Why doesn't she understand??? This makes me SOOOO mad!!!

[Warm & Fuzzy]

This is gonna be a long, vent post, just to warn yah, LOL. Okay, here it goes:

As some of you know... or maybe you don't, LOL.. I've been pondering a while about telling my former (5h grade) teacher about my eating disorder... well... I finally did. We spoke for an hour and a half... about college and all that good stuff. Gosh, I dont even know what to do with my life anymore... sigh... not that I knew in the FIRST place, haha, but that's besides the point. Anyway, so somehow we stumbled on the topic of "something was bothering me." I'm not sure who triggered it, but it was probably me... I think I said something like, "I have other things in my mind," or something. I can barely remember, I was so nervous. So in any case, it took me like a good 15 minutes or so to FINALLY tell her that I had some sort of obsession with food. She didn't even think of an eating disorder. In fact, that term never once popped up. But whatever.. she's probably not familiar with them. Sigh.....and hence, she wouldn't understand.

She questioned me a bit, tho. One question in particular was, "so you like to eat?" And I said, "well... uh.. yeah, LOL." And then she goes something like, "well, that's normal." And I thought.... WHAT?????? How can you TELL me that after all I've been thru in regards to my ED?? Sheesh. That made me mad, but alas, I MUST forgive her... because I MUST keep in mind that she doesn't know... arghhh!! And then she goes, "it's not as big as a problem as you think, Jenny." (She said this like 4 times! I counted!) And I'm thinking... YES, IT IS!!!!!!! Gosh... she made me feel so...so.... insignificant, seriously. I felt as if... she would NEVER understand. (Not sure if she does even NOW.) So then I told her once more, "I eat a LOT." And she's like, "I think you are exaggerating." My god!!!! She frustrated me a bit, I must admit.... but she's a nice teacher.. always has been. But seriously, the level of understanding was just SO minute that I felt like I was speaking to the wall or something... it wasn't any different.

Something else she asked was how often I made myself throw up. I said "couple times a month?" And she's like, "oh, then that's not so much of a problem." Oh PLEEEEASSEEEE!!! Throwing up is NOT normal, no matter HOW seldom you do it.. it is NOT normal!! WHY does she make it seem as if it's not a big deal or something? It is a HELL of a big deal to me!!! Again, she doesn't seem to understand. I dont think she is aware of the hazards in self-induced vomitting, either. Argh!

Oh, and something ELSE. When I told her I had an eating problem initially, she said, "But you're not pale," "you look normal,""you look healthy and fit" etc etc... as if she's not believing me or something. Oy vey, you don't HAVE to look pale and weigh a trillion pounds to have an eating disorder, you know??? THAT made me mad, too... So then I said, "I exercise a lot." And she's like, "exercise is GOOD." And I said, "not if you do too much of it." And she goes, "exercise is GOOD." Ayyyyy!!!!!!!! Why can't I win?? I am RIGHT... I know I am!!! *cries* Why does she make this problem of mine..... seem so unimportant? But okay, she doesn't understand... she doesn't know... must forgive.... growls.

And then it was getting late... 4:30, and she started packing her things. I thought that was kind of rude, even tho she had to go... but I still thought it was rude 'cause I was in the middle of a sentence when she got out of her chair! Argggghhh.... so yeah, I was cut short. I was upset. And then she goes something like, "I'll see what I can do to help you." Yeah.... okay.... Sigh. She didnt even ask me whether if I wanted to come in tomorrow to speak with her, as well..... I really wanted, to.. but she didn't ask, so I didn't ask either. Sigh..... the next time I go see her, I should make sure I weigh 95 pounds or something LOL, maybe then she will see a difference?? Maybe THEN she will be CONVINCED that I have a problem?? SHEESH! I'm basically CRYING out to her, but she isn't getting it!

I'm surprised tho that I didn't just burst out crying like I thought I would. I guess I just.....couldn't? Maybe if I DID she would've known how serious this is.... dammit!

And you know what I did after I left the school?? Haha... you guessed right! I ATE, mwahahahaaaa. I don't even "care." DAMMIT!!! So bascially, I vented... okay. Now WHAT??? It just ends here, doesn't it? After ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL this time, I wanted someone to help me. After ALLLLLLL this time I FINALLY TOLD SOMEONE in the physical life, and I wanted her to help me... SOMEHOW... but she couldn't. I'm bummed, I'm gonna go have myself another chocolate bar...... it'll make me feel better. Sorry if I bored you all to death, LOL.

[TheGreatPretender]

I'm sorry. Maybe she just cares about you but wants and wants to be the type of friend that wants to be reasurring and not give you that kind of "tough love". Just the next time you see her tell her everything about your problem, and you have tried several times to beat this problem. Just don't be afraid to pour your heart out to her. And if that doesn't work then maybe you can find someone else that you trust to talk to? I hope everything works out.

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally Posted by TheGreatPretender

I'm sorry. Maybe she just cares about you but wants and wants to be the type of friend that wants to be reasurring and not give you that kind of "tough love". Just the next time you see her tell her everything about your problem, and you have tried several times to beat this problem. Just don't be afraid to pour your heart out to her. And if that doesn't work then maybe you can find someone else that you trust to talk to? I hope everything works out.

Hey, thanks for the quick response, it means so much to me... I'm just really on edge right now, I just wanna do something REALLY stupid.... but I know better... sighhhh...

Thing is, I DID pour my darn heart out to her.... Sigh. She was bascially the only person I had in mind... the only person I can talk to... the only person I can trust. And she made me feel so foolish... and she blew me off... made me feel like I didn't matter....made my problem seem minute.... made it seem like I was crazy......I'm not, I'm really not. I dont know what to do anymore.... I dont know who to turn to.... I'm sitting here bawling, and I can't stop...

5260 cals and counting... I should die, I really should....

[TheGreatPretender]

Well why don't you tell her then that she hurt your feelings? Say you confided in her and thought of her as a close friend who you could tell a serious problem too and you weren't expecting her reaction. I know it may be hard but you have to tell people about your feelings eventually.

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally Posted by TheGreatPretender

Well why don't you tell her then that she hurt your feelings? Say you confided in her and thought of her as a close friend who you could tell a serious problem too and you weren't expecting her reaction. I know it may be hard but you have to tell people about your feelings eventually.

I'm normally not too open with my feelings to her.... and I dont have the heart to tell her that. I just wish I had never went on that diet I did 2 years ago.... it was the worst decision I have I ever made in my life. If I had known... if only I had known... if only my dad had not made that nasty comment to me... if, if, if.

[Kay Scarpetta]

Hmm... well letsee. I'll share my view/story.

The only person I pour my heart out to is like my second mother. She was my 7th/8th grade principal. When we were just beginning to become close a few years back, when it came to deep talking, I just took it slow. Over the past few years, she has been the only person that I could go to with anything. My mess up with drugs (she's the one who ended up driving me to rehab in May), my dealing with my depression/anxiety disorders, my self-harming, or just to sit and chat when I needed a shoulder to cry on. She literally saved my life when there was no one else left to turn to. Our relationship is something that I will cherish and be forever thankful for. It's scary how much we are like mother and daughter. We argue a lot and get in screaming matches We do everything together. Shopping, going to the movies, or just chilling at her house. Needless to say, here's my view:

I know it's hard. Dealing with an issue, especially one as serious as an eating disorder, is tough no matter who you decide to tell... but it must be someone you'd trust with your life. This is a big matter in your life and you need to place it with someone you trust. If you do have someone other than the teacher, try them. If not, write a letter to her. That's what I always do. I write a letter and express my feelings in words, since it's sometimes hard to get it out by speaking. It'll work, trust me.

Good luck with everything You will get through it.

[Michael [hXc]]

Originally Posted by Kay Scarpetta

The only person I pour my heart out to is like my second mother. She was my 7th/8th grade principal. When we were just beginning to become close a few years back, when it came to deep talking, I just took it slow. Over the past few years, she has been the only person that I could go to with anything. My mess up with drugs (she's the one who ended up driving me to rehab in May), my dealing with my depression/anxiety disorders, my self-harming, or just to sit and chat when I needed a shoulder to cry on. She literally saved my life when there was no one else left to turn to. Our relationship is something that I will cherish and be forever thankful for. It's scary how much we are like mother and daughter. We argue a lot and get in screaming matches We do everything together. Shopping, going to the movies, or just chilling at her house.

whoah that's amazing. she sounds like a wonderful person to help you like that and it's good you found someone who can help you through problems like that.

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Originally Posted by Kay Scarpetta

Hmm... well letsee. I'll share my view/story.

The only person I pour my heart out to is like my second mother. She was my 7th/8th grade principal. When we were just beginning to become close a few years back, when it came to deep talking, I just took it slow. Over the past few years, she has been the only person that I could go to with anything. My mess up with drugs (she's the one who ended up driving me to rehab in May), my dealing with my depression/anxiety disorders, my self-harming, or just to sit and chat when I needed a shoulder to cry on. She literally saved my life when there was no one else left to turn to. Our relationship is something that I will cherish and be forever thankful for. It's scary how much we are like mother and daughter. We argue a lot and get in screaming matches We do everything together. Shopping, going to the movies, or just chilling at her house. Needless to say, here's my view:

I know it's hard. Dealing with an issue, especially one as serious as an eating disorder, is tough no matter who you decide to tell... but it must be someone you'd trust with your life. This is a big matter in your life and you need to place it with someone you trust. If you do have someone other than the teacher, try them. If not, write a letter to her. That's what I always do. I write a letter and express my feelings in words, since it's sometimes hard to get it out by speaking. It'll work, trust me.

Good luck with everything You will get through it.

Awwww, thanks for sharing your story with me, Karli. Gives me SOME hope....... well, sorta, LOL. But thanks a lot. I appreciate it. And I am sooo glad you have found someone you can trust and befriend, and look up to. Your principal sounds like a charm, and I wish the best for you both. I wish I could have that kind of relationship with someone, too... sigh.

[consentida]

Originally Posted by Transit Whiz

I wish I could have that kind of relationship with someone, too... sigh.

Relationships like that aren't easy to find, in all honesty. Sometimes you just click with certain people. And sometimes you dont click right away. Sometimes it takes a while. I've had plenty of teachers that have been there for me and supported me in many ways, but only a few have really been there for me. I don't know what it is, but teachers seem to find something in me that they like...attach to and from that come many friendships and opportunities.

Okay enough of that. A few years ago, I had a teacher that I would talk to about anything. She'd listen to everything. At the time, I was having problems at home. And while she listened to what I had to say and all the stuff that was going on at home, she could never properly advise me. She was inexperienced in that field and just...couldn't offer any kind of advice. The best she could do was listen. She often made appointments with my guidance counselor for me (not that it helped but at least she tried) and she would tell me that I needed to talk to someone who could offer some kind of solution to my problems.

Maybe that's what happened with your teacher. Maybe she didn't know how to react and just played it off as if it was nothing. Not everyone has the ability to recognize the symptoms of an eating disorder right away. She may have gone home and thought about it and then realized. You never know, she may go find someone who can help you.

[Rebel Queen 1980]

Try talking to someone that works like for Health center or a doctor.
Maybe they can give you brochures and stuff.If not trying looking
up from them hotline numbers and ask for info or something.