Your Personalized Ten Commandments - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Chambers · 08-02-2004, 07:18 PM

What would your Ten Commandments be?

Mine:

I. I am your GOD. Honor no other.
II.Thou shalt never wear spandex.
III. Thou shalt never spell or pronounce my name incorrectly. I, however, need not waste my time learning your name.
IV. Thou shalt never interrupt me when I'm watching TV.
V. Thou shalt honor Cheers and Frasier.
VI. Thou shalt not kill thy brain cells unless I'm there to watch.
VII. Thou shalt not commit me to an institution - unless they have cable.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal from me. From anybody else is ok, though.
IX. Thou shalt never write mean things about me (whether true or untrue) on the bathroom wall. And thou shalt never contest what I write about thee on the bathroom wall.

and finally and most importantly

X. Never touch my stuff.

EmoJoe · 08-02-2004, 07:21 PM

Whats with all the religious threads latley?

Chambers · 08-02-2004, 07:25 PM

This isn't a religious thread.
Yes, the Ten Commandments are religous - but I'm just using the structure for something secular. It's not supposed to offend anybody.

Kay Scarpetta · 08-02-2004, 07:42 PM

I. Drink at least 4 cups of coffee everyday. I don't care if you don't like it. Drink it anyway.

II. Honor Metallica and Guns N' Roses. They are above you.

III. Thou will be a cold-blooded Democrat, or you will die a painful death. Have thou's pick.

IV. Rap music is strictly outlawed. If you start blaring that crap, you're kicked out of my kingdom.

V. You will sit in front of the TV every afternoon and watch the Red Sox get slaughtered. I don't care if they're hopeless or not.

VI. You must post on Sitcoms Online, the greatest (and most addicting) site ever.

VII. You must worship and religiously (no pun intended) watch Conan O'Brien. None of this Letterman ****.

VIII. You must be civil. I don't like loud noises.. unless it's rock music, of course.

IX. Every year, you will attend Ozzfest

X. Don't piss me off. You will be sorry.

*Pleasant Tomorrow* · 08-02-2004, 08:03 PM

1. Thou shalt not honor any other Gods besides Conan O'Brien, Lewis Black and Tina Fey, until the prophet Jimmy Fallon says to thou "the Gods have spoken, honor me as well."

2. Thou shalt not become a talentless teen idol, if thou doest...thou will die by my right hand. Thy will then continue to do so with thy left hand. Thou will then make sure to pull out thyselves own vocal chords and burn them in the lowest depths of hell.

3. Thou shalt watch all episodes of thy most beloved show, thee SNL. If thou doest, thou's eyeballs shall me pulled from thou's eyeball sockets.

4. Thou shalt honor thy neighbor. If thou doest, no punishment shall be made. Thy will sit back and laugh as those torment each other's lives.

5. Thou shalt swear. (Seriously, try it...not only does it beef up a conversation, but it's quite spicy on your tongue.)

6. There shalt not be a holy day or holy buildings. They're foolish, boring and a waste of time. Honor thou's Gods with thy heart.

7. Thou shalt watch Comedy Central for much of the day. If thou doest, thou has ****ed thyself in thoust ass.

8. Thou shalt not be stupid.

9. Thou shalt not play or keep eye on a fad known as sports. Thou shalt be lazy, unless I have ordered you to get me a drink or buy me a toy.

10. Thou shalt honor thy inner power, and keep known they are there. Thou shalt also be aware of thy creatures with more power than thou will ever have. (me)

Hollow · 08-02-2004, 08:08 PM

1. ignore me unless i come to you
2. don't annoy me
3. do favors i ask for or allow me to destroy you
4. listen to metallica (honor the greatness that is LARZ) and don't listen to any genre besides real rock
6. wear decent clothes that can only be found at hot topic and www.sighco.com
7. help me conquer sitcoms online
8. watch south park
9. don't show respect to anyone or anything i hate
10. don't tell me what to do

ABlairican Pie · 08-02-2004, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kaffeine Kay
I. Drink at least 4 cups of coffee everyday. I don't care if you don't like it. Drink it anyway.

II. Honor Metallica and Guns N' Roses. They are above you.

III. Thou will be a cold-blooded Democrat, or you will die a painful death. Have thou's pick.

IV. Rap music is strictly outlawed. If you start blaring that crap, you're kicked out of my kingdom.

V. You will sit in front of the TV every afternoon and watch the Red Sox get slaughtered. I don't care if they're hopeless or not.

VI. You must post on Sitcoms Online, the greatest (and most addicting) site ever.

VII. You must worship and religiously (no pun intended) watch Conan O'Brien. None of this Letterman ****.

VIII. You must be civil. I don't like loud noises.. unless it's rock music, of course.

IX. Every year, you will attend Ozzfest

X. Don't piss me off. You will be sorry.

Amendments to Karly's Kommandments:

II (b): Honor Velvet Revolver, for Axl is thine Antichrist. Thou mayest honor all pre-Spaghetti Incident Guns N' Roses-eth.

III (c): Queen Karly's humble servant, Captain ABlairica, shalt not fail to attend any and all future Ozzfests. Ozzfest 2004 wast purely Godlike with Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Slayer, Lamb of God, Atreyu, Unearth, Devil Driver, and above all, Lacuna Coil.

Captain must make up for lost Ozzfests or else he will be demoted to Potato Peeler Lackey.

EricIdlefan · 08-02-2004, 09:14 PM

1. Thou shalt not be mean to others
2. Thou shalt treat others the way they like to be treated
3. Thou shalt take courses in Attitude Adjustment, Anger Management, and/or Charm School
4. Thou shalt be polite and friendly
5. Be quiet and peaceful
6. Be sympathetic
7. Be understanding
8. Thou shalt not be a bully
9. Thou shalt put duct tape and/or super glue on people who don't obey rules 1-8 and their mouths
10. Thou shalt love junk food

Kay Scarpetta · 08-02-2004, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Captain ABlairica
Captain must make up for lost Ozzfests or else he will be demoted to Potato Peeler Lackey.

dawsongirl · 08-02-2004, 10:42 PM

The thought of this much power is invigorating!

I. Thou shalt help demolish the south side of Des Moines until it is in complete ruins.

II. All southsiders shall be forced out of the state of Iowa and forced to live on a tiny remote island in the Pacific Ocean, preferably Bikini Island.

III. All racists and sexist shall be forced to board a rocket ship. Destination: The Sun

IV. You will give me any job I want. TV Babysitter is my first choice.

V. Thou shalt never drive Fords or Chryslers. They shall only be used for demolition derbies.

VI. I shall never have to wait for a table at a restaurant.

VII. Thou shalt never drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes or do drugs. Caffeine is more than acceptible however.

VIII. All cell phones are banished except for emergencies.

IX. If I determine that you are a complete moron, you shall be forced out of the country.

X. Unless you are joking (to be determined by me), harsh punishments will be forced upon you for improper use of the English language. May lead to Article IX.

*Bela Lugosi* · 08-03-2004, 08:54 AM

1. If you weigh more than 400 lbs, please don't ride the bus, or someone might have to stand up.

2. Do NOT bring your kids shopping with you!

3. No one with real big afros may go to a movie thatre.

4. If you don't have the correct change in the checking out line at the supermarket, then just give 'em a twenty and tell 'em to keep the change.

5. People over the age of 60 shouldn't drive.

6. If you're upset that you left your mink sweater at home and didn't get a chance to show everybody at the club and you start to whine, shuv it!

7. All cell phones must be turned OFF once you walk out of your house!

8. Do NOT drive cars that are taller than yourself.

9. When in a foreighn land, and you try to speak another language that you've never spoken before, and you're really bad at it, please don't, it makes your country look bad.

10. All Big Macs at McDonald's will be triple sized from now on!

crystals · 08-04-2004, 12:42 AM

1. Thou shalt not bully, steal, murder, start wars, or harm any human being or animal in any way.

2. All fast food places are banned until all people watch their weight.

3. All 1980s tv shows must be aired on Prime TV in Canada.

4. Cigarrettes and alcohol are banned throughout the world.

5. The legal driving age is 21. And, people must stop driving at 60.

6. All people must sponsor one child in a poor country. Ex: Africa

7. All disease and cancer research must be funded.

8. All people in the world must have equal rights.

9. Thou shalt be kind and honest.

10. All college tuition fees is paid for through taxes, just like health care.

Dude111 · 06-02-2024, 09:35 AM

1) Analogue must be used again,none of this digital trash!
2) Do not let others steer ya down thier paths!!
3) Everyone must be loving to each other..
4) Wendys SUPER BAR returns and has exactly the same stuff they had then.....
5) Mcdonalds will make thier big mac sauce like they used to before they changed it in the 90s!
6) Mcdonalds will use dark meat again for thier Nuggets (Better flavour)
7) Burger king will make thier stuff taste like it did in the 80s (GOOD)
8) Ponderosa will return!!
9) Pizza Hut will bring thier Pizza buffet back and make the sauce how they did in the 90s (Before changing it to crap)
10) Mars will start makiing M&Ms with whole milk again!!

Caroline13 · 06-02-2024, 02:44 PM

Never gave this any thought, I've lived my life by the 10 Commandments I was taught growing up, in the christian catholic world....they all stuck and work in my life....

Fleet · 06-03-2024, 09:16 PM

"People over 60 shouldn't drive?"

That is a low cut-off age.

08-02-2004, 07:18 PM	#1
Chambers The Crane Trinity Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 27, 2004 Location: Where everybody knows a Crane. Posts: 5,427	Your Personalized Ten Commandments What would your Ten Commandments be? Mine: I. I am your GOD. Honor no other. II.Thou shalt never wear spandex. III. Thou shalt never spell or pronounce my name incorrectly. I, however, need not waste my time learning your name. IV. Thou shalt never interrupt me when I'm watching TV. V. Thou shalt honor Cheers and Frasier. VI. Thou shalt not kill thy brain cells unless I'm there to watch. VII. Thou shalt not commit me to an institution - unless they have cable. VIII. Thou shalt not steal from me. From anybody else is ok, though. IX. Thou shalt never write mean things about me (whether true or untrue) on the bathroom wall. And thou shalt never contest what I write about thee on the bathroom wall. and finally and most importantly X. Never touch my stuff.
	__________________ Member of the "God, Lilith is so ing cool" Fan Club Where everybody knows your tossed salads and scrambled eggs. FREEDOM OF THOUGHT blank

08-02-2004, 07:21 PM	#2
EmoJoe Cool cool cool Forum Addict Join Date: Apr 23, 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 71,478	Whats with all the religious threads latley?
	__________________ "I know the difference between TV and reality, Jeff. TV has structure, it makes sense, there are likable leading men. In real life, we have this. We have you." - Abed Nadir, Community www.sitcomsarestupid.blogspot.com

08-02-2004, 07:42 PM	#4
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	I. Drink at least 4 cups of coffee everyday. I don't care if you don't like it. Drink it anyway. II. Honor Metallica and Guns N' Roses. They are above you. III. Thou will be a cold-blooded Democrat, or you will die a painful death. Have thou's pick. IV. Rap music is strictly outlawed. If you start blaring that crap, you're kicked out of my kingdom. V. You will sit in front of the TV every afternoon and watch the Red Sox get slaughtered. I don't care if they're hopeless or not. VI. You must post on Sitcoms Online, the greatest (and most addicting) site ever. VII. You must worship and religiously (no pun intended) watch Conan O'Brien. None of this Letterman ****. VIII. You must be civil. I don't like loud noises.. unless it's rock music, of course. IX. Every year, you will attend Ozzfest X. Don't piss me off. You will be sorry.
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

08-02-2004, 08:03 PM	#5
Pleasant Tomorrow Member Forum Addict Join Date: Feb 19, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 69,525	1. Thou shalt not honor any other Gods besides Conan O'Brien, Lewis Black and Tina Fey, until the prophet Jimmy Fallon says to thou "the Gods have spoken, honor me as well." 2. Thou shalt not become a talentless teen idol, if thou doest...thou will die by my right hand. Thy will then continue to do so with thy left hand. Thou will then make sure to pull out thyselves own vocal chords and burn them in the lowest depths of hell. 3. Thou shalt watch all episodes of thy most beloved show, thee SNL. If thou doest, thou's eyeballs shall me pulled from thou's eyeball sockets. 4. Thou shalt honor thy neighbor. If thou doest, no punishment shall be made. Thy will sit back and laugh as those torment each other's lives. 5. Thou shalt swear. (Seriously, try it...not only does it beef up a conversation, but it's quite spicy on your tongue.) 6. There shalt not be a holy day or holy buildings. They're foolish, boring and a waste of time. Honor thou's Gods with thy heart. 7. Thou shalt watch Comedy Central for much of the day. If thou doest, thou has ****ed thyself in thoust ass. 8. Thou shalt not be stupid. 9. Thou shalt not play or keep eye on a fad known as sports. Thou shalt be lazy, unless I have ordered you to get me a drink or buy me a toy. 10. Thou shalt honor thy inner power, and keep known they are there. Thou shalt also be aware of thy creatures with more power than thou will ever have. (me)
	__________________ my name is ashlee Welcome! Everything is fine.

08-02-2004, 09:14 PM	#8
EricIdlefan USA 250th! Forum Addict Join Date: Oct 12, 2003 Location: East TN Posts: 68,236	1. Thou shalt not be mean to others 2. Thou shalt treat others the way they like to be treated 3. Thou shalt take courses in Attitude Adjustment, Anger Management, and/or Charm School 4. Thou shalt be polite and friendly 5. Be quiet and peaceful 6. Be sympathetic 7. Be understanding 8. Thou shalt not be a bully 9. Thou shalt put duct tape and/or super glue on people who don't obey rules 1-8 and their mouths 10. Thou shalt love junk food
	__________________ JUSA 250th Anniversary!

08-02-2004, 07:25 PM	#3
Chambers The Crane Trinity Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 27, 2004 Location: Where everybody knows a Crane. Posts: 5,427	This isn't a religious thread. Yes, the Ten Commandments are religous - but I'm just using the structure for something secular. It's not supposed to offend anybody.

08-02-2004, 08:08 PM	#6
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	1. ignore me unless i come to you 2. don't annoy me 3. do favors i ask for or allow me to destroy you 4. listen to metallica (honor the greatness that is LARZ) and don't listen to any genre besides real rock 6. wear decent clothes that can only be found at hot topic and www.sighco.com 7. help me conquer sitcoms online 8. watch south park 9. don't show respect to anyone or anything i hate 10. don't tell me what to do

08-02-2004, 10:42 PM	#10
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	The thought of this much power is invigorating! I. Thou shalt help demolish the south side of Des Moines until it is in complete ruins. II. All southsiders shall be forced out of the state of Iowa and forced to live on a tiny remote island in the Pacific Ocean, preferably Bikini Island. III. All racists and sexist shall be forced to board a rocket ship. Destination: The Sun IV. You will give me any job I want. TV Babysitter is my first choice. V. Thou shalt never drive Fords or Chryslers. They shall only be used for demolition derbies. VI. I shall never have to wait for a table at a restaurant. VII. Thou shalt never drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes or do drugs. Caffeine is more than acceptible however. VIII. All cell phones are banished except for emergencies. IX. If I determine that you are a complete moron, you shall be forced out of the country. X. Unless you are joking (to be determined by me), harsh punishments will be forced upon you for improper use of the English language. May lead to Article IX.

08-03-2004, 08:54 AM	#11
Bela Lugosi Don't be afraid. Frequent Poster Join Date: Jun 30, 2004 Location: My House Posts: 216	1. If you weigh more than 400 lbs, please don't ride the bus, or someone might have to stand up. 2. Do NOT bring your kids shopping with you! 3. No one with real big afros may go to a movie thatre. 4. If you don't have the correct change in the checking out line at the supermarket, then just give 'em a twenty and tell 'em to keep the change. 5. People over the age of 60 shouldn't drive. 6. If you're upset that you left your mink sweater at home and didn't get a chance to show everybody at the club and you start to whine, shuv it! 7. All cell phones must be turned OFF once you walk out of your house! 8. Do NOT drive cars that are taller than yourself. 9. When in a foreighn land, and you try to speak another language that you've never spoken before, and you're really bad at it, please don't, it makes your country look bad. 10. All Big Macs at McDonald's will be triple sized from now on!

08-04-2004, 12:42 AM	#12
crystals Member Senior Member Join Date: Feb 02, 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 1,829	1. Thou shalt not bully, steal, murder, start wars, or harm any human being or animal in any way. 2. All fast food places are banned until all people watch their weight. 3. All 1980s tv shows must be aired on Prime TV in Canada. 4. Cigarrettes and alcohol are banned throughout the world. 5. The legal driving age is 21. And, people must stop driving at 60. 6. All people must sponsor one child in a poor country. Ex: Africa 7. All disease and cancer research must be funded. 8. All people in the world must have equal rights. 9. Thou shalt be kind and honest. 10. All college tuition fees is paid for through taxes, just like health care.
	__________________ The man who lends a helping hand is the true hero.

06-02-2024, 09:35 AM	#13
Dude111 Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 05, 2013 Posts: 36,653	1) Analogue must be used again,none of this digital trash! 2) Do not let others steer ya down thier paths!! 3) Everyone must be loving to each other.. 4) Wendys SUPER BAR returns and has exactly the same stuff they had then..... 5) Mcdonalds will make thier big mac sauce like they used to before they changed it in the 90s! 6) Mcdonalds will use dark meat again for thier Nuggets (Better flavour) 7) Burger king will make thier stuff taste like it did in the 80s (GOOD) 8) Ponderosa will return!! 9) Pizza Hut will bring thier Pizza buffet back and make the sauce how they did in the 90s (Before changing it to crap) 10) Mars will start makiing M&Ms with whole milk again!!

06-02-2024, 02:44 PM	#14
Caroline13 Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jan 30, 2021 Location: So Calif Posts: 14,483	Never gave this any thought, I've lived my life by the 10 Commandments I was taught growing up, in the christian catholic world....they all stuck and work in my life....
	__________________ Inexpensive Health Insurance = Grape Seed Extract Keep It Simple

06-03-2024, 09:16 PM	#15
Fleet Mansions, limousines & H-ween Forum Star Join Date: Jan 06, 2002 Location: Northridge/Porter Ranch, California Posts: 15,625	"People over 60 shouldn't drive?" That is a low cut-off age.
	__________________ 1976 Cadillac Fleetwood Seventy-Five Limousine.