Post your favorite quotes here - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

liton · 11-20-2004, 10:45 PM

heres my favorite quote it is so funny.

Darlene and David are sitting on her bed reading when roseanne comes in.

Roseanne. you 2 are kaving sex!

Darlene. we are David why didnt you tell me i would have put down my book.

TheLandfordLunchBox · 08-12-2006, 12:39 AM

Nancy: Thank God we all brought our ovaries.

Crystal: How do you like your marshmallows, Roseanne?
Roseanne: Like my men, crispy on the outside and stuck to the end of a fork.

Roseanne: Quick, they're gone. Change the locks.

Bev:Where do you keep your citrus fruit?
Roseanne: I think there's an orange under the dryer...

Kathy: I'm in hell.
Roseanne: Nah, you're just in Lanford. Same zip code though.

Roseanne: Ya know Lanford's not a bad town. You just gotta go with it more... fit in.
Kathy: And what does that mean, Roseanne? Am I suppose to wonder around town in a tacky house coat and flip-flops with my hair in curlers?
Roseanne: Now you're getting it. Yeah. Absolutely. And then I'll throw us one of these here tupperware parties and then I'll introduce you to THE OTHERS.
Kathy: What are you talking about?
Roseanne: Oh, we all use to be like you Kathy. Angry, bitter, annoying... but now... we're the Lanford Wives.
Kathy: Goodbye, Roseanne.
Roseanne: Oh, it's useless to try and resist us Kathy, we already have Jerry - Jerry's one of us - Jerry joined the lodge.
Kathy: You're a sick woman Roseanne.
Roseanne: Oh, you'll start to love it, I promise Kathy. Just think about it... swap meets... bowling meets... bingo... double coupon week... casino night at the slaughter house. IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

el-raro · 08-26-2006, 07:14 PM

It's this one, totally:

Dan: What a beautiful day - the kind of day that starts with a hearty breakfast and ends with a newsreader saying, "... before turning the gun on himself."

ashleysuperfreak · 08-27-2006, 10:15 PM

Here are a couple of my faves that come to mind now.

Roseanne- "bitch bitch bitch, that's all you ever ARE".

(about Roseanne's pregnancy test)
DJ- I WANNA READ THE STICK.
Darlene- GOD, DJ, it's not like licking the spoon.

Jackie- Tourrine of BEEF. (haha, it was just the moment).

I can probably think of more later, lol. This show has so many funny lines, it's hard to remember them all. <3. xoxo.

coffield3 · 08-28-2006, 03:47 PM

Darlene on kissing-You Open Your Mouth...FOR WHAT
Roseanne-So u can slip em the tongue.

santa claus episode where darlene gets a new friend named karen,she tells her parents about her,then after dan and roseanne say this-
Dan-hey there karen i like your nose ring
Roseanne-i say karen you naturally bald on one side of your head there
Dan-can i carry your gun for you there karen.

the saturday episode-jackie and roseanne are talking about dwright.
Jackie-oh i think hes kinda cute
Roseanne-you what?i bet his parents are brother and sister.

I have loads more dont wannabore ya all..

Madame X · 09-30-2006, 02:23 PM

Becky (to Darlene): You can kiss my butt!
Darlene: Well haul it on over here, Jumbo!
Dan: No butt kissing at the table!

Sorry if this isn't word for word. I just laugh every time I hear it.

Jason16 · 10-07-2006, 09:26 AM

Roseanne to Jackie after breaking up with Gary

Roseanne: Are you insane? do you realise how many years i put in to Dan, Do you think he just came out of a box like that?

brookeb82 · 10-19-2006, 01:22 PM

Darlene: "I can make you feel like a man, David. Take out the trash."

http://groups.myspace.com/saragilbertfans

PATRICKtheCELIAC · 10-27-2006, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashleysuperfreak

Here are a couple of my faves that come to mind now.

Roseanne- "bitch bitch bitch, that's all you ever ARE".

(about Roseanne's pregnancy test)
DJ- I WANNA READ THE STICK.
Darlene- GOD, DJ, it's not like licking the spoon.

Jackie- Tourrine of BEEF. (haha, it was just the moment).

I can probably think of more later, lol. This show has so many funny lines, it's hard to remember them all. <3. xoxo.

Your first quote -- I don't believe Roseanne says "bitch." They are talking about Darlene's pitching -- and I think Roseanne says, "Pitch, pitch, pitch. All she ever does it pitch." Something like that.

I am in complete agreement with your quotes. I made a shirt of Jackie's line in the play -- my mom and I love that part .. I drew a peg-leg .. just like she was wearing .. memories.

714DE · 10-27-2006, 04:38 PM

I remember the "bitch bitch bitch..." quote that Ashley is talking about - Roseanne says that line to Leon but I cant recall the episode at the moment.

dl72190 · 06-04-2007, 10:40 PM

Roseanne Well it was nice talking to you becky, but i have to slam the phone down now.

when Roseanne is talking to Becky on the phone after she eloped.

brookeb82 · 06-05-2007, 10:02 PM

Roseanne : (on having their power turned off) "It was between water and electricity and you can only live two days without water."
Dan: "Sure I can take a bath but I can't throw the toaster in!"

SparkleFarkle · 06-09-2007, 02:08 AM

Roseanne: When I'm in a bad mood, I like to spread it around.

mateo096 · 06-10-2007, 09:01 PM

from "the dark ages"

Roseanne: "well, middle class was fun."

Madame X · 06-12-2007, 01:39 AM

Dan and Darlene watching the Price is Right (or something like that):
Dan (yelling at contestant on TV): "Lower! Lower! Hundreds of dollars lower!"
Darlene: "Yeah, where does she buy her jukeboxes?!

Nancy in Vegas: "We just turned our craps winnings into actual crap."

Jackie overheard on the baby monitor after she doesn't trust Fred with the baby: "It's ok, baby. There, there. Someday your real daddy will come home from the sea."

11-20-2004, 10:45 PM	#1
liton Member Occasional Poster Join Date: May 04, 2004 Location: 3547 dixie drive Posts: 66	Post your favorite quotes here heres my favorite quote it is so funny. Darlene and David are sitting on her bed reading when roseanne comes in. Roseanne. you 2 are kaving sex! Darlene. we are David why didnt you tell me i would have put down my book.
	__________________ the best show

08-26-2006, 07:14 PM	#3
el-raro Newbie? Occasional Poster Join Date: Oct 08, 2005 Location: Lanford, Illinois Posts: 14	It's this one, totally: Dan: What a beautiful day - the kind of day that starts with a hearty breakfast and ends with a newsreader saying, "... before turning the gun on himself."
	__________________ Ever joked about having "math dyslexia"? dyscalculiaforum.com

10-19-2006, 01:22 PM	#8
brookeb82 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 20, 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 41	Darlene: "I can make you feel like a man, David. Take out the trash." http://groups.myspace.com/saragilbertfans
	__________________ Sara Gilbert Fans http://groups.myspace.com/saragilbertfans updated 12/23/06

06-04-2007, 10:40 PM	#11
dl72190 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 23, 2003 Posts: 131	Roseanne Well it was nice talking to you becky, but i have to slam the phone down now. when Roseanne is talking to Becky on the phone after she eloped.
	__________________ "In the end its not about what you have, in the end its about where you wanna go, and the roads you take to help you get there" ADTR

06-10-2007, 09:01 PM	#14
mateo096 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: May 05, 2007 Location: Oley, PA Posts: 63	from "the dark ages" Roseanne: "well, middle class was fun."
	__________________ "Yea, DJ has finally got a friend that's not imaginary......He can't be much of a serial killer with one free hand.......Which either means, he's really good at it, or he's really bad at it." -Darlene "George Lopez: Nanny 9-Juan-Juan" -George

08-12-2006, 12:39 AM	#2
TheLandfordLunchBox Heath Ledger 1979-2008 Forum Regular Join Date: Apr 28, 2005 Location: At the Haunted Manion in Walt Disney World Posts: 668	Nancy: Thank God we all brought our ovaries. Crystal: How do you like your marshmallows, Roseanne? Roseanne: Like my men, crispy on the outside and stuck to the end of a fork. Roseanne: Quick, they're gone. Change the locks. Bev:Where do you keep your citrus fruit? Roseanne: I think there's an orange under the dryer... Kathy: I'm in hell. Roseanne: Nah, you're just in Lanford. Same zip code though. Roseanne: Ya know Lanford's not a bad town. You just gotta go with it more... fit in. Kathy: And what does that mean, Roseanne? Am I suppose to wonder around town in a tacky house coat and flip-flops with my hair in curlers? Roseanne: Now you're getting it. Yeah. Absolutely. And then I'll throw us one of these here tupperware parties and then I'll introduce you to THE OTHERS. Kathy: What are you talking about? Roseanne: Oh, we all use to be like you Kathy. Angry, bitter, annoying... but now... we're the Lanford Wives. Kathy: Goodbye, Roseanne. Roseanne: Oh, it's useless to try and resist us Kathy, we already have Jerry - Jerry's one of us - Jerry joined the lodge. Kathy: You're a sick woman Roseanne. Roseanne: Oh, you'll start to love it, I promise Kathy. Just think about it... swap meets... bowling meets... bingo... double coupon week... casino night at the slaughter house. IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

08-27-2006, 10:15 PM	#4
ashleysuperfreak flyfreshdiggety <3 Occasional Poster Join Date: Jul 09, 2006 Location: Cape Cod, MA Posts: 23	Here are a couple of my faves that come to mind now. Roseanne- "bitch bitch bitch, that's all you ever ARE". (about Roseanne's pregnancy test) DJ- I WANNA READ THE STICK. Darlene- GOD, DJ, it's not like licking the spoon. Jackie- Tourrine of BEEF. (haha, it was just the moment). I can probably think of more later, lol. This show has so many funny lines, it's hard to remember them all. <3. xoxo.

08-28-2006, 03:47 PM	#5
coffield3 <3 Forum Veteran Join Date: Jul 23, 2006 Location: England Posts: 7,379	Darlene on kissing-You Open Your Mouth...FOR WHAT Roseanne-So u can slip em the tongue. santa claus episode where darlene gets a new friend named karen,she tells her parents about her,then after dan and roseanne say this- Dan-hey there karen i like your nose ring Roseanne-i say karen you naturally bald on one side of your head there Dan-can i carry your gun for you there karen. the saturday episode-jackie and roseanne are talking about dwright. Jackie-oh i think hes kinda cute Roseanne-you what?i bet his parents are brother and sister. I have loads more dont wannabore ya all..

09-30-2006, 02:23 PM	#6
Madame X Member Senior Member Join Date: Sep 15, 2006 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,831	Becky (to Darlene): You can kiss my butt! Darlene: Well haul it on over here, Jumbo! Dan: No butt kissing at the table! Sorry if this isn't word for word. I just laugh every time I hear it.

10-07-2006, 09:26 AM	#7
Jason16 Roseanne Fan. Frequent Poster Join Date: May 08, 2003 Location: London, England Posts: 118	Roseanne to Jackie after breaking up with Gary Roseanne: Are you insane? do you realise how many years i put in to Dan, Do you think he just came out of a box like that?

10-27-2006, 04:38 PM	#10
714DE Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Jul 21, 2006 Location: San Francisco Posts: 18	I remember the "bitch bitch bitch..." quote that Ashley is talking about - Roseanne says that line to Leon but I cant recall the episode at the moment.

06-05-2007, 10:02 PM	#12
brookeb82 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 20, 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 41	Roseanne : (on having their power turned off) "It was between water and electricity and you can only live two days without water." Dan: "Sure I can take a bath but I can't throw the toaster in!"

06-09-2007, 02:08 AM	#13
SparkleFarkle Domestic Goddess Frequent Poster Join Date: Dec 10, 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 107	Roseanne: When I'm in a bad mood, I like to spread it around.

06-12-2007, 01:39 AM	#15
Madame X Member Senior Member Join Date: Sep 15, 2006 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,831	Dan and Darlene watching the Price is Right (or something like that): Dan (yelling at contestant on TV): "Lower! Lower! Hundreds of dollars lower!" Darlene: "Yeah, where does she buy her jukeboxes?! Nancy in Vegas: "We just turned our craps winnings into actual crap." Jackie overheard on the baby monitor after she doesn't trust Fred with the baby: "It's ok, baby. There, there. Someday your real daddy will come home from the sea."