he sees his parents making love)

(next day,Jack,Janet,Zack & Terri are reading pamphlets about tips on knowing if your child is on drugs)

Terri:Well so far Chris has most of them.He's got blood shot eyes,odd sleeping patterns,no appetite.Oh no,he is high!

Zack:Terri,our son isn't taking drugs,he's just a weird kid

Jack:Yeah.You'll see that he's just a wacky teenager

(Chris comes in and drops his books and can't look at his parents)

Terri:Son,where are you going?

Janet:Aren't you going to have any breakfast

Chris:No.I'm late for school and Jenny's not getting up so I'll catch the bus and have breakfast at school(leaves)

Zack:Ok,he's on drugs

Terri:He must be.It's sunday

(later)

Jenny:Chris

Chris:Get off my mom.What?

Jenny:What's your problem?You've been acting like a loser all week.More than usual

CHris:Promise you won't make fun of me

Jenny:Um

Chris:Jenny!

Jenny:Oh Ok.What's a matter?

Chris:I saw my parents having sex

Jenny: (hugs him)Oh you poor thing

Chris:It was awful to see.It was like they were wrestling,but like animals

Jenny: Don't worry,you'll get through it.I know some people who had the same problem and they turned out alright

Chris:Really?

Jenny:Yeah.Although some of them are in the mental hospital.But I'm sure you're not gonna be one of them

Chris:What's weird is that I thought you were gonna laugh at me about it

Jenny:Chris,this is no laughing matter.Go and hang out with your friends

Chris:Ok

(outside)

Eddie:Hey look what I found

Steve:Your walkie talkies?

Eddie:Yeah.Remember when we hid one of these under Chris' parents' bed

Steve: (imitating Zack)Ok Terri,get ready for the ride of your life

Eddie: (imitating Terri)Oh Zack!

All:

Chris:I am sick and tired of you two torturing me!

Christy:Chris come on.They're just kidding around.What's the matter?

Chris:I can't tell you infront of these guys.I'll tell you later

(later)

Christy:Ok,what's wrong?

Chris:I saw my parents having sex

Christy:Eww gross,that's diisgusting!And you liked it right?

Chris:Christy,that's disgusting!

Christy:Wanna here something that will cheer you up?

Chris:Sure

Christy:I also saw my parents having sex one time

Chris:That's awful,but it wasn't like what I saw Zack & Terri do.They were like animals

Christy:Well my parents were in the garage under a car

Chris:Wow,that is much worse.I feel better knowing that.And you turned out fine after going through it

Christy:And then they cam in all oiley.They said that they were vhanging the oil.But I knew that wasn't true.I know what he did to my mom!

CHris:Your mom huh?Ok I'm ready

Christy: Don't touch me

(next day)

Terri:Chris honey,we've seen you act weird for the past two weeks,and are worried about you

Zack:Are you doing drugs?

Janet:We can help you get clean

Jack:Yeah,we'll take you to rehab

Zack:I can kick your ass!

Chris:No that's not it

Terri:Then what is it?

Chris:Well it all started one night when I saw..you know what,I'm on drugs

Zack:Chris,if you're doing it because you think Rob Van Dam is doing it,you're wrong.He only acts like it sometimes.And Eddie Guerrero said when he did it,he discraced his family.So stop it!

Jenny:Oh for crying out loud.He saw you two doing it!There I helped(leave)

Terri:Chris,were your father and I making love?

Chris:Oh God don't ask that again!

Janet:No wonder he's been acting weird

Jack:Yeah,that must've been a bad experience

Chris:It was

Terri:Zack,tell him something to make him feel better

Zack:Um it's better than it looks

Chris:Oh God

Terri: (nuges him)Zack!

Chris:You know what.If you two wanna do that,it's fine.

Zack: Did you learn anything from this?

Chris:Always knock before entering

Zack:Correct

(End of Scene)

Chris:What are you two doing?

Eddie:Listening to your parents in bed

Chris:That's disgusting!

Steve:What you or they gonna do about it?

Zack:Wait Terri

Terri:What is it Zack?

Zack:I heard something

Eddie&Steve:Uh oh

Zack: (looks under the bed)They've been listening to us

Terri:That's perverted

Zack: (grabs the walkie talkie)I'm gonna give them a talking to(puts his pants on and goes out with no shirt)Give me that(breaks the walkie talkies)

Eddie:Hey!

Steve:You're gonna pay for those!

Zack:Next time ypu won't be so lucky.This time I broke the walkie talkies and am going to call your parents,the next time I will break something else

Chris:And that's the bottom line,cuz my dad said so

END

Starring

Zack Tripper.........Chris Klein

Terri Tripper...........Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper...........John Ritter

Janet Tripper..........Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper...........Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper..........Amanda Bynes

Guest Starring

Martin Spanjer........Eddie White

Mike McMillan.........Steven Malone

Allison Munn...........Christy Taylor

[Moonlight Lady]

That was funny...Poor Chris.

[Chain Gang Member]

Jenny Meets Greg
thanks to Ventura Highway for the use of Katie
(Doorbell)
Jack:Hey Larry

Larry:Hey Jacko,long time no see

Janet:Whatcha been up to

Larry:I got married!

Terri:Who's here.Oh hi Larry

Zack:Hey Larry,haven't seen you since the BBQ

Larry:Yeah,that was some BBQ.Anyway,I'd like you to meet my wife,Katie Dallas(she enters)

Guys: Daaamn

Katie:Thanks guys

(their wives slap them)

Janet:Hey

Terri:Yeah,what's the big idea saying that in front of your wives?

Zack:We were just trying to be friendly

Jack:Yeah,don't get jealous

Terri:We're sorry(they kiss them)

Janet:We just never seen you say something like that about someone except us

Jack: Katie,do you know that he's a used car salesman?

Katie:Yeah,he's the mos honest man I've ever met

Janet:All together now

All: (singing)It's a small world after all

Larry:Anyway,here's our son,Gregory Dallas

Greg: Dad!Just call me Greg

Janet:What a handsome boy

Katie:Thanks

Larry:Well he is our son(feeling confident)

Terri:Who's the father?

Zack:She's just kidding with you Larry

Larry: Do you have any kids?

Zack:Yeah.Chris,come down here

Chris:What dad?

Terri:Chris,I'd like you to meet Larry and Katie Dallas and their son Greg

Chris:Nice to meet you all

Katie:What a well mannered young man

Zack:Well we did teach him well

Larry:What about you Jacko?You got a kid?

Jack:Yeah.Jenny!

JAnet:This is our daughter,Jenny.Jenny meet our old friend Larry Dallas,his wife Katie and their son Greg

Greg: (acts like Larry)Woo,yes!

Terri:Sorry about my comment earlier.He's definently your kid

(End of Scene)

Jenny:Mom?Dad?Should I be creeped out?

Jack:No honey,he's just like his father

Greg:Jenny,babe.Would you like to have dinner with me tonight

Jenny:Um I have to work.Maybe some other time

Greg:Sure

Janet:Jenny,honey

Jenny:Yes mom?

Janet:Can I have a word with you?

Jenny:Sure(they go into the kitchen)

Zack:They always have these kind of talks

Terri:So what are you doing here?

Larry:We just bought the house next door

Katie:Hi neighbors

Chris:Are you gonna be like that Wilson guy on Home Improvement that peeks over the fence and says "hidy ho neighbor" and gives weird advice that helps us out?

Larry:Not unless you want me to

Chris:That's cool

Terri:I think that means that he's ok with it

(In the kitchen)

Janet:What's the big idea telling him that lie?

Jenny:That guy creeps me out.I think he's only got one thing on his mind

Janet:Now honey,I don't think he's like the way his father used to be.Besides I remember saying something about that nice boy who you said always bothered you last year

Jenny:Well he did

Janet:I know he wasn't the best looking guy,but he did everything everything to make you feel special.He flattered you with complements,bought you a flower with the most beautiful poem I have ever heard,and told you that you're the most beautiful girl in the world

Jenny:But he kissed me

Janet:It was only on the cheek

Jenny:It was disgusting.

Janet:Now look here little missy.That nice young man out there is the son of our closest friend.Now you go out with him or I'm gonna take away your cell phone!

Jenny:Um well he is kinda cute.Alright

(End of Scene)

Jenny:Greg

Greg:Yes Jenny?

Jenny:I just called my work.They told me that I could take the day off.So I'd love to go out with you

Greg:Thank you.Pick you up at 8.(opens the door)Yes!(leaves)

Katie:I've never seen him so happy

Larry:Well see you later

(End of Scene)

Jack: Did you have a good time?

Chris:Are you still a virgin?

Jack:Chris!That's not for you to ask!It's for me to.Are you?

Jenny:Yes and yes.He's such a perfect gentleman

Zack:Are you gonna go out with him again?

Jenny:Are you kidding?Of course I am

Terri:That's nice

Jenny:Well good night

All:Good night

END

Starring

Zack Tripper..................Chris Klein

Terri Tripper...................Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper...................John Ritter

Janet Tripper..................Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper...................Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper..................Amanda Bynes

Guest Starring

Richard Kline...................Larry Dallas

Pam Dawber...................Katie Dallas

Nick Zano......................Greg Dallas

[Moonlight Lady]

That was awesome! I loved it.

I love my line about Larry being honest. Damn love sure is blind.

Can't wait to read more.

[Chain Gang Member]

The Next Step To A Relationship
(After saving Christy from a gang of guys harassing her,she decides it's time to go all the way Chris.As they're making love in her car,a cop stops them and takes them to Chris' house)

Zack:Hi officer

Terri:What seems to be the problem?

Cop:I'll let them tell you

Zack:Thanks for bringing them home,officer

Cop:Anytime(leaves)

Terri:Ok,what were you two doing?

Chris:Well it all started when I saved Christy from being harassed

Christy:And I was so thankful that Chris was there

Jenny:I know what you two were doing,and I can't believe it was with my cousin.Yuck

Both:Shut up Jenny!

Terri:Well I hope you're happy

Zack:What did I do?

Terri:You got my baby to put out to this,this

Christy:Christy

Terri:Yeah,well I'm gonna to go to bed(leaves crying)

Janet:What's a matter with her?

Jack:I've never seen Terri so down

Jenny:Chris and Christy aren't virgins anymore

Jack:Way to go

Janet: (slaps him in the back of his head)Jack!

Zack:Yeah,butt out of it.Now Christy

Christy:Yes Mr.Tripper?

Zack:I want you to go home and tell your parents what happened

Christy:Ok

Zack:I'll being calling tomorrow

Christy: Damn(leaves)

(End of Scene)

(At the Taylors)

Christy:Mom,dad.I wanna talk about something

Lauren:What is it sweety?

Robert:Yeah pumpkin,tell daddy what's on your mind

Christy:Well Chris and I have been dating for a while and we did something that I don’t you’d approve of us doing

Robert:What?

Christy:We um drove Mr.Tripper’s Low Rider

Robert:Is that what you?Oh I thought it was worse like um

Lauren:You not being a virgin

Robert:Exactly.But still that wasn’t a good thing to do

Christy:I promise that I’ll never do that again especially without permission

Lauren:That’s our little girl

(In the bedroom)

Zack:Terri

Terri:Not now Zack,I'm not in the mood

Zack:Terri,I wanna talk about this

Terri:What's there to talk about?My little boy is now a man.All I wanna know is how our son was tricked by that tramp he calls his girlfriend

Zack:It wasn't like it wasn't coming

Terri:I wanted to have him wait til marriage

Zack:We didn’t

Terri:We weren’t teenagers

Zack:Of course we were.Then we turned 18 and then

Terri:I meant when we first did that

Zack:Oh yeah.Listen,we’ll just invite the Taylors over tomorrow for dinner to settle this

Terri:That sounds fair(kisses him)

(next day)

Lauren:That was some dinner Jack

Janet:Well he can cook.He even does better in the bedroom

Jenny:Mom!

Zack:I suppose you want to know why we invited you here

Terri:It’s about what our kids were doing last night

Lauren: Don’t worry about it

Robert:Yeah,Christy said that she won’t do it again especially without your permission

Both:What?

Robert:Yeah,kids will be kids

Lauren:We once did that with his parents’ car

Robert:Even my buddies and did with one of their parents’ car.I didn’t want to do it,but they talked me into it

Chris:So everything is ok?

Lauren:Of course it is sweety

Robert:Yeah.After all,boys will be boys

Terri: (to Zack)They’re sick

Lauren:At least nobody got hurt

Robert:Yeah.You got yourselves a responsible boy

Chris: (whispering to Christy)What did you tell them?

Christy: (whispering back)I told them that we drove your dad’s Low Rider without permission

Chris: (whispering)That’s a relief.I thought your parents were weirdos at our age

Jack:So you’re ok with what they did

Janet:You two must really be easy-going parents

Roberts:Well all they did was drive your Low Rider without permission

Terri:What?!

Zack:You mean you don’t know what they really did?

Robert: (to Christy)Pumpkin,what did you two really do?

Christy:Well um

Chris:We did it!

Robert:You’re dead!(goes after him but gets stopped by Zack)

Zack:Wait a minute Robert dude.

Terri:Yeah,you can’t just go after my son like that

Robert:Butt out of it Zack!This is between me and your kid

Christy:Wait dad

Robert:What is it?

Christy:You shouldn’t be mad at him.You should thank him

All:What?
Christy:Yeah.If it weren’t for him,my real first would’ve been that guy who tried to rape me.So you should thank Chris for saving me and thank him also that he has treated me with respect and not like some guy who would go after me and dump after he got what he want

Lauren:Like Randy Orton

Terri:And we should be glad that our son is with a beautiful classy girl like Christy and not a cheap slut

Zack:Like Trish Stratus

Robert:Well I guess everything is alright

Lauren:Thanks for the dinner

Jack:No problem

Janet:Come back anytime

(End of Scene)

Jack:Well wasn’t that a weird evening

Janet:Yeah,I’m glad we didn’t have to go through something that with Jenny

Jack:Say,where is Jenny?

Janet:At the Dallas’ with Greg

Jack:They better not be alone(rushes over there)Aha!(sees Larry,Katie,Greg and Jenny watching a movie)

Larry:Hey Jacko!What’s going on?

Katie:We’re just watching a movie

Greg:Yeah,Blade:Trinity

Jenny:Are you gonna stay dad?

Jack:No.no thanks.Just here to say be home by 9:00

Jenny:Ok(he leaves)

Larry:Sometimes he can be very strange

Jenny:Yeah,but he's still my dad

END

Starring

Zack Tripper.........Chris Klein

Terri Tripper.........Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper.........John Ritter

Janet Tripper........Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper.........Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper........Amanda Bynes

Christy Taylor........Allison Munn

Larry Dallas...........Richard Kline

Katie Dallas...........Pam Dawber

Greg Dallas............Nick Zano

Guest Starring

Asthon Kutcher......Robert Taylor

Mila Kunis..............Lauren Taylor

[Moonlight Lady]

Very good, I really enjoyed that.

[Chain Gang Member]

The Contest
(Jenny comes in looking like a pregnant woman)

Terri:Um Jenny

Janet:Is there something you want to tell us?

Jack:Should I go over to the Dallas' and teach Greg not to mess around with you?

Jenny: Don't worry guys.It's just a pregnant suit for project

Terri:Oh,it's what you wear to see what it feels like to be pregnant

(The Dallases come in)

Katie:Whoa

Larry:Greg,what did you do?

Greg:I did do anything!

Jack:It's just a suit to feel what it's like to be pregnant

Jenny:And it's very heavy

Greg:Please.Girls are so weak

Larry:Son,don't say anything that you can't take back

Jack:Yeah,you shouldn't say things like that

Jenny:Is that so?

Greg:Yeah

Jenny:Care to make it interesting?

Greg:What?

Jenny:I bet for the whole weekend that you won't be able to wear one of these

Greg:Piece of cake

Larry:Boy is he gonna wish he never said that

Jack:Yeah

Janet:What about you two?

Both:Huh?

Katie:Why can't you join him

Janet:Yeah.Aren't you two strong enough to do this?

Jack:Sure we can

Larry:Yeah,I'm with Jacko on this

Jenny:Ok.But if you guys lose,you will bow down to us and say we're not worthy

Greg: Deal

(End of Scene)

Terri:Hey Zack(kisses him)

Zack:Hey Terri,where's Chris?

Terri:He's upstairs,why?

Zack:I got him two tickets for us to go to the wrestling match

Terri:That's so nice of you

Zack:Yeah,but for some reason,he likes Triple H

Terri:Come on Zack.He can't just like everyone you want him to like

Zack:Yeah,I guess

(Chris comes down)

Chris:Hey mom,hey dad

Terri:Chris,your father has something to tell you

Chris:Um dad,I can explain about those magazines under my bed

Zack:Chris,don't worry about that right now.I've got two tickets to RAW

Chris:Alright!I'll get to see Triple H."I Am The Game and I Am That Damn Good!"

Zack:Sure

(later)

Terri:Here are the girls.Jacqueline,Lauren and Gretchen

(Jack,Larry and Greg enter)

Janet:Oh my God!

Katie:You guys look rediculice

Larry:Yeah well we're just trying to prove a point

Terri:That you look like morons?

Jack:No,we're trying to show that we're man enough to wear these suits

Jenny:Well you look stupid

Greg:Maybe so,but we're gonna win this contest

Janet:Well you're gonna wish you never agreed to this

Katie: Here's a list of stuff you have to do today

Larry:Grocery store,laundry,hardware store,tools

Jack:Easy

Greg:We'll just get out of these suits and go

Janet:Hold it you two

Katie:You have to leave those on

Larry:You mean we have to go out looking like this

Terri:We went out in public like this when we were carrying our children.So go.Well I'll be on my way(leaves

All:Bye Terri

(At the arena)

Chris:Wasn't that awesome?

Zack:Yeah,what a great event

Chris:Can I go get Triple H's autograph,dad?

Zack:Sure

(Chris goes into HHH's locker room)

Chris:Mr.Triple H?

HHH:Yeah kid?

Chris:Will you autograph my magazine?

HHH:Sure.Do you have $20?

Chris:What?

HHH:You don't think that I'd give you one for free

Chris:But I don't have any money

HHH:No money,no autograph

Chris:Fine(leaves)

(meanwhile,Jack,Larry and Greg come home tired)

Jenny:Back so soon?

Greg:Yeah but our backs hurt and our feet are swelt up

Janet:Well don't sit down,we still got more things for you to do

Jack:But Janet,we're so tired that I don't have the strength for sex

Larry:Yeah Katie think of the ride I'd give you if you'd let me rest

Jenny:Oh dad shut up

Greg:Yeah dad.Oh God,I gotta throw up again(goes upstairs)

Janet:Are you guys gonna give up?

Both:Yes!

Greg: (upstairs)Yes!

Janet:Well then you know what to do

Jenny:Greg get down here

Greg:Sure

Katie:On the ground

Guys: We're not worty!We're not worthy!

(End of Scene)

Zack:Hey Chris,where's your autograph?

Chris:I didn't get one

Zack:Why not?

Chris:He wanted $20 for an autograph

Zack:$20?!

Chris:Yeah,lets go

Zack:No way!Nobody talks that way to my kid and gets away with it(they go into the locker room)

Flair:Champ,you were great out there.No matter what,you're the true champ

Zack:Who is a major dumbass

HHH:Zack!

Flair:What are you doing here?

Zack:I'm here because you ask my son to give you $20 for an autograph

Flair:Is that true Hunter?

HHH:Hey,I'm not someone who gives kids free autographs

Chris:You suck

HHH:Oh yeah right which is why I'm former 10 time World Champ

Zack:Wow,you lost the title 10 times?What a dumbass!

HHH:I'm not gonna take that!

Flair:Whoah,easy there Hunter.Go get into the limo

HHH:You haven't heard the last of me(exits)

Zack:What a dumbass!

Flair:Yeah well that's just the way he is

Zack:Well see you around Flair

Chris:Wait a minute,you're "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair?

Flair:Yeah

Chris:You're the best!Can I have your autograph?

Flair:Sure(signs the magazine)You know,sometimes it's hard to see some of these athletes who don't know the real reason that they're famous

Zack:Yeah.It's the fans who are the real reason that they're getting a pay check

Chris:Thanks Ric

Flair:No problem

Zack:You just an autograph from the limosine riding,jet flying,kiss stealing,wheelin dealin "Nature Boy" Ric Flair

All:Woo!

END

Zack Tripper.........Chris Klein

Terri Tripper.........Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper.........John Ritter

Janet Tripper........Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper.........Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper........Amanda Bynes

Christy Taylor........Allison Munn

Larry Dallas...........Richard Kline

Katie Dallas...........Pam Dawber

Greg Dallas............Nick Zano

Guest Starring

HHH.....................Himself

Ric Flair................Himself

[Moonlight Lady]

Originally Posted by Chain Gang Member

The Contest
(Jenny comes in looking like a pregnant woman)

Terri:Um Jenny

Janet:Is there something you want to tell us?

Jack:Should I go over to the Dallas' and teach Greg not to mess around with you?

Jenny: Don't worry guys.It's just a pregnant suit for project

Terri:Oh,it's what you wear to see what it feels like to be pregnant

(The Dallases come in)

Katie:Whoa

Larry:Greg,what did you do?

Greg:I did do anything!

Jack:It's just a suit to feel what it's like to be pregnant

Jenny:And it's very heavy

Greg:Please.Girls are so weak

Larry:Son,don't say anything that you can't take back

Jack:Yeah,you shouldn't say things like that

Jenny:Is that so?

Greg:Yeah

Jenny:Care to make it interesting?

Greg:What?

Jenny:I bet for the whole weekend that you won't be able to wear one of these

Greg:Piece of cake

Larry:Boy is he gonna wish he never said that

Jack:Yeah

Janet:What about you two?

Both:Huh?

Katie:Why can't you join him

Janet:Yeah.Aren't you two strong enough to do this?

Jack:Sure we can

Larry:Yeah,I'm with Jacko on this

Jenny:Ok.But if you guys lose,you will bow down to us and say we're not worthy

Greg: Deal

(End of Scene)

Terri:Hey Zack(kisses him)

Zack:Hey Terri,where's Chris?

Terri:He's upstairs,why?

Zack:I got him two tickets for us to go to the wrestling match

Terri:That's so nice of you

Zack:Yeah,but for some reason,he likes Triple H

Terri:Come on Zack.He can't just like everyone you want him to like

Zack:Yeah,I guess

(Chris comes down)

Chris:Hey mom,hey dad

Terri:Chris,your father has something to tell you

Chris:Um dad,I can explain about those magazines under my bed

Zack:Chris,don't worry about that right now.I've got two tickets to RAW

Chris:Alright!I'll get to see Triple H."I Am The Game and I Am That Damn Good!"

Zack:Sure

(later)

Terri:Here are the girls.Jacqueline,Lauren and Gretchen

(Jack,Larry and Greg enter)

Janet:Oh my God!

Katie:You guys look rediculice

Larry:Yeah well we're just trying to prove a point

Terri:That you look like morons?

Jack:No,we're trying to show that we're man enough to wear these suits

Jenny:Well you look stupid

Greg:Maybe so,but we're gonna win this contest

Janet:Well you're gonna wish you never agreed to this

Katie: Here's a list of stuff you have to do today

Larry:Grocery store,laundry,hardware store,tools

Jack:Easy

Greg:We'll just get out of these suits and go

Janet:Hold it you two

Katie:You have to leave those on

Larry:You mean we have to go out looking like this

Terri:We went out in public like this when we were carrying our children.So go.Well I'll be on my way(leaves

All:Bye Terri

(At the arena)

Chris:Wasn't that awesome?

Zack:Yeah,what a great event

Chris:Can I go get Triple H's autograph,dad?

Zack:Sure

(Chris goes into HHH's locker room)

Chris:Mr.Triple H?

HHH:Yeah kid?

Chris:Will you autograph my magazine?

HHH:Sure.Do you have $20?

Chris:What?

HHH:You don't think that I'd give you one for free

Chris:But I don't have any money

HHH:No money,no autograph

Chris:Fine(leaves)

(meanwhile,Jack,Larry and Greg come home tired)

Jenny:Back so soon?

Greg:Yeah but our backs hurt and our feet are swelt up

Janet:Well don't sit down,we still got more things for you to do

Jack:But Janet,we're so tired that I don't have the strength for sex

Larry:Yeah Katie think of the ride I'd give you if you'd let me rest

Jenny:Oh dad shut up

Greg:Yeah dad.Oh God,I gotta throw up again(goes upstairs)

Janet:Are you guys gonna give up?

Both:Yes!

Greg: (upstairs)Yes!

Janet:Well then you know what to do

Jenny:Greg get down here

Greg:Sure

Katie:On the ground

Guys: We're not worty!We're not worthy!

(End of Scene)

Zack:Hey Chris,where's your autograph?

Chris:I didn't get one

Zack:Why not?

Chris:He wanted $20 for an autograph

Zack:$20?!

Chris:Yeah,lets go

Zack:No way!Nobody talks that way to my kid and gets away with it(they go into the locker room)

Flair:Champ,you were great out there.No matter what,you're the true champ

Zack:Who is a major dumbass

HHH:Zack!

Flair:What are you doing here?

Zack:I'm here because you ask my son to give you $20 for an autograph

Flair:Is that true Hunter?

HHH:Hey,I'm not someone who gives kids free autographs

Chris:You suck

HHH:Oh yeah right which is why I'm former 10 time World Champ

Zack:Wow,you lost the title 10 times?What a dumbass!

HHH:I'm not gonna take that!

Flair:Whoah,easy there Hunter.Go get into the limo

HHH:You haven't heard the last of me(exits)

Zack:What a dumbass!

Flair:Yeah well that's just the way he is

Zack:Well see you around Flair

Chris:Wait a minute,you're "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair?

Flair:Yeah

Chris:You're the best!Can I have your autograph?

Flair:Sure(signs the magazine)You know,sometimes it's hard to see some of these athletes who don't know the real reason that they're famous

Zack:Yeah.It's the fans who are the real reason that they're getting a pay check

Chris:Thanks Ric

Flair:No problem

Zack:You just an autograph from the limosine riding,jet flying,kiss stealing,wheelin dealin "Nature Boy" Ric Flair

All:Woo!

END

Zack Tripper.........Chris Klein

Terri Tripper.........Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper.........John Ritter

Janet Tripper........Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper.........Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper........Amanda Bynes

Christy Taylor........Allison Munn

Larry Dallas...........Richard Kline

Katie Dallas...........Pam Dawber

Greg Dallas............Nick Zano

Guest Starring

HHH.....................Himself

Ric Flair................Himself

I loved it! Oh man...this is my favorite line.

Larry:Yeah Katie think of the ride I'd give you if you'd let me rest.

[Chain Gang Member]

Karaoke Contest
(Chris & Greg signed up for a contest)

Chris:Greg come on,we're up next

Greg: (in a low voice)I'm sorry Chris,I lost my voice

Chris:Now what am I gonna do

Announcer:And here is our next contestants

(Chris goes out there nervous)

Chris:Hi everybody

Terri:Where is Greg?

Zack:I don't know,but I can't let him embarasses himself(goes out on stage and speaks to the announcer)

Announcer:Here is a father/son duo,Zack & CHris Tripper

(My Time Is Now by John Cena plays)

Zack: (sings)Your time is up, my time is now
You can't see me, my time is now
It's the franchise, boy I'm shinin now
You can't see me, my time is now!
In case you forgot or fell off I'm still hot - knock your shell off
My money stack fat plus I can't turn the swell off
The franchise, doin big bid'ness, I live this
It's automatic I win this - oh you hear those horns, you finished
A soldier, and I stay under you fightin
Plus I'm stormin on you chumps like I'm thunder and lightning
Ain't no way you breakin me kid, I'm harder than nails
Plus I keep it on lock, like I'm part of the jail
I'm slaughterin stale, competition, I got the whole block wishin
they could run with my division but they gone fishin -
- with no bait, kid your boy hold weight
I got my soul straight, I brush your mouth like Colgate
In any weather I'm never better your boy's so hot
you'll never catch me in the next man's sweater
If they hate, let 'em hate, I drop ya whole clan
Lay yo' ass DOWN for the three second TAN

CHris: (sings)Your time is up, my time is now
You can't see me, my time is now
It's the franchise, boy I'm shinin now
You can't see me, my time is now!
Yeah, uhh
It's gon' be what it's gon' be
Five pounds of courage buddy, bass tint pants with a gold T
Uhh - it's a war dance and victory step
A raw stance is a gift, when you insist it's my rep
John Cena, Trademarc, y'all are so-so
And talk about the bread you make but don't know the recipe for dough though
Aimin guns in all your photos, that's a no-no
When this pop, you'll liplock, your big talk's a blatant no-show
See what happens when the ice age melt
You see monetary status is not what matters, but it helps
I rock a timepiece by Benny if any
The same reason y'all could love me is the same reason y'all condemn me
A man's measured by the way that he thinks
Not clothing lines, ice links, leather and minks
I spent 20 plus years seekin knowledge of self
So for now Marc Predka's livin live for wealth

Zack: (Sings)Your time is up, my time is now
You can't see me, my time is now
It's the franchise, boy I'm shinin now
You can't see me, my time is now!

Chris: (sings)Your time is up, my time is now
You can't see me, my time is now
It's the franchise, boy I'm shinin now
You can't see me, my time is now!

Announcer:Lets give it up for them

Everybody:

(End Of Scene)

Chris:Thanks dad.I couldn't have done it without you

Zack:You're welcome.(to Greg)Why weren't you out there?

Greg: (silently)I lost my voice

Zack:Huh?

Chris:He lost his voice

Zack:Oh

Terri:Zack,you helped out our son.I love you so much(they start passionately kissing)

Chris:Mom,not in front of me

Jack:You two were great

JAnet:Yeah.I never knew you could sing

Zack:Well you never heard us

Larry:Greg,why weren't you out there?

Kate:Yeah

Zack:You shouldn't ask him because he wouldn't be able to answer you

Larry:Why not?

Kate:Now Gregory Lawrence Dallas,tell me why you weren't out there

Greg: (silently)I lost my voice

Jennifer:Poor baby.You lost your voice

Chris:Lets hear what the judges say

Announcer:ANd the winner of the prize for $500 is Zack & Chris Tripper

Zack:Chris:We won!(they high five each other)

(End of Scene)

Chris:What are we gonna do with the prize money?

Zack:We're gonna put it in the bank for college

Chris:Aww come on dad

Zack:Ok,here's $75.The rest is in the bank

Chris:Thanks dad

END

[Moonlight Lady]

That was very good, my poor son lost his voice though

[KissMyGrits]

I just finished reading them all!! I love them!! They are funny and so realistic!! Great job!!!

[Chain Gang Member]

Garage Sale

(The gang meets some friends that get them high)

Zack:Hey Chris,can you and the others keep an eye on the garage sale while your mother & I take a nap?

Chris:Sure

Terri:That's my little man(kisses him on the forehead)

Chris:Mom!

Terri:Sorry(leaves)

Greg:I don't know why you're complaining.I wouldn't mind getting a kiss from your mom

Jennifer: (hits him in the shoulder)Shut up

Greg:Ow!I'm just saying

Christy:Well Chris,I wouldn't mind getting a kiss from your dad

Chris:Christy!

Christy:Well he's cute

Chris:Well I wouldn't mind getting a kiss from your mom

Christy:OK,lets just shut up now

(later)

Chris:Well I just made $2000

Jennifer:What'd you sell?

Chris:My dad's Low Rider

Christy:You sold your dad's car

Greg:Boy are you in trouble.You're gonna be gonna for the rest of your life

(End of Scene)

Jack:Hey kids

Jennifer:Hi dad

Janet:Hey Chris,where'd your parents go?

Chris:Nowhere'

Jack:Then where's their car?

Greg:Chris accidently sold it

Larry:Oh man,Zack's not gonna like that

Kate:Yeah

Zack:Not gonna like what?

Terri:Honey,where's your car?

Zack:Um Chris,son,where's my car?

Chris:Um I accidently sold it

Zack:YOU WHAT?!

Chris:I'm sorry

Zack:I'm gonna kill him

Terri:Zack,he's our son.Let's not be too harsh

Lauren:Hey everybody

Robert:Zack,dude,where's your car?

Zack:My idiotic son sold it

Lauren:I didn't even know it was for sale

Zack:It wasn't

Chris:How can I make it up to you

Zack:You can go find my car

Chris:COme on guys,lets go

(they go look for the car)

Adam:Hey guys,looking for something

Chris:That's my dad's car!

Dan:You sold it to him

Christy:He what?

John:I didn't hear him stutter

Greg:We need to have it back

Adam:No

Jennifer:No?

Joe:That's right so move along and let us have your dad's car

Zack:No,can't have my car

Adam:Sorry Mr.Tripper,but I paid for it and you can't do anything about it and plus,there's only one of you and four of us

Jack:Make that 2

Larry:And 3

Robert:And 4

Dan:Let's get these old men

(they try but get the crap beaten out of them)

Adam:Fine,take the car.But I want my money back

(the guys crack their knuckles

Dan:Forget the money and run

(they run)

(End of Scene)

Chris:Thanks dad

Jennifer:You too dad

Greg:And you dad

Christy:You also dad

Zack:Your welcome.Now Chris,why did you sell my Low Rider to them?Were you high?

Chris:Um yes

Greg:We all were

Jack: Don't you know that drugs are a dumb thing to do?

Larry:Why did you choose to do marijuana?

Robert:We never taught you to do drugs

Chris:We're sorry dad

Zack:Sorry isn't gonna cut it.You're grounded for 2 weeks

Chris:OK,that's fair

Jack:Jenny,you're not getting off easy either.You're also grounded for 2 weeks

Larry:So are you Greg

Robert:You too Christy

All 3:Fine

(End of Scene)

Chris:So Christy,how are you doing?

Christy:Well I can't watch TV,go outside except for school

Robert:Christy Allison Taylor,get off the phone!

Christy:Oh yeah,I can't use the phone

Terri:Christopher James Tripper,get off the phone!

Chris:Me neither(they hang up)

END

Starring

Zack Tripper.........Chris Klein

Terri Tripper.........Priscilla Barnes

Jack Tripper.........John Ritter

Janet Tripper........Joyce DeWitt

Chris Tripper.........Sam Huntington

Jenny Tripper........Amanda Bynes

Christy Taylor........Allison Munn

Larry Dallas...........Richard Kline

Katie Dallas...........Pam Dawber

Greg Dallas............Nick Zano

Guest Starring

Asthon Kutcher......Robert Taylor

Mila Kunis..............Lauren Taylor

Chris Evans............Adam

Chad Michael Murphy...Dan

Bryan Greenberg.........John

James Lafferty...........Joe