Answering machine at mental hospital (Joke)

[Brent88]

Answering machine at a mental hospital:

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.


If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden
name.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9...

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

I've seen this before...heh...I'm cursed with more than one of those yet I still find it funny to laugh it away.

[dawsongirl]

Originally posted by Brent88


If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden
name.

[Hollow]

mmk, i fail to see the humor.

[david&maddie4ever]

I love that.

[Cashodeen]

Originally posted by Brent88
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

Manic-depressive illness and bipolar disorder are the same thing. (I don't get the manic-depressive joke either.)

[EmoJoe]

I...dont see whats so funny :-/

[Hollow]

Originally posted by Cashodeen
Manic-depressive illness and bipolar disorder are the same thing. (I don't get the manic-depressive joke either.)

idiot who wrote that doesn't even know what they're talking about. i'd like to see them develop some of those illnesses and still be able to mock them.

[Dutabi84]

This was un-funny.

[david&maddie4ever]

What's the big deal? People joke about serious things all the time! Whoever wrote this isn't making fun of mental illnesses...he's just relating their specifics to a phone hotline. I'm starting to get the feeling that anytime somebody mentions anything serious without a " " or a " " after it, people are gonna jump down their throats.

[EmoJoe]

EDITED- never mind...

[Brent88]

You people need a sense of humor.

[Hollow]

Originally posted by david&maddie4ever
What's the big deal? People joke about serious things all the time! Whoever wrote this isn't making fun of mental illnesses...he's just relating their specifics to a phone hotline. I'm starting to get the feeling that anytime somebody mentions anything serious without a " " or a " " after it, people are gonna jump down their throats.

They're not just "relating problems to a phone hotline", they're turning serious problems into comedy. Would a mental hospital really have an answering message that says "If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you"? Several of those problems listed affect me and are controlling my life and my social behavior. i've been to the emergency room and attempted suicide fairly because of them so sorry that i dont find it funny when people mock it. the low self esteem one pissed me off the most.

[consentida]

Originally posted by safety pin
They're not just "relating problems to a phone hotline", they're turning serious problems into comedy. Would a mental hospital really have an answering message that says "If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you"? Several of those problems listed affect me and are controlling my life and my social behavior. i've been to the emergency room and attempted suicide fairly because of them so sorry that i dont find it funny when people mock it. the low self esteem one pissed me off the most.

I agree. Dealing with any of those problems isn't easy. And on top of dealing with it, having someone make fun of it only adds to the problem. The low self-esteem thing bothered me too. And my mother and brother are manic depressives, so I was a bit offended. I mean, I can see why someone would find it funny but when it affects you directly, it loses it's comedy. I'm sure there are people out there with those disorders that can make fun of themselves and not feel bad about it. But in general, it's not all that funny.

[Hollow]

Originally posted by consentida
And on top of dealing with it, having someone make fun of it only adds to the problem.

My point exactly. Do you honestly think that mocking people who have low self esteem is gonna make them feel any better? Maybe you grew up in a good environment that influenced you to love yourself but that doesn't mean everyone else did. i cant even explain how much that pisses me off.

Those illnesses are hell to live and deal with, and making fun of them just shows that you dont care or think its a big deal. my OCD symptoms are so terrible i can hardly use a computer anymore. i have to struggle to even visit these boards and make posts. yes i know its so funny to have mental disorders stopping you from doing what you love most. i started having these problems when i was about 6 and theyve just been getting worse and more controlling through the years, hell by the time i'm 20 i doubt i'll be able to leave my house.