Funny tips for being in a horror movie!

[Janice Johnson]

If you happen to end up in a Halloween or horror movie, it
is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep
yourself healthy, happy and safe (in other words, not
dead).

1 - When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2 - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a
joke.

3 - Do not search the basement, especially if the power
has gone out.

4 - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long
run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak
with somebody else's voice.

5 - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off
or go alone. Hit the first person that says, "Let's split
up."

6 - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open
portals to Hell. It's just not that fun.

7 - Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt.
This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8 - If you're searching for something which caused a loud
noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT OF
THERE ANYWAY!

9 - If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits; just get out.

10 - Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11 - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12 - Don't fool with recombining DNA technology unless
you're sure you know what you're doing.

13 - If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or
fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also
note that, despite the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast
enough to catch up with you.

14 - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for
blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill
them immediately.

15 - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some
of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize
this one), anywhere in Texas where chain saws are sold,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16 - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to
phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran
out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank,
shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and
most likely be eaten.

17 - Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chain
saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving
knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering
irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased
companions.

18 - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery,
now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also
applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went
mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion,
or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

19 - Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise
downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy
negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle. Make that
two flashlights!

20 - Do not mention the names of demons around open
flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful
of fireplaces in this regard.

21 - Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland
countryside.

This is from a girl named Smiles on a website called PurplePJs.com-Laffs.

[folfreak25]

Originally posted by Janice Johnson
If you happen to end up in a Halloween or horror movie, it
is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep
yourself healthy, happy and safe (in other words, not
dead).

1 - When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

2 - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a
joke.

3 - Do not search the basement, especially if the power
has gone out.

4 - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long
run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak
with somebody else's voice.

5 - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off
or go alone. Hit the first person that says, "Let's split
up."

6 - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open
portals to Hell. It's just not that fun.

7 - Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt.
This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8 - If you're searching for something which caused a loud
noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT OF
THERE ANYWAY!

9 - If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits; just get out.

10 - Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11 - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12 - Don't fool with recombining DNA technology unless
you're sure you know what you're doing.

13 - If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or
fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also
note that, despite the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast
enough to catch up with you.

14 - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for
blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill
them immediately.

15 - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some
of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize
this one), anywhere in Texas where chain saws are sold,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16 - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to
phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran
out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank,
shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and
most likely be eaten.

17 - Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chain
saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving
knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering
irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased
companions.

18 - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery,
now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also
applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went
mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion,
or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

19 - Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise
downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy
negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle. Make that
two flashlights!

20 - Do not mention the names of demons around open
flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful
of fireplaces in this regard.

21 - Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland
countryside.

This is from a girl named Smiles on a website called PurplePJs.com-Laffs.

Thats pretty good!

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by Janice Johnson

4 - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long
run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak
with somebody else's voice.

5 - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off
or go alone. Hit the first person that says, "Let's split
up."

9 - If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits; just get out.

14 - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for
blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill
them immediately.

15 - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some
of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize
this one), anywhere in Texas where chain saws are sold,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

16 - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to
phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran
out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank,
shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and
most likely be eaten.

18 - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery,
now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also
applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went
mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion,
or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.

21 - Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland
countryside.

Those ones cracked me up Very appropriate for this time of year.

[TJL]

Very good.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

lmao

this one was the best
16 - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely
road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to
phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran
out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank,
shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and
most likely be eaten.

[I Love Carol Burnett!]

I'll have to remeber that! LOL

[Brent88]

[-*Forever*-]

Originally posted by Janice Johnson
15 - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some
of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize
this one), anywhere in Texas where chain saws are sold,
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

Ahhhh Crystal, be careful.

[MissZero]

hilarious!

[Kitt]

Funny, funny!

[EmoJoe]

[dandelion wine]

These were good.

Also, never make the mistake of saying you'll "be right back."

[Janet McFarland]

That was funny.. I loved #16

[crystals]

Originally posted by Janice Johnson

1 - When it appears that you have killed the monster,
NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

4 - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them
immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long
run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill
them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak
with somebody else's voice.

5 - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off
or go alone. Hit the first person that says, "Let's split
up."

8 - If you're searching for something which caused a loud
noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT OF
THERE ANYWAY!

9 - If appliances start operating by themselves, do not
check for short circuits; just get out.

11 - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

I thought those ones were pretty funny.

[diezman]

Good ones!