Try To Get Some Sleep

[CD DeLorenzo]

Disclaimers: As usual.


Try To Get Some Sleep

How long does it take to get over the biggest loss in life? You probably never really overcome it, do you? I was certain that I never would.

How much pain can life throw at you before you crumble underneath your own despair? Does it ever stop? No, whenever I started to feel happy again and was looking forward to whatever was coming my way, life would deal me another blow and I was on the ground again. Each and everytime, something... the hope that someone out there gave me, would make me struggle to my feet again, knowing that somehow, someday I would find the person who was the reason for my hope. And I did. Too late though. Too late for both of us.

That was the last straw it took to force me down and never make me want to get up again. I would never be able to forgive myself for all the tears and the pain I caused. How had I been able to do what I did? Why hadn’t anybody stopped me? Why hadn’t I stopped myself? Too many questions that caused even more tears. This wound would never heal again. Not that it ever had started to. Some things just go too deep.

Deeper than you’d like to admit to yourself. Deep enough to make you try to cover them up with all your might. And in the end it hurts even more that you’re the only one who knows what’s underneath your own disguise.

And one day you start to believe in it yourself. Or reality and pretense merge into one. I’ll never find out which one it was. But it had happened. I had found a reason that made me want to live again. Someone who made me happy. When I finally admitted that to myself I was so shocked about the words that came out of my own mouth. I couldn’t believe I actually was happy. That someone made me happy. But then this wonderful person stepped into my life and did. To make me happy all it took was that certain smile, or listening to that voice full of love for me.

When we finally admitted all of our feelings to each other I was at the top of my world and knew it couldn’t get much better than this, and I never wanted to go back again.

But something happened and I found myself on the ground again, literally. Having almost been killed brought back all of these memories from the past again. And the well known hope filled me again as well, but it was even stronger than it had ever been. Stronger because now I had all the more reason for wanting to live. I had found him and he had found me and we were meant to be.

But I lied. I hadn’t meant to, but when the things I found out weren’t the way I had expected them to be I just couldn’t come out with the truth.

So much pain filled me and surrounded me, it was everywhere. The hope that had been there throughout all of my life had been destroyed and even he couldn’t give me the strength I would have needed to get up again. I didn’t even have the strength to face him.

Rain poured down on the grave and the lonely figure standing in front of it poured Tequila down like the tears that mingled with the rain, trying to drown sorrows and pain, needing to forget, but not able to ever do so. No matter how much alcohol would flow, no matter how many pills were swallowed, the memories remained.

Trembling fingers reached out to caress her name on the gravestone. A last goodbye to a woman who had been way too young to die. The numbers below her name showed how short her life had been. But there were no numbers to show how much pain she had suffered already during those years.

For the people who saw those numbers it was a shame that a life so young had ended so tragically. But for the few who knew what this young woman had been through in her short life, her wish to end her life was a little bit easier to understand.

And there probably was no one who understood her as well as the one who was shedding tears in front of her grave right now. Feeling responsible for her death the lonely figure that looked more like a dark shadow than a human being sank down into the mud of the wet fresh grave, feeling like the weak shadow of a once strong person.

In the distance another figure seemingly appeared out of nowhere. She didn’t know anybody here and never would. Ignoring the rain that soaked her dark clothes and dripped from her red hair she started to do what she had come here for and as she hummed a soft melody she slammed the strings of her guitar and began to sing.

There's a reason so well hidden
Why I was torn apart from you
Like a song I've never written
Like a joke without a clue
No I don't want to close my eyes and think of you

I don’t think there’s anything that hurts as much as losing a loved one. Especially when the person you just lost was... and in a way still is, the love of your life. The one and only you’ve waited for all your life. Everything seems perfect for a while and you’ve finally admitted your feelings. The greatest gift you could ever wish for has been granted to you: she has the same feelings and you’re so in love.

But then, one day, out of the blue, fate strikes when you least expect it. You almost lose her and the thought of your world without her in it is killing you. You can’t thank God often enough for the little miracle, that somehow she survived. And deep down you know that your love is what’s keeping the both of you alive. Feelings so strong that they overwhelm you, and her, and anybody around you, that just can’t be coincidence. You know that you were meant to be. The only reason you were born was to be with her. And the only reason she was born, was to be that other part of you that made you both whole. When you’re together nothing makes sense anymore, but yet everything is so clear. You breathe for her to live. Your heart beats so hers doesn’t stop. You are one another and you can see it in each others eyes.

Two souls in two bodies that exist as one. Finally you know what love is, but then again, this is by far more. And you know that as long as you’re together, you’re invincible.

And then suddenly you die. You hadn’t seen it coming at all, but in the blink of an eye your world ceases to exist and you get swallowed into the worst form of hell that could ever be. You still live, but yet you die. It happens so slowly that you can feel it creep throughout your whole body. Physical pain is spreading through your limbs as the words race through your brain. You see them in front of your eyes but none of this seems real. You just know that this can’t be. But yet it is. And it is the end.

Tears soak the tiny piece of paper that you’re clutching in your hands, not wanting to believe this, but reality settles in. She’s gone.

And all you want to do is to burn this little piece of paper to make it come undone. You hope that if the evidence in your hands turns to ashes she will rise again. A Phoenix to your love.

But even though you can clearly see it happen when you close your eyes, you know it never will. So you keep the paper to look at it day after day, again and again. When you do, it torments you, but you welcome the pain. It’s the only thing you want to feel. Without her this is how it has to be. It’s devouring you from the inside and all you do is wait until it’s over and you can finally close your eyes forever and become one with the earth they bury you in.

Even though you’re just spending your time waiting for that moment to come and finally release you, you don’t ever want it to happen. That is why you don’t even try to initialize it yourself. You know it will be a relief that you don’t want to happen. Just like you don’t want to think of her even though that’s all you ever do and you don’t even try to stop these thoughts. You know it’s inevitable and right now you’re not even attempting to prolong the time that’s still left. You want it to happen even though you don’t. And those feelings don’t even confuse you, in your cold, numb state of mind, they all make perfect sense. She still is the center of it all and she will be forever more, even though one day it all will come to an end.

But until then, even though she’s gone, she’s the only thing for you. You still see her everywhere, you can smell her and even feel her touch when you close your eyes and think about it hard enough. She lingers in the air around you, and you embrace this sensation even though it brings you pain. After all, it’s everything you still got.

The dark and rainy night just seemed to be perfect for the lonely figure who was strolling through the streets, unaware of the clothes being as soaked by rain as the note was by tears. Still clutching to it nothing mattered. And even if it was a bright sunshiny day, it wouldn’t make any difference. The feelings still were the same.

Eventually his feet refused to walk anymore. He had ended up in a lost and filthy part of the city. Not giving a damn he slumped to the ground and pounding his fists into the wet asphalt he screamed out in agony.

But no one seemed to hear him, a lone soldier still fighting in a battle he’d long lost. Rats scurried through the abandoned warehouse behind him, used to being the only creatures here along with some birds that frightened by the uncommon noise spread their wings and took off into all directions, truly leaving him to himself.

He wasn’t completely alone though. Sitting in the sill of a broken window a young woman found inspiration in him to continue her song, without him ever becoming aware of her, but the music mirrored the lack of what once had been and still should be in his heart. Like his weak limbs had failed him, now his lids fluttered shut and forced him to drift off.

How I'd like to get you back, but He won't let me
How I'd like to sing the songs we knew by heart
Farewell sounds really cheap for pain you left me
And it's growing mushrooms in my heart
No I don't want to close my eyes and think of you

I wanna try to get some sleep
But it is hard, can't take the lead
I'm gonna try to get some sleep

I'm gonna try to get some sleep
Join the great subconscious club
I'm gonna try to get some sleep
But I'm afraid to wake up

Why did you do it? I saw the police report, and actually I can answer my own question. Right now I can understand you. I know why you were desperate enough to end your own life. You were alone and felt left by everybody who was supposed to be there for you. You must have felt as if life was hell.

I know that feeling too well myself. I know how it is when the people around you seem to just use you for their purposes and drop you when they don’t need you anymore.

You must have thought I was one of them. No, not one of them, the first one. The one who ignited the chain reaction. I should have been there for you. Mothers are supposed to protect their daughters. I blamed my own for not having been there for me when I needed her. But what I did to you, I guess that was even worse.

I only had the best interest at heart, I wanted to give you a life you couldn’t have with me. But I sent you straight to hell.

I hope you’re somewhere safe now. I hope happiness has come at last. I hope there’s no more pain for you. I hope wherever you are you can finally laugh. And if that isn’t possible then I hope you don’t feel anything at all.

No wonder that death was the ultimate relief for you. Your father a rapist, your mother too young to take care of you, you’re on your own, and you’re just a baby. But it seems as if everything turns for the better, you get adopted, but what seem to be loving parents are monsters in disguise. Abused by your father even though you were still a baby. While your mother watched how he raped you as a three year old child. And it never stopped. The police report has all the facts. After your death they finally found out about all the cruel things they did to you.

No, I don’t blame you at all. You deserve to rest in peace at last. I just wish I had been there for you. But I was a coward who listened to the things I had been told. I gave you away and hoped you’d have a good life.

But I slipped a photo of both of us after you were born sixteen years ago into your stuff. Did you ever see it? I hope you found it. You must know that I always loved you. Had I known what happened, I would have gotten you out of there.

The friends you confided in never believed you. They thought you were a liar they told the cops. Now they know better. But now it is too late.

It’s too late for them to ask your forgiveness, and it certainly is for me. Part of me doesn’t want you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it. I caused all of this. I made your life a living hell when I gave you away and in the end it’s my fault that you’re dead now.

And I never even considered that your life was so incredibly horrible. I tried to push all thoughts of you away, tried to forget you altogether. I never succeeded though. I always knew you were more than just a nightmare. You were real and I wish I could change everything that happened. I wish I had never given you away.

But it’s too late. There really is just one consequence for me now. I’m as desperate and hopeless as you have been. I always loved you and I always will. You and Nate.

Those were the last thoughts the pretty blonde woman ever thought. Sometimes it’s just too late. Too later after all the pain. Too late to believe anymore. Too much hurt that breaks your heart. And for Candace DeLorenzo that point was right now. She had always been a very strong woman, even after her stepfather raped her when she was only fifteen. Even after a pregnancy was the result of that and her mother, doctor and teachers convinced her to give her own child away.

Eventually she had learned how to move on, lead a normal life. Or so she thought. The happiness she believed she had found was a big lie. Her husband never loved her. He used her and cheated on her. And after he had no more use for her, he dropped her and left her for a younger woman.

She had thought she had finally found her little piece of happiness when Nathan Basso stepped into her life and they fell in love. But at the top of their luck together she found out that her daughter’s life was just a tragedy. Worse than anything she’d ever seen on the job. Too horrible for her to deal with. She blamed herself for the young girl’s suicide, but after everything she had found out, she couldn’t blame her. She understood how she had felt too well, she was feeling the same.

A shot rang through the air and only for a moment interrupted the stranger’s song. Too engulfed in her song, she didn’t see the now lifeless body that fell to the ground, right in front of the grave of her daughter. The blonde woman’s hand fell on the gravestone, her fingers seemed to caress the name engraved there as her blood mixed with the rain created a little river that came right out of her heart.

Do you realise I don't know what to do
Did you become just an idea, are you still real
Do you still have that snapshot that I gave you
Oh don't answer me, it wouldn't change the way I feel
Do you feel as if you're having a ball
Oh I guess, I hope you don't feel anything at all

I'm gonna try to get some sleep
Join the great subconscious club
I'm gonna try to get some sleep
But I'm afraid to wake up

In my dreams my life is perfect again. There she is, happy and smiling, the way I love to see her. I know that this is one of those dreams and right now I never want to wake up. I want to hold her and kiss her and be with her until the end of time.

But suddenly everything is different. The sun is gone and it’s raining. The park turned into a graveyard and her wedding dress turned black. I’m starting to have a nightmare and I already hate it. I’m standing behind a tree, seeing her from a distance. It’s as if I’m seeing through someone else’s eyes. There she is, my CD, kneeling in the soaked earth in front of a grave. Digging her hands into the mud, crying like I never saw her cry before.

Out of sudden there’s a gun in her hands. As I scream from the top of my lungs, trying to stop her, she pulls the trigger and her body slumps to the ground, her blood immediately flows in my direction.

Startled I wake up and hear my own scream. As I quiet down, I expect silence to surround me, but I hear the song I heard in my dream.

I don’t know why or how, but suddenly I realize that it was more than just a dream. Knowing that she’s dead just makes me come to terms with what I knew all along: Without her I can’t live.

Almost automatically my hand reaches for my holster and draws my own gun. Or is that her? Does she lead my hand? Is her spirit surrounding me, inviting me to join her? I don’t know what it is, but I know it is right. We belong together. If not in life, then in death.

Not for a moment I think twice, I place my gun against my chest, right over my heart. And then...

Another shot interrupts the same melody. Another stream of blood makes its way through the rain towards the other one.

Another life ended in the hope of salvation at last.

I'm gonna try to get some sleep
Join the great subconscious club
I'm gonna try to get some sleep
But I'm afraid to wake up

Try to get some sleep...

THE END

[Inspector Bariteau]

Ya know Cat, you are such a talented writer.....but to use it to write what most of us on the boards believe is how you truly feel, is a shame. I only ever wanted to be your friend. Never once did I mean to argue with you, but for some reason almost every time we talk we do. And it wasn't until recently that this has happened. As I read what you just posted, it is so amazingly written, it's unbelieveable. If only you could write it from an objective view point, and not like it is your life that you are writing about. Anyway, I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you're ok, but you blocked me. Because we can fight the worst fight, and I'll still worry about you. It's just the way I am.

[CD DeLorenzo]

Originally posted by Inspector Bariteau
Ya know Cat, you are such a talented writer.....but to use it to write what most of us on the boards believe is how you truly feel, is a shame. I only ever wanted to be your friend. Never once did I mean to argue with you, but for some reason almost every time we talk we do. And it wasn't until recently that this has happened. As I read what you just posted, it is so amazingly written, it's unbelieveable. If only you could write it from an objective view point, and not like it is your life that you are writing about. Anyway, I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you're ok, but you blocked me. Because we can fight the worst fight, and I'll still worry about you. It's just the way I am.

you know, you shouldn't assume things. None of my fics are based on my life. That's why they're fics. This fic isn't about me and let alone about you! In fact I started to write it MONTHS ago. I just never wanted to post it in parts.

and most of you on the boards don't even know me, so don't assume it's how I feel! I never wanted to argue either, but you jump my throat for the littlest things, even after I try to just let it go.

The whole fic IS written from an objective point of view! Just for once it's not a CD and Nate fall in love and live happily ever after fic.

Did I ever put myself or my life into a fic??? NO! So who are you to assume I sit here with a gun to my head?!?

I don't want to kill myself, I'm doing fine! I do have some university problems and trouble with my parents because of that, but that's all.

And since several of you IMed me, I am sorry this worried you, but it is just a fic. Yes, I was adopted too, but that is coincidence, this isn't the only fic where CD suddenly has a daughter. So it's a general idea, and not based on my life. I had some **** happening to me too, but none of the things mentioned here.

I hope that's cleared out now.

[Inspector Bariteau]

Ok Cat. But why dont you im me, instead of on here? Just wondering or are you THAT mad at me. And yes you have gotten lots of people worried about you on these boards. And obviously it's something in the way you write, if I'm not the only one thinking that way. And I never thought you would dislike a CD and Nate fall in love and live happily ever after fic, but I guess you do. And if you don't like me worrying about you, then I'm sorry but I won't change that.

[Irish_Rose_Kate]

Okay first of all I am sorry to Cat cause I was one of the one to assume things, but you and I talked that out. I love ya! *huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*


Angie, Look I have been sitting here all of last night before I took my sleeping pills, and most of today worried about CAt. Yes, I do belive you were as well. BUt you know what even if, this was about cat's life thats her business, and yeah I talked to most of her firends to tell them how worried abut her I was cause of this fic. BUt if, she decides to make it around her life or about her life thats HER decishion, and no body elses. Did you ever stop to think that this fic could be therputic sp for her? I know the two of you have been fighting, and I pretty much know what's going on. but you call her a fukking bitch becasue of a dissagrement??? OR fight??? Yeah people say things In the heat of the moment, but I mean come on? That was wrong mosly if, the both of you were 'friends' then that even worse. I don't think Cat's tried to hurt you on purpose. you say CAt's changed??? I DON"T see it... most people that I talked to last night said Cat's the most genourious sp person , and very nice, and those are people who only talk to cat sometimes. I talk to her every day. most of the time. I know she hasn't changed. I mean I REALLY REALLY wanted to give you hell concdering I think I have been really nice. Maybe you' re the whos changed. I can't answer that though. And I have NEVER EVER had Cat change around anything I have said. So once again It makes me wonder about what you are saying there?


Okay I have to say one more thing i think, but knowing me I will have more to say. From what I know of Cat,a nd I think I know her pretty good, what she respects most about people is their thoughts and ideas about a person even if, it doesn't match hers. That's one of her best qualitys. But yet you go out of you're way to have the same opions about Tracey/CD. And she doesn't need you telling her facts about Tracey that she already knows, and has known for plenty more years then you. I would have leaved you alone Angie, but no one messes with CAt without messing with me. you hurt her you hurt me. It's that easy... Maybe you think I should keep my nose out of it, but I have known this for a long time. Or at least what's going on. Look maybe you are suddenly a HUGE tracey fan who knows. But it seems as though it's only becasue you're friends are. I mean you posted a whole thread on someone about them being immature eveything that has happend now points to you beeing the one that is immature. How does it feel to have one of you're posts turned ALL around.

[Inspector Bariteau]

The ONLY thing I have to say to what you just posted, is that first of all I see that Cat tells you, and maybe not only you, what we talk about in cahts. And yet I have never ONCE told ANYONE the personal stuff Cat has told me in chats. I don't think that is fair. Oh, and did Cat tell you that the post I made about "someone" being immature SHE suggested I make it. And no, I don't like Tracey just because my friends do that's bull ****. I started liking Tracey MORE so after she left the show. Although I can't say Cat feels the same way. Ever since Tracey left, if you bring up the name Tracey or Jon instead of CD or Nate she'll flip. And I called her a ****ing bitch because I was really pissed, (and with good reason) and if you'll scroll up some you'll see that I said the biggest fight in the world wouldn't stop me from worrying about Cat. Oh and btw I knew she meant you when she said that some people at the boards are mad at me too. And ya know what, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she's friends with Rasa too. I mean hell, she bad mouths her to me, but won't tell her to her face. And then tells me to post something bad about her on the boards, so I did. True I wanted to, but Cat suggested it. So see Cat, I can tell secrets about you just like you can about me. And jut so you know, she has changed. You just haven't seen it yet. Because right now, she's got you as her buddy-buddy. Wait till she gives you the boot, like she did me. And then I'll tell you I told you so. If she really was as innocent in all this as you say, she wouldn't have blocked me, and talk to me. But no, she now has you ddoing her dirty work for her as she did me. As a matter of fact, that last post sounds ALOT like Cat. hmmmmm Makes me wonder if she typed it, or just told you what to say. And ya know what else, you didn't hear all our chats so don't try to judge, ok????

[CD DeLorenzo]

Originally posted by Inspector Bariteau
The ONLY thing I have to say to what you just posted, is that first of all I see that Cat tells you, and maybe not only you, what we talk about in cahts. And yet I have never ONCE told ANYONE the personal stuff Cat has told me in chats. I don't think that is fair. Oh, and did Cat tell you that the post I made about "someone" being immature SHE suggested I make it. And no, I don't like Tracey just because my friends do that's bull ****. I started liking Tracey MORE so after she left the show. Although I can't say Cat feels the same way. Ever since Tracey left, if you bring up the name Tracey or Jon instead of CD or Nate she'll flip. And I called her a ****ing bitch because I was really pissed, (and with good reason) and if you'll scroll up some you'll see that I said the biggest fight in the world wouldn't stop me from worrying about Cat. Oh and btw I knew she meant you when she said that some people at the boards are mad at me too. And ya know what, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she's friends with Rasa too. I mean hell, she bad mouths her to me, but won't tell her to her face. And then tells me to post something bad about her on the boards, so I did. True I wanted to, but Cat suggested it. So see Cat, I can tell secrets about you just like you can about me. And jut so you know, she has changed. You just haven't seen it yet. Because right now, she's got you as her buddy-buddy. Wait till she gives you the boot, like she did me. And then I'll tell you I told you so. If she really was as innocent in all this as you say, she wouldn't have blocked me, and talk to me. But no, she now has you ddoing her dirty work for her as she did me. As a matter of fact, that last post sounds ALOT like Cat. hmmmmm Makes me wonder if she typed it, or just told you what to say. And ya know what else, you didn't hear all our chats so don't try to judge, ok????

This has to be the most ridiculous thing I ever read!!!!
I never told anyone the personal stuff either, I did tell Michelle about the fights though, yes. But since you brought that to the boards, what's the problem?
As for the post about Rasa (by the way, we are definitely not friends, we never even talked again) YOU're the one who said you wanted to badmouth her and hurt her, after that I suggested something less drastic and more mature, and maybe you should re-read that thing because I stuck up for you there!!!! And I had my own opinion and stood by it. That sounds pretty face to face to me! I never TOLD YOU to do that! And I never said you should post something bad about her! I told you NOT to do that.
I never told secrets about you! That's the biggest bull**** ever! And I'm mature enough not to do it, even now.
I didn't change, and apart from you my friends here still are all the same. Strangely you're the only one who says I changed...
And your accusation really takes the cake! I can stand my ground just fine and don't need others to do that. Besides Michelle has a mind of her own, she wouldn't let anyone tell her what to do! And I'm certainly not a coldhearted manipulative bitch.
And insulting me really was childish to the max. Insults never solved problems, but if you need to sink that deep, fine, go ahead, insult me some more.

And as for Tracey, you have no damn idea how I feel about her, I love her with all my heart and adore her and hope she's happy whatever she's doing. She still gives me strength and I'll always be her fan! Even after she left TD... AFTER she left TD, I got that tattoo... AFTER she left TD I started to work on a new and better site... I was fan long before TD and will be long after TD.
I did "flip" however when you said Tracey and Jon must have been having an affair and that Tracey should get divorced for him. That was WAY out of the line in my opinion and I told you that you can't know that, that Tracey is happily married and Jon has a girlfriend and that Tracey and Tommy have a daughter and that it would be horrible for them to have a divorce. But that however, all of that is their personal life and none of our buisness! You couldn't accept that I had a different opinion, and even after I told you to just let it go, you kept on fighting.

And the fight before that, my dog had just died and I was very depressed and just told you what happened but that I wanted to be left alone, and then you jumped down my throat because in your opinion I took it out on you! I'm mourning and that has nothing to do with you! It's like you've been LOOKING for fights lately. I mean everybody can have a bad case of PMS every now and then, but this has been going on for too long.

And the reason why I blocked you and didn't want to talk to you at the moment is because I don't need this crap! I have something more important to worry about.

[CD DeLorenzo]

Originally posted by Inspector Bariteau
Ok Cat. But why dont you im me, instead of on here? Just wondering or are you THAT mad at me. And yes you have gotten lots of people worried about you on these boards. And obviously it's something in the way you write, if I'm not the only one thinking that way. And I never thought you would dislike a CD and Nate fall in love and live happily ever after fic, but I guess you do. And if you don't like me worrying about you, then I'm sorry but I won't change that.

and btw, I NEVER said I don't like those kind of stories! Just because for once I wrote something different doesn't mean I suddenly hate everything else. Say, do you suddenly hate Nancy because you like Tracey now? I don't think so.
As a matter of fact I still love all kinds of CD/Nate fics. I just haven't had the time to keep up with all of them here.

[Irish_Rose_Kate]

You know what? No one tells me what to say. I fight my own fights, and I fight cat's fights becasue she is MY FRIEND. I would do it for ANY of my other friends. NO I asked CAt if, I could say something to you. Look at told me these things for a reason, not becasue she was trying to tell secreats. Cat's not like that. As for as you are concered I feel you are annoying, but that is becides the point. I have tried to ingnore that, is a matter of fact I remember talking to you in one of chat rooms once, and I thought that you were really nice, and some people where talking NOT CAT, and saying they couldn't stand you, and I STUCK up for you! But I have come to my own conclusion about you, and NO ONE told me how to feel. I did that on my own. Do I thin in general you are a nice person I do. but, you are the one out of line here.

Oh, and about that thread about Rasa did you ever STOP to think that even if, it was Cat's idea YOU are the one that posted it? Look I don't know Rasa any better then I know you, and I tried to keep her name outta this casue she shouldn't even have her name here it's not fair to her. And NO cat doesn't talk to any RAsa anymore. ASk Rasa yourself.

And about bring up tracey or Jon, ONE I don't know what you're talking about, and TWO she has never gotten upset with me for bringing up either of them. Maybe it's the way you bring them up that she doesnt' like?

And yes, I know you are worried about her I siad that in my first post maybe you didn't understand me. but that doesn't give you the right to call her a ****ing bitch. How would you feel if, someone did that to you? For me unles they were joking I don't think I would want them to be my friends anymore.


"Because right now, she's got you as her buddy-buddy. Wait till she gives you the boot, like she did me. And then I'll tell you I told you so."

As for that comment I don't know how long you have known Cat, but I have known her for a while now, and she and I have been 'buddy-buddy' for a LONG time. She will never give me the boot, just like I wouldn't her. You know what? Cat and I can go for days without saying much to each other, but ya know we understand that it's not each other it's just we aren't talking. I love cat, and I would do just about anything for her. I have NEVER ever known a friendship such as the one she,a nd I have. It's amazing casue she understand each other so well. And often are going through the same things. I know she would never hurt me. And IF she has hurt you it's not for any reason it's becasue you have hurt her as welll.


I don't think either of you are innocent in all this. I think you both hurt each other. I just know how worried about Cat cause she is going though more the what is going on between the two of you. And what's bad for me Is I don't know how to help her. I know what she's going though I have been there kinda.


"But no, she now has you ddoing her dirty work for her as she did me. As a matter of fact, that last post sounds ALOT like Cat. hmmmmm Makes me wonder if she typed it, or just told you what to say."

You know what? at first that made me pissed, but now I am CRAKING up Thanks!!! i needed that. LOL God that was so funnny LMaO.....I sorry I really reallly wasn't laughing at you...

"And ya know what else, you didn't hear all our chats so don't try to judge, ok????"

You're right didn't, but I had already made up my own mind about you.

buh bye for now

[Jo_Luvs_Ketchup]

Ok this is probably none of my business because I have no idea what is going on between all of you but everyone on these boards have been turning against each other. I know Angie, Rasa, Cat, and Michelle. You all are very sweet. Why the need for the constant bickering. Come on guys..get along.

[CD DeLorenzo]

Originally posted by JinnyGirl88
Ok this is probably none of my business because I have no idea what is going on between all of you but everyone on these boards have been turning against each other. I know Angie, Rasa, Cat, and Michelle. You all are very sweet. Why the need for the constant bickering. Come on guys..get along.

Kelly, please, stay out of this, I don't want you to sit between the chairs here. And I know you do, I'm sorry about that.

And as for Rasa, she has absolutely nothing to do with this! I thought that was forgiven and forgotten and okay again, I can't understand why her name had to be brought up again in the first place... I'm sorry Rasa, this isn't about you at all, and you shouldn't have gotten into this again.

Unfortunately though, this is more than bickering. I wish we could all just get along too. I hate fights. But I do stick up for myself. Thanks for trying to get it cleared up again though. But I'm afraid it's not that easy.

[CD DeLorenzo]

and you know what pisses me off the most? In all of this time, I could have been writing on one of my fics... but when someone trys to tear me apart, that has this effect on me... I can't get in a writing mood then

[Jo_Luvs_Ketchup]

Originally posted by CD DeLorenzo
Kelly, please, stay out of this, I don't want you to sit between the chairs here. And I know you do, I'm sorry about that.

And as for Rasa, she has absolutely nothing to do with this! I thought that was forgiven and forgotten and okay again, I can't understand why her name had to be brought up again in the first place... I'm sorry Rasa, this isn't about you at all, and you shouldn't have gotten into this again.

Unfortunately though, this is more than bickering. I wish we could all just get along too. I hate fights. But I do stick up for myself. Thanks for trying to get it cleared up again though. But I'm afraid it's not that easy.

Ok sorry..

[CD DeLorenzo]

Originally posted by JinnyGirl88
Ok sorry..

Don't be sorry, I know you had the best intesions And I'm not mad at you or anything, just so ya know. I just don't want you to get hurt here too.

[Irish_Rose_Kate]

Originally posted by JinnyGirl88
Ok sorry..

awwww Kelly dont take it personal that's not how she meant that. Yes, I think you could give good adivise casue ya know all of us. I wish I still had you innosents...to think everyone gets a long...ehhh I am sorry not trying to be a downer.
Kelly you are way sweet...we all care about ya. I wish everything could have worked out a different way as well. but I think it's been brewing for a while.