Jed Clampett quotes - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

bigj · 08-04-2001, 10:11 PM

I've been trying for years to find a publication of all the quotes Jed Clampett used to come up with over the course of the series, IE:
- "Madder than a barefoot centipede on a hot
rock".
- "More scared than a long tailed cat in a
room full of rocking chairs".
- "Happier than a itchy pig rubbing against
a rail fence".
etc...

Does anyone out there know if any books exist of these types of quotes?
Jim

Richard · 08-20-2001, 04:28 PM

Here are more words of wisdom from Jed.

"Once you've tasted turkey,you ain't likely to settle for tripe."

"A widow is sure to want to marry again.She knows all about men,and the only man who knows all about her is dead."

"Elly has more curves than a goat-path."

08-25-2001, 02:11 AM

"Took to it like a cold hog to warm mud."

"Harder than braiding a mule's tail during fly season."

"Like trying to poke a cat out from under a porch with a wet rope."

"If brains was lard, Eb wouldn't grease too big a pan."

"We're gonna put the big pot in the little one!"

"Ever man needs a wife; they's a lot of things he can't blame on the government."

"They had a happy marriage; it was all that living together afterwards that caused the trouble."

"Many a man's lost his best friend by marrying her."

"Us old foxes is trap-shy; especially when the bait comes looking for us!"

"Pears to me there's more than one fox with feathers on his mouth."

"When you come in my house toting a firearm, you've done dropped a muddy clod down my churn."

Granny: "I was comin from the still."

Jed: "From where?"

Granny: "The hill, the hill!"

Jed: "I heard you the first time. You probably got your nose wet too, let me smell your breath."

Granny: "Not while you're smokin."

"If money was skunk oil a hound dog couldn't smell me."

"Your Granny's old now, boy, and she's had a long life of service to others. And in all that time she's only asked for one thing out of life...her own way."

"The greatest joy in all of livin is the joy that comes from freely givin."

"Old folks likes old things."

"Drive on, boy."

Jed: "One of these days I gotta have a lo-ong talk with that boy."

Elly Mae: "Well, how come you keep puttin it off, Paw?"

Jed: "I reckon 'cause the short ones is so distressful."

"You have to remember, Granny, that these are city people. They growed up with newspapers and radio and TV and an education. We didn't have none of those things. If we would've have, we'd been as peculiar as they are."

Man looking for loan at the bank: "How can you tell I'm an honest man?"

Jed: "Because if you wasn't you'd be sitting there telling me all about what all you got instead of what all you ain't."

"This is the most confused I've ever been with Jethro out of the house."

Jed's reply to Miss Jane's folksinging:
"Lot a call for that, is they?"

Granny: "My Grandpappy had another saying, 'older violins make the sweetest music, you just gotta have the right beau.'"

She laughs and Jed just stands there.

Granny: "That's a witty sayin, Jed."

Jed: "Not too witty."

Granny: "Well, it sure beats, 'Well doggies.'"

08-25-2001, 09:12 PM

I thought of a few more:

"You're makin more racket than an empty wagon on a froze-over road."

Granny: "They sure was a lot of them Fetty's."
Jed: "Yeah, you throwed a rock on their roof it looked like school was lettin out."

Some from Granny about Jethro:

Jed: "He needs to meet some people of the opposite sex."
Granny: "That boy don't know what sex he's opposite."

Jed: "Maybe Jethro's smarter than he looks."
Granny: "He'd purt near have to be."

Jethro: "I don't know why you made me change out of my fancy knight clothes. Now I don't look like no knight."
Granny: "How 'bout the morning after!"

"Bein with Jethro is about as much fun as watching ice melt."

"He couldn't pour sand out of his boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel."

slash2sparky · 11-23-2001, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bigj:
I've been trying for years to find a publication of all the quotes Jed Clampett used to come up with over the course of the series, IE:
- "Madder than a barefoot centipede on a hot
rock".
- "More scared than a long tailed cat in a
room full of rocking chairs".
- "Happier than a itchy pig rubbing against
a rail fence".
etc...

Does anyone out there know if any books exist of these types of quotes?
Jim

slash2sparky · 11-23-2001, 03:25 AM

Some of my favorite Jed Clampett quotes are:
1) (Thanksgiving show)---I've never seen a critter other than a politician so all-fired intent on shaking a person's hand!
2) (Jethro's rocket launch into outer space)---Jethro, who's gonna know that you went into outer space other than you, me, Ellie Mae, and whoever you hit when you come back down?
3) They always said 2 heads is better than one, especially if one of 'em belongs to a horse!
4)It ain't good to show up at Gloria Swanson's house with a half-baked possum!
5) (Jethro has another "brilliant" idea)---Jethro, get a hat on. A brain like that needs protectin'!

08-04-2001, 10:11 PM	#1
bigj Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 04, 2001 Location: Calif. Posts: 10	Jed Clampett quotes I've been trying for years to find a publication of all the quotes Jed Clampett used to come up with over the course of the series, IE: - "Madder than a barefoot centipede on a hot rock". - "More scared than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs". - "Happier than a itchy pig rubbing against a rail fence". etc... Does anyone out there know if any books exist of these types of quotes? Jim

08-25-2001, 02:11 AM	#3
dcogburn Guest Posts: n/a	"Took to it like a cold hog to warm mud." "Harder than braiding a mule's tail during fly season." "Like trying to poke a cat out from under a porch with a wet rope." "If brains was lard, Eb wouldn't grease too big a pan." "We're gonna put the big pot in the little one!" "Ever man needs a wife; they's a lot of things he can't blame on the government." "They had a happy marriage; it was all that living together afterwards that caused the trouble." "Many a man's lost his best friend by marrying her." "Us old foxes is trap-shy; especially when the bait comes looking for us!" "Pears to me there's more than one fox with feathers on his mouth." "When you come in my house toting a firearm, you've done dropped a muddy clod down my churn." Granny: "I was comin from the still." Jed: "From where?" Granny: "The hill, the hill!" Jed: "I heard you the first time. You probably got your nose wet too, let me smell your breath." Granny: "Not while you're smokin." "If money was skunk oil a hound dog couldn't smell me." "Your Granny's old now, boy, and she's had a long life of service to others. And in all that time she's only asked for one thing out of life...her own way." "The greatest joy in all of livin is the joy that comes from freely givin." "Old folks likes old things." "Drive on, boy." Jed: "One of these days I gotta have a lo-ong talk with that boy." Elly Mae: "Well, how come you keep puttin it off, Paw?" Jed: "I reckon 'cause the short ones is so distressful." "You have to remember, Granny, that these are city people. They growed up with newspapers and radio and TV and an education. We didn't have none of those things. If we would've have, we'd been as peculiar as they are." Man looking for loan at the bank: "How can you tell I'm an honest man?" Jed: "Because if you wasn't you'd be sitting there telling me all about what all you got instead of what all you ain't." "This is the most confused I've ever been with Jethro out of the house." Jed's reply to Miss Jane's folksinging: "Lot a call for that, is they?" Granny: "My Grandpappy had another saying, 'older violins make the sweetest music, you just gotta have the right beau.'" She laughs and Jed just stands there. Granny: "That's a witty sayin, Jed." Jed: "Not too witty." Granny: "Well, it sure beats, 'Well doggies.'"
dcogburn Guest Posts: n/a

08-25-2001, 09:12 PM	#4
dcogburn Guest Posts: n/a	I thought of a few more: "You're makin more racket than an empty wagon on a froze-over road." Granny: "They sure was a lot of them Fetty's." Jed: "Yeah, you throwed a rock on their roof it looked like school was lettin out." Some from Granny about Jethro: Jed: "He needs to meet some people of the opposite sex." Granny: "That boy don't know what sex he's opposite." Jed: "Maybe Jethro's smarter than he looks." Granny: "He'd purt near have to be." Jethro: "I don't know why you made me change out of my fancy knight clothes. Now I don't look like no knight." Granny: "How 'bout the morning after!" "Bein with Jethro is about as much fun as watching ice melt." "He couldn't pour sand out of his boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel."
dcogburn Guest Posts: n/a

08-20-2001, 04:28 PM	#2
Richard Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Dec 01, 2000 Location: Cleveland,Ohio-USA Posts: 352	Here are more words of wisdom from Jed. "Once you've tasted turkey,you ain't likely to settle for tripe." "A widow is sure to want to marry again.She knows all about men,and the only man who knows all about her is dead." "Elly has more curves than a goat-path."

11-23-2001, 03:25 AM	#6
slash2sparky Member Forum Hawk Join Date: Nov 23, 2001 Location: Okla. City, Okla. USA Posts: 3	Some of my favorite Jed Clampett quotes are: 1) (Thanksgiving show)---I've never seen a critter other than a politician so all-fired intent on shaking a person's hand! 2) (Jethro's rocket launch into outer space)---Jethro, who's gonna know that you went into outer space other than you, me, Ellie Mae, and whoever you hit when you come back down? 3) They always said 2 heads is better than one, especially if one of 'em belongs to a horse! 4)It ain't good to show up at Gloria Swanson's house with a half-baked possum! 5) (Jethro has another "brilliant" idea)---Jethro, get a hat on. A brain like that needs protectin'!