The Charkony Gang Variety Show Episode 2

[Cactus Jack]

THE CHARKONY GANG VARIETY SHOW
Jack Wilson ( Ron Burgundy )
Chad Doody
TF
Lucas
Joe ( Maroon 5’d)
Roby
Monica ( The Great Pretender)
Zoie ( Zuzzy )
Katie
Angela
Mackenzie
Taylor
Jonathan
Also Featuring
JP
Kate

Announcer : Good evening, and welcome to the Charkony Gang Variety Show starring
Jack Wilson ( Ron Burgundy )
Chad Doody
TF
Lucas
Joe ( Maroon 5’d)
Roby
Monica ( The Great Pretender)
Zoie ( Zuzzy )
Katie
Angela
Mackenzie
Taylor
Jonathan
Also Featuring
JP
Kate

Jack : Hello everyone and welcome back to The Charkony Variety Show, we’re gonna have a great show for you tonight, as usual we have the Charkony Gang and here’s Chad Doody to welcome our guests

Chad : Thanks, Jack, now tonight our guests are…..HILARY SWANK!!!!!

Jack : No, Chad that’s the Best Actress envelope form the Oscars
*audience laughs*

Chad : Oh sorry, ok here we go.. ahh yes tonight’s guests..ADAM WEST AND BURT WARD

*”Batman Theme” plays as Adam and Burt come out on the stage*

TF : Wow guys Thanks for being on the show!


Lucas : Yeah!


Chad : You guys are awesome!

Adam : How great are we?

Roby : Run for president in 2008! West/Ward!!!!!!


Adam : You want us to run into the president by heading westward?

*audeicne laughs*

Monica : No, we mean you should run for office!


Burt : Holy smokes Batman! What party are we?

Adam : Repubatcans?

*audience laughs*


Burt : Yes!


Zoie : Yes! You guys should be president and vice president

Adam : Ah yes! NO but as actors, we would like to be California governors!

Katie : If you did run and win, who would be your secretary of stae? Frank Gorshin?

*audience laughs*

Adam : Yes, and the Speaker of the House can be…hmmmm……Michaeal Keaton?


Angela : Yeah

*audience laughs*

Adam : Ok well enough about that, lets move on too…….

Mackenzie : Jokes?


Adam : Yes!


Joe : Awesome! Just like an old variety show


Jonathan : That’s awesome, West and Ward’s Laugh-In

Taylor : You bet your sweet bippy!


Kate : Sock it to me! *bucket of water pours on her* that was expected!

*audeicne laughs*


JP : Its joke time!


*audience applauds*


Jack : If Micheal Jackson married Camilla Parker Bowles, what would the baby look like?

Audience : What?

Jack : I don’t know, but he or she wouldn’t have any girlfriend sor boyfriends

*Audience laughs*

Chad : Cristo’s The Gates were taken down in New York, they are now using it to sew a dress for Star Jones and a suit for Ruben Studdard

*audience laughs*

TF : The spring is coming soon, all the things will come out, flowers, trees ,leaves the sun…..Clay Aiken


*audience laughs*


Lucas : Paris Hilton’s cellphone was hacked and all the numbers on it were on the net, sadly none of us made, ah well, I guess we’re better off lucky

*audience laughs*

Monica : The Gates in Central Park’s drapes will now be Ruben Studdard’s night gown

*audience laughs*

Zoie : Micheal Jackson’s been on trial recently, prior to it he counted the boys in the jury

*audience laughs*

Joe : Martha Stewart just got out of jail, after she left her inmates had the best night of their lives!


*audience laughs*


Roby : When Martha Stewart was walking down the street, she told reporters she was dreaming of Cappuccino , Cappucino was the nickname of her cellmate

*audience laughs*



Katie : Why did the 3 year old see Million Dollar Baby?

Audience : Why?

Katie : He thought it was about a baby worth a million dollars


*audience laughs*

Angela : Million Dollar Baby won Best Picture at the Oscars ,in response, Micheal Jackson said “I wanted Finding Neverland to win!”

*audience laughs*

Taylor : You better be glad Clint Eastwood won Best Director, or this would’ve happened to the Academy

*clip form the Dirty Harry film Sudden Impact comes on *


( in the clip )Harry Callahan: Go ahead, make my day.




*audience laughs*


Mackenzie : Jamie Foxx won the Best Actor Award for playing Ray Charles in the movie Ray, upon hearing this Clint Eastwood almost asked Jamie to make his day


*audience laughs*

Jonathan : Clay Aiken will play The Invisible Man in a new film
NOT!

*audience laughs*

JP : Hilary Swank wore a dress that revealed her back at the Oscars, good thing it wanst in front

*audience laughs*


Kate : I just saw a foreigner in the bathroom I think he was European

*audience laughs*


*sketch comes on BATMAN 2005, Adam and Burt are Batman and Robin*

Batman : Robin, we have to think of something to do

Robin : Holy smokes Batman! Someone is trying to break into to those people’s refridgerator


They FLY over to the house

Batman : Hello Im Batman

Ruben : What are you going to do?

Robin : Holy Idols Batman! Its Ruben Studdard

Batman : So who’s house is this?

Ruben : Mine

Robin : Yeah, right

Ruben : You think Im playin?

Batman : Yes

*cell phone rings*

Batman : Hold on
, Yes, Commissioner Gordon? OK


Robin, it appears that the villains from are old TV show are invading the town, we must go!

Robin : Let’s giddy-up and goooooooooooo!

*They leave as Batman theme plays*

Batman : STOP AT ONCE!

Penguin : What are you stoppin’ us for? We shall invade!

Batgirl : You cant invade our city!

Riddler : Riddle me that, riddle me that if it isn’t that bird and that bat

Batman : Sit on it Pots..umm Riddler

*audience laughs*

Riddler : Ok

Joker : Hahahahahah Whats with the tight suits are you guys like gay?

Batman : NO!

Joker : Your mom know youre gay?

Batman : Oh shut up!

Robin : I like your tights

Batgirl : So do I

Catwoman : You maybe haven’t forgotten about ME have you?

Batman : Stop it Catwoman, last time we saw you it wasi n the horrible Halle Berry movie

Catwoman : Shut up! IT was a good movie!

Batman : To you it was

*audience laughs*

Batman : Whats that noise?

Penguin, Joker, Riddler, Catwoman (singing): Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move
(You said it, we've got the groove)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We've got the groove (Whoo-hoo-oo-oo Whoo-hoo-oo)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move
(We've got the groove)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We've got the groove (Yeah)

Batman : Okay,okay its not Batman Idol! And we will stop you!

Robin : Batman LOOK! That phone pole is falling

Catwoman : That’s what happens when you insult my movie

*the screaming part of Jackson Browne’s “Lawyers In Love” plays as everyone runs and sketch ends*

*audience laughs and claps*

Announcer : NOW IT’S TIME FOR WEEKLY UPDATE WITH JACK WILSON

Jack : Hello everyone Im Jack Wilson and Here Are Rongiht’s Top Stories


Last week Mario Vazqquex, sadly dropped out of American Idol, he was captured by ALF
*audience laughs*

Eighties pop star-turned-American Idol judge Paula Abdul is keen to end her legal spat with a hit and run victim after paying him $775. The "Straight Up" star has been charged with a hit and run misdemeanor after allegedly failing to stop when her Mercedes clipped another car on a Los Angeles freeway back in December She ran into Simon Cowell

*audience laughs*


Pauly Shore has a new show coming out, called Desperate To Get Another Movie Script


*audience laughs*

Blocked EXORCIST May Be Resurrected This is the one where the Exorcist is gay and spins her head to YMCA like a disco ball


*audience laughs*
This is what Gigli has wrought: Ben Affleck the director.
After hitting a rough patch acting-wise with the likes of the aforementioned gangster dramedy and the box-office/critical disappointments Paycheck, Jersey Girl and Surviving Christmas, Affleck has decided to try his luck at something other than poker and will go behind the camera for the first time.
Disney confirmed Tuesday that Affleck will make his feature film directing debut this fall on Touchstone Pictures' Gone, Baby, Gone.

The title describes his career when the movie comes out

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH SNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAP!


*audience laughs*

Now its time for CAPTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! This is where we find pictures and make captions for them


Sandra : Oh please, please please will you marry me Mr. Star?


*audience laughs*



Daniel Day Lewis : Hello, IM preparing for my role as Tevye

*audience laughs*



Daniel Day Lewis : If I were a rich man da- da –da –da –da –da dum biddy biddy bum


*audience laughs*

Jack : Thank you, in Oddly Enough News
A diner at a Wendy's fast food restaurant in San Jose, California, found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain, local officials said on Wednesday.. Youd a thought she’d stop biting her nails

*audience laughs*

On the "American Idol" stage before the gaze of millions of live and TV viewers, Mario Vazquez sang from his heart and was wildly applauded. However, on March 13, Vazquez surprised fans of the popular Fox TV show with the announcement that he would be leaving the show.
Fashion Wire Daily Photo

"It was something I had to do," Vazquez told Fashion Wire Daily in an exclusive interview on his reasons for quitting "American Idol." "It was personal."
Since his controversial departure from the show, Vazquez's personal life has been the subject of much scrutiny, and even more speculation. Did he really get snubbed by Jessica and Ashlee Simpson (news) in a nightclub, as a recent New York Post article alleged?



When she saw him Jessica said “Who are you?”


*audience laughs*


It was recently reported that Scott Savol, the white Ruben was arrested in 2001 for battery charges Per the police report, Savol's troubles with the law began on Feb. 14, 2001, when he went to grab some things from his ex-girlfriend's mother's house in suburban Cleveland, where he had been living with Martin and their infant son.
When Savol arrived at Martin's home, a verbal argument ensued and things quickly turned physical, according to the report.
Savol allegedly grabbed his ex-girlfriend, pulled an engagement ring off her finger and "stated he was also going to take their son," per the report.
The 28-year-old then allegedly attempted to snatch the baby, but Martin "stopped him from taking the child by telling [Savol] that she was going to call 911."
In response, Savol allegedly shoved Martin, yanked the phone from her hand and hurled the receiver at his former love, which "caused the phone to break," per the report.
The heated exchange prompted Martin to sign a warrant for the soul-patch-wearing heavyweight's arrest the next day. Police caught up with Savol at his home and took him into custody.
The sweet-voiced but apparently not so sweet-tempered Savol eventually copped a plea to a reduced misdemeanor disorderly conduct rap.
The end result of the fight left the crooner with a $500 fine, a year's probation, an order to complete a domestic violence program and a suspended 20-day jail term.
In addition to Savol's domestic dispute arrest in 2001, the Idol wannabe also pled no contest to a 1995 misdemeanor trespassing charge in Ohio, according to the Smoking Gun.

Well Corey Clark meet your new drinking buddy



Ok well that’s all the time we have Im Jack Wilson, and good night and have a pleasant tomorrow

*sketch ends , we cut to the stage where Jack is standing* Hello Im Jack Wilson, and well you know we like to do random things well, this time we took it to the streets, nope not what you think, see what we did was we walked around town and randomly interviewed people, take a look


*cut to scene are cars driving on roads, etc people walking*



Jack : Hello, Im Jack Wilson and today me and the rest of the Charkony gang are randomly interviewing people, HEY YOU! Yeah you excuse me?


Man : Yes?

Jack : Hi, Im Jack Wilson, what is your name

Man : John

Jack : John what?


John : John Helm


Jack : John Helm?

John : Yes

Jack : What do you do for a living

John : I work at a company

Jack : What to they sell?

John : Oh, umm stuff

Jack : That’s good enough, thank you

John : Youre welcome
Jack : That was quick, now let’s go to Chad and TF they are currently at some old man’s house let’s see

*cut to Chad and TF*

Chad : Hey, Jacko, apparently we’re outside of this old guy’s house, hear him? He’s yelling at the TV, let’s check it out

*rings doorbell*

Old Man : What do you kids want?


TF : We’re from….

Old man : I don’t care, wanna come in?

Chad : Yeah

*they go in*

Chad : So, sir, why are you yelling att he TV?

The Man : Because I wanted to yell at something, I always yell

TF : Do you yell at random people on the streets?

Old Man : *laughs* Yes, one time these two teenagers came by my house I said “Get off my property you rascals”

Chad : Uhhh. That was us


Old Man : Oh, hey whats that red light?


TF : Its nothing


Old Man : Maybe I left the car on?

Chad : No its off


Old Man : Is this one of those prank shows where you don’t know youre being taped?
TF, Chad : Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah


Old Man : Ok




Chad : Back to you, Jack



Jack : Cool, now let’s go to Lucas and Roby who seem to have an unusual interviewee

Lucas : Thanks, this guy wont talk

Roby : He’s a mime , Lucas

Lucas : Oh, but still Hey Mr. Mime say something

*mime makes a No signal*


Lucas : Ok, do something

*mime makes an OK signal*

Roby : Whats he gonna do

*mime points to someome tells ihm to come over tells him to look down,then kicks him in the balls mime starts lauhging*



Lucas : That was AWESOME!

Roby : Yeah!

Both : Back to you ,Jack


Jack : Interesting, now let’s go to Joe and Mackenzie, guys?


Joe : Hey, Jack , we’re here at this girl’s house

Mackenzie : Yes, she’s a big American Idol fan

Girl : Hey, guys check out my room, look at this its full of Idol stuff!


Mackenzie : Who do you think was the hottest guy ever on Idol?


Girl : Clay Aiken

Joe : Do you dream of makin’ bacon with Clay Aiken?


Girl : OH YES! YES! YES!


Joe : This isn’t an Herbal Essences commercial


Girl : Sorry

Joe : I have a question? Are you gay?

Girl : No ew grooooooooooooooosssssssssssssssss


Joe : Do your mama know youre gay?

Girl : No…OH! *throws a pillow at Joe*


Joe : Sorry

Girl : That’s ok, I have a Clay poster in my closet

*Joe laughs* Joe : So he’s finally coming out?


Girl : UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mackenzie : Joe, stop it!


Joe : What I just… Ok

Girl : I don’t like Ruben

Joe : I have bad news, he umm,mm ate ummmmmm Clay’s…………ummm shoes!


Girl : Oh that’s too bad

Joe : Yeah

NOT!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahah

Girl : Ok stop it, gewt outta my house!

Joe : Im an Idol fan too! I like Carrie Underwood

Girl : Me too!!!! You can stay just don’t make anymore Clay gay jokes


Joe : Ok



Joe, Mackenzie : Back to you!


Jack : That wasg reat guys, now let’s go to Zoie and monica, the person they think theyre interviewing wont pay attention

Monica : Yeah this guy is so gross

Zoie : Yeah, he’s this big fat guy and he’s dancing around wearing tight clothing, you can see his HAIRY STOMACH hes dancing


Monica : This is DISGUSTING!


Zoie : Yeah

Monica : Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Back to you

Zoie : Yeah


Jack : Thanks, girls I didn’t want to see anymore of that

Ok now lets go to Kate, Angr;a and JP, guys


JP : Hey Jack, here we are at this guys house

Guy : WHAT ARE YOU HOOLIGANS DOING HERE?

Kate : Interviewing you

Guy : What did I do?


Angela : Nothing

JP : Yeah we just wanted to ask you a auestion? What were you busy doing?

Guy : Shootin’ up a few squirrels for dinner

JP : Ya get their nuts?


Guy : Got em all From head to toe

JP : Good

Guy : Yup, got a few penises too


JP: Ewww what color is a squirrel’s pee?

Guy : Blue

JP : Ok ok, Back to you Jack!

Kate : Ok!



Jack : Ok the last one Jonathan and Taylor

Jonathan : Thanks! Hey Mister!

Guy : Yes?

Taylor : Wanna be interviewed?

Guy : For what? Did I do something?

Jonathan : No!

Guy : Ok


Taylor : So whats your name?

Guy : Ernie

Jonathan : How old are you?

Ernie : In my 60s

Taylor : Cool, hows your walk?

Ernie : Just great!

Ernie’s wife : DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ernie : Be right there, Marge!

Marge : No! Its ready now!

Ernie : Ok

Jonathan : That was short, back to you!

Jack : Alright well, ok that’s it for random interviews

*sketch ends audience applauds*


Jack : Ok that was fun! Well that’s about all the time we have , Thanks! Next week Pauly Shore will be our guest so tune in for another hour of laughs, better than this one! Bye
*credits roll*

[dandelion wine]

Pauly Shore has a new show coming out, called Desperate To Get Another Movie Script

Ouch.

Great show, Jack!

[Cactus Jack]

Originally Posted by Susan Norton

Ouch.

Great show, Jack!

I was kidding LOL



THanks! Fav part?

[dandelion wine]

Originally Posted by Ron Burgundy

I was kidding LOL



THanks! Fav part?

You're welcome.

I like the Herbel Essences commercial.

[Cactus Jack]

Originally Posted by Susan Norton

You're welcome.

I like the Herbel Essences commercial.

Thanks! How about Batman '05?

[robyrob]

[Cactus Jack]

Originally Posted by robyrob

Fav parts?

[EmoJoe]

That was hilarious I loved my part

[Cactus Jack]

Originally Posted by Maroon5'd

That was hilarious I loved my part

Thanks! Awesome!

[Superstar]

Hilarious

[TheGreatPretender]

bump... didn't see it before..that was great jack.