The 2004 Hawkeye Awards - Part 2! - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TJL · 12-30-2004, 11:36 PM

Welcome back to the 2004 Hawkeye Awards, the award show with all the pomp and none of the circumstance!

Here’s your host, a man with three little initials and one big heart, TJL!

Thank you, announcer who’s not supposed to be me.

Well, here we are folks, another Hawkeye Awards program honoring the highlights and lowlifes of the year.

Once again our diligent staff of nubile Swedish exchange student interns has been counting the votes in all our fictional categories so we can present to those lucky few the coveted Benjamin Franklin Pierce Award Of Excellence, a gorgeous statuette made out of pure cubic zirconium, which can also be used to open any stubborn jar or cap you have in your kitchen.
Talk about a win-win situation!

Let's give out some awards!

Outstanding Performance By An Actor In Two Really Bad TV Series - Former “Roseanne” star John Goodman laid two big goose eggs this year with his live action stinker “Center Of The Universe” and his no action “Father Of The Pride.” Hoo boy. Every computer that had anything to do with creating that unfunny lion cartoon should be taken to the nearest recycling plant, ground up and melted down and manufactured into something more useful, like ice cube trays, a hair dryer, or a wonderfully practical George Forman Grill.
John how many times do we have to tell you, just because it happens to you doesn’t mean it’s funny.

Outstanding Baby Name – The Hawkeye goes to sometime actress Gwenyth Paltrow for naming her newborn daughter Apple.
Gwen, we know that you and your husband - that guy from Coldplay - thought you were being unique by naming your baby Apple. But the sad fact is there are people out there in this cruel world who are going to make fun of that poor girl and her name. Mean, horrible nasty people.
People like me.
So when your darling little Apple comes home crying one day because her private school classmates are now referring to her as Applesauce, Macintosh, Apple Pie, Applejacks, Apple Brown Betty, Snapple, Apple Turnover, Apple Newtons, and because girls love so much to be teased about their weight – Big Apple, don’t say you were never warned.

Outstanding Dog Name – Britney “I do” Spears for naming her little rat like dog Bitbit.
Bitbit?
Well at least your wife beater-wearing husband will finally have something he’s allowed to make fun of.

Outstanding Reality Series Featuring A Totally Mobbed Up Family – Thank you “Growing Up Gotti,” for making The Sopranos look like a positive depiction of an Italian American family.
Oh what a hoot it has been to see Victoria “my Father didn’t do nothing” Gotti rule the roost over her three dimwitted Hell spawn, Manny, Moe and Fredo or whatever they’re called.
I haven’t seen that much preening and posturing by a group of boys since I was a roadie for The New Kids On The Block.
Please A&E, make the nightmare stop!
Oh and bring back “Equalizer.” That show kicked so much ass!

Uh-oh, it looks like a brawl has erupted between William Shatner and Jay Z’s entourage.
I'm coming Bill! Cue the Star Trek fighting music!

The 2004 Hawkeye Awards will return with an all-star musical tribute to “Silk Stalkings,” an appearance from that robot girl from “Small Wonder,” and the Viewer’s Choice Award!

Stay tuned…

dawsongirl · 12-30-2004, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TJL
. Outstanding Dog Name – Britney “I do” Spears for naming her little rat like dog Bitbit.
Bitbit?
Well at least your wife beater-wearing husband will finally have something he’s allowed to make fun of.

That dog does look like a rat. I think it may be. But then, she married a rat-looking thing, so it's all in the family.

Janet McFarland · 12-31-2004, 12:01 AM

Well done TJL

Ambear · 12-31-2004, 12:05 AM

Good job TJL!

I can't wait to see part 3!

robyrob · 12-31-2004, 12:20 AM

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 12-31-2004, 01:42 AM

Janice · 01-01-2005, 02:13 PM

Bravo Maestro.

TJ · 01-01-2005, 02:22 PM

Great stuff TJL!

12-30-2004, 11:36 PM	#1
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	The 2004 Hawkeye Awards - Part 2! Welcome back to the 2004 Hawkeye Awards, the award show with all the pomp and none of the circumstance! Here’s your host, a man with three little initials and one big heart, TJL! Thank you, announcer who’s not supposed to be me. Well, here we are folks, another Hawkeye Awards program honoring the highlights and lowlifes of the year. Once again our diligent staff of nubile Swedish exchange student interns has been counting the votes in all our fictional categories so we can present to those lucky few the coveted Benjamin Franklin Pierce Award Of Excellence, a gorgeous statuette made out of pure cubic zirconium, which can also be used to open any stubborn jar or cap you have in your kitchen. Talk about a win-win situation! Let's give out some awards! Outstanding Performance By An Actor In Two Really Bad TV Series - Former “Roseanne” star John Goodman laid two big goose eggs this year with his live action stinker “Center Of The Universe” and his no action “Father Of The Pride.” Hoo boy. Every computer that had anything to do with creating that unfunny lion cartoon should be taken to the nearest recycling plant, ground up and melted down and manufactured into something more useful, like ice cube trays, a hair dryer, or a wonderfully practical George Forman Grill. John how many times do we have to tell you, just because it happens to you doesn’t mean it’s funny. Outstanding Baby Name – The Hawkeye goes to sometime actress Gwenyth Paltrow for naming her newborn daughter Apple. Gwen, we know that you and your husband - that guy from Coldplay - thought you were being unique by naming your baby Apple. But the sad fact is there are people out there in this cruel world who are going to make fun of that poor girl and her name. Mean, horrible nasty people. People like me. So when your darling little Apple comes home crying one day because her private school classmates are now referring to her as Applesauce, Macintosh, Apple Pie, Applejacks, Apple Brown Betty, Snapple, Apple Turnover, Apple Newtons, and because girls love so much to be teased about their weight – Big Apple, don’t say you were never warned. Outstanding Dog Name – Britney “I do” Spears for naming her little rat like dog Bitbit. Bitbit? Well at least your wife beater-wearing husband will finally have something he’s allowed to make fun of. Outstanding Reality Series Featuring A Totally Mobbed Up Family – Thank you “Growing Up Gotti,” for making The Sopranos look like a positive depiction of an Italian American family. Oh what a hoot it has been to see Victoria “my Father didn’t do nothing” Gotti rule the roost over her three dimwitted Hell spawn, Manny, Moe and Fredo or whatever they’re called. I haven’t seen that much preening and posturing by a group of boys since I was a roadie for The New Kids On The Block. Please A&E, make the nightmare stop! Oh and bring back “Equalizer.” That show kicked so much ass! Uh-oh, it looks like a brawl has erupted between William Shatner and Jay Z’s entourage. I'm coming Bill! Cue the Star Trek fighting music! The 2004 Hawkeye Awards will return with an all-star musical tribute to “Silk Stalkings,” an appearance from that robot girl from “Small Wonder,” and the Viewer’s Choice Award! Stay tuned…
	__________________ "I think I'll stroll up to the front to see how the shooting's going..." - Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Read my blogs! http://centralparkamisguide.com/ http://dvdcriticscorner.com Visit me on Facebook!http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=641138880 Hey, I do the tweet thing too! http://twitter.com/TomLevier My shop of handmade items! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ColdGarageCreations

12-31-2004, 12:20 AM	#5
robyrob certified wackball#3 Moderator Forum Icon Join Date: Aug 03, 2003 Location: hiding under the third booth at Arnold's Posts: 58,200
	__________________ * firefox * AdAware * HiJackThis * CoolWebShredder * Spybot * SpywareBlaster * Spyware Terminator * * GeeksToGo * AntiVir * Avast antivirus * Housecall Online * Sysinternals Security Utilities * * ZoneAlarm * Agnitum-firewall * Comodo Firewall * AVG Anti-Rootkit * RootkitRevealer * ParasiteCheck * * Annoyances * FreeCodecs * Mikes-Hosts-File * GRC.com * MSAntispyware * DVD's * TradeList * myspace *

12-31-2004, 01:42 AM	#6
¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ MISS APRIL Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 19, 2001 Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder! Posts: 68,780
	__________________ DAVID COOK FOR AMERICAN IDOL

01-01-2005, 02:13 PM	#7
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Another hilarious gem TJL. Bravo Maestro. Attached Images
	Last edited by Janice; 01-01-2005 at 04:05 PM.

12-31-2004, 12:01 AM	#3
Janet McFarland Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 09, 2004 Posts: 4,344	Well done TJL

12-31-2004, 12:05 AM	#4
Ambear ☮We All Shine On☮ Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 04, 2004 Location: Somewhere Over The Rainbow Posts: 4,781	Good job TJL! I can't wait to see part 3!

01-01-2005, 02:22 PM	#8
TJ Site Owner Administrator Forum Star Join Date: Feb 03, 2000 Location: Marietta, GA Posts: 10,694	Great stuff TJL!