Inevitible Guilt that's Heartbreaking - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 01-22-2005, 09:12 PM

I realize I don't post many personal threads or even feel I know very many people individually here, but I just had to post this as it tears me up completely....

To make a lonnnnnnnng story short, here's the rundown of how my life has been going for this past awful year for me:

My parents were separated in April 2000 because my dad was being a jerk and not treating my mom right for previous years to that. So authorities had to step in after one simple phone call. My dad is in his 70s (yes - MUCH older) and my mom in her 50s.

My dad carried on living on his own place. Then, he was being much less active (doesn't work, drank, not nourishing himself well, etc). My sister and I would stop visiting him because we were sick of his behavior and attitude. Eventually, the calls and visits would be far and in between. In fact, the last stretch of time I have called/visited him was from last July 2004 to December 2004 - I called him for Christmas.

It wasn't until my Californian aunt (my dad's sister) calls me on Friday, January 7, 2005 informing my dad had a heart attack and fell and hit his head. He was bleeding and had to have been taken in by an ambulance by their brother.

My sister and I visited him just after surgery, and it was difficult for him to talk and was quite incoherent.

It felt like my life had changed totally.... I know wanted to be near my dad's side taking care of him so he gets better, and so I can sit and talk-talk with him. I figured this will be like this for the rest of his life, since he is 74.

He's been transferred over to a nursing center/rehab place last night, and this morning my mom and I went to visit and talk. My dad was talking more and more!! I was getting hopeful!!

Then, my aunt calls a few hours ago and tells me he's got an infection in his brain from the blood clot and with the pnenomia and his not eating well (against his wishes to be fed through the stomach and through the nose - which could help him!!), he's getting weaker. It's then estimated he only has TWO weeks to live. I about lost it!

I felt so guilty for not listening to my mom when she would say "Go and visit your dad! Make him food and visit him!" I just rolled my eyes from all my past hidden anger, and now life bites me in the butt!!! This SUCKS!

What do I do now? I know this is life, but I just wish for a simple miracle.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 01-22-2005, 09:15 PM

Oh God, I'm sorry

I have a bad relationship with my dad and fear something like that happening someday when I'm older. I guess the best thing is to see him as much as you can now. I hope he does get better, though.

swedeace · 01-22-2005, 09:17 PM

Thank you, Pleasent Tomorrow. *hugs*

Yes, please DON'T take your dad for granted. Just ignoring and everything will tear you up inside. Make amends today, please.

Dutabi84 · 01-22-2005, 09:23 PM

That's the worst possible news anyone can be told.

But don't feel guilty, that won't get you anywhere. Just take advantage of what time you have left. I too hope he has a miracle, but it's important for you two to be on good terms when he inevitable does leave. And when you're with him, treat every moment like it might be your last.

Anyway, best of luck to you and your family.

Hollow · 01-22-2005, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Pleasant Tomorrow*

Oh God, I'm sorry

I have a bad relationship with my dad and fear something like that happening someday when I'm older.

omg, me too.

Michael [hXc] · 01-22-2005, 09:36 PM

my dad and i don't have a close relationship but i love him and everything. that's awful

Kazza · 01-22-2005, 09:45 PM

Forgive yourself and forgive him

Janet McFarland · 01-22-2005, 09:55 PM

Oh wow I'm so sorry

That does suck. Well take advantage of the situation. Everytime you're with him just spend it like it's your last moment together. I guess just be there for him and be calm around him. He will be in my prayers. *hugs*

MissZero · 01-22-2005, 10:38 PM

I'm so sorry

I hope everything turns out for the best

Warm & Fuzzy · 01-22-2005, 10:48 PM

Don't feel guilty.

Janice · 01-22-2005, 10:55 PM

I'm sorry about your father. Your strained relationship with him certainly compounds your feelings. The best thing is to be there for him now.

dandelion wine · 01-22-2005, 11:07 PM

I'm so sorry. Just be there for him and don't be hard on yourself. I wish the best for you, and your father.

swedeace · 01-23-2005, 08:54 AM

Thank you all for your kind, kind words, prayers and thoughts. *hugs*

I could not sleep a wink at all. I made myself sick by vomiting, and it just hurts thinking too much. Going to work will be quite difficult. I only told one co-worker about my dad, but I'd have to tell the others.

My mom and I will go and visit him later. I haven't eaten/drank anything in hours, but I cannot keep anything down either. This is quite diffcult to consume..... I feel I do not have enough energy. I don't want to eat or drink anything, but I feel my throat is dehydrated. I can't even sleep or close my eyes. My aunt's words are playing back to me in a haunting manner. I feel like a sleepless mummy....

This is all such a nightmare....

Janet McFarland · 01-23-2005, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swedeace

Thank you all for your kind, kind words, prayers and thoughts. *hugs*

I could not sleep a wink at all. I made myself sick by vomiting, and it just hurts thinking too much. Going to work will be quite difficult. I only told one co-worker about my dad, but I'd have to tell the others.

My mom and I will go and visit him later. I haven't eaten/drank anything in hours, but I cannot keep anything down either. This is quite diffcult to consume..... I feel I do not have enough energy. I don't want to eat or drink anything, but I feel my throat is dehydrated. I can't even sleep or close my eyes. My aunt's words are playing back to me in a haunting manner. I feel like a sleepless mummy....

This is all such a nightmare....

Aww well we're here for you. Hang in there

swedeace · 01-27-2005, 08:24 PM

Thank you all again for your kind words!

I am feeling a lot better because I have the chance to help care for my dad at his apartment where he will be more comfortable. I do not want my dad to suffer either, so this will help ease and prepare for the future.

So I appreciate everyone's kindest words.

01-22-2005, 09:12 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Inevitible Guilt that's Heartbreaking I realize I don't post many personal threads or even feel I know very many people individually here, but I just had to post this as it tears me up completely.... To make a lonnnnnnnng story short, here's the rundown of how my life has been going for this past awful year for me: My parents were separated in April 2000 because my dad was being a jerk and not treating my mom right for previous years to that. So authorities had to step in after one simple phone call. My dad is in his 70s (yes - MUCH older) and my mom in her 50s. My dad carried on living on his own place. Then, he was being much less active (doesn't work, drank, not nourishing himself well, etc). My sister and I would stop visiting him because we were sick of his behavior and attitude. Eventually, the calls and visits would be far and in between. In fact, the last stretch of time I have called/visited him was from last July 2004 to December 2004 - I called him for Christmas. It wasn't until my Californian aunt (my dad's sister) calls me on Friday, January 7, 2005 informing my dad had a heart attack and fell and hit his head. He was bleeding and had to have been taken in by an ambulance by their brother. My sister and I visited him just after surgery, and it was difficult for him to talk and was quite incoherent. It felt like my life had changed totally.... I know wanted to be near my dad's side taking care of him so he gets better, and so I can sit and talk-talk with him. I figured this will be like this for the rest of his life, since he is 74. He's been transferred over to a nursing center/rehab place last night, and this morning my mom and I went to visit and talk. My dad was talking more and more!! I was getting hopeful!! Then, my aunt calls a few hours ago and tells me he's got an infection in his brain from the blood clot and with the pnenomia and his not eating well (against his wishes to be fed through the stomach and through the nose - which could help him!!), he's getting weaker. It's then estimated he only has TWO weeks to live. I about lost it! I felt so guilty for not listening to my mom when she would say "Go and visit your dad! Make him food and visit him!" I just rolled my eyes from all my past hidden anger, and now life bites me in the butt!!! This SUCKS! What do I do now? I know this is life, but I just wish for a simple miracle.

01-22-2005, 09:15 PM	#2
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	Oh God, I'm sorry I have a bad relationship with my dad and fear something like that happening someday when I'm older. I guess the best thing is to see him as much as you can now. I hope he does get better, though.
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

01-22-2005, 09:36 PM	#6
Michael [hXc] dying. Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 29, 2004 Posts: 8,532	my dad and i don't have a close relationship but i love him and everything. that's awful
	__________________ I'm scared now...is this working out? When my voice is on the way, Who's to think about? I'm scared one day I'll say, "I don't love this anymore," Turn my back on all my fans... Who's to think about? The brighter I shine, the darker my shadows. And they pull me behind, as I let off the pedal. Why should I divide what feels so right? Is this where I want to lay?

01-22-2005, 10:38 PM	#9
MissZero serve it up baby Senior Member Join Date: Sep 12, 2004 Location: Pa (Blah) Posts: 1,901	I'm so sorry I hope everything turns out for the best
	__________________ ~MissZero~

01-22-2005, 10:48 PM	#10
Warm & Fuzzy Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 02, 2001 Posts: 10,254	Don't feel guilty.
	__________________ "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." ~Unknown

01-22-2005, 09:17 PM	#3
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Thank you, Pleasent Tomorrow. hugs Yes, please DON'T take your dad for granted. Just ignoring and everything will tear you up inside. Make amends today, please.

01-22-2005, 09:23 PM	#4
Dutabi84 kittens must die Forum Fanatic Join Date: Apr 22, 2003 Location: MN/TX Posts: 11,026	That's the worst possible news anyone can be told. But don't feel guilty, that won't get you anywhere. Just take advantage of what time you have left. I too hope he has a miracle, but it's important for you two to be on good terms when he inevitable does leave. And when you're with him, treat every moment like it might be your last. Anyway, best of luck to you and your family.

01-22-2005, 09:45 PM	#7
Kazza Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 17, 2003 Posts: 3,244	Forgive yourself and forgive him

01-22-2005, 09:55 PM	#8
Janet McFarland Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 09, 2004 Posts: 4,344	Oh wow I'm so sorry That does suck. Well take advantage of the situation. Everytime you're with him just spend it like it's your last moment together. I guess just be there for him and be calm around him. He will be in my prayers. hugs

01-22-2005, 10:55 PM	#11
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I'm sorry about your father. Your strained relationship with him certainly compounds your feelings. The best thing is to be there for him now.

01-22-2005, 11:07 PM	#12
dandelion wine ~ Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 20, 2003 Location: Behind the Couch Posts: 34,967	I'm so sorry. Just be there for him and don't be hard on yourself. I wish the best for you, and your father.
	__________________ Fans of Jon-Erik Hexum Merry Christmas!

01-23-2005, 08:54 AM	#13
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Thank you all for your kind, kind words, prayers and thoughts. hugs I could not sleep a wink at all. I made myself sick by vomiting, and it just hurts thinking too much. Going to work will be quite difficult. I only told one co-worker about my dad, but I'd have to tell the others. My mom and I will go and visit him later. I haven't eaten/drank anything in hours, but I cannot keep anything down either. This is quite diffcult to consume..... I feel I do not have enough energy. I don't want to eat or drink anything, but I feel my throat is dehydrated. I can't even sleep or close my eyes. My aunt's words are playing back to me in a haunting manner. I feel like a sleepless mummy.... This is all such a nightmare....

01-27-2005, 08:24 PM	#15
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Thank you all again for your kind words! I am feeling a lot better because I have the chance to help care for my dad at his apartment where he will be more comfortable. I do not want my dad to suffer either, so this will help ease and prepare for the future. So I appreciate everyone's kindest words.