The Honeymooners Lines and Quotes 6

[Frank Gannucci]

“Hello Mom":

(Ralph has just found out that much to his chagrin, his mother-in-law is coming.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, you forgot to give me the friendly Raccoon Bye-Bye." (raising the tail on his Raccoon cap): "Whooooooooo!"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Hello Mom":

Ed: "Ralph, a three-letter word for exit."

Ralph (yells): "OUT!"

Ed: "Yeah, that will work."

Ralph (yells): "NOT THAT. GET OUT!"

"The Sleepwalker":

Doctor: "I want you count backwards from 100."

Ed: "100...99...98...97...3."

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":

(Ed walks in while Freddie Zimmerman and Ethel are talking.)

Ed: "Howdy folks! I heard the phonograph playing and I thought you would like some of my music better. Here's a good one."

(Ed puts on a record that plays loud big band music. He dances to the music. Ralph comes out and takes the record off the record player.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!"

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 1":

Ed: "You know the saying. 'For every man, there's a woman. For every woman, there's a man.'"

Ralph: "Then why is Aunt Ethel staying at my house?"

Ed: "Maybe you're the man for her."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Alice: "I am not going to Fred's Landing. I'm not going to Fred's Landing."

Ralph: "All right. Stay home."

Alice: "I wouldn't give you the satisifaction."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "I'm a nobody."

Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "Take it from the top Norton."

(Ed clears the top of the piano and sits on it.)

Ralph: "What are you doing?"

Ed: "You told me to take it from the top."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Your brother is a moocher, a swindler, and a bum."

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that your brother is a bum."

Alice: "My brother is just as good as any member of your family."

Ralph: "He's still a bum."

[Frank Gannucci]

“Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

(Ralph just walked away into the bedroom after Alice's mother dared him to fight her.)

Alice's Mom (yells): "CHICKEN! CHICKEN! CHICKEN!"

Ralph (opening the door, yells): "CROW! CROW! CROW!"

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man in this city that's strong enough to do that."

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

(Ralph is playing pool.)

Ralph: "I just sunk in seventeen balls to tie the house record. I am now going to break the house record and I don't wnat to hear a sound out of you."

Ed (accidently making Ralph miss his shot): "You won't even know that I am here."

"Quiz Show":

Ralph: "I had six years of schooling."

Alice: "And I had eight years."

Ralph: "Well, some people learn faster than others."

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous that I couldn't answer the first question that they asked me."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "Okay Wisenheimer, I am now going to put the key where even if you knew where it was, you wouldn't be able to find it. I am going to put it right under my pillow. Now you will have to lift me up bodily in order to get it."

Ed: "Congratulations Ralph, you came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't solve."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Ed just won the TV set with the ticket that Ralph bought for him. Ralph is jealous.)

Ed: "It's just like the guy said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"

Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."

"Kramden Vs. Norton":

Ralph: "Tell them Alice, do I wear a girdle?"

Alice: "No."

Ralph: "There you are."

Alice: "He wanted one but they don't make them that big."

"Lawsuit":

Ralph: "All right from no on, I will get everything by myself."

Alice: "Ralph..."

Ralph: "Don't 'Ralph' me. If I can't get it, I will do without it. Right now, I am dying for a glass of water, but I would die first before I asked you."

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A GLASS OF WATER?"

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "Ed was only trying to help? First, he made me lose my hearing, then he electrocuted me? Why don't you help me some more? Why don't you run me over with the car?"

Ed: "The car won't start."

[Frank Gannucci]

“A Promotion Part 2":

Ralph: "A derrick couldn't get me out of this chair."

Alice: "A good big one might be able to."

"A Man's Pride":

(Ralph is trying to tell Bill Davis that he has a VERY IMPORTANT job.)

Ralph: "I am in the transportation business."

Bill Davis: "What do you do?"

Ralph: "Oh, I run things."

Bill: "You run things?"

Ed: "Yeah, everyday he's in the driver's seat."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Rita: "Do you have any nicknames that you like to call your husband?"

Alice: "Oh, I got several I love to call him."

Rita: "All you have to do is pick your husband's outstanding feature and find a name that fits."

Alice: "Oh, I see." (to Ralph): "Isn't that a good idea Tubby?"

"The Safety Award":

Ed: "Someone thought about putting a plaque on Ralph's bus saying: 'You are on the bus of the World's Safest Bus Driver: Ralph Kramden.'"

Alice: "Oh, a plaque like that. Ed, you can tell me. Who thought of that idea?"

Ed: "Ralph."

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "I'll get the $300 Alice. I'll get it if I have to sell everything in this house."

Alice: "Fine. But, what are you going to do about the other $280?"

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

Alice: "I read in a magazine once that 50% of a toothache is mental. 50% of the pain of that toothache is here (the mouth). The other 50% is in here (the head.)

Ralph: "For you information, 100% of it is here (the mouth.) There is nothing up there (the head.)"

"Follow The Boys":

Ed (reading): "'Four-letter word for place of dwelling.' I got that one. House: H-o-s-e. That is the trouble with these puzzles. They are not challenging."

Alice: "Yeah, they are easy. Easy: E-z-y."

"Follow The Boys":

Ralph: "I have to go bowling. I am the anchorman."

Alice: "Of what, the Queen Mary?"

"Flushing Ho":

(Ralph is looking for apaper with his social security # on it.)

Ralph: "I think I found it. Here it is: 56-68-73."

Alice: "Those are the measurements for that new suit you bought."

[Frank Gannucci]

“Hello Mom":

(Ralph has just found out that much to his chagrin, his mother-in-law is coming.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, you forgot to give me the friendly Raccoon Bye-Bye." (raising the tail on his Raccoon cap): "Whooooooooo!"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Hello Mom":

Ed: "Ralph, a three-letter word for exit."

Ralph (yells): "OUT!"

Ed: "Yeah, that will work."

Ralph (yells): "NOT THAT. GET OUT!"

"The Sleepwalker":

Doctor: "I want you count backwards from 100."

Ed: "100...99...98...97...3."

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":

(Ed walks in while Freddie Zimmerman and Ethel are talking.)

Ed: "Howdy folks! I heard the phonograph playing and I thought you would like some of my music better. Here's a good one."

(Ed puts on a record that plays loud big band music. He dances to the music. Ralph comes out and takes the record off the record player.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!"

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 1":

Ed: "You know the saying. 'For every man, there's a woman. For every woman, there's a man.'"

Ralph: "Then why is Aunt Ethel staying at my house?"

Ed: "Maybe you're the man for her."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Alice: "I am not going to Fred's Landing. I'm not going to Fred's Landing."

Ralph: "All right. Stay home."

Alice: "I wouldn't give you the satisifaction."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "I'm a nobody."

Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "Take it from the top Norton."

(Ed clears the top of the piano and sits on it.)

Ralph: "What are you doing?"

Ed: "You told me to take it from the top."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Your brother is a moocher, a swindler, and a bum."

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that your brother is a bum."

Alice: "My brother is just as good as any member of your family."

Ralph: "He's still a bum."

[Frank Gannucci]

“Young Man With A Horn":

Alice: "Ed, you didn't get the job of sewer inspector?"

Ed: "No. I washed out."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Alice: "’A man works from sun-to-sun, but a woman's work is never done.’”

Ralph: "Good gosh."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ed: "I would like my coffee with one lump."

(Ed rings the bell.)

Thelma: "You keep ringing that bell and you will get one lump."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ralph: "It is that no-good janitor's fault. You take it too easy with him. You got to be tough with that type of guy. You got to tell him off and you have to tell him off good."

Alice: "I was waiting for you to get home."

Ralph: "All right. I am home. So, go down there and tell him off."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ralph: "She thinks that the wallpaper is rotten, I think that it is pretty. What do you think?"

(Ed looks at it.)

Ed: "I think that you are both right. It's pretty rotten."

"You're In The Picture":

(Ralph is dressed as a matador while Ed has bulls horns. Ed is warming up.)

Ralph (yells): "COME ON!"

Ed (yells): "I'M WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN!"

(Ed charges like a bull and misses Ralph. Ed then decides to stick the horns in Ralph's backside.)

Ralph (yells): "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHH!"

"Sees All, Knows All":

(The fortune teller is looking in her crystal ball.)

Fortune Teller: "It is cloudy. It is cloudy."

Ed: "Ralph, who do you know named Cloudy?"

"Norton Moves In" (Color version):

Ed (bringing in the cot): "Hi folks! I hope I didn't disturb your sleep."

Ralph: "No, you didn't. I get up every morningat 3am. That way, I can get a seat on the subway going to work."

"Hot Dog Stand":

(Ed hands a man a hot dog to eat.)

Ralph: "By the way I look, you wouldn't know that I was driving a bus yesterday."

Man: "Oh?"

Ed: "I was working in the sewer."

(The man stops himself from eating.)

Man: "Funny. I'm not hungry anymore."