"Dear TJL"

[TJL]

I'm officially hanging out my shingle folks! I am now an "official question answering advice giving guy!"
Okay, still working on the title.
Let's dig into the mailbag and answer a question.

Dear TJL,

I'm thinking of taking up an instrument for my High School marching band this fall, but I don't know which instrument to play. Any suggetions?

- Confused in Colorado

Dear Confused,

Good question my band joining amigo.
With so many instruments to choose from, you want an instrument that will set you apart from the others, yet compliments the sound of the band.
I suggest a cannon!
All the best College marching bands have cannons. West Point shoots theirs off before, during and after the game. Heck, what's a good fight song without the ear splitting blast from you, the Cannonmaster, star of the band!
So I suggest you ask your Band Teacher person if you can try out for first cannon. Your school doesn't have a cannon? Then you should take some initiative and bring your own. I'm sure you can get one on E-bay.

Musically yours,
TJL

TJL is here to answer your questions!
TJL will solve your problems!
TJL likes pudding, but that's a topic for another time!



(Got a question? Shoot TJL a PM, and he'll do his best to answer it. For entertainment purposes only.)

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

[TheGreatPretender]

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Dear TJL:

My friend on here has an addiction and its taking over his life! He cant live a day without giving in to his addiction. Its scaring me. Last night, he tore up the kitchen cabinet looking for a filler to satisfy him. Ive tried everything. Promises wont take him back, and the patch seems to be a lost cause. I cry for hours on end, and havent slept in 2 months (though some nights Im rolling around in my bed enjoying myself)-- we need help. Im doing everything I can to support him, yet he doesnt seem to give back. Its killing me inside. For a while I supplied his stash, but now hes out of control! He even took my $300 golden glazed collection! I gave him the cold shoulder for a week when he pulled that one off. Im trying to ignore him, but he keeps begging me back saying, without his supply and dealer, he has 'nothing.' I dont know what to do! Ever since hes tried to cut back, hes gotten so bitchy and listless. Im at a roads end with this one. HELP ME!!

Signed,
Friend of Munchy for minchia

[Hollow]

Dear TJL,

Are you thirsty?

Sincerely,
Curious

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Dear TJL,
I have a friend...We'll call her "Gemstone" for the time being...Anyway, plainly put, Gemstone has a thing for my boyfriend. I mean, she's always talking about him, telling everyone how much she looooooooves him, and now I hear she's rolling around on her bed in pictures of him?! I don't know what her intentions are, but we're madly in love and I won't let her tear us apart. He tells me that she's freaking him out. He's been getting obscene phone calls and strange packages (doughnuts, underwear....something called a minchia--we still haven't figured that one out) outside his door and we think that this little hussy is responsible. Anyways, the poor baby is scared to death. My boy is very sensitive and I don't want him getting hurt by this psycho. This situation is distressing us. I may have to resort to violence. How can I get this crazy woman to leave me and my sweetheart alone?

Sincerly,
Irritated in Illinois

[¤I Love Clay Aiken¤]

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Dear TJL,
I have a friend...We'll call her "Gemstone" for the time being...Anyway, plainly put, Gemstone has a thing for my boyfriend. I mean, she's always talking about him, telling everyone how much she looooooooves him, and now I hear she's rolling around on her bed in pictures of him?! I don't know what her intentions are, but we're madly in love and I won't let her tear us apart. He tells me that she's freaking him out. He's been getting obscene phone calls and strange packages (doughnuts, underwear....something called a minchia--we still haven't figured that one out) outside his door and we think that this little hussy is responsible. Anyways, the poor baby is scared to death. My boy is very sensitive and I don't want him getting hurt by this psycho. This situation is distressing us. I may have to resort to violence. How can I get this crazy woman to leave me and my sweetheart alone?

Sincerly,
Irritated in Illinois

I..... I dont know what youre talking about!!

[Hollow]

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Dear TJL,
I have a friend...We'll call her "Gemstone" for the time being...Anyway, plainly put, Gemstone has a thing for my boyfriend. I mean, she's always talking about him, telling everyone how much she looooooooves him, and now I hear she's rolling around on her bed in pictures of him?! I don't know what her intentions are, but we're madly in love and I won't let her tear us apart. He tells me that she's freaking him out. He's been getting obscene phone calls and strange packages (doughnuts, underwear....something called a minchia--we still haven't figured that one out) outside his door and we think that this little hussy is responsible. Anyways, the poor baby is scared to death. My boy is very sensitive and I don't want him getting hurt by this psycho. This situation is distressing us. I may have to resort to violence. How can I get this crazy woman to leave me and my sweetheart alone?

Sincerly,
Irritated in Illinois

[G-Force Glockstar]

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL,
Last night I started rolling around in Clay pictures on my bed. At some point it started to feel really good. Am I wierd?

Sincerely, Feeling Good

LOL

[AKA]

Here's one I found on the mailroom floor:

Dear TJL,

Does my butt look too small in these pants?

Yours (or Mark's, Ben's, Cris' or Sean's),
Jenny from the Block

[G-Force Glockstar]

Dear TJL,

What should I do? I'm gonna probably have a babysitter until I'm 18? No, really, I'm serious!!

[vienna waits]

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Dear TJL:

My friend on here has an addiction and its taking over his life! He cant live a day without giving in to his addiction. Its scaring me. Last night, he tore up the kitchen cabinet looking for a filler to satisfy him. Ive tried everything. Promises wont take him back, and the patch seems to be a lost cause. I cry for hours on end, and havent slept in 2 months (though some nights Im rolling around in my bed enjoying myself)-- we need help. Im doing everything I can to support him, yet he doesnt seem to give back. Its killing me inside. For a while I supplied his stash, but now hes out of control! He even took my $300 golden glazed collection! I gave him the cold shoulder for a week when he pulled that one off. Im trying to ignore him, but he keeps begging me back saying, without his supply and dealer, he has 'nothing.' I dont know what to do! Ever since hes tried to cut back, hes gotten so bitchy and listless. Im at a roads end with this one. HELP ME!!

Signed,
Friend of Munchy for minchia

Thank you for keeping that anonymous.

[dandelion wine]

... I am so tempted to do this.

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by TradingMooses
Sincerly,

Deer TJL,

I hav thes frend who can't spel werth shyt. It's relly annoing me too know end. Whut should I dew? Should I confrunt her about it? Pssshhh she relly kneads to recognise!

Sincerrely,
Hoo-man Dickshionarie