Making peace with those who have hurt you... - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

consentida · 03-24-2004, 10:43 PM

I'm sure that mostly everyone here has been in a situation where you've had to forgive someone for something that they've done to you.

In the past two years, I've had ongoing problems with my dad. But recently, I came to realize that I should forgive him for whatever he did wrong because after all...he IS my father. He's the only one I've got...

So my questions are: Have any of you been in a situation where you felt the need to forgive someone even though they hurt you? If so, how did you go about it? And were you successful in your efforts?

Hollow · 03-24-2004, 11:08 PM

i only forgive people when i want to. this bitch at my school who has been ripping on and making fun of me since the beginning is sorry now and even acting like we're friends. well its too late because i hate her and i hope she dies. she seriously messed me up for awhile and encouraged my wanting to kill myself.

dawsongirl · 03-25-2004, 02:04 AM

I've got lots of friends who have ****ed me over....and I forgive none of them. I pretend like I'm not mad if I run into them or something, because they're all too stupid to realize I'm faking.

Liza · 03-25-2004, 02:13 AM

When I was in middle school there was one girl that seemed to have only one purpose in life - to make my life miserable. She was a cheerleader, blonde, popular, and the meanest person you can imagine. She turned almost all of my friends against me. I never thought there could be anything good in her at all.

Senior year of highschool she was in my chemistry class. She was the complete opposite of what she'd been in middle school. She was quiet, shy, and looked so saddened all the time. I never asked her and I never needed to. All of those years of her teasing and bullying had caught up to her, and she'd paid for it. I didn't see the need to go on hating her for something that had happened four years ago, and she so desperately wanted a friend. She and I actually ended up being partners in chemistry. Neither one of us were any good at it, but we went to each others' houses to study, and pretty much became friends.

Nanny Fine · 03-25-2004, 04:08 AM

I'm sure that it is possible for me but I dont' know if it's every happened.

There are 2 people in this world that no matter what I could never forgive them.

One is my father. The story is so long and complicated and goes back to before I was even born but he made my life miserable while I grew up, he still makes my life miserable, he enjoys doing so, I grew up with no positive male role model - I can not put that past me. There's just too much history- too much hurt to do that.

The other one is my daughter's "father". Any "man" who would abandon a young pregnant woman and then subsequently abandon the innocent child is not a man.

Pitooey · 03-25-2004, 09:56 AM

I've been there countless times.

I've forgiven but, I've not forgotten.

Pentimento · 03-25-2004, 01:44 PM

Forgiveness is always hard when someone has harmed you, particularly when it is someone that you trust and/or respect. Not forgiving, however, is (in my opinion) even more difficult, at least in the long run. It seems trite to say that by holding a grudge you're only hurting yourself, but it's true. In time the antipathy takes on a life of its own until ultimately you'll find that the grudge is in fact holding you. As difficult as it might be, it is in your best interest to forgive if you can.

That said, I believe there are levels of forgiveness. There is the type I've described above, which is basically selfish but necessary. That's the only forgiveness I can manage when someone has harmed me and does not seek my forgiveness or express any remorse. If someone is sorry for what they've done or said, and asks for forgiveness, I find it's much easier for me to not only forgive but to wipe the slate clean. People make mistakes. If they're sorry, who am I to hold their mistakes against them?

I agree, up to a point, with the policy of forgiving but not forgetting. The memories make me wiser and keep me safer the next time someone might be out to hurt me, but they can be crippling if given too much influence over whom I choose to trust. I don't always follow my own rule, often seeing a potential predator where there is only someone seeking friendship, so I know it is difficult to find a middle ground of healthy caution between the extremes of reckless faith and suspicion bordering on paranoia.

In short (I know -- too late!

), I'd say it's best to forgive if you can, if only for your own peace of mind.

03-24-2004, 10:43 PM	#1
consentida oh, you pretty things Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 21, 2002 Location: New York Posts: 3,841	Making peace with those who have hurt you... I'm sure that mostly everyone here has been in a situation where you've had to forgive someone for something that they've done to you. In the past two years, I've had ongoing problems with my dad. But recently, I came to realize that I should forgive him for whatever he did wrong because after all...he IS my father. He's the only one I've got... So my questions are: Have any of you been in a situation where you felt the need to forgive someone even though they hurt you? If so, how did you go about it? And were you successful in your efforts?

03-25-2004, 04:08 AM	#5
Nanny Fine Justine and Holden.. Senior Member Join Date: Jan 01, 2003 Location: Watching The Ellen Degeneres Show and luvin' it Posts: 2,852	I'm sure that it is possible for me but I dont' know if it's every happened. There are 2 people in this world that no matter what I could never forgive them. One is my father. The story is so long and complicated and goes back to before I was even born but he made my life miserable while I grew up, he still makes my life miserable, he enjoys doing so, I grew up with no positive male role model - I can not put that past me. There's just too much history- too much hurt to do that. The other one is my daughter's "father". Any "man" who would abandon a young pregnant woman and then subsequently abandon the innocent child is not a man.
	__________________ * How it all came down to this, only the Devil knows. Retail Rodeo is at the corner on my left. The motel is down the road to my right. I close my eyes and try to peer into the future. On my left, I saw days upon days of lipstick and ticking clocks, dirty looks and quiet whisperings. And burning secrets that just won't ever die away. And on my right, what could I picture? The blue sky, the desert earth, stretching out into the eerie infinity. A beautiful never-ending nothing. ~Justine, "The Good Girl" * Bush for President!

03-25-2004, 09:56 AM	#6
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	I've been there countless times. I've forgiven but, I've not forgotten.
	__________________ Pitooey... AKA JennyLee - I love the Monkees all over again! *SAY NO TO DRUGS* Jesus saves...

03-24-2004, 11:08 PM	#2
Hollow Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Dec 16, 2001 Posts: 30,406	i only forgive people when i want to. this bitch at my school who has been ripping on and making fun of me since the beginning is sorry now and even acting like we're friends. well its too late because i hate her and i hope she dies. she seriously messed me up for awhile and encouraged my wanting to kill myself.

03-25-2004, 02:04 AM	#3
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	I've got lots of friends who have ****ed me over....and I forgive none of them. I pretend like I'm not mad if I run into them or something, because they're all too stupid to realize I'm faking.

03-25-2004, 02:13 AM	#4
Liza BestYearsofOurLives Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 24, 2001 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 6,537	When I was in middle school there was one girl that seemed to have only one purpose in life - to make my life miserable. She was a cheerleader, blonde, popular, and the meanest person you can imagine. She turned almost all of my friends against me. I never thought there could be anything good in her at all. Senior year of highschool she was in my chemistry class. She was the complete opposite of what she'd been in middle school. She was quiet, shy, and looked so saddened all the time. I never asked her and I never needed to. All of those years of her teasing and bullying had caught up to her, and she'd paid for it. I didn't see the need to go on hating her for something that had happened four years ago, and she so desperately wanted a friend. She and I actually ended up being partners in chemistry. Neither one of us were any good at it, but we went to each others' houses to study, and pretty much became friends.

03-25-2004, 01:44 PM	#7
Pentimento Member Forum Regular Join Date: Feb 16, 2004 Location: The Big Valley Posts: 606	Forgiveness is always hard when someone has harmed you, particularly when it is someone that you trust and/or respect. Not forgiving, however, is (in my opinion) even more difficult, at least in the long run. It seems trite to say that by holding a grudge you're only hurting yourself, but it's true. In time the antipathy takes on a life of its own until ultimately you'll find that the grudge is in fact holding you. As difficult as it might be, it is in your best interest to forgive if you can. That said, I believe there are levels of forgiveness. There is the type I've described above, which is basically selfish but necessary. That's the only forgiveness I can manage when someone has harmed me and does not seek my forgiveness or express any remorse. If someone is sorry for what they've done or said, and asks for forgiveness, I find it's much easier for me to not only forgive but to wipe the slate clean. People make mistakes. If they're sorry, who am I to hold their mistakes against them? I agree, up to a point, with the policy of forgiving but not forgetting. The memories make me wiser and keep me safer the next time someone might be out to hurt me, but they can be crippling if given too much influence over whom I choose to trust. I don't always follow my own rule, often seeing a potential predator where there is only someone seeking friendship, so I know it is difficult to find a middle ground of healthy caution between the extremes of reckless faith and suspicion bordering on paranoia. In short (I know -- too late! ), I'd say it's best to forgive if you can, if only for your own peace of mind.