Stupid UM segments - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

crystaldawn · 12-03-2004, 12:43 PM

I was wondering what you guys think are the most stupid UM segments? I saw the one about the chocolates that are aphrodisiac's a few days ago and its gotta rank up there in the top 5 of the most stupid ones. What a waste of air time! I also have to put Resurrection Mary (which they now show about once a week) pretty high up there as well. Any other candidates?

justins5256 · 12-03-2004, 01:01 PM

Hey!

Don't knock the chocolate aphrodisiacs. They work! I swear! And don't forget about green M&Ms! They work just as well!

My vote goes to that story about the kid from the Midwest who put a letter in a bottle and threw it into a canal. Some time later he got a letter from someone in California who claimed to have found the bottle on one of the local beaches. UM had some experts on ocean currents (can you think of a more boring field to be an "expert" in?) talking about how the bottle may have drifted through the various river systems and into the ocean.

Another stupid story was the one about those African (?) fertility statues that could help women become pregnant.

When either story comes up, it's time to see what else is on.

JS

Brent88 · 12-03-2004, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by justins5256
Hey!

Don't knock the chocolate aphrodisiacs. They work! I swear! And don't forget about green M&Ms! They work just as well!

My vote goes to that story about the kid from the Midwest who put a letter in a bottle and threw it into a canal. Some time later he got a letter from someone in California who claimed to have found the bottle on one of the local beaches. UM had some experts on ocean currents (can you think of a more boring field to be an "expert" in?) talking about how the bottle may have drifted through the various river systems and into the ocean.

Another stupid story was the one about those African (?) fertility statues that could help women become pregnant.

When either story comes up, it's time to see what else is on.

JS

Same here...

They seem to air more than other segments as well.

Ninjaman · 12-03-2004, 04:47 PM

How about the one about bee venom therapy? I always thought that one was pretty pointless. I was also tempted to say the one about therapeudic touch, but I actually found that one somewhat intriguing.

Opal · 12-03-2004, 10:43 PM

The white trash haunted house!

They smell an awful odor --- but it’s just Jabba's (their son's) B.O. Then Jabba’s wife, Elli Mae, attacks him after being “possessed”. UGH!

Composite Sketch · 12-06-2004, 06:58 AM

Yeah that case was also noteworthy of Stack saying "poo-poohed" and noting sarcastically when the family poured salt around the house that "a few snails were sacrificed".

The aphrodisiac case makes me think of Stack's creepy smile at the end of the segment. It really was a poor fit.

But the most pointless segment in my opinion and which was a big reason why I started to get put off by UM by the end of 1997 was the Men in Black case. Especially with that "witness" who walked by someone in *gasp!* a black trenchcoat, black hat and black sunglasses! Well stop the presses! It was such a waste of a good segment.

PracTz · 12-06-2004, 12:56 PM

I always couldn't wait to FFWD thru the ghost ones but the one that annoyed me the most was this woman called Kim who claimed to 'sweat' gold leaf from her skin! Made me long for the return of TV snow!

crystaldawn · 12-06-2004, 01:09 PM

I agree with you PracTz! That lady that said she cried jewels and would sweat gold definitely deserves to be on this list! You gotta know somethings fishy when she wouldn't even give her last name and her son asked to be interviewed in silhouette!

hottstuff25 · 12-07-2004, 01:38 PM

yea the lady with the gold foil did seem as though it was a hoax, but she has also appeared in many news articles and magazines with her case actually being accepted. Actually, that new ripley's believe it or not encyclopedia that came out a couple months ago has her in it with an explanation more scientifically deeper than UMs theories, so her case must have some substance. But then again, the pregnant statues were in their offices, and those I believe are a total hoax. If the ladies wanted children, they were obviously having sex as well as touching the statues, and they used the statues as a way to get some kind of commercial recognition, in case they did touch it (like the ladies in the segment).

I also heard that all chocolates, not only the ones in the segment, make u kind of horny because of some sort of chemical stimulant inside them that fuels your sex drive. I thought that Stack's smile did look sort of pervy at the end as well.

Those CBS years definitely had some of the stupidest segments. That chinese therapy called chugong or dewgong or whatever was pretty pointless and random. The bottle one was pretty stupid, but UM did a good job of making it a thoughtful mystery. Its obvious they totally made up how the bottle got there, but the mystery still remains on how it did.

One of the weirdest ones u guys didn't mention was the segment on this man that got taken on a near-death experience ride from his hospital bed. I can't remember his name, but I remember people telling him that "its time", and he was forced down the hospital halls, and then he walked into a dark area and ugly looking people were taunting him and biting him. UM tried to make it scary, but it ended up being totally laughable, and he said it changed his life. I know it sounds weird, but maybe someone else knows which one I'm talking about...

PracTz · 12-07-2004, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by hottstuff25
yea the lady with the gold foil did seem as though it was a hoax, but she has also appeared in many news articles and magazines with her case actually being accepted. Actually, that new ripley's believe it or not encyclopedia that came out a couple months ago has her in it with an explanation more scientifically deeper than UMs theories, so her case must have some substance.

Well, since it was featured on 'Ripley's Believe It or Not', that gives the option of opting NOT to believe it so that's what I'm gonna do! Sorry to foil the foil-act!

jeeps · 12-07-2004, 05:45 PM

Hi Hottstuff,

Was that the one where the car fell on the guy? Apparently, the guy wasn't the most charitable person on the block and apparently demons/devils were torturing his soul while he was "clinically dead".

He came back to life and now goes to church, hugs his wife, plays football with his children and pets the dog.

Is that the one? Or did I dream this all up?

jeeps

justins5256 · 12-07-2004, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by hottstuff25
One of the weirdest ones u guys didn't mention was the segment on this man that got taken on a near-death experience ride from his hospital bed. I can't remember his name, but I remember people telling him that "its time", and he was forced down the hospital halls, and then he walked into a dark area and ugly looking people were taunting him and biting him. UM tried to make it scary, but it ended up being totally laughable, and he said it changed his life. I know it sounds weird, but maybe someone else knows which one I'm talking about...

Woah. I remember that. The guy claimed he had a vision of Hell. Yikes! I don't remember the guy's name (was it Howard?), but he kind of looked like Dr. Phil. That is most definitely up there on the list of stupid stories. Unfortunately, it also ranks high on the list of "most played". I've seen it more times than I can count.

JS

hottstuff25 · 12-08-2004, 10:57 AM

hahaha u guys made that **** funny. yea thats the one. I don't understand why UM would buy into such crap sometimes...was it hell he went to? I'm pretty sure all of us have had dreams about hell at least once in our lives. It's a mystery to everyone, not only some weird guy who got hit by a car.

jeeps · 12-08-2004, 08:16 PM

Hi hottstuff,

Remember...he didn't get hit by a car....one fell on top of him while he was changing the oil. So while his family was trying to pull the car off his chest he had visions of Hell.

Sheesh, I don't need a car to fall on top of me to have visions of Hell...I'm a teacher - I can have them any time I want.

jeeps

crystaldawn · 12-10-2004, 05:12 PM

Did anyone watch the show today? There was a story that would definitely qualify for this list! This woman is diagnosed with terminal cancer and is undergoing chemo to try to prolong her life. She claims that while she was lying in bed she began to levitate and this little UFO flew into her window and flew up and down her body then disappeared. Well after that she was miraculously cured of cancer! Her doctor wouldn't even be interviewed (can you blame him?) and all they could get another cancer doctor to say was that it was probably the chemo that cured the cancer. I can't believe UM got suckered into wasting their time with this one. Definitely not one of their shining moments!

12-03-2004, 12:43 PM	#1
crystaldawn Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 17, 2002 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,261	Stupid UM segments I was wondering what you guys think are the most stupid UM segments? I saw the one about the chocolates that are aphrodisiac's a few days ago and its gotta rank up there in the top 5 of the most stupid ones. What a waste of air time! I also have to put Resurrection Mary (which they now show about once a week) pretty high up there as well. Any other candidates?

12-03-2004, 01:01 PM	#2
justins5256 Member Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 08, 2002 Posts: 3,866	Stupid stories Hey! Don't knock the chocolate aphrodisiacs. They work! I swear! And don't forget about green M&Ms! They work just as well! My vote goes to that story about the kid from the Midwest who put a letter in a bottle and threw it into a canal. Some time later he got a letter from someone in California who claimed to have found the bottle on one of the local beaches. UM had some experts on ocean currents (can you think of a more boring field to be an "expert" in?) talking about how the bottle may have drifted through the various river systems and into the ocean. Another stupid story was the one about those African (?) fertility statues that could help women become pregnant. When either story comes up, it's time to see what else is on. JS

12-08-2004, 10:57 AM	#13
hottstuff25 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Sep 19, 2004 Posts: 42	haha hahaha u guys made that **** funny. yea thats the one. I don't understand why UM would buy into such crap sometimes...was it hell he went to? I'm pretty sure all of us have had dreams about hell at least once in our lives. It's a mystery to everyone, not only some weird guy who got hit by a car.

12-03-2004, 04:47 PM	#4
Ninjaman Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Feb 15, 2003 Location: remote island in pacific Posts: 103	How about the one about bee venom therapy? I always thought that one was pretty pointless. I was also tempted to say the one about therapeudic touch, but I actually found that one somewhat intriguing.

12-03-2004, 10:43 PM	#5
Opal Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 13, 2004 Posts: 365	The white trash haunted house! They smell an awful odor --- but it’s just Jabba's (their son's) B.O. Then Jabba’s wife, Elli Mae, attacks him after being “possessed”. UGH!

12-06-2004, 06:58 AM	#6
Composite Sketch Staring at you Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 26, 2003 Location: British Columbia, Canada Posts: 304	Yeah that case was also noteworthy of Stack saying "poo-poohed" and noting sarcastically when the family poured salt around the house that "a few snails were sacrificed". The aphrodisiac case makes me think of Stack's creepy smile at the end of the segment. It really was a poor fit. But the most pointless segment in my opinion and which was a big reason why I started to get put off by UM by the end of 1997 was the Men in Black case. Especially with that "witness" who walked by someone in gasp! a black trenchcoat, black hat and black sunglasses! Well stop the presses! It was such a waste of a good segment.

12-06-2004, 12:56 PM	#7
PracTz Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 14, 2002 Location: United States of America [Happily Living in the 20th Century] Posts: 2,711	I always couldn't wait to FFWD thru the ghost ones but the one that annoyed me the most was this woman called Kim who claimed to 'sweat' gold leaf from her skin! Made me long for the return of TV snow!

12-06-2004, 01:09 PM	#8
crystaldawn Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 17, 2002 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,261	I agree with you PracTz! That lady that said she cried jewels and would sweat gold definitely deserves to be on this list! You gotta know somethings fishy when she wouldn't even give her last name and her son asked to be interviewed in silhouette!

12-07-2004, 01:38 PM	#9
hottstuff25 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Sep 19, 2004 Posts: 42	yea the lady with the gold foil did seem as though it was a hoax, but she has also appeared in many news articles and magazines with her case actually being accepted. Actually, that new ripley's believe it or not encyclopedia that came out a couple months ago has her in it with an explanation more scientifically deeper than UMs theories, so her case must have some substance. But then again, the pregnant statues were in their offices, and those I believe are a total hoax. If the ladies wanted children, they were obviously having sex as well as touching the statues, and they used the statues as a way to get some kind of commercial recognition, in case they did touch it (like the ladies in the segment). I also heard that all chocolates, not only the ones in the segment, make u kind of horny because of some sort of chemical stimulant inside them that fuels your sex drive. I thought that Stack's smile did look sort of pervy at the end as well. Those CBS years definitely had some of the stupidest segments. That chinese therapy called chugong or dewgong or whatever was pretty pointless and random. The bottle one was pretty stupid, but UM did a good job of making it a thoughtful mystery. Its obvious they totally made up how the bottle got there, but the mystery still remains on how it did. One of the weirdest ones u guys didn't mention was the segment on this man that got taken on a near-death experience ride from his hospital bed. I can't remember his name, but I remember people telling him that "its time", and he was forced down the hospital halls, and then he walked into a dark area and ugly looking people were taunting him and biting him. UM tried to make it scary, but it ended up being totally laughable, and he said it changed his life. I know it sounds weird, but maybe someone else knows which one I'm talking about...

12-07-2004, 05:45 PM	#11
jeeps Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Sep 28, 2004 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 72	Hi Hottstuff, Was that the one where the car fell on the guy? Apparently, the guy wasn't the most charitable person on the block and apparently demons/devils were torturing his soul while he was "clinically dead". He came back to life and now goes to church, hugs his wife, plays football with his children and pets the dog. Is that the one? Or did I dream this all up? jeeps

12-08-2004, 08:16 PM	#14
jeeps Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Sep 28, 2004 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 72	Hi hottstuff, Remember...he didn't get hit by a car....one fell on top of him while he was changing the oil. So while his family was trying to pull the car off his chest he had visions of Hell. Sheesh, I don't need a car to fall on top of me to have visions of Hell...I'm a teacher - I can have them any time I want. jeeps

12-10-2004, 05:12 PM	#15
crystaldawn Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 17, 2002 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,261	Did anyone watch the show today? There was a story that would definitely qualify for this list! This woman is diagnosed with terminal cancer and is undergoing chemo to try to prolong her life. She claims that while she was lying in bed she began to levitate and this little UFO flew into her window and flew up and down her body then disappeared. Well after that she was miraculously cured of cancer! Her doctor wouldn't even be interviewed (can you blame him?) and all they could get another cancer doctor to say was that it was probably the chemo that cured the cancer. I can't believe UM got suckered into wasting their time with this one. Definitely not one of their shining moments!