South Park: It's A Really Crappy Hippie Life

[Race's Girl]

Chapter 1- The Bad Kid

"This one, Eric?" asked Leopold 'Butters' Stotch.

"No, Butters, you ******, the red one," said Eric Cartman. "Move a little more to your right… your other right, you dumbass hippie!"

Butters obeyed and moved a little more to his right while trying to keep his balance. They both were at school and Cartman had told him to climb a bookshelf to get a coloring book for him. The little fat boy, as usual, was instructing him from the floor while the boy was risking himself to obey his boss's commands.

Ms Garrison gave a good look to her class, noticed Butters's dangerous climbing and yelled "Butters, get down from there!"

"In a moment, Miss Garris...aaah!" Butters, surprised by Miss Garrison's voice, lost his grip and started waving his now free arm trying to keep balance. Miss Miss Garrison ran to catch him while Cartman moved a few steps aside for safety.

"Miss Garrison, Butters, you are okay?" Everyone else in class asked both Miss Garrison and Butters they dashed around them. Miss Garrison handled to catch Butters before he hit the floor and he seemed to be fine but she had slipped and fell over her back getting a nasty bruise on her head.

"I think so, Fellas… Sorry, Ms Garris, did I hurt you?" Butters asked his teacher, both scared and concerned.

"Yes, a little… but don't you worry, Butters… it was my fault for leaving you kids alone." Ms Garrison said in a calming tone while rubbing her head; obviously, she was feeling more pain than she wanted to show in front of the kids. Once the dizziness lowered a little, she went to her desk and phoned the principal so she could send someone to watch the children while she went to the infirmary.

"Butters, what the hell were you doing up there? That was very dangerous!" Kyle Brovlofski started lecturing his friend who was looking down to avoid eye contact.

"I just wanted to get a book Eric asked me for." Butters said.

Kyle, Stan Marsh and Kenny McCormick immediately glared at Cartman who glared back at them.

"Hey, I promised him this candy's bar if doing it so don't give me that look, you goddamn hippies." Cartman said as he showed Stan, Kyle and Kenny the bar trying to justify himself.

"My candy," Cartman turedn around to find Clyde behind him. "I've been looking for it all morning!"

Cartman returned the candy to Clyde who snatched it angrily and then walked away. The little fat boy turned to see Butters who for once was glaring at her just like Kyle, Stan and Kenny.

"Eric, you wanted me to eat a stolen candy?" asked Butters.

"And you almost made him have an accident, Fatass," Stan snapped at Cartman. "And 'cause of that, Ms Garrison's hurt! Seriously, Cartman, one day, you're gonna do something pretty bad to someone if you don't start being more careful!"

Kyle and Stan both hauled Butters to his feet and they walked away from Cartman who was slightly stunned at his classmates reaction. However, it didn't last too much because almost immediately, he got his trademark frown.

"Yeah, right; I only wanted a book," Cartman said. "It ain't my fault Butters is dumb enough to obey me."

No one in the whole 4th Grade class spoke to Cartman the rest of the day which obviously made the little fat boy to get a pretty bad mood. However, when he arrived home later that afternoon, he was told by his mother, Lianne Cartman, that she had got a call from Principal Victoria for what happened at school today which was super mega weak. Later that night, Angelica was finally at her bed, feeling extremely tired, sad, and, on top of everything, angry with hippies. His mother obviously gave him a major lecture for not obeying the rules and grounding him for two weeks with the usual no dessert, Terrance & Phillip or new toys and, unlike other times, she really meant it. However, as much as Cartman hated to be disciplined by his mother, what hurt the most was the way hippies acted which was why he hated them.

"Why the hell are hippies such buttholes?" Cartman asked himself. "Doesn't that bitch I call a teacher know I already feel bad for hurting Butters? And besides, it wasn't my goddamn fault; he should have been more careful."

Cartman then heard his mother's footsteps and buried under the blankets pretending to be asleep. Lianne opened the door slightly and sighed sadly.

"Eric, have I done a good job raising you, Snookiekins?" Lianne asked waking Cartman up while looking down at him.

"Yes, Mom, but every time I do something wrong, I think it's that hippies are still alive," Cartman admitted. "I hope they die, I hope they goddamn well die."

Lianne looked at Cartman one last time and closed the door. Cartman, once he was sure she was gone, sat on his bed and thought about what he told his mother.

"I'm pissed off 'cause of those goddamn hippies," Cartman said. "I almost made Butters to get hurt today and it was only 'cause I wanted to have some fun with a silly book and and I also hurt Ms Garison today."

Then, Cartman made a decision. The little fat boy stood up, stood out of his bedroom window and scowled.

[Race's Girl]

Chapter 2- A World Without Hippies

"Goddamn hippies, I bet the world'll be happy without them being stupid and getting me into trouble." Cartman said.

"Are you sure about this, Eric?" a voice which sounded like Chef asked from behind him. Cartman turned back and almost fainted when looking at Chef's ghost dressed the way he ususally did in the school cafeteria.

"Chef, I think the world would be much better if hippies had never existed!" Cartman said and as Chef clapped his hands, a loud bang noise came from them and Chef pointed behind Cartman and his old car appeared from nowhere.

"Sweet car, Chef. I like it; I've got one like this but I can't take it out to run away 'cause my mom hid the key 'cause of my grounding." Cartma told Chef who invited him to jump into the car. A moment later, Chef was driving back to Cartman's house.

"Chef, my mom's gonna yell at me for running away." Cartman said.

"Yes but in this world, hippies don't exist." Chef told the little fat boy who obviously still didn't understand what the hell Chef's ghost meant. Cartman then noticed it was no longer night seeming it was about the time he usually woke up.

Chef parked his car in the backyard and motioned Cartman to follow him. Then, Chef grabbed the little fat boy's hand, and, surprisingly for Cartman, they phased through the wall.

"How you did that? And how I did that?" asked Cartman.

"It's easy, in this world, you can walk through anything and anybody like Casper." replied Chef.

"So, I can also fly and scare hippies and…" Cartman began.

"No, you can't do that, damnit so don't even try to do it or you're gonna be really pissed off after a while." Chef said and, at that moment, Lianne entered the kitchen. She noticed Cartman as he sat at the table and Chef vanished for a while.

"Wow! Did that hurt?" Cartman asked.

"No but sometimes, it tickles." Chef's voice informed him. Lianne saw Cartman and smiled at him.

"Hello, Boobikins." Lianne told Cartman keeping a normal tone with him.

"Hi, Mom, I'm glad there's no hippies to ruin my day." Cartman said. Lianne then hugged him and, after a few seconds, he returned the embrace.

"What is a hippy, Eric?" asked Lianne.

"A hippy's a member of some crappy culture that began during the early 1960s." said Cartman.

"That's very nice, Hon." said Lianne rushed out of the kitchen to go and get dressed

"Okay, what the hell's going on?" Cartman asked Chef. "Why does my mom look cooler than usual?"

"She was never a hippy in the 60s because hippies never existed, Eric," Chef told Cartman as he reapearred from nowhere. "You see, when hippies were in present day South Park, she said 'hi' to them while you called them bad names… sure, you hate hippies but my point is that hippies made the world a better place."

Cartman got silent and walked at the door as Chef followed him.

"Coome on, there's a lot more to see." said Chef as he made Cartma follow him back to the car and they drove away.

"Where the hell are we going now?" Cartman said after a few minutes of silence.

"To South Park Elementary; don't you want to see if your classmates are happier without hippies?" Chef replied and, as he said, they were parking outside the school a few moments later.

Chef and Cartma entered the classroom by phasing through a wall and Cartman noticed everything seemed to be more or less normal with kids studying and started bossing Butters around.

"Eric, you're late." Ms Garrison said as she looked at the little fat boy.

"Sorry I'm late, Ms Garrison, there were hippes," Cartman said before he turned to Butters and pointed at a piantbrush near Kenny. "Butters you wuss, hurry up and bring me that paintbrush."

"Okay, Eric." sid Butters as he dashed to bring a paintbrush from the pallet Kenny was standing near and dashed back with Cartman.

"Okay, Cartman, what the hell's a hippy?" asked Kyle.

"They look like girls and have long hair, you stupid Jew." snapped Cartman as he sighed.

"We don't know what the hell that means, Fatass." Stan said.

"Dude, this is super weak. What the hell's going on here?" Cartman asked Chef without losing sight of every other kid in the class.

"None of the staff here were hippies, that's why," Chef started explaining. "All of us staff members were hippies during the 1960s. Butters always do things for you because he considers you a friend and wants to make you happy but since hippies don't exist in this world, the whole place is dark and no one does stuff hippies usually do."

"But when she was Mr Garrison, Ms Garrison always helped hippies occassionaly and told then when they did something wrong," said Cartman. "Why did he stopped doing that?"

"Well, there are two reasons… the first as I told you, is that she has to help you and those of crackers in your classroom," said Chef. "The second reason is that when hippies were around, he always had people who called him a hippy in return but now the whole classroom's against him. Come on, I'll show you."