Honeymooners Episode Reviews: “A Dog’s Life” & “Here Comes The Bride”

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: “A Dog’s Life” & “Here Comes The Bride” (aka “Ralph’s Big Mouth”):

Episode #129 (Syndicated episode #21)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "House Beautiful" (aka "Pardon My Glove.") On some tapes, it’s attached to “Ralph Kramden Inc.” & “Young At Heart.” On some tapes, it’s attached to “Opportunity Knocks, But”, “Brother Ralph” & “The Safety Award.”
Laserdisc: Attached to “Young At Heart”, “Here Comes The Bride”, “Mama Loves Mambo”, “Please Leave The Premises”, “House Beautiful” (aka “Pardon My Glove”), Young Man With A Horn”, “Head of The House” (aka “Ralph’s Big Mouth”), “The Worry Wart”, Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large” (aka “Trapped”), “The Loudspeaker”, “On Stage”, “Opportunity Knocks, But” & “Unconventional Behavior.”
DVD: Attached to episodes #16 - #24 of the Classic 39. On Fan Favorites: Best of The Honeymooners, it is attached to “TV or Not TV”, “Funny Money”, “The Golfer”, “The Sleepwalker”, “Better Living Through TV”, “The Man From Space” & “$99,000 Answer.” The HD Blu-Ray set has the exact same episodes (including two versions of the following: "The $99,000 Answer" & "Here Comes The Bride" (in which one has the original ads) 60 Minutes Interview & outtakes (in which Jack talks about outtakes).
Air Date: Sat. 2/18/56

To see the finished script, click here: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co...episode=s04e21

WPIX Program Director Julie O'Neil found the original master film of the 1970 fireplace of the Yule Log special in WPIX's film archives in Fort Lee, New Jersey. The master film was misfiled in a Honeymooners film can marked with the episode title “A Dog’s Life,” which led to the title of a 2006 40th anniversary special about the Log called A Log’s Life.

Alice wants to have a young puppy but she knows that Ralph won't allow it. That doesn't stop her though. She gets dog food for the dog. Ralph comes home and says he has another emergency lodge meeting tonight. Alice: "Do you realize that the Raccoons have more emergency meetings than the U.N.?" Ralph: "It turns out that we have more emergencies than the U.N." Sure. Ed comes in and says that they have another emergency meeting tonight. Alice: "I'm beginning to think that all those emergency meetings are nothing more than a poker game." Ed disagrees. Ed: "An executive meeting, that's a poker game." Gee, what executive meetings huh? Alice leaves, while Ed eats the bowl of dog food that is on the table. Ed doesn't notice that it is dog food. Ralph comes out and says something about his weight. Ralph: "Have you seen me when I weighed 165?" Ed: "No, Ralph I never did see your baby pictures." Ha! Ed raves more and more about the food and lets Ralph taste it. Ed says that Alice cooked it and everything Trixie makes comes out of a can. Ralph is convinced that he has found his latest million dollar idea. Uh oh! He will market that food in cans and he will get his boss to help him sell it. Ralph and Ed think of the name. It's called: Kran-Mar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer. Ed thinks that this idea will take the cake. Ralph: "It just goes to show what I have always said: ' Every dog has his day!'"

At the office, Ralph tells his boss, Mr. Marshall, that in his lunch box, he has a million dollars. Mr. Marshall: "Then you must have had a good day on the bus." Ha! Ralph brings out the food. Ralph: "This food will go great with O' Doofers (Hor D' Ourves mispronounced.) Mr. Marshall: "Hor D' Ourves!" Ralph: "They will go great with that too." Mr. Marshall tries it and likes it. He brings out his co-workers. One of them says: "There's something about the aroma that I recognize." Uh oh! Man: "Hey, this is dog food." Ha ha ha. Ralph says that he is nuts so they bring in Charlie (he raises dogs.) Charlie agrees. Ralph faints.

At home, Alice is holding the puppy that she just got. The puppy is cute. Trixie adores the puppy to (which is a he.) Trixie says that she would get a puppy just like him, if it wasn't for the fact that Ed is allergic to dogs. Wait a minute. In the episode titled: "The Sleepwalker", didn't Ed get a dog? He wasn't allergic to them then so why is he allergic to them now considering that that episode was shown three months ago? Trixie leaves as Alice puts the puppy in his box in the bedroom. Ed comes in and when he starts sneezing, Alice says that she just got a dog and she doesn't want Ralph to know now. Ed says that despite the allergy, he will hold the dog for a while before he gets dinner in his box. Ed: "Food in bed huh? Boy, talk about a dog's life." Alice leaves. Ed puts the food in the puppy's box but of course, Ed gets some of the food too. Ralph comes home in a rage and explains what happened to him at the office. Ralph: "How would you like it if you gave your boss dog food to eat?" Ed: "Terrible, unless he was a cocker spaniel." Ralph: "It was a miracle I wasn't fired." Ralph thinks that it was Alice's mother's fault for all of this but then realizes that Alice has a dog. Ralph: "That mutt is leaving." Ralph says that Alice can't have a dog because of the fact that Ralph will have to do all the dog-related work for it. One of the things he complains about is the fact that he thinks that he was to take him for a walk just before he goes to bed. Ralph takes the box along with the puppy in it to the dog pound. He leaves as Ed continues his feast of the dog food.

At the dog pound, Ralph surrenders the dog. He takes the puppy out and gives a speech about a nice owner will come along and take him to a better home etc. That's almost the same exact speech that he gave to the "baby" in "The Adoption." The puppy gets taken away. Ralph says to one of the people who work there (played by George Petrie.) He asks him if the dog he surrendered will get a new home. Man: "I hope so because after some dogs can stay for a certain number of days without being picked up and that's it. We already have some that are over the limit." Ralph: "What will happen if no one picks him up in those certain number of days?" Man: "Then they will be killed." I wonder if that really happens. We now learn that Ralph loves the dog after all. Ralph: "You mean to tell me that my dog is going to be killed?" Ralph charges into the room where his dog was placed in. Ralph (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!" Alice comes in. She learned of Ralph surrendering the puppy and she wants to bring him back home again. Ralph comes out with not only her puppy but with all of the dogs that are over the limit. Ralph: "I fell in love with your puppy." They leave with the dogs in tow. But, the dogs aren't seen again for the rest of the series, much like some of the other things that the Kramdens got, like TVs for instance.

During the curtain call on the sponsor materials version on the Blu Ray, Jack plugs Buick.

Episode #130 (Syndicated episode #22)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Head of The House" (aka "Ralph's Big Mouth".) On some tapes, it’s attached to “Mana Loves Mambo” & “Please Leave The Premises.” On some tapes, it’s attached to “Hello Mom”, “A Matter of Record”, “‘Twas The Night Before XMas” & “A Woman’s Work Is Never Done.”
Laserdisc: Attached to “A Dog’s Life”, “Young At Heart”, “Mama Loves Mambo”, “Please Leave The Premises”, “House Beautiful” (aka “Pardon My Glove”), Young Man With A Horn”, “Head of The House” (aka “Ralph’s Big Mouth”), “The Worry Wart”, Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large” (aka “Trapped”), “The Loudspeaker”, “On Stage”, “Opportunity Knocks, But” & “Unconventional Behavior.”
DVD: Attached to episodes #16 - #24 of the Classic 39. On Fan Favorites: Best of The Honeymooners, it is attached to “TV or Not TV”, “Funny Money”, “The Golfer”, “The Sleepwalker”, “Better Living Through TV”, “The Man From Space” & “$99,000 Answer.” The HD Blu-Ray set has the exact same episodes (including two versions of the following: "The $99,000 Answer" & "Here Comes The Bride" (in which one has the original ads) 60 Minutes Interview & outtakes (in which Jack talks about outtakes).
Air Date: 2/25/56

To see the finished script, click here: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co...episode=s04e22

At the Raccoon dinner, everybody is celebrating the fact that Brother Stanley Saxon is getting married but of course, everyone is saying that this is a bad thing in Stanley's life. Ed: "Stanley, if I were you I would get out of town tonight." Ralph says a few words. He says he feels responsible because he's the one who got Stanley and his fiancée Agnes (Alice's sister) together. Now Stanley has to deal with Ralph's mother-in-law as well as Ralph. Stanley is taking all of this in stride. Not only that, but he thinks that everybody is kidding. The dinner ends. Ralph & Ed talk to Stanley. Stanley says he's moving into Agnes' mother's house. Ralph: "You can't do that Stanley. You will be making the biggest mistake of your life. After me and Alice got married, I had to move in with her mother. Those were the most miserable years of my life." Stanley: "I don't want to argue with her." Ed: "Then why are you getting married?" Stanley says that Agnes parents are nice people. Ralph disagrees of course and makes reference to Koloff being on The Red Skelton Show. Ralph: "This is the 20th century." When this episode was made, it was the 20th century. Now it's the 21st century of course. Ralph says that a husband's home is his castle and that a man is king of the castle and he makes all the orders that he likes and when Agnes insists to move in with her mother, he should say no." Ralph says that he will see Stanley at the wedding tomorrow. They leave.

The next night after the wedding, the Kramdens return home. Garrity takes one look at Ralph and laughs. Ralph: "Go ahead Garrity laugh. For your information, I did not get this outfit from an undertaker." Ralph emerges into the house with a black tuxedo and hat. Ralph and Alice talk about what a cute couple Stanley and Agnes made. Alice: "Agnes had plenty of chances. Stanley wasn't the only one. There were other people who wanted her to get married." Ralph: "I can name three myself. Her parents and the caterer." Ralph says he will go to sleep and asks Alice to take the tux down to the place where he rented it tomorrow before noon because if it arrives one second later than noon, he has to pay extra money. Ralph tries to go to sleep. A knock on the door is heard and it's Agnes who's crying. Agnes (yells): "STANLEY IS A BEAST! HE'S A BEAST!" Ralph overhears that they got into a fight. Agnes said that after the wedding, he just changed. She says all the things that Ralph told him (without mentioning Ralph's name) and Ralph hears it. Ralph doesn't want Agnes sleeping over and for him to sleep in the kitchen. Alice & Ralph agree to go over to Stanley's and ask him what made him change his mind. Ralph changes his mind (of course, he doesn't want Alice to know that he is the guilty one.) Ralph asks Alice to go to bed. Ralph sleeps the best way he can in the kitchen. Ralph: "I have a BIG mouth."

The next morning, Ralph wakes up. Thinking he's sleeping on the bed, he says: "We got to do something about this mattress Alice. It's murder." In his half-consciousness, he walks out of the apartment and falls down the stairs. Ralph comes back into the apartment and realizes where he's been sleeping and that Agnes is still in their home. Ed comes in and when he hears that Agnes is sleeping over, he says: "This is the first time that I ever heard of a couple taking separate honeymoons." Ralph tells him what's going on. Alice comes out and says that Agnes doesn't plan on leaving anytime soon. She is also very upset, so she asks them to not say anything about the marriage. Ed (seeing Agnes in Alice's clothes): "I haven't seen you since the wedding. How are you?" Agnes cries and goes back into the bedroom. Ed wonders why Stanley has been acting the way he has been and when Ralph thinks that he's about to bring up the fact that Ralph told him all those things, he asks Ed to go home. Ralph and Alice concoct a plan. They will invite Stanley over for dinner and Stanley and Agnes will witness Ralph boss around Alice, that way they will get back together. Alice goes along. Just as when Ralph thinks that Ed will spill the beans about Ralph giving Stanley the information, he kicks him out.

While Ralph is not at home, Stanley arrives. Stanley and Agnes embrace. Agnes says that she's at fault. Stanley disagrees. Stanley: "It was my fault darling one. I should have never listened to Ralph." Stanley blabs the information that Ralph told him that eventually caused the marriage to break up. Alice is steaming mad. Alice: "How dare Ralph interfere like that." Ralph comes home and bosses around Alice. It all falls on deaf ears. Ed comes down and tells a story on how Trixie can't go to the movies because he said so. The newlyweds leave in happiness. Ed: "Ralph, I had no idea it worked so fast." Ed leaves. Ralph apologizes for interfering in their marriage and if anybody tried to tell him how to run his marriage, they will get hurt. Alice accepts his apology. They hug and kiss.

On the sponsor materials version, at the end, Jack plugs Buick.

Check this out from the old Honeymooners Message Board Section on imdb.com. Someone posted this:

"This episode bothered me for the fact that everyone in it other than Norton behaved worse than Ralph. Ralph's advice was well-meaning and although he went over the top with his king of the castle rant, the gist of what he was saying, that A) staying with in-laws after you are married (especially HIS mother in law) is a bad idea, and B) the man has a voice in the marriage also, was correct. He didn't intend on wrecking their marriage, he was just trying to give Stanley some cojones which Stanley clearly lacked.

It's obvious that Agnes was bullying Stanley the entire time they were together, and now Stanley stands up for himself for the first time and she runs away crying that he's a beast. Instead of crying to mommy which is where she wanted to stay anyway, she imposes herself on Ralph and Alice in their cramped apartment. And Alice, after marginal convincing from Agnes, agrees to let her sleep in the bed, forcing Ralph to spend the night on a wooden chair!!! What an inconsiderate bitch. And the only solution she can think of is to talk to Stanley???!!!! Why doesn't she stand up for her husband and insist that as sorry as she is that their marriage fell apart there's no space in the apartment for her sister's freeloading ass?

And then Stanley, who spent an entire relationship's time being estrogen-whipped until Ralph gave him some confidence, caves in to his whiny bratty wife and snitches on Ralph to Alice!!! Isn't that a violation of Raccoon lodge code? Yeah Ralph gave him the advice but he chose to follow it, and instead of owning up to his "mistake" (although personally I'd say that was the wisest thing he ever did and his apology was unnecessary, she was already throwing herself at him) he turns around and says Ralph put him up to it which proves him to be every bit as weak-minded as we all suspected him to be from the beginning. He must not have had much going for him because he and control-freak Agnes clearly married each other out of desperation. Ralph alluded to that with his comment about Agnes practicing to be a bride for 20 years. Even Alice made subtle hints about her failures at keeping a man with her comment about her waiting for the right fella to come along. Yeah, the right fella for Agnes was someone as feeble as Stanley who would swallow all of her *beep* whole. Any man with any self-respect says "bye, bitch!" to Agnes fairly soon.

To top it all off, Agnes calls Ralph a troublemaker right in front of him when he arrives home from work. Uh, bitch, this is the same troublemaker who let you sleep in his bed the night before at the expense of his back, which has been known to be somewhat of a liability. Agnes should have been slapped.

The moral of every episode is that Ralph is in the wrong. However in this episode Ralph did nothing wrong, and although his advice did not work the way it was intended he was treated very unfairly."

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.