Quotes

[stevea]

June: Eddie, would you care to stay for dinner? We're having roast beef.

Eddie: Oh, no thank you, Mrs. Cleaver. I really must be getting home. We're having squab this evening.

[MA]

Fred Rutherford: (Wally and Eddie's prank on Lumpy has backfired) Clarence! Did you wrap this chain around the axle of your car and then try to drive off?

Clarence 'Lumpy' Rutherford: Gosh no, Daddy! Why would I do something like that?

Fred Rutherford: It just seems like something you would do.

[stevea]

(Beaver and Gilbert stop on the sidewalk in front of a bar) (Approx. dialog)

Gilbert: That's the girl in the box office.

Beaver: Yeah.

Gilbert: And she's smokin' a cigarette and drinkin' beer. She's what they call a woman of the world.

[MA]

June Cleaver: Wally, where are you going?

Wally Cleaver: I'm going over to slug Eddie.

June Cleaver: That's no way to talk, this is Sunday.

Wally Cleaver: You're right, I'll wait 'til tomorrow and slug him in the cafeteria.

[Schmoopie]

Originally Posted by AB

An Eddie & June quote:

Eddie Haskell: Gee, your kitchen always looks so clean.
June Cleaver: Why, thank you, Eddie.
Eddie Haskell: My mother says it looks as though you never do any work in here.

I was at work early one morning and was watching an episode of LITB on my phone. My coworkers were giving me the business about it and someone told me to tell them "Gee your desk looks so clean. It almost looks like you never do any work around here!"

[Scrabjan1]

That would be a great comeback but they wouldn’t get it.

[MA]

Eddie Haskell: (Beaver thinks he isn't going to graduate from 8th grade) Hey, that's tough, kid. Let me think. Maybe I can help you figure a way out of this.

Wally Cleaver: Listen, Beav. At this point, I don't think you want to be taking advice from Eddie.

Eddie Haskell: Are you kidding? I've been in an out of every kind of trouble there is in school.

[CosmicCharlie]

Eddie to Wally "What do you have, rocks in your head ?"

[Scrabjan1]

June: “Wally would take a job, Eddie, but he has track practice after school.”

Eddie: “Oh yes but I feel I’m doing the right thing. After all i’ve heard of very few millionaires who got their start running the 220.”

[AB]

Beaver:

[stevea]

Larry: That sure is a messy-lookin' sandwich.

Beaver: I didn't make it for looks, I made it for eatin'.

[stevea]

Wally: Did you steal the boat, Beaver?

Beaver: No, Wally.

Wally: Really?

Beaver: Cross my heart and hope to spit.

Wally (to police detective): He didn't do it, mister. When he hopes to spit, he's tellin' the truth.

[stevea]

June: Beaver! What are you all covered with?

Beaver: Mos'ly dirt, Mom.

[Ohio8]

Beaver: "That proves it's a creepy game, if they let people like Eddie play."

[stevea]

Beaver compositions/poems:

The Duck
by Theodore Cleaver
3rd grade

Once I wished I was a duck
Cause mostly ducks have lotsa luck
They swim around all day in a pool
And mostly never have to go to skool.

Then I saw a duck
Hanging in a Butcher store
And I didn't wanna be
A duck no more.

The Most Interesting Character
I Have Ever Known

by Beaver Cleaver

The most interesting character I have ever known is my father Mr (counts as a word) Ward Cleaver. He does not have an interesting job (no one even knows 'zactly what it is) he just works hard and takes care of all of us. He never shot things in Africa or saved anybody that was drowning but thats all right with me because when I am sick he brings me ice cream and when I tell him things or ask him things he always listens to me. He used up a whole Saturday to make things in the garage. He may not be interesting to you or someone else because hes not your father hes (just?) mine.

(Both from "The World According to Beaver" by Irwyn Applebaum. Italics my comments.)