Tell some jokes, if you can think of any. - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

GARFIELDKOOL · 03-11-2005, 03:40 PM

Here is a couple.

Q: Why did the man turn down a glass of beer and decided to climb a mountain?

A: Because he wanted to get high instead. LOL

Q: Why did the sex-crave man jump into the ocean after the animals?

A: He wanted some octopu-ss-y. LOL

*MIBabe03* · 03-11-2005, 04:10 PM

I've got a long one but here it goes. Okay a blonde woman goes to an electronic store and says she wants to buy a TV. The salesman says "Sorry, we don't sell items to dumb blondes." She goes home and dyes it brown. She goes back to the store and points out the same thing. Once again the salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell items to dumb blondes." She goes home again, and dyes it red. She goes back again and points out the same item she wants. Once again the salesman says, "I'm sorry we don't sell items to dumb blondes." This time the woman says "How do you know that I'm blonde?" The salesman says "That's not a TV, it's a toaster."

Steve M. · 03-11-2005, 09:03 PM

An immigrant arrives in this country speaking no English. He feels the best way to learn is to buy a television set and watch American TV. So he buys one and hooks it up to the cable-ready jack in his apartment. He starts watching different channels.

He watches a PBS documentary on the staging of an opera. An opera singer is shown warming up, singing "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"

Next he watches the Game Show Network, where he hears an announcer yell, "A new car! And a trip to Miami Beach!"

Then he tunes into TV Land, where a "Leave it to Beaver" episode is playing. "Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says Eddie Haskell, "or I'll split your lip open!"

Then he tunes into MTV while a Nazareth video is playing. He hears Dan McCafferty sing, "Now yo' meesin' with a sonabitch!"

He changes the channel one more time and catches and old "Batman" episode, where he hears the theme song. "Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!"

He then goes outside to try out the English he's learned. As he steps out of the apartment building, a policeman approaches him. "Sir," the policeman says, "a man who lives in this building was robbed of his money - $100,000 in cash. Do you know who did it?"

The immigrant replies, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"

"You?" the policeman says. "What did you do it for?"

"A new car!" the immigrant says. "And a trip to Miami Beach!"

"Young man," the policeman replies, "you've committed a major crime. You're in serious trouble."

"Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says the immigrant, "or I'll split your lip open!"

"Don't talk like that to me!' the policeman exclaims. "You don't know whom you're dealing with!"

"Now yo' messin' with a sonabitch!" the immigrant says.

"That's it, the policeman says. "You're under arrest." He handcuffs the immigrant and leads him away. "Boy," he tells him, "I'd like to know who you think you are!"

The immigrant replies, "Da na na na na na na na, BATMAN!"

GARFIELDKOOL · 03-13-2005, 01:20 AM

Q: Why did the Korean guy eat dinner with the black folks?

A: He thought they were having "Seoul Food" LOL

hpluba · 03-13-2005, 03:12 AM

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.
Wife: Who is this?
Maid: This is the maid.
Wife: We don't have a maid.
Maid: Um, I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
Maid: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife.
The wife is fuming.
Wife: "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?
Maid: Of course! What will I have to do?
Wife: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with.
The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps, then gunshots, then more footsteps.
Maid: What do I do with the bodies?
Wife: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.
Maid: There's no pool here.
A long pause.......
Wife: Is this 832-4821?

Georgia's on my Mind · 03-13-2005, 03:19 AM

how many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
depends how hard you throw them

GARFIELDKOOL · 03-13-2005, 11:34 AM

Q: What ethnicity is Tiger Woods?

A: A black-a-nese

x3 Taylor x3 · 03-13-2005, 12:01 PM

There all histerical.

GARFIELDKOOL · 03-13-2005, 07:47 PM

Q: Why did the black man get rid of his radio and typewriter at his job in front of his white bosses?

A: HE didn't want no more STEREOTYPES.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 03-13-2005, 07:51 PM

What do you call bread made by a bison?

Buffaloaf!

GARFIELDKOOL · 03-13-2005, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

What do you call bread made by a bison?

Buffaloaf!

That was cute, Pleasant Tomorrow!

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 03-13-2005, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GARFIELDKOOL

That was cute, Pleasant Tomorrow!

Thanks, I got it from a popsicle stick.

Georgia's on my Mind · 03-13-2005, 08:44 PM

What's more disgusting than a dead baby in a garbage can?
a dead baby in two garbage cans

Hollow · 03-13-2005, 08:56 PM

Q: why did the guy go to work wearing a blue polo shirt

A: he felt like wearing a blue polo shirt

robyrob · 03-13-2005, 09:08 PM

Q - Why did the chicken cross the stream?

A - Because he was duct-taped to a salmon.

03-11-2005, 03:40 PM	#1
GARFIELDKOOL Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Sep 02, 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 7,204	Tell some jokes, if you can think of any. Here is a couple. Q: Why did the man turn down a glass of beer and decided to climb a mountain? A: Because he wanted to get high instead. LOL Q: Why did the sex-crave man jump into the ocean after the animals? A: He wanted some octopu-ss-y. LOL

03-11-2005, 04:10 PM	#2
MIBabe03 Loving Swingtown! Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 28, 2002 Location: TX Posts: 4,646	I've got a long one but here it goes. Okay a blonde woman goes to an electronic store and says she wants to buy a TV. The salesman says "Sorry, we don't sell items to dumb blondes." She goes home and dyes it brown. She goes back to the store and points out the same thing. Once again the salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell items to dumb blondes." She goes home again, and dyes it red. She goes back again and points out the same item she wants. Once again the salesman says, "I'm sorry we don't sell items to dumb blondes." This time the woman says "How do you know that I'm blonde?" The salesman says "That's not a TV, it's a toaster."
	__________________ Laura and Mario November 10, 2006

03-11-2005, 09:03 PM	#3
Steve M. Back on the road to reality Forum Superstar Join Date: Nov 07, 2003 Location: New Jersey Posts: 33,307	An immigrant arrives in this country speaking no English. He feels the best way to learn is to buy a television set and watch American TV. So he buys one and hooks it up to the cable-ready jack in his apartment. He starts watching different channels. He watches a PBS documentary on the staging of an opera. An opera singer is shown warming up, singing "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Next he watches the Game Show Network, where he hears an announcer yell, "A new car! And a trip to Miami Beach!" Then he tunes into TV Land, where a "Leave it to Beaver" episode is playing. "Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says Eddie Haskell, "or I'll split your lip open!" Then he tunes into MTV while a Nazareth video is playing. He hears Dan McCafferty sing, "Now yo' meesin' with a sonabitch!" He changes the channel one more time and catches and old "Batman" episode, where he hears the theme song. "Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!" He then goes outside to try out the English he's learned. As he steps out of the apartment building, a policeman approaches him. "Sir," the policeman says, "a man who lives in this building was robbed of his money - $100,000 in cash. Do you know who did it?" The immigrant replies, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" "You?" the policeman says. "What did you do it for?" "A new car!" the immigrant says. "And a trip to Miami Beach!" "Young man," the policeman replies, "you've committed a major crime. You're in serious trouble." "Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says the immigrant, "or I'll split your lip open!" "Don't talk like that to me!' the policeman exclaims. "You don't know whom you're dealing with!" "Now yo' messin' with a sonabitch!" the immigrant says. "That's it, the policeman says. "You're under arrest." He handcuffs the immigrant and leads him away. "Boy," he tells him, "I'd like to know who you think you are!" The immigrant replies, "Da na na na na na na na, BATMAN!"
	Last edited by Steve M.; 10-12-2011 at 01:59 PM.

03-13-2005, 03:12 AM	#5
hpluba Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 19, 2005 Location: LA Posts: 34	A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day she calls home and a strange woman answers. Wife: Who is this? Maid: This is the maid. Wife: We don't have a maid. Maid: Um, I was hired this morning by the man of the house. Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there? Maid: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife. The wife is fuming. Wife: "Listen, would you like to make $50,000? Maid: Of course! What will I have to do? Wife: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with. The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps, then gunshots, then more footsteps. Maid: What do I do with the bodies? Wife: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool. Maid: There's no pool here. A long pause....... Wife: Is this 832-4821?
	__________________ "It's only a game if you win but if you lose it's a stinking waste of time." - Al Bundy

03-13-2005, 12:01 PM	#8
x3 Taylor x3 Yeahh man Senior Member Join Date: Jan 28, 2004 Posts: 1,741	There all histerical.
	__________________ Eat brains motha ****a!!!

03-13-2005, 01:20 AM	#4
GARFIELDKOOL Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Sep 02, 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 7,204	Q: Why did the Korean guy eat dinner with the black folks? A: He thought they were having "Seoul Food" LOL

03-13-2005, 03:19 AM	#6
Georgia's on my Mind Senior Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Aug 19, 2001 Posts: 25,054	how many dead babies does it take to paint a house? depends how hard you throw them

03-13-2005, 11:34 AM	#7
GARFIELDKOOL Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Sep 02, 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 7,204	Q: What ethnicity is Tiger Woods? A: A black-a-nese

03-13-2005, 07:47 PM	#9
GARFIELDKOOL Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Sep 02, 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 7,204	Q: Why did the black man get rid of his radio and typewriter at his job in front of his white bosses? A: HE didn't want no more STEREOTYPES.

03-13-2005, 07:51 PM	#10
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	What do you call bread made by a bison? Buffaloaf!
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

03-13-2005, 08:44 PM	#13
Georgia's on my Mind Senior Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Aug 19, 2001 Posts: 25,054	What's more disgusting than a dead baby in a garbage can? a dead baby in two garbage cans

03-13-2005, 08:56 PM	#14
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	Q: why did the guy go to work wearing a blue polo shirt A: he felt like wearing a blue polo shirt

03-13-2005, 09:08 PM	#15
robyrob certified wackball#3 Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 03, 2003 Location: hiding under the third booth at Arnold's Posts: 58,203	Q - Why did the chicken cross the stream? A - Because he was duct-taped to a salmon.
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