The Honeymooners Lines and Quotes 6

[ThisLittlePiggy]

You're not going.

I am going!

You're not going!

I am going!

The only place you're
going is to the moon!

[MA]

Ralph Kramden: He eats, sleeps, and exercises all at the same time.

[Frank Gannucci]

“$99,000 Answer":

Alice: "Spell antidistanttablihmentterrism (sp?)."

Ralph: "I'll spell it...I'll spell it...I'll spell it."

Alice: "Well, go ahead."

Ralph: "I will spell it when you give me $16,000."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "How many holdups have I had?"

Alice: "Six."

Ralph: "In five of them, they didn't get anything."

Alice: "The sixth time was a doozy. They took $45 and the bus."

Ralph: "I have been driving a bus for 15 years and because I lose ONE bus, you have to hold it over my head."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "You know what Jackie Gleason gets. Maybe $50 to $100 a night."

Ed: "$50 to $100 a night?"

Ralph: "Yeah. Personally, I don't think he deserves it but that is what he gets."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

Ralph (to Alice): "By the way cupcake..."

Ed: "Yes Ralph."

Ralph: "She is cupcake. You're fruitcake."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "That shows how much you know about show business. You're always talking about something you don't know anything about. Just remember this: Gregory Peck was an usher at the Music Hall, you know, when they found him, and Kurt Douglas was a soda jerk. So, there's a chance for me."

Alice: "Sure, you can become an usher at the Music Hall or a soda jerk!"

"The Prowler":

Ed: "I came by to tell you to put some stuff up against the door."

Ralph: "Thank you but I have already done that."

Ed: "How did I get in?"

"Two Men On A Horse Part 1":

Alice: "I'll go get a flashlight for you."

Ralph: "I don't need one."

(Ralph leaves and falls down the stairs. Alice comes by the door. He comes back.)

Ralph: "Well, don't just stand there. Get me a flashlight."

"Letter To The Boss":

(Ralph thinks that he has been fired. He lists all the jobs that are listed in the paper.)

Alice: "What is wrong with those jobs?"

Ralph: "Nothing except they are listed under: 'Help Wanted: Women!'"

"Young At Heart":

Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what makes you young."

Ralph: "You want to do that? Let's play games that young people play. Let's play house. I will be the daddy and you will be the mommy. All right Mommy CLEAN UP!"

[MA]

Ed Norton: In Ring Magazine, my mother-in-law is number 2 contender for Marciano's title. I'm telling you, she looks at "Strike it Rich" for laughs.

[Frank Gannucci]

“This Is Your Life Part One":

(Ralph is trying to catch people in the poolroom in hoping of finding who's seeing Alice. He already interviewed one person.)

Ralph: "Hey you."

Fat Man: "You talking to me?"

Ralph: "Never mind."

Ed: "Well, that's three down."

Ralph: "Three down?"

Ed: "He counts for two, doesn't he?"

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

(Ralph picks out a small fish from his basket.)

Alice: "This is what you had the big tug-of-war with?"

Ralph: "He lost a lot of weight during the fight."

"Nephew of The Bride":

(Ralph found out that Alice's Aunt Ethel and Herman are moving in since Herman lives at the YMCA. He picks up his hat and puts it on.)

Alice: "Where are you going?"

Ralph: "To the YMCA."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Alice: "Ralph, it's 2am in the morning and Aunt Ethel isn't home yet."

Ralph: "She better get home early if she has to wake me up at 6am."

"Hello Mom":

Alice: "My mother is coming and you are going to be nice to her."

Ralph: "I'm going to be nice to her. That's impossible. We don't get along. We're enemies. Natural enemies like a boa constrictor and a mongoose."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ed: "Don't you think that I should be climbing on that ladder?"

Ralph: "So, you are saying that I'm too fat to climb this ladder. Why don't you just say it?"

Ed: "I don't have too. You just did."

Ralph: "My wife may not be alone on the moon."

(Ralph goes into the bedroom with the ladder. He climbs up it.)

Ralph (falling, yells): "DUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "I am now going to put the key under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order for you to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't handle."

"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":

(After Ralph threatens that him and Ed are going to jump out the hotel window if the wives don't give them the money, Ed accidentally falls out.)

Ed: "I forgot. We are on the ground floor."

Ralph: "You don't know how to fall correctly."

Ed: "I would if we were on the 15th floor."

"The Sleepwalker":

(The doctor gives Ed a shot.)

Doctor: "I want you to count backwards from 100."

Ed: "100...99...98...97...3."

[MA]

Ed Norton: Hey, what kind of peanut butter is that? Is that the crunchy kind?
Ralph Kramden: Yes, it's the crunchy kind and I can prove it to you. When this jar hits your head, you'll hear a crunch.